Why can't I stop barebacking?

[Usedbottom]

Middle aged, professional male. The guy next door type that everybody likes. Very conservative looking. Live in a smaller town. All my friends and family are straight, conservative types.

However I at a young age was attracted to cock, but hid my attraction for many years and didn't suck my first cock till age of 26. From there I couldn't get enough but it was always oral.

I then met a guy who wanted to fuck me. I was so tight he had a hard time getting in and he started to lose his hard on,he got pissed at the situation and said screw it and slipped the condom off and pushed his raw cock into me, pounded me silly and shot his load inside me. From then on I was hooked. I wanted more and more cum inside my hole.

I'm constantly worrying about catching something, ( I'm not a chaser). I try to go back to safe sex with condoms but it never sticks, I want raw cock. Why am I addicted to bareback sex? I take a break for awhile relieved my std test all come back neg and vow to not fuck raw again. That last about 2 weeks and when I fall off the wagon I fall hard, this last time I quit and came back I took 5 cocks and loads in one day and that still wasn't enough. Is this like a drug addiction? Do u need a 12 step program or what?

[TigerMilner]

I used to be like you. I tried everything I could think of not to be gay. But I started sucking cock at 18 and getting fucked soon after. Same background. There is a 12 step program called Sex Addicts Anonymous and if you think it will help you, I say go for it. Or....you could realize that there is nothing wrong with you or your desires. The beautiful thing about it is that we are specifically made this way because there are men who were specifically made to fuck another man. They need us like we need them. Sure society has taught us it is wrong, immoral or whatever, but that is just ignornance. To offer your well prepped hole up to another man to breed takes a certain amount of enlightenment. And a great deal of self acceptance. Realizing we are part of the natural order of things helps us get there, and frees us from that guilt you feel after each binge, much like a drug addict.

I am also at this point a middle aged professional. But I know that I am a bottom and that I am at my highest and best the second before a man lets his nut go inside me. Not to belittle myself in any way, or to denegrate any of my other traits and abilities, but at that moment is when I feel the most spiritual. Totally connected to the Universe. The only time close to that for me is when I am creating art. Sometimes that can be the same. Sometimes.

Now, the disease issue is completely separate. When we take anonymous raw cocks, we take a risk. Fortunately now there is Prep (Truvada). If I were you I'd do that immediately. At least then you won't have to worry about HIV. There are other infections that are just part of the risk, but they are curable and/or treatable. You have to decide how much risk is comfortable for you. You can take raw cock without being a bath house whore (which by the way is a great thing to be from time to time-no judgement intended). You can develop a "stable" of regulars who will be happy to have an outlet for their own needs. That is what I do mostly. I do binge when I travel and I do that every 2-3 months, but now I am finding I am curbing my over indulgence out of respect and concern for those regulars. I do not want to pass anything on to them that I pick up during a binge. So far I have not. But as for the risk, you have to keep it in perspective. You risk being killed every time you drive your car. Does that fact keep you from driving? Planes crash on occasion. Does that keep you from flying?

Let the tops you know be aware that you are there for them. And savor it when you earn their validation in the form of their seed inside you.

Edited May 22, 2014 by TigerMilner

[Guest ff-whole]

yes... been there and can't stop the habit either...

Like I said in another post.... it is a drug for me... stick my ass up and let it happen. Every time again...

Yes I am a sex addict. Love men sticking their dicks inside of my ass and let them unload their cum inside of me... But I am also bisexual and love the female curves - tits, asses and their holes too... Love to suck their juices out of their pussies and lick their assholes... warm and wet...

My fantasy I would love to see fulfilled one day; have a very juicy and curvaceous woman sit on my face unloading her female juices, while getting pounded by a dozen or more big cocks in my own ass, each unloading their cumm and filling me to the brim.

[Usedbottom]

Thank you Tiger for that great reply. I just needed a place to get it off my chest. I know I can't stop and I don't think I really deep down want to stop. I yearn for it.

[TigerMilner]

I knew it. Its what we do.

Thank you Tiger for that great reply. I just needed a place to get it off my chest. I know I can't stop and I don't think I really deep down want to stop. I yearn for it.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Sex Addict is when your life has become unmanageable... If you are at that point, you MIGHT be a sex addict. Most are not sex addicts, but rather struggling with dysphoria due to conflicts from rigid religious upbringing and their true natural self. Just because we like sex does not make us "sex addicts". If you skip work, ignore family functions, stop self care, things along this line; then consider treatment for potential sex addiction. There are a few, Sex addicts anonymous, sexual compulsives anonymous, Sex anonymous... Probably others.

OP sets up well describing his conflict from what he was taught and the community norms in his social circle vs. who he is discovering himself to be. To me sounds like a common conflict. Discussion with others, perhaps a counselor, and self exploration to find his way to accept himself without shame seems more the direction to comfort.

Re disease. Test. Test often commensurate with your degree of exposure. No less often though than six months, and 3 months is a good heuristic. As tiger mentioned, get yourself on PrEP now to spare you having to grapple with HIV. Regular testing then to manage the STI's that are common. Fast treatment minimizes complications. Thus three months between tests. PrEP properly handled will require 3 month testing. Now if you only get fucked once every 6 months, discuss that with your doctor.

[Vacuumtoob]

Amen, brother

[Guest fuque_toy]

Extremely well said Tiger. Thank you for your perspective and thoughtfulness

[Vacuumtoob]

I also cannot stop barebacking. I also get tested and feel that same relief when it comes back all neg. I then go a month or so, but then it's open season again. I'm not a chaser, but I feel like sooner or later someone is going to poz me. After that I can only imagine I'll go on pleasing poz daddies as much as possible.

[bottompigboi]

There is a post by rawtopdad somewhere in here that addresses this very subject quite well.....

I say get on Truvada,then do what you were born to do ....take mens raw cock in both of your holes and get loaded like a good cumslut bottom that you know you were born to be

[fskn]

I agree with all the previous comments.

More power to you! Keep getting bred! As a top, I am truly grateful to men like you who love to bottom and take loads. If more people were as self-aware as you are, there would be a lot more sex happening in this world, and consequently, a lot less unhappiness.

If you ever do get to a point where you feel that sex is controlling you and not the other way around, here's a thought shared with me many years ago by a friend at Stop AIDS. Paraphrased,

Instead of setting absolute, permanent rules and getting upset if you break them, pick a more modest goal. Commit to doing something differently the next time you have the urge to get bred, rather than every time for the rest if your life!

[drscorpio]

I think you can't stop because you don't really want to stop.

[Bart]

I don't think Truveda is available in The Netherlands.

The rest of Usedbottom's post is very recognizable. It's so hard to quit bareback.

It doesn't just feel better physically it also feels better to be this slut with no restraints. To let a complete stranger stick his raw dick up your ass or to guide someones cock in your unprotected hole. Sex with condoms just isn't the same.

[gregking]

I think the universe guided me to this post. I've struggled with this same issue for as long as I can recall. So far, I've *never* given in to the urge but it's like I'm dying inside.

Self-suppression and lack of authenticity are the real source of our woes. Unfortunately, even our community wants to pass judgment and make us feel guilty. My friends don't want me on PrEP because I'm single and don't have a monogamous poz partner. That, they argue, is the purpose of the drug, not to give me a license to be a cumslut. (Note that I've only been intimate a few times and I'm 36!)

I've been on the edge of accepting this unrealized and strong part of my self. This discussion is the first place I've found others who think it's okay to be me and it's definitely the first time I've considered us to be a necessary part of the symbiosis between tops and bottoms. Maybe this is the first step to believing that my self-worth is inherent and to becoming empowered.

I'd really like to chat more with other members who share this difficulty.

[cmmolthr]

Ever since re-discovering bareback, I also am addicted, nothing hotter than when a man shoots his white-hot load all over my insides! It's what comes naturally!