Negotiating Casual Sex When In A Relationship

[AussieBBoy]

I had several boyfriends in my 20s but none that were really comfortable or satisfying – at an emotional level or sexual level. In my early 30s I enjoyed two relationships (boyfriends) that worked out really well. Both relationships lasted about two years. I was single for about 12 months between both relationships. We enjoyed awesome sex in the relationship and outside the relationship.

 

The first relationship started out as fuck-buddies. Over several hookups for sex casual chat revealed also shared an interest in 80s pop music and had a number of friends in common.  When we both grew frustrated respective room-mates we decided to rent an apartment and live together. The second relationship also developed progressed from fuck-buddy beginnings.

 

Both relationships were tremendously satisfying. "In-love" and regular, hot, horny, cummy, primal sex – beginning to end.  We also supported each other: work achievements and challenges, occasional family dramas, integrating old friends as well as developing new friends and social networks, occasionally supported each other financially, introducing each other to new ideas and interests (art, photography, music/artists, political ideas/views) and vacationing together. We were both very comfortable about adventurous no-strings sex with other guys at sex parties, dance parties, the sauna, parks and even supported the occasional more regular fuck-buddy – sometimes difficult to accommodate.

 

This all worked well perhaps because we'd both matured a bit, experimented with different kinds of relationships in our 20s and observed what worked and what didn't work in other relationships (typically older friends). The first really successful relationship I had was when I was about 33 and boyfriend was about 37. From the very first meeting we knew and could explain the the kind of relationship we wanted – creative sex was important to both of us.

 

The rules/guidelines couples negotiated can vary quite a bit.

 

I also regularly really enjoyed arranging hook-ups for my boyfriend – especially if there was an opportunity to watch them play or hear about it. It was hot to see other guys get caught up in his smoking hot masculinity. Several guys a degree of envy of the sex we negotiated and were able to explore. 

 

It didn't always work out smoothly. If either of us didn't give sufficient attention to the other we might feel a pinch of frustration, fear, anxiety or anger. As well as mental/emotional health we discussed possible challenges to sexual/physical health. We were comfortable talking about how STIs and discussed how we would respond to an inconvenience of this kind. We would visit our local (gay) doctor or the sexual health clinic if either of us observed signs or symptoms of an STI. We'd both had chlamydia and gonorrhea one or twice before – giving us a better idea of the signs and symptoms to look out for. Both chlamydia and gonorrhea can sometimes present subtle or no clear signs and symptoms – STI screenings (every 3-4 months) had been routine for both of us continued. We had both been inconvenienced by chlamydia and gonorrhea in the past but only once or twice  – the inconvenience and treatment didn't seem to justify using strike adherence to condoms and giving up on hot, pleasurable skin-on-skin sex.

 

Both relationships ended not because of the sex. The first relationship ended largely because of differences politics and spending priorities. We remain good friends. The second relationship ended because one was too financially dependent on the other.

 

I've been single now for about two years single. I enjoy single-life but remain interested and open to another boyfriend relationship that includes some cummy primal casual sex. It might be easier or more difficult to negotiate and work-out in the next relationship. With care and confidence (and a bit of careful selection) I am optimistic about having another boyfriend that also welcomes cum-swapping adventures with other guys.

 

• Are you in a relationship? Do you have a partner/boyfriend?
• If you are not in a relationship, would you like a boyfriend/partner?
• In a relationship how would you like to arrange casual sex with other guys?
• Is this what you have negotiated/arranged with your partner/boyfriend?
• Do you feel comfortable re-negotiate rules/guidelines regarding casual sex?

 

Feel free to suggest options not listed here. I'm very interested in a variety of ideas an opinions.

[cumslut23]

I guess it comes down to trust and how safe you feel. I love sharing and doing my thing without him getting jealous and know he is the same...

[Jakelc]

My Boyfriend started out as a fuck buddy, he knows I haven't had a relationship in years and have spent my time as a cumslut. When we got together he told me that he wanted to be my only lover but knew I'd want more sexually than he could give so as long as I see a select few of my old regular fuck buddies he was fine. Over the last few weeks he has started inviting other guys over though to watch them fuck me in front of him. We've both enjoyed this and have both agreed to let him pick future lovers. The situation suits us both, although I have kept in touch with my favourite fuck buddy behind my boyfriends back (he is a lot more dominant and aggressive which I really need sometimes) I'm more than happy only seeing the guys he brings home.

[drscorpio]

My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years and married for over 6 of those. For the first several years we had a monogamous relationship. Then we reached a point where we both were ready for some outside play. We started by have group sex with other couples and singles. He has obligations in another state, so he spends a fair amount of time in the town he grew up in a couple of hours away. This means we usually spend 2-3 nights a week apart, so naturally we started to play separately. Our current arrangement is that we both can choose outside sex partners as we like. We tell each other about any sex we have although we only share the details if they are particularly hot. Sometimes he finds other tops to fuck me; sometimes I find other bottoms for him to fuck when we are together. 

[wood]

Its one of those things that is highly dependent on the attitude of the two people involved.  Ive been with guys that would never consider an open relationship, and others that wouldn't have anything but an open relationship.  

 

You both just need to talk it out and see what you want, and how you will go about it.  If the relationship is strong IMO, sex outside of it shouldn't matter in most circumstances. 

[sinfuljock]

My Boyfriend started out as a fuck buddy, he knows I haven't had a relationship in years and have spent my time as a cumslut. When we got together he told me that he wanted to be my only lover but knew I'd want more sexually than he could give so as long as I see a select few of my old regular fuck buddies he was fine. Over the last few weeks he has started inviting other guys over though to watch them fuck me in front of him. We've both enjoyed this and have both agreed to let him pick future lovers. The situation suits us both, although I have kept in touch with my favourite fuck buddy behind my boyfriends back (he is a lot more dominant and aggressive which I really need sometimes) I'm more than happy only seeing the guys he brings home.

 

How long have you been together? Sounds like you're keeping in contact with the fav fuck buddy to hook up with behind bf's back when you really need it.

[evilqueerpig]

An open relationship where neither partner has his desires/needs stifled is the ideal situation.

[rtpbbcub]

More more more is what I voted, but haven't been very successful in finsing that. I seem to look like the type that settles down, so no matter how I put it, guys keep thinking that it's going to turn into some Leave it to Beaver shit.