i might be being low-key "stalked" by an old friend. How to deal with..?

[Guest Cumlaut]

Fat, very unattractive dude who IMO stifled my young self by being my "friend"..... when I could have done a lot better. He's a dead weight in more ways than one. I realised after we stop being buddies, that he wanted to be more than that, which is terrible. Anyway........

I've seen him a couple of times at the local park this year. So um, yeah I know it's not my park but he seemed to go off in a little huff the other night after I blanked him for about the 3rd time. Luckily he didn't say anything to me but I'm scared next time he will. It's not only embarrassing but could also end up being scary. He must be able to figure I'm still with the 'rents and he knows where that is.

Do I just stop going there (and miss out on hot, dirty random cock). Or maybe give him 100 decibels of what I think?

It's a real headache, advise me please studs. 

Edited October 2, 2018 by Cumlaut

[Tavros]

If he makes you really uncomfortable the only surefire way to stop seeing him is,  unfortunately, to stop going to that park. You could have words with him, but ultimately you can’t stop him from going.

I had a guy like that in my past. I have blocked him on my apps but every so often he pops up with a fake account to try to talk to me again, and gets really pissy when I block them. The guy knows where I work, when I work, and that I work alone. He could show up at any time, but I just have to trust that after all this time he ptrobably won’t start now. 

[Pozlover1]

Not to be critical but you are in the park to take loads. Why not take his?

[Nullo-sub-N8]

I was stalked in the past and it only stopped after I went to the police after he threatened to beat up my boyfriend at the time.  It might just be worth having a quick chat with him and saying that he is not your type and that the attention is making you very uncomfortable.  You can't stop him going to the park and he shouldn't be making it a horrible experience for you either.

[Guest Cumlaut]

27 minutes ago, Pozlover1 said:

Not to be critical but you are in the park to take loads. Why not take his?

I know you were probably just joking. You wouldn't have said that if you'd seen him..... There's a million "why nots".

The only physical difference between him and comic book guy from the simpsons is a different crappy hairstyle. And he doesn't have as much personality... haha. Just seriously dude. Don't even. I need a vomit bag.

 

Maybe the only reason he liked staring at me was to try and hassle me for being poor and stuck with the 'rents (he drives an uncool but, y'know, new-looking car. Not that any car is gonna look cool with him in it). I really hope that's what it was.

The worst part was last week he got an eyeful of me gulping down on a great dick. It's kinda ruined my memory of it now. At the time I thought it was best to carry on and ignore him but Im not sure now.

[Pozlover1]

Your choice of course. I do avoid some people that have a violent look in their eyes. 

Just from what you describe I’d have whatever sex with him he wants, but not show him where I live. 

[Guest hungandmean]

Unless he crosses over into overt stalking (IE: Talking about shit you're posting on FB or Insta,) or casually mentioning your family or other personal details (Which if he does these things you need to take a stronger stance)  or is going around shit talking you around town.....

Then i'd suggest just being friendly, but not too personal, and also being super gross when you talk to him so he stays the hell away from you. (IE: Discuss binge eating. messy break ups, a never ending carousel of STIs, your never ending love of Trump, Be overtly religious) Whatever you know about him that would be so offensive so that he just fucks off and if hes as gross as you say no one will really give a shit if he goes around saying you suck.

 

 

[Guest Cumlaut]

2 hours ago, hungandmean said:

Whatever you know about him that would be so offensive so that he just fucks off and if hes as gross as you say no one will really give a shit if he goes around saying you suck.

He's a shy and awkward nerd. So... yeah I think that's gonna stop him from trying to talk shit about me. I haven't seen him talking to anybody and some of us get quite chatty and have a group discussion while we're waiting for fresh meat to show up.

It's not really "like that", any shit he's got on me is from yeeeaarrs ago............ and it's just some crappy London commuter town I wish I didn't live in so it's not like I'm gonna be kicked out of the country club or something.... *eyeroll* he can say I was in the Manson family for all I care. Its just those blank stares are a little unsettling I hope it doesnt turn into anything.

Edited October 5, 2018 by Cumlaut

[shinelover]

If he's just a shy and awkward nerd, you can probably deal with him easily enough without making a big scene about it. I wouldn't go for hurting his feelings in any way because if he is harboring stalker tendencies, that will only force him to lash out. Maybe try and tell him that you like going to that park for anonymity, so hanging around 'friends' while you're there doesn't work for you.

Of course, if he's a 'stalker' stalker, and popping up in a bunch of other places, then it's time to call the cops. I had a stalker a while ago, and it was a total nightmare that I'm still trying to recover from. I had a decent job, friends, a life. And I lost it all because of him. It was scary. So if you're feeling anything like that, then do not hesitate.

But if it's just a discomfort thing, there are easier ways to deal with it. Try starting out with a friendly enough approach before going aggressive. Bit I do think that some of hungandmean's suggestions were hilarious, but probably effective, as well. Whatever you do, good luck.

Pozlover1 also makes a good point, though, depending on how big a slut you are. For many of us, a dick is a dick. And if you go with the anonymous defense, then let him fuck you on the condition that you never know it's him. And that he never knows where you live. Okay, there, I think I've covered all of the bases.

[PhoenixGeoff]

On 10/2/2018 at 12:24 PM, Cumlaut said:

Fat, very unattractive dude who IMO stifled my young self by being my "friend"..... when I could have done a lot better. He's a dead weight in more ways than one. I realised after we stop being buddies, that he wanted to be more than that, which is terrible. Anyway........

Could you elaborate on this, please?  Because my advice on how to proceed depends on why you ditched this guy as a friend.

[ErosWired]

You say that you realized that after you stopped being buddies that he wanted it to be more than that - in what way could you tell? Was there an incident, and how did you handle it at that time?

In terms of him knowing where you live, are you concerned that he will tell your parents about your visits to the park? The simplest protection against this is to point out to him that if he makes such a claim he would have to explain why he was there as well. Of course, he could always do so anonymously, but that would give you latitude to explain it away as someone simply trying to cause trouble for a reason that you invent. Be wary of him taking photographs.

You say you think it could get scary. Do you consider him threatening or violent? Do you feel as though he might harm you physically?

Simply ignoring him is unlikely to resolve the matter, at least in the near term. If he attempts to speak with you, perhaps you could simply ask, "Is there something you want with me?" and use that as a basis from which to explain that you know that the two of you spent time together in the past, but right now you're moving on with a different part of your life, and you wish him the best. Express it with firmness and finality, and leave no room for doubt, but try to sever the connection as amicably - or at least as neutrally - as possible.

[PhoenixGeoff]

This is what I get for not reading the thread.

OK, sounds like you're ditching the guy because he's unattractive to you physically and has a personality you don't care for.

So here's the thing:  it costs you zero to be civil to other people in our community.  If you see him out and about, you can smile, nod, and move on.  If you see him in the right context, like a bar or whatever, you can politely make small talk for a couple minutes before excusing yourself to go get another drink or something.

If he hits on you, you obviously always have the right to say no.  Be honest but polite.  "Hey man, thanks, I'm flattered but we're not a good match," is fine.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, that will be all there is to it.

Now, obviously if it's heading in a different direction, if, say, he keeps trying to get in your pants after you've told him no, then yeah, deal with that firmly.

If he keeps trying to socialize with you more than the acquaintance-level stuff I'm talking about here, then you can be polite but firm.  "Please leave me alone," works if he's not taking the hint.

But if you decide to treat him like shit just because he's overweight or shy or nerdy, that makes you the asshole.  And others will see how you're acting.  And you really do not want to have the reputation of being an asshole, especially when you are no longer young and pretty.

Life is hard enough on all of us as it is.  There's no call to go about making someone else's life even more difficult than it already is.  Be friendly wherever you can be.  It costs you nothing and will make you someone people really enjoy being around.

[DarkroomTaker]

3 hours ago, PhoenixGeoff said:

This is what I get for not reading the thread.

OK, sounds like you're ditching the guy because he's unattractive to you physically and has a personality you don't care for.

So here's the thing:  it costs you zero to be civil to other people in our community.  If you see him out and about, you can smile, nod, and move on.  If you see him in the right context, like a bar or whatever, you can politely make small talk for a couple minutes before excusing yourself to go get another drink or something.

If he hits on you, you obviously always have the right to say no.  Be honest but polite.  "Hey man, thanks, I'm flattered but we're not a good match," is fine.

In the overwhelming majority of cases, that will be all there is to it.

Now, obviously if it's heading in a different direction, if, say, he keeps trying to get in your pants after you've told him no, then yeah, deal with that firmly.

If he keeps trying to socialize with you more than the acquaintance-level stuff I'm talking about here, then you can be polite but firm.  "Please leave me alone," works if he's not taking the hint.

But if you decide to treat him like shit just because he's overweight or shy or nerdy, that makes you the asshole.  And others will see how you're acting.  And you really do not want to have the reputation of being an asshole, especially when you are no longer young and pretty.

Life is hard enough on all of us as it is.  There's no call to go about making someone else's life even more difficult than it already is.  Be friendly wherever you can be.  It costs you nothing and will make you someone people really enjoy being around.

Spot on ^^^ my thoughts exactly...

[Guest Cumlaut]

6 hours ago, PhoenixGeoff said:

And you really do not want to have the reputation of being an asshole, especially when you are no longer young and pretty.

Anon guys don't care even if I was an asshole. I am doing fine in that little scene thanks. I'm nice to mostly everyone. Whether it's everyday life or chatting with the other dudes in this place while we wait for fresh meat to show up.

The way he looks at me like I owe him something, makes him the "bad guy"..... (and  creep)

And my looks are doing just fine as far as im concerned hon.....

6 hours ago, PhoenixGeoff said:

Could you elaborate on this, please?  Because my advice on how to proceed depends on why you ditched this guy as a friend.

I will elaborate to a certain point... 

I can just say he made one too many lame jibes about me that went beyond the usual banter we had. Psychologically, its not very difficult to figure out that he had  begun to full-on attack me for not being into him. I'm sure some shrink would say, strictly speaking we had an unhealthy friendship, possibly right from the start (so what, many things are unhealthy and we are all slowly dying). I was a nerdy unfashionable sort like him back in the day, and I had to have some friend at school and he was it.... (but I was a nicer and less gross one and I was aware of it).

Back when I was a teen I was hugely into internet porn and had endless fantasies and lust for some of my peers, and I wanted to have as much sex as possible and for me it was just a matter of waiting to not be a kid any more. Whereas he was an annoying bookworm who took the old fashioned British disapproving view of sex (I guess you have to take that view, in his position... cus he admitted the male side of his family are *ahem* extremely poorly endowed. Ugh, jeez... *puke*)  .... now he finally wants sex too he's getting in my way haha..

It doesnt matter its freezing fucking cold today and it'll be winter soon enough. So maybe the weather will pre-empt  my problem, for the next few months.....

Edited October 6, 2018 by Cumlaut

[ErosWired]

I’m sorry, but this now sounds like a problem entirely of your own making. You do not paint a picture that inspires sympathy.

Judging by your account, you calculatingly used another boy for his friendship and then threw him away when you felt you had grown better than him. You mock the fact that he developed an attaction to you (that will clearly be unrequited), and cruelly throw it in his face by taking meaningless anon cock right in front of him minutes after you walk right past him.

Please disregard my earlier advice. The kindest thing that you can do is tell him plainly that you’re an asshole who only ever used him and now wants him to fuck off. That way he can be free of you and move on, hopefully, to find someone who appreciates him.