Hole-Wreckers - Why do you do it?

[tallslenderguy]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

If not sociopathic, such mutually negative symbiotic pairings definitely exacerbate the maladaptive coping mechanisms of both parties. It’s partly this negative spiral that makes me wonder about the extent and motivation behind hole wrecking. Returning to your original premise, If a bottom says, and thinks, ‘I’m just a trashy fag whore’, and believes the negative things that implies about his worth, he sends a certain message. That message may be received by a Top predisposed to look for such self-worthless men for one of two reasons: A) He needs to devalue and control them to elevate his own low self-image; or B) He is psychopathic in nature and is simply exercising an impulse in which he is unable to feel compassion or sympathy for the what another person experiences, and may take pleasure in the sense of power and control he experiences by causing distress or pain in others. In the case of either A or B, finding a target that not only accepts but seems to welcome harsh treatment may tend to reduce any inhibition toward extremes of that treatment. Severe use may beget increasingly severe subsequent use, until there is no reason to hold back.

We have essentially heard this scenario expressed, variously, in the course of this thread, so I don’t think it’s speculative. I don’t doubt that this is one motivation for ‘destroying holes’, and indeed I think it’s probably the more obvious. I keep getting drawn back to the first response, though, and its description of artistry, that puts its motivation in an entirely different class, and tells me that there is another state of the Top mind, predisposed to wanton ‘destruction’ of another man’s cunt, that comes from another, more elevated place.

Yes. Yes. Yes. You nail the concerns, thoughts and feelings i have about this beautifully here. i genuinely love men, and of course have a special place in my heart for guys attracted to guys. Part of that "love" stems from a long history of conditioned self loathing that i processed out of. It was a torturous existence and i hate the notion of another guy being in that state. i perceive  "A" & "B" ask examples of conditioned responses. Even though i guess some might be born with a psychopathic nature, that's a hard one for me  to accept, it's hard for me not to have hope for all, especially a brother who may have been damaged by cultural ignorance/hate.  It seems to me that those described above are still partly or wholly captive to that cultural conditioning and at the same time, needing and wanting to exercise and experience who and how they are. 

To me, terms like "hole wrecking," "destroying holes,"  are  more often part of a (long?) the list of dysphemism the gay community seems rife with? i think both terms are, more often than not, a sort of raised middle finger to the destructive cultural notions against us. Not totally unlike how words like "queer" or "faggot" are/were pejorative in the mouth and intent of many, yet embraced and repurposed by the gay community.  There's more than a few from the same destructive culture that  would consider any form of a Man penetrating, opening, molding another man's hole to be "hole wrecking."  Those of us who need/want to penetrate or be penetrated by a Man/man have grown up in, and been influenced to varying degrees by, culture that spins all or part of who/how we are in a negative  way, both subtly and overtly.

We do not necessarily have established terms of our own to describe our needs, desires, actions with each other, so we may use terms polluted? with destructive attitude (or mislabeled as such) to express self love and acceptance and to actually positively affirm.

i've been on BZ a long time and have several posts where i list what to me are general attributes of a  "Top" nature  and a "bottom" nature. Among them are a  Top has creative energy, drive and a bottom has the receptive creation energy, drive. i've often described the Top as a painter, the bottom the canvas, a Top the sculpter, the bottom the clay or slab He chisels. i don't think those views are new or unique. 

 

[ErosWired]

6 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Even though i guess some might be born with a psychopathic nature, that's a hard one for me  to accept, it's hard for me not to have hope for all, especially a brother who may have been damaged by cultural ignorance/hate.  It seems to me that those described above are still partly or wholly captive to that cultural conditioning and at the same time, needing and wanting to exercise and experience who and how they are. 

No one is born a psychopath, but the causes of psychopathy are believed to be a combination of genetics, brain structure, exposure to violence in early childhood, and environmental factors. Studies reveal distinct impairments in specific neurologic function associated with the asocial disinhibition, lack of empathy or remorse, and capacity for violence characteristic of psychopathy. Cultural conditioning is not cited as a primary factor, though the degree to which such an environment may lead to experience of trauma might contribute to other factors.

A Man who claims that he enjoys physically harming other men sexually, has no regard for them as people, does not care in the slightest if they feel pain, and is not the least bit sorry for any of it, if he is being genuine, checks several boxes that are diagnostic for psychopathy. Such a person should be approached with caution, if at all.

It bears pointing out, of course, that not all guys walk their talk, and not all such claims are genuine. Not all bullies are psychopaths. Not all assholes are bullies. And, a Top isn’t automatically an asshole because he takes pleasure in wrecking another guy’s cunt.

[Guest]

On 5/26/2019 at 1:50 AM, find91 said:

do agree with you. Just brutalizing a guy till he bleeds does not signal dominance to me either. It is reminiscent of a boy playing a man. A bottom having difficulty with taking me does nothing for my ego. In fact I was use to it in my youth. Connecting and bringing out the slutty side in a person is more powerful feeling because I know I caused it and will surrender his hole for me to pillage until I am satisfied.

You would easily bring out the "slutty side" of me because I believe a top, like yourself,  is in a higher hierarchy and a bottom like myself recognizes  your superiority and so it is my purpose to make myself available for you to breed me. I can feel your gorgeous cock slipping deep inside my pussy and impregnating me with your DNA. The possibilities of what would happen to me in your bed just sends me over the top.

Jamie

 

Edited July 6, 2023 by hotpussyboy