Not sure what to do..

[wood]

On 7/7/2019 at 7:59 PM, HardOneLA said:

Lose him.  I had one who, after sex, asked if I could spare a few bucks for Uber.  I reluctantly gave him "a few bucks", i.e. not much.  Another was all set online to come over the other night, then asked, "Can you help with my cabfare?"  I said "no" and ended it.  These guys aren't working, per se, they're in need of money for more partying.  Not my scene.

This is mostly my opinion. I’m in my mid 30’s, quite attractive, swimmers body, and I’ve had guys say “what are you gonna do for me” and I say, nothing. I get what I want without paying. Often they come back and give it out without monetary transactions. 

[ErosWired]

On 7/7/2019 at 6:59 PM, HardOneLA said:

Lose him.  I had one who, after sex, asked if I could spare a few bucks for Uber.  I reluctantly gave him "a few bucks", i.e. not much.  Another was all set online to come over the other night, then asked, "Can you help with my cabfare?"  I said "no" and ended it.  These guys aren't working, per se, they're in need of money for more partying.  Not my scene.

I tire of this really quickly. It starts with a big set-up, exchange of pics (if I’m feeling tolerant), and discussion of how horny they are, and then in comes:

”But I’m not mobile. Can you lend me some cash for an Uber/give me a couple of bucks for gas?/Come and get me?”

Now I just tell them that I don’t provide transport, just ass. (To the last guy who said “Can you call me an Uber?” I said, “You’re an Uber.”)

And every. single. time. I host, without fail, I’ll get a Grindr hit from some 20-something who sends a pic of his big cock and the gettin’-down-to-bizniss message ‘got money?’ - or some other variation on ‘are you generous?’

I’m actually starting to enjoy those because I immediately follow up with a pic of my freshly bred ass - with another Man’s hand on it - and reply, “Darlin’, this ass doesn’t need to pay for sex. Ever.” It usually shuts them up at once.

I figure, the day I discover that I would have to pay someone to service them is the day I hang it up for good. The OP, however, obviously should have little trouble getting pretty much any cock he wants, so I think he can confidently stand his ground in this situation.

[Spunkinmyarse]

What a curious situation.  I wonder what made this guy assume that he was somehow in the position of sexual superiority that he could demand money off the OP.  How would he have reacted if the OP had turned round and countered his hustle with a hustle if his own, along the lines of “Er, you should be paying me for the privilege of fucking my ass- come on, cough up, loser!”.  Is it because he was the top, or because he was younger, or perceived himself to be better looking? (Sorry, I don’t know the OP’s stats.)

I dislike the attitude of many young tops that they occupy the number one slot in the sexual hierarchy.  Being young doesn’t necessarily make you hot, and being top is nothing special either.  I think all bottoms of all ages should value themselves and their booty more highly, and not perpetuate the “young top trumps all” stereotype.

[workoutchub]

First, there's no question that he hustles/escorts.  You saw him walking shirtless in a hustler area and he asked you for money for what you've been doing.

So far, the money here is peanuts.  Giving him $40 for 12 to 15 fucks, is like $3 per fuck.  It sounds like he doesn't make a lot of money.  Do you?  Helping someone out with taxi/uber fair or something reasonable, from time to time, is not a big deal.  Think of it like this... he fucks you and says, I'm starving, will you run down to the corner and buy me a couple donuts.  You would have spent the same amount of money.

As for special things only you two do.  I had a 2 year relationship with a porn star/escort.  We did things that he never did in his videos.  I have no way to verify if he told me the truth about what he does with his customers.  And, you have to realize that you have no way of knowing the truth either.  I think that is what's bothering you here... just what was truly special between you two.  You didn't describe yourselves as dating or boyfriends so I'm guessing you're fuck buds.  Therefore, does it really matter?  If confronted, he'll tell you what he thinks you want to hear.  Why?  Partly, human nature.  In a hustlers case, he doesn't want to lose a nice crash pad, good fuck and occasional money, gifts, food, etc.

You now know the truth.  He's a hustler.  Even if he lets you fuck him raw, there is no guarantee that if someone waves a few hundred, he won't spread his hole.

You said the sex is great.  You have to decide if you're ok with a fuck bud who's being promiscuous, whether he's paid or not.

You have to decide if you're willing to give him cash from time to time.  If you're not, you must be honest with him and let him know up front.

The 12 to 15 fucks could be because he likes having sex with you.  Or, it's part of the 'boyfriend experience' to build a relationship and feelings so that you'll most likely won't say no when he needs momey.  I believe the latter.  Why?  Because when you asked about being paid back, he could of said, I don't know, I'm really strapped for cash or I don't make very much money.  Instead, he specifically said he wouldn't because you owed him for the prior fucks.  He purposedly turned you into a paying customer and wanted you to know it.  He might like you so you might get a big discount... but he clearly sees you as a meal ticket.  And with enough fuck buds like you as regular paying customers, he won't have to walk shirtless for johns.

If any of this turns you off, don't hang out anymore.  If you do hangout, ALWAYS watch your wallet and valuables.  Keep little money in your wallet.  Buy a lock box if you need to keep extra cash around.  Why?  Someday, he'll be in a pinch and he'll take all your money.  That's what hustlers do. 

I just want you to think about who he really is.   Who you are to him.  This isn't the movie pretty woman... you can't save him unless you can afford to pay his bills.  And above all else, don’t fall in love!  He's a hustler, fuck buddy.  Not boyfriend material.  That shipped sailed when he wanted money for fucking you.

 

[Barebackbottomno]

"you know, you and I do things I never do with other guys."

 

Gee, where have I heard that before?

Run and don't look back!

[Guest CuriousDallas]

So...an update. After a few weeks of him messaging and me not responding he finally showed up at my place one morning which surprised the shit out of me. He wasn't mad but concerned and we talked. He apologized for asking for the money but said he really did need the money and felt guilty almost immediately for asking for it, but he was way overextended and wasn't going to get paid soon. He knows that I'm not wealthy and have to get by on what my parents give me for living expenses as I don't work. I'm going to admit I am weak and soon we were making out and fucking like usual. There were so many things I wanted to say and to ask but I pretty much already know the answers. He wanted to know we were square and I said we were and he said he'd never ask me again for money. I've seen him out on the street now and then with his shirt off and it is so clear he is hustling. Part of me wishes there was something I could do to help him change his life but ultimately he has to make that happen. And he may have made peace with where he is in his life. I know a couple other guys who hustle/escort and they know they don't have many other options or alternatives and have made peace with that. From talking with them all I know what their life has been like and I feel blessed for all the good fortune I have had, but I also know that if my parents found out the truth about me I'd be cut off and have to make my way like them. I know that I could just as easily wind up hustling and there but for the grace of God go I.

[Pozlover1]

I see so many street tramps that obviously had depended on their looks (even on regular jobs in sales or retail) and when the bloom of youth evaporated had no talent.

I had a fascination with cars, trucks, anything mechanical, so I learned about tools, fabrication, soldering, wiring, parts, etc. in a sort of upward spiral from one job to the next. 

During the crash of 2008-9 Architects could not find work. 

People who learned COBOL had no future. 

People that knew the organization and most part numbers for Fiats, Renaults, British Leyland, AMC, .... you get the picture. 

Help this guy move from basically Active Modeling to a related field, like theatre, dance or some other interest he might have. 

[Pozlover1]

Improvise, adapt and overcome.

[bbzh]

@CuriousDallas: thanks for the update. You should use this guy for a pump and dump or simply leave him alone entirely. You are way too invested emotionally in him. That's why in my earlier post I asked if you had caught feelings. It is none of your business what is he doing sexually and if money is changing hands. You can't be that concerned about diseases because you write openly in other posts about the number of partners you have. You have a problem with hustlers and therefore you have a problem with him - but -  you can't seem to leave his dick alone. Continuing to sleep with him and then engaging in pillow talk continues to draw you deeper into this situation.  Always remember that no matter how strong-minded you think you are, there is always a dick or an ass out here that can cloud your judgment. The key is to know when this is happening and protect yourself. He. Is. Not. Going. To. Stop. Hustling. For. You. Stop kidding yourself. For all we know, he might even enjoy doing it and the money is icing on the cake. And one more thing: ask him not to turn up on your doorstep unannounced. That's fucked up. That is him literally not respecting your boundaries. 

[tallslenderguy]

18 hours ago, CuriousDallas said:

So...an update. After a few weeks of him messaging and me not responding he finally showed up at my place one morning which surprised the shit out of me. He wasn't mad but concerned and we talked. He apologized for asking for the money but said he really did need the money and felt guilty almost immediately for asking for it, but he was way overextended and wasn't going to get paid soon. He knows that I'm not wealthy and have to get by on what my parents give me for living expenses as I don't work. I'm going to admit I am weak and soon we were making out and fucking like usual. There were so many things I wanted to say and to ask but I pretty much already know the answers. He wanted to know we were square and I said we were and he said he'd never ask me again for money. I've seen him out on the street now and then with his shirt off and it is so clear he is hustling. Part of me wishes there was something I could do to help him change his life but ultimately he has to make that happen. And he may have made peace with where he is in his life. I know a couple other guys who hustle/escort and they know they don't have many other options or alternatives and have made peace with that. From talking with them all I know what their life has been like and I feel blessed for all the good fortune I have had, but I also know that if my parents found out the truth about me I'd be cut off and have to make my way like them. I know that I could just as easily wind up hustling and there but for the grace of God go I.

Life is not black and white, eh?  i appreciate your sweet and considerate side, my guess is He's attracted to that too. Ass and cock are a lot easier to get than an emotional connection, even when that connection is complicated or tenuous.  Deeper emotional connections come with more risk, but then, the rewards are greater too. Obviously, you are both getting something from this.

As a 13 year old, i read "City of Night" by John Rechy. Books were my friends in an era and culture that considered my being gay as "broken, sick, sinful, etc.."  His book was pretty racey and provocative for when it was written, but it was also honest and insightful.  A novel about a guy who runs away, is a hustler and explores the conflicts between hustling and the emotional needs of the hustler.  

Figuring out what our wants and needs are is the process of living. Part of the process of learning who and how we are can involve introspection. Part of that process can be in relationship. i believe it's important to have a sort of balance. I.e., we cannot see ourselves clearly just employing introspection, nor can we see ourselves clearly just in the reflection we see of ourselves in  the mirror of relationship (everyone's "mirror" is colored and bent, so we don't always get an objective reflection). 

i think you are doing a stellar job! You seem to be honestly asking questions, looking listening, reflecting, trying to see what is.  That's living, and i applaud your embrace of life and that you are not doing so mindlessly, but trying to understand it all. Yay you!

[Guest CuriousDallas]

I think you’re on the right track here as he has said I’m about the only guy he can talk to openly and honestly. He doesn’t seem to have friends and rents a room at the house of a guy who deals drugs so I’m sure he has a pretty tenuous existence. He likes how I treat him and has told stories about how he’s been called horrible racist names, had people tell him go back home and so on. He’s admitted he’s had to do some crazy things to survive and I’ve listened to what he’ll say but don’t want to ask more. We’ve gone out to dinner, the movies, and stuff, to try and give him a normal life and something that isn’t so transactional as just sex. He’s said he’s straight but that being with me has made him feel more like a man than any girl he’s been with. I know I can’t protect him and he has to life his life. All I can do is let him go into the world knowing at least one person cares about him.