How do I handle a neg top with HIV issues?

[hungry_hole]

Something else. Age...If I were a young poz BB bottom I wouldn't care about seeing this guy and put your efforts on other tops who would be willing to seed your hole. A young bottom twink or jock can get all the loads he wants because for some reason breeding young hole is a big turn on for many guys. Many versatile guys say in their profile: "I'm a top for younger, and a bottom for older." In public slings in bathhouses, when a young bottom gets on, it can get pretty busy for that hole.

Older men, even in shape, are not as wanted. But of course there is always the way to have sex no matter how old. There's a taste for everything. I can find sex anytime I want. But I see how different it would be to be a bottom with a hot body of guy in his 20's.

[BreedingTop71]

We ALL know what we need to do. Not everyone is ready (or willing) to do what they need to do, however. 
 

honesty will always be preferable. I have had bottoms that I would not want to stop fucking even if they are poz, simply because the sex is that good. BUT I would stop using a sub if he had lied about his status. 

[analluv27]

I guess the other question is are you undetectable? Then one can say "I’m undetectable and at the time you didn’t ask I figured it wasn’t an issue “ now afterwards they freak out, or break off all communications that’s his loss. For me any sex where am traveling to their place I let them know my status. But video store and theater sex I don’t say anything unless they ask

[Shotsfired]

On 1/21/2011 at 8:48 PM, Darkness said:

As a top who ran into this situation -- it's your duty to tell him.

To those of us who don't fetishize HIV.... it's still considered to be a BIG FUCKING DEAL. So much so, that if I hit it off on a date with somebody, and something's about to go down without a condom... I would expect the bottom to tell me if there was a risk I should know about. He assumed that everything was cool because you didn't stop the proceedings. I don't care that he did it anyway, because by not disclosing, YOU put him at risk.

When I was in this situation, the guy and I were both drunk... there was a miscommunication about statuses. And that was that. So, being sober -- yes, I think you're scum.

Sidenote, if I was in his situation and found out later -- I would [...]

[edited by rawTOP - be nice to each other guys...]

Its kind of bullshit that the poz guys have to bear the responsibility. Its 2021, I think we all know how the virus spreads by now.  Maybe its your shared responsibility.  Yours to take PrEP if you bareback  His to disclose. I think both parties should be accountable. Expecting someone else, especially people who fear rejection, to take care of your health is foolhardy at best. 

[Shotsfired]

On 1/20/2011 at 8:41 PM, urcocknotmine said:

Okay, right off the bat, some of you are gonna think I'm scum for this.

I hooked up with a top who BB'ed me. It was awesome. We have a 2nd date planned. But between the 1st breeding and the plans for a 2nd date, he got REALLY paranoid asking me about my HIV status. He never asked me about it before the 1st hookup, but it's quite apparent that I'll never see him again if he finds out that I'm poz. So I lied and told him I was neg.

I feel awful for lying to him about it, but in my defense, he sure wasn't so concerned about it when the issue never came up the first time. We were both sober, and both entirely clear that I am 100% bottom and he is 100% top.

Right now, he believes me, and this could turn into a regular thing. I don't feel terribly bad about it because I know we'll never engage in any sort of sex that puts him at significant risk (drool, he's THAT kind of total top, he already told me that I don't even get to cum, and that is VERY fine by me). But I wonder what to do if this turns into serious and he finds out that I lied later on.

He is SIGNIFICANTLY freaked out by having sex with poz guys. (but again, it didn't even come up in conversation the first time, so I'm a little less than sympathetic) He's quite adamant that we will use condoms in the future, but admits to enjoying getting a few bare thrusts in now and then.

How do I handle a freakshow like this, and still get some awesome sex out of it?

You are something else buddy. The minute he asked you for status, you owed him the truth. 

You have lost his consent. If you continue to have sex without him knowing,  it's a type if rape isn't it.

He seems uneducated about HIV. You could have taught him about how to manage risk with PrEP. Should he take responsibility for the first time? Yes. It was his job to ask. But the minute he asks for status its your job to tell him.

 

Check your local HIV statutes before you do anything. In Idaho you can be charged for not disclosing. 

 

You are part of the reason HIV + people still face so much stigma. 

[Close2MyBro]

If you were going to lie anyway, you could have told him you had no idea because you've never been tested. That probably would have put and end to it but you both could have walked away with some dignity. If he's not comfortable with your HIV status, then move on and find someone who is.

[Guest]

On 1/21/2022 at 7:36 AM, Shotsfired said:

Yes. It was his job to ask. But the minute he asks for status its your job to tell him.

 

Funny, I hadn't realised we should get paid for the pre-sex safer sex talk as it's a job apperently. 
I agree with you that the OP should have taken his responsibility and not have lied.
And as it might be a criminal offence to lie, perhaps he should now first seek legal advice before taking the next step which is probably full disclosure. I do hope the OP is on medication and his viral load is undetectable so he won't have put the top at risk. If not, his (the OP's) behaviour is indeed reprehensible. 

But as I understand it, you're last line seems a bit too harsh. People should realise that not using condoms caries a risk. What if it where true that the OP hadn't been tested yet, and only found out after the first date he was Poz? It takes two to tango and I feel that putting the entire responsibility only on one party is a bit unfair. Event though the OP lied which is wrong. 

[Guest]

When I find a top that doesn't want to BB, I tell him to have a nice life. 

It's so easy to say no. 

Only HIV issues I have, I've not gotten any un-medicated POZ loads yet.

[Shotsfired]

On 1/23/2022 at 4:01 PM, BareLover666 said:

Funny, I hadn't realised we should get paid for the pre-sex safer sex talk as it's a job apperently. 
I agree with you that the OP should have taken his responsibility and not have lied.
And as it might be a criminal offence to lie, perhaps he should now first seek legal advice before taking the next step which is probably full disclosure. I do hope the OP is on medication and his viral load is undetectable so he won't have put the top at risk. If not, his (the OP's) behaviour is indeed reprehensible. 

But as I understand it, you're last line seems a bit too harsh. People should realise that not using condoms caries a risk. What if it where true that the OP hadn't been tested yet, and only found out after the first date he was Poz? It takes two to tango and I feel that putting the entire responsibility only on one party is a bit unfair. Event though the OP lied which is wrong. 

I agree with you. I believe later on I stated that having the full responsibility on the hiv+ person was foolhardy.  Having the weight of disclosure on the stigmatized party with heavy rejection  fears isn't right, and is asking for failure.  The negative person has all the power and control yet puts his health fully in the hands of someone else who is in a minority and often stigmatized.  Also,  when is it time to disclose.  There is no standard that I am aware of. And the danger for a poz person varies by geography and local laws. 

[brittain123]

You advise him to get on PrEP.

You ensure that you're undetectable and taking your meds and go from there.

You don't put another person at risk that will last a lifetime. You don't. You don't get to make that decision for someone else.

If he still doesn't feel comfortable, you have to accept that. He doesn't owe you anything.

[Guest50]

How many people have actually got it from topping though? I definitely know it's possible.

[PupLucca]

On 1/20/2011 at 10:41 PM, urcocknotmine said:

Okay, right off the bat, some of you are gonna think I'm scum for this.

I hooked up with a top who BB'ed me. It was awesome. We have a 2nd date planned. But between the 1st breeding and the plans for a 2nd date, he got REALLY paranoid asking me about my HIV status. He never asked me about it before the 1st hookup, but it's quite apparent that I'll never see him again if he finds out that I'm poz. So I lied and told him I was neg.

I feel awful for lying to him about it, but in my defense, he sure wasn't so concerned about it when the issue never came up the first time. We were both sober, and both entirely clear that I am 100% bottom and he is 100% top.

Right now, he believes me, and this could turn into a regular thing. I don't feel terribly bad about it because I know we'll never engage in any sort of sex that puts him at significant risk (drool, he's THAT kind of total top, he already told me that I don't even get to cum, and that is VERY fine by me). But I wonder what to do if this turns into serious and he finds out that I lied later on.

He is SIGNIFICANTLY freaked out by having sex with poz guys. (but again, it didn't even come up in conversation the first time, so I'm a little less than sympathetic) He's quite adamant that we will use condoms in the future, but admits to enjoying getting a few bare thrusts in now and then.

How do I handle a freakshow like this, and still get some awesome sex out of it?

Dump him.  His issues ate not yours. I hooked up with someone just like that. And only after he bred me was he asking status.  I highly believe he may have pozzed me and that was his way of checking.   We hooked up numerous times and always the same thing after he cane in me he’d freak out.  Let him go say goodbye to that

[Mcv69]

26 minutes ago, Guest50 said:

How many people have actually got it from topping though? I definitely know it's possible.

Not very likely nowadays with nearly every bottom on Prep or on anti viral medication being undetectable, despite what you read about on this forum the vast majority of men are undetectable or try to be, all the other fantasy bullshit about being toxic is just fantasy that’s all…. We need to start separating the two between fantasy and reality. 

[BootmanLA]

14 minutes ago, Mcv69 said:

Not very likely nowadays with nearly every bottom on Prep or on anti viral medication being undetectable, despite what you read about on this forum the vast majority of men are undetectable or try to be, all the other fantasy bullshit about being toxic is just fantasy that’s all…. We need to start separating the two between fantasy and reality. 

Couple of points. It's true that it's not all that likely for a poz bottom to directly infect a negative top, that's true (unless the bottom has a high VL and is prone to tearing and half a dozen other "it would help if..." scenarios.

On the flip side: a bottom on treatment might well be emboldened to take on tops of any status, and a negative top who fucks a guy who was just bred with a toxic load might well get infected by THAT guy. So more of a situation with guys fucking pre-loaded ass, especially where there could be multiple loads (ie a bathhouse or sex club).

As for separating fantasy from reality: if there were some magic coding that separated fantasy posts from reality posts on here, you could store an archive of the reality posts on a 3 1/2" floppy disk. Unfortunately, this site is full to the brim of wankers and fappers who view it solely as a way to get themselves off with outrageous stories.

[Guest50]

42 minutes ago, Mcv69 said:

Not very likely nowadays with nearly every bottom on Prep or on anti viral medication being undetectable, despite what you read about on this forum the vast majority of men are undetectable or try to be, all the other fantasy bullshit about being toxic is just fantasy that’s all…. We need to start separating the two between fantasy and reality. 

My boyfriend isn't on prep but we have an exclusive relationship.