Have You Been Raped as a Child and Became Attracted to Men like your Rapist?

[SpunkJunkyPissHound]

Someone stuck their fingers in my ass when I was two, and I loved it (it's one of my first memories). When I was eight, I was nursing on my grandpa's dick, and when I was 12, I had a "boyfriend" ie fuck buddy who was 28. I had been taught to believe that all these men had raped me, but that's bullshit. I had a good time and felt no pain guilt or remorse.

When I was 18, some fucker pozzed me when I was passed out at a Halloween party. That was rape.

Over the course of four years I watched him wither and die, and even though he's been dead for almost 20 years, I would have found a very painful way to kill him, had he not.

Pay attention Stealth-boys- you poison a kid and you deserve to die in a sick and horrible way. My suggestion ... castration followed by forced testicle consumption. Enjoy the fantasy but keep your sick sauce to your self.

[jridge]

Well, when I was 10, 11, 12 yrs old, i was fantasizing about older men, well like 20s, 30s, 40s, etc. I remember thinking a few teachers were hot. Only one time did a teacher of mine do something with me, in junior high, i guess he molested me, we made out, and spent some time in his bed doing some other stuff. I really liked it and I didnt think of it as rape. Although do you guys it was rape because i was so young? i dont feel tramuatized about it at all. turns me on, i was always attracted to older men. Or do you think its only rape when you dont like it and try to get the guy to stop?

[ruralguy7326]

No thankfully not at all. I have always personaly believed that no one should be forced to do anything they do not want to, and that no one should ever be hurt. I feel so much shame for the gay comunity when gay men out and closested do these kinds of despicable things. Like all rapists it's trash like these that give the whole world wide gay comunity a bad name. Those kind of acts are just plain fuckin EVIL.

[rawTOP]

Well, so far my observation years ago that half of all gay men were raped as kids, is holding up as true. Luckily, fewer than 10% remember it as a bad experience. I wonder what the numbers would be among heterosexual women?

[YorkshireLad]

I was gang raped at 17, not really as a child, but then raped again at 18 and again at 20! By the third time I was so HOTT for it, that I almost sought it out. Teased those I thought might forcefully take me if I teased then turned them down enough!

[BoyhoodSexAbuseActivist]

I am glad to see this discussion here. A member of MS pointed out that this was here, so I came to comment.

It is a misconception that a child can consent to anything. However, when does a child become someone who is capable of consenting is a question that governments all over the world have different answers for. Enough said.

No matter how much a boy/young man thinks he consented or enjoyed it, the experience of having an older person (male OR female) initiate sex or allow the boy to initiate sex can still have repercussions that won't be known until the boy is an adult trying to function in an adult world, and interact and have relationships with other adults.

If any of this rings true for you, there is help. Not a lot of it, but there is help.

One place to start is MaleSurvivor: www.malesurvivor.org

This has nothing to do with who you are as a sexual being, so go forth and bareback or not as you please. It has to do with who and how you are being in various situations, including sexual ones, in your life.

Have hope, have healing and have fun.

[rawTOP]

I am glad to see this discussion here. A member of MS pointed out that this was here, so I came to comment.

It is a misconception that a child can consent to anything. However, when does a child become someone who is capable of consenting is a question that governments all over the world have different answers for. Enough said.

No matter how much a boy/young man thinks he consented or enjoyed it, the experience of having an older person (male OR female) initiate sex or allow the boy to initiate sex can still have repercussions that won't be known until the boy is an adult trying to function in an adult world, and interact and have relationships with other adults.

To me the issue is that so many people try to make a complicated issue black and white. We have age of consent laws that are just too simplistic. When you say a child can't consent. The issue is that it's impossible to define the dividing line between "child" and "adult". I'd say prepubescent guys are clearly "children". But everything between 13 and 18 is a question mark (as is reflected by the varying age of consent laws).

Some guys are just into older guys (for whatever reason). If they realize that at a "young" age then it gets really fuzzy. Unlike guys who are attracted to guys their own age, they really have no way of exploring their sexual desires. IMHO, it's a mistake to make guys like that feel like victims when what they're doing is completely normal (for them).

On the other hand there are cases which are clearly sexual abuse and they have huge repercussions for the victims. IMHO, the mistake is to think all the sex kids have with adults is abuse on that level. Based on the poll above about 7-10% of gay guys are victims of real abuse, and another 15% may have encountered it but find the experience resonates with their emerging sexual desires.

Most important is to talk about it and understand that different people have different experiences. It's also vitally important to take real abuse completely seriously and punish the perpetrators.

[Guest diapbttmboi]

Just wanna say right now that I do not like this thread. I've never spoken to anyone who has endured such a traumatic experience like that who can be so open about it as some guys here. People posting who did what and how they felt about it? If I even go to that place I fall apart. I have had numerous suicide attempts that I'm happy to say have produced no long lasting damage. Children cannot consent to sex. Teens between 13-16 can consent but they can be easily manipulated into doing things they aren't ready for. Better the law stays and protects them.

[ruralguy7326]

I agree totally rawTOP and WCCOCKPIT. I have never fetishized violence in any form, and I will never understand or accept it. Yet I do realise and accept there are many in all walks of life who do. Amongst understanding and consenting parties this is fine. Each to their own. However when there is no consent on the part of the one who is victimised or pozed the questions are quite different.

To give an example, a friend of mine was raped many times over several years when he was very young and the experience still hants him to this very day. He has all his life found it very difficult to maintain and enjoy relationships, and sex which for most of us is enjoyable for him is more like an unpleasant chore which he does only out of a sense of duty when he actually does manage to date a guy. The sad reality is that a huge and very important and rewarding part of his life is forever ruined because of a criminal and despicable desire on the part of his rapist. His relationsip troubles and his unhappiness truly anger me when I see how it has effected him.

As for you "stealth-boys" (Gay and Bi) you really do need to think carefully of the legal consequences of your actions. Think about it. If you rape or poz someone male or female without their full consent and desire you risk being arrested and doing time, losing your family and friends and forever ruining your own life in the process. Not to mention ruining another life as well. Keep your sick fantasy to being only a fantasy and never act it out.

Rapists as rawTOP, and stealth-boyz especially as WCCOCKPIT pointed out, deserve to feel the full wrath of the victim, and the victims family as well as to feel the full weight of the law.

I'm versatile and poz, and when I'm on top I always respect the limits and wishes of my partner. Why ? Because I want him to get off as well and more importantly come back for more. If on the other hand what he wants does not suit me then there is no sex. No one gets hurt.

We all need to think about the end results of what we do and the effects both good and bad on other peoples lifes.

[SpunkJunkyPissHound]

If you liked it…. it wasn’t rape.

Don’t let society tell what’s right and wrong when your heart and your dick know the difference.

It’s time we started saying “thank you” to the men who opened us up, and “fuck you” to those bastards who would force their fucked up beliefs on us.

[rawTOP]

If you liked it…. it wasn’t rape.

Don’t let society tell what’s right and wrong when your heart and your dick know the difference.

It’s time we started saying “thank you” to the men who opened us up, and “fuck you” to those bastards who would force their fucked up beliefs on us.

That's a tricky statement. If the teen enjoys it then you're saying the older guy should be thanked, but if the teen didn't like it then the older guy should be put in jail for rape. Complicated. Then add to that equation that the teen may not like it at the time it happens, but then comes to think it was hot later. It's not an approach that can be enforced. The laws are simplistic for a reason...

But from a non-legal point of view I agree that you shouldn't let someone make you feel like a victim if you don't feel you are one.

[hungry_hole]

I was never abused as a child.

There is a difference between an adult man "abusing" a girl or a boy. Sometimes boys(<12) enjoy the contact with an older man, because after all being an adult man is something that they will be in the future: what's an adult cock look like, etc. But I can't imagine any girl (<12) enjoying looking at a cock of an adult male.

I'm sure that a boy and a an adult man can have a wonderful expierence. Many men who defend pedophilia defend the right of young boys to have experiences with older men because they wanted to play with older. The problem I see is that most adult males get a bit carried away with the boy and begin to impose things on the boy for what the boy is not prepared for (like anal sex).

Shame is the key when determining whhether or not an experience was positive or negative. Those men who have good memories of encounters with older men for some reason didn't associate shame with the experience. Those who are troubled by it it's because they felt a lot of shame.

[rawTOP]

Shame is the key when determining whhether or not an experience was positive or negative. Those men who have good memories of encounters with older men for some reason didn't associate shame with the experience. Those who are troubled by it it's because they felt a lot of shame.

I think shame is just one of a few factors. There are clearly cases where there is physically abusive rape and in those cases shame has nothing to do with why it's a negative experience.

[BoyhoodSexAbuseActivist]

I wasn't going to go there. But I believe what I will write here will continue the discussion and help educate those who participate in this site.

I think another thing that we need to be aware of is: what occurred for one person as a satisfying sexual experience at age 12, may have occurred as a rape to another person at age 12.

My father abandoned our family when I was 6 years old, and started a new family. For 2 years, I was shipped 1020 miles back and forth between my mother and my father like an unwanted elderly aunt, because I was a difficult child, who was hard to communicate with partially due to a genius IQ, and partially due to the onset of abandonment issues. Until the end of the summer in which I turned 8, when my father drove me back to my mother's house, and told her this was the last time, because it was him (referring to me) or his new marriage.

I don't know the official statistics for boys who are children of single mother homes, and more particularly the only male in a single mother's home. But it would not take much to convince me that over 90% of such boys were sexually abused at some point in their childhood, simply because there was no one who realized that the Child Molesters are more focused on their goal than the mother who is working, going to school at night, and constantly battling with the school district over the education of her extremely bright children.

I was sexually molested and stalked from age 8 to age 10 by my early-20's next door neighbor (who had been perpetrating for about 5 years that, I know of, before we moved into the neighborhood and was finally caught and sent to jail when I was 10). I was physically and emotional abused from age 10 to age 12 by my mother's second husband. From age 12 to age 14, I was subjected to the cruelties of the 'rich kids' when I was the only student on scholarship in my class at a private school.

The summer I turned 14, I had a 'nervous breakdown' and attempted suicide because I could not deal with the trauma and pain any more. After I survived the suicide attempt, my mother turned to the only man she thought she could trust with her precious son, his Scoutmaster of the previous 2 years. The last week of the summer, the Scoutmaster raped me in his home.

As I have looked back on these events, all now 30+ years distant, I can't fathom how I, a mere child, was able to survive the constant incessant: 1) disrespect for me as a person and a human being; 2) violations of trust by almost every adult who should protected me and yet failed to; and 3) lack of a sense of home or safety, because I never was safe from the stalker, the 2nd husband, nor the cruel cat-calls, even in my own house.

To be continued...

Edited January 31, 2011 by BoyhoodSexAbuseActivist

[BoyhoodSexAbuseActivist]

Continued from above:

Trust me when I tell you there was nothing sexy or exciting about any of the events I mentioned above. Because of the first perpetrator I cannot comfortably withstand any kind of public talk or discussion about sex, and I do not suck dick. Because of the 2nd husband, I developed eating disorders, and loss of self-confidence. Because of the 'rich kids' I was shamed about who I was and where I came from. Finally, because of the Scoutmaster, I suffered the same issues that were described by ruralguy7326 above:

He has all his life found it very difficult to maintain and enjoy relationships, and sex which for most of us is enjoyable for him is more like an unpleasant chore which he does only out of a sense of duty when he actually does manage to date a guy.

This is one man's story, but it is the story of over 25 million men in the USA today. It doesn't matter if you were sexually assaulted one time or for 10 years, the net result when you are triggered back to the trauma due to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), is that you are suddenly being 6 or 9 or 12 or 14 yo, and you have no idea that it is happening, how it is happening, nor why it is happening. You only know that you have failed once again at being an adult.

Let me last say that above you saw examples of 4 different types of abuse. Two were sexual abuse, and two were not. Sexual abuse is particularly heinous because sexuality is such a core component of who we are as human beings, that when it is disrupted or damaged, then the person is almost always irreparably damaged. Other types of abuse CAN be as traumatic, but it truly depends on who is effected and how.

He has all his life found it very difficult to maintain and enjoy relationships, and sex which for most of us is enjoyable for him is more like an unpleasant chore which he does only out of a sense of duty when he actually does manage to date a guy.

If this is you, start at: www.malesurvivor.org