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BadGayGuy

Am I the only one who is not capable of having sex with the same guy more than several times?

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@BadGayGuy - You say that you simply can’t get hard for a guy, no matter how hot his appearance or how good the actual sex is, after two or three couplings. An inability to become physically aroused may have its basis in psychological factors that aren’t immediately obvious.

 The chemical and emotional bonding that bodies undergo when they fuck is real, and affects individuals differently at an emotional and even subconscious level - is it possible that after two or three fucks with a guy, some inner part of you detects some sort of sense of potential ongoing connection/attachment forming, and your conscious mind violently rejects that (for any of a number of reasons) and short-circuits your sexual response? Put more simply, could you be so commitment-averse that your body simply shuts down if confronted with even the suggestion of it?

Another line of contemplation suggests that perhaps there is some inner need you are attempting to meet through sex, but have, thus far, found that the sexual interactions you have had all fail to meet that need. Is it possible that you’re subconsciously “trying on” each partner for a very specific fit that you can’t put words to, only to cast each one aside like an ill-tailored shirt when the fit isn’t exactly right? I’m not asking this with ant negative implication, just posing it as a possible avenue of thought.

The reasons for what you’re experiencing could be something else entirely, and since I’m not a telepath and can’t wander around in the salacious streetcorners of your mind looking for smutty versions of you to interrogate, I can only speculate. You, in the other hand, probably already know the answer, if you can just think your way to it.

It’s easy to take an observation about yourself such as you’ve made and try to understand it only from the surface level of personal preference - most responders to the thread have followed that line thus far. Preference, itself, however, has deeper roots, in desire, fear, self-image. If you want to truly understand why you’re a Limit-3-Per-Customer kind of guy, you’re going to have to dig deep.

Here’s a place to start, BadGayGuy - why did you choose that username? Who says you’re a bad gay guy? I’m betting you’re probably no worse than most of us here, and I guarantee you’re not as wicked as some of us. [Looks around the room] Oh yeah, you sleazy, randy fuckers, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I’ll be waiting for you in the darkroom.

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23 hours ago, theplayerking said:

I’m the same way. I’d be happy to have sex with a different guy every day. Unfortunately I have a BF and that’s not possible. 

Thank you so much for replying! Can I ask you how do you make it work with your boyfriend then? 🙂 

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18 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

This is one of those questions that screams out for multiple-choice answers. Something like:

a) I don't like repeats, even once; I might repeat if I had to, but I'm all about a successful chase. No chase, no interest.

b) I'm okay with repeats, but I get bored pretty quickly with the same guy, so 3-4 times, and I'm done.

c) I like repeats just fine - the important thing to me is getting it regularly, so I don't care if it's the same guy steadily for a while, or if I mix it up.

d) I like repeats - if there's a connection, or the sex is really good, why wouldn't you? Doesn't have to be a relationship, but a regular partner is a good thing.

e) I really prefer repeats - I'm not opposed to NSA/random sex, but it seems better to me as you get more used to each other and you learn how to push each other's buttons just right.

f) I don't really like one-offs - I realize there's no guarantee of ongoing sex but I don't sleep with someone unless there's something already developing that could lend itself to a longer-term interaction, if not exactly a relationship.

g) I don't have sex outside a relationship and don't have it until we're clearly headed into one. 

I think many guys start out near the top of the spectrum (at least, they did back when I was first coming out in the late 70's and early 80's), and may move closer to the middle over time. Conversely, some guys brought up that casual sex is just wrong may start out near or at the bottom of this spectrum, and as they shed some of the guilt over sex, they may move closer to the middle as well.

But not all. Some guys, once they find a guy they really like, may zoom from c to f/g pretty quickly. Some guys may start at g, move up to, say, b, then return back to e or f. Some guys get jaded down at e/f/g and say "screw it" and move towards a/b because they're convinced no monogamous/mostly-monogamous relationship will actually work out.

Personally, I'm at (d). But I also recognize that not being a "hot commodity" type, repeats aren't a really frequent occurrence.

Thank you for such a detailed explanation 🙂 And I feel I am still at (b) 🙂 Do you think it's because in the times of your coming out gays were less affected by this propaganda of heteronormativity, monogamous relationships and stuff, and were more sexual liberation - oriented? 

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3 hours ago, FelchingPisser said:

For me, it's a grand mix.  I have regulars--but I have enough that, before Covid, I was seeing them no more than once a month.  Which still left me time for a big dose of one timers, usually at a bookstore or bathhouse.  There are men I enjoy the connection and growth of play.  Others just need my load and I never need to see them again.

I am kinda the same - I don't mind regulars, but I don't want them that often. I still prefer to have more one-time encounters than these with the regulars!

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7 hours ago, BadGayGuy said:

Thank you for such a detailed explanation 🙂 And I feel I am still at (b) 🙂 Do you think it's because in the times of your coming out gays were less affected by this propaganda of heteronormativity, monogamous relationships and stuff, and were more sexual liberation - oriented? 

I think when I first came out, there was definitely a rejection (in the popular culture, at least) of hetero-type relationships. People bonded, but it was more often somewhat open, whether discussed/shared or not. HIV/AIDS cut into that dramatically. As more and more long-term couples became "outed" (in a sense) because one or both of them were positive, and it became clear that (even if organized differently, gay relationships could last just as long as straight ones, I think that's when the real push for recognition of same-sex relationships really got some traction.

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I am a total bottom but feel the same. It seems when a man breeds me a few times I instinctively know not to take it further because I don’t want a relationship. I do have fuck buds but they remain that way because they either have a wife or boy wife at home and can’t get attached. I also think that I prefer anon encounters because they make me feel like a whore. I think I live best in that space.

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I honestly think the "hunt" is half the fun.  Having a guy (or guys) choose you over everyone else online or in person is an ego boost.  Even at a sex club or bathhouse with LOTS of available flesh to play with it feels like a conquest to get another fuck and especially to get the load from a top in that setting.  I have some repeat guys who I've had for years, but I don't like if it gets too frequent/clingy.  I've had fuckbuds who wanna play every week, but unless we're gonna bring in a 3rd/4th every time that's WAY too "committed" to me.  I call some guys fuckbuds who I really just play with once or twice a year....mostly as a third or for a group.  I love being on bbrt and some guy I fucked with 6 months ago asks if I wanna join him and and a different buddy! I had an 8 year BF all through my 20s.  We met as a hookup when we were 23 and 21.  We were extremely similar in looks and size, so if guys were into one of us, they were usually into both of us, which makes it easier (and less jealousy) as a couple.  It was a legit relationship but we were out in the bars and sex clubs pretty much every weekend and ALWAYS had a 3rd coming home with us or a couple swap!!  Some guys I join for a 3way or group are "protective" of their buddy's number.  They won't do a group text - I think they're afraid we'd hookup sometime without them.  I always do a group text for group sex and hope they fuck with each other and expand our circle of playmates :)

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Definitely not alone.  I either get bored or attached.   When guys are looking for a FWB I make it clear that “at best” you’ll get sex 3 times out of me.   I’ve had a few guys that I’ve had FWB dynamics with but the sex was good, there was something that made me not want to get attached to them, and they appropriately backed off after each interaction (if someone starts badgering me for sex again right after we just hooked up that’s a huge turnoff). 

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I think I can continue to get fucked by the same guy if he’s giving me what I want and need. 
 

however, I don’t think I’d be able, long term, to only be fucked by him. There would have to be constant new dick too. Never could be exclusive. 

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On 9/3/2020 at 5:53 AM, bbzh said:

Being at d) or e) is where most sluts likely end up, whether they want to or not. The pool dries up and looks fade. I still get a nice chuckle online when gays lie about their age. Sir, you were 50 when I was 35 and now I'm older than you?😂

I've been a slut for over 30 years, and have been somewhere around b) and c) the entire time.  Luckily for me I traveled a lot before COVID.  I agree with you that there are cities that force guys into d) or e), but there are other cities with enough sluts that don't.  I hear you about the age thing, I've hooked up with guys posting they are in their late 30s to early 40s that are probably in their 60s.

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1 hour ago, NWUSHorny said:

I hear you about the age thing, I've hooked up with guys posting they are in their late 30s to early 40s that are probably in their 60s.

Those guys are taking the phrase "60 is the new 40" a bit too literally....

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14 hours ago, justsexnowatl said:

I honestly think the "hunt" is half the fun.  Having a guy (or guys) choose you over everyone else online or in person is an ego boost.  Even at a sex club or bathhouse with LOTS of available flesh to play with it feels like a conquest to get another fuck and especially to get the load from a top in that setting.  I have some repeat guys who I've had for years, but I don't like if it gets too frequent/clingy.  I've had fuckbuds who wanna play every week, but unless we're gonna bring in a 3rd/4th every time that's WAY too "committed" to me.  I call some guys fuckbuds who I really just play with once or twice a year....mostly as a third or for a group.  I love being on bbrt and some guy I fucked with 6 months ago asks if I wanna join him and and a different buddy! I had an 8 year BF all through my 20s.  We met as a hookup when we were 23 and 21.  We were extremely similar in looks and size, so if guys were into one of us, they were usually into both of us, which makes it easier (and less jealousy) as a couple.  It was a legit relationship but we were out in the bars and sex clubs pretty much every weekend and ALWAYS had a 3rd coming home with us or a couple swap!!  Some guys I join for a 3way or group are "protective" of their buddy's number.  They won't do a group text - I think they're afraid we'd hookup sometime without them.  I always do a group text for group sex and hope they fuck with each other and expand our circle of playmates :)

That's a pretty nice setup.  I think that'd be ideal for me.  

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I realize that I hooked up to feel accepted by hot guys, not really for the physical sensation of the sex. Once I was accepted I needed someone else to get my fix. In bathhouses I’d like to play for ten minutes, but the worry that there might be someone else walking down the hall so I’d kick the guy out of my room and go back to cruising. 

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You're not alone. When I got together with my partner it was romantic and cerebral but not very sexual. I'm very sexual and wanted more but since he was inexperienced I just thought he needed time to discover and own his sexuality. After about 5 years I decided he was on the asexual spectrum since he only wanted sex 3-4x a year. We've always had an open relationship, and it seemed for a long time he barely took advantage of it. We've been together for 13 years now and last year he shared with me that while he is more or less asexual, he has discovered that he doesn't like having sex with the same person more than 3-4x a year. He needs that variety to be turned on. It's not something that I can relate to but it's how he is. I do still occasionally get bummed that we don't have the sex life I would like because he's very cute but I have other options and we have a polyamorous baseline and no jealousy issues so we make it work. 

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