Functionally Gay

[BlackDude]

 First, forgive the long post/rant but hopefully this will make sense ( or someone will make sense of it for me).
 

Ok so I’m going to put this out there for guys to say I’m nuts or that I’m on to something. I’m been noticing more and more guys who are what I call “functionally gay.” As opposed to the 80s, these guys act, dress, walk or maybe even talk with the gay swag (I know the whole gender stereotype thing but I’m taking in generalizations) and are into a lot  things gay guys are into, but will whip out a GF or wife at the last moment. Are these guys really gay (which I think they are) or are times just changing? I have three examples:

1. I was in a gay club before lockdown. I made eye contact with this stud and we grinned. As soon as I decide to head over, here comes is GF out the blue to kiss him and whisk him away to dance.

 

2. This guy at my gym has all the makings of a male stripper: short shorts, and constant core, leg and elliptical activities to keep his abs and his ridiculously looking good ass proper (which he shows in his high high workout shorts) No chest or arms whatsoever. Always in florescent colors. Til he shows up one day with his wife and daughter. 
 

3. Older silver daddy at my work. Very fashionable, has a “gay” metro vibe. Very friendly to me, so I sense it and help him out.  I’m friendly back, he doesn’t mind. Out of nowhere, someone says something about his wife. I would have fallen over in laughter if I wasn’t so shocked. 

Now I know my gaydar has always been off, but nothing sucks more then thinking their is some chemistry building, then having the rug snatched out from under you. What’s the deal, are these guys really gay, feeding their egos or am I just getting old?

[ejaculaTe]

I'm hardly a keen observer of social trends, but it strikes me that your encounters show that metrosexuals still thrive among us. "Metrosexual? What's that?" One definition in Urban Dictionary reads "Despite being flattered (even proud) that gay guys hit on you, you still find the thought of actually getting intimate with another man truly repulsive." Another definition there is "A male who looks like he's gay, but bangs chicks, not dicks," giving David Beckham as an example. The bar encounter doesn't surprise me at all: a couple of years ago, I looked at the websites of the bars I frequented when I lived near Philadelphia. All of them, including the leather bar at which I spent many hours, showed a very different crowd than I used to see on a Saturday night: the median age seemed to be about 25 instead of 30, and women were at the bars in astonishing numbers. (Ok, astonishing to me, and they appeared to be attached to reasonably attractive young men.) I'd also guess that in large cities in this vast country, 20-somethings and 30-somethings are more accepting of a range of sexual identities.  

In short, you're getting old, the crowd has changed a bit at the bar, and folks have lightened up a bit about being around gay men -- just as you surmised. <wink and grin> I don't know about you, but I think I need a drink now.

[viking8x6]

The younger generation(s) seem less uptight about the possibility of being perceived as gay, so they feel free to express themselves in ways that (30 years ago) used to be construed as telegraphing that.

That said, the younger generation(s) also seem to be a lot less worried about whether they *are* gay, straight, or bi (or whatever else) than people who are now in their 40s and 50s. And that's a *good* thing.

My take on it is - and I've been saying this for decades to anyone who will listen - "gay" is just a label, and not a very useful one at that, for people who have sex with other people of the same gender. And already we're in trouble with that - does it mean "only" or "always", or just "sometimes"? Which gender is "the same" if one or the other is trans? Or cross-dressing? Or non-binary? I could go on and on... but the bottom line is there are over 7 billion human beings on this planet, and no two have exactly the same sexuality. So what's the point of putting them in boxes?

If anyone wants further evidence for my theory, I can give chapter and verse of my own story, which has quite a few adventures that demonstrate the point.

[Fprefect570]

That’s why I only hit on silver daddies with a leather harness on and 0 gauge nipple rings. Way less chance of the conversation turning “awkward”. 

[EricX]

Bisexuals are a thing. I would say as long as you don’t mind rejection, hit on them and see what happens. 

[BlackDude]

Thanks for everyone’s response. Although I’m not that old, I definitely see things changing as far as external expression.

 

 Although I still think some of new found acceptance of all things gay is being used by some dudes for the whole “I'm going to be a tease for attention, but I’m really not gay (unless your hot)” game, which is tiresome. 

Edited January 8, 2021 by BlackDude

[BreedingTop71]

Gay men brought fashion to straight men and the old stereotypes no longer apply. If you want to hook up, forget about the old cruising techniques, metrosexual guys shattered them all to hell. Just rely on apps. That’s all. 

[tallslenderguy]

On 1/5/2021 at 9:04 PM, BlackDude said:

 
Now I know my gaydar has always been off, but nothing sucks more then thinking their is some chemistry building, then having the rug snatched out from under you. What’s the deal, are these guys really gay, feeding their egos or am I just getting old?

The lines sure seem to have blurred to me too. i think it may be that stereotypes are just not as solid as they used to be? There was a time when fem was equal to gay, but not anymore.  Also, i've know more than a few guys in open marriages where their wives knew they were having sex with guys, it's possible they could be Bi and functionally straight and gay lol. 

 i'm a nurse and there are a lot of male nurses where i work, and i swear i'm practically the only gay nurse, a profession that used to be stereotypically gay if you were a male nurse. 

There's a doctor where i work who has a gorgeous ass, definitely hits the gym, and is the standard for fashion at the hospital, right down to his socks. He is stereotypically 'gay,' married to a woman with two kids.

i was crushing on this one doctor for a couple of years and then found out he was married to a woman. i had not seen him for awhile and came in one day to find 'he' had transitioned and was transexual. That gave me pause lol. 

There's another guy where i work who i suspected was flirting with me, but i always err on the side of caution. One day he dropped his keys and i pointed it out to him, he turned and gave me a big smile and said "that's because you had me so distracted."   i've been tempted to pin him to the wall and kiss him on more than one occasion, but would prolly be dead wrong on my read of him. 

To me, the only way to know is to ask... and even then, i don't think you can be sure, just gotta take it at face value.

[Brain&Brawn]

Hetero appropriation of Gay culture.