“Homophobic” at Work

[99037]

In this situation, I would investigate myself. Offer a working lunch or dinner to discuss a work related issue. Happen to go to a gay establishment (where nobody knows you), and see the reaction, test him with general statements that will bring out the real him. I have done this with numerous people, it will allow him to show his true self by putting him in the situation he will not be able to resist making a statement that will answer your questions. NEVER rely on gossip and hearsay, it will bite you in the ass every time.  Just my two cents.

[jeff238]

Two things.

The guy has the right to be homophobic, just like you have the right to be gay. What he doesnt have the right to do is bring that in to work. That is completely unprofessional and cannot be tolerated.

Drama queen may have ulterior motives. If the guy up for the promotion, were "out of the way" would that open up oportunities for drama queen? Those may be real or imagined by her, and since she is "a good friend" she may think that will give her a leg up. She did you no favors by telling you about the supposed homophobia. That puts you in a real bad situation.

Pilots have a saying, when an emergency situation arises. Fly the plane.

[RubberAustria]

Talk to a lawyer. Let him sign a contract: if any homophobic happens during his job he will be fired and has to pay a huge amount. With that money you invite us to a piss/fist/fuck/.... Party 🎉 . Drinks and samen for free👌

[NoFucksGiven]

On 5/12/2021 at 11:22 PM, BlackDude said:

So I have this guy working for me who I hired and promoted several times. Does a great job. Recently, another female coworker shared with me he stated he’s a big homophobe. Like totally anti-gay. Now he’s up for another big promotion, and feel some kind of way about it. He’s always been cool with me, and I know how much you can trust women gossiping at the office (very little). I would still pick him if he’s best for the job, but am I wrong to feel a little bitterness? I’m not out at work so I don’t want to bring it up, especially in my position. 
 

Yeah, yeah, I know I’m going to get the PC “hire the best person for the job,” but I’m human and we know the real world doesn’t work like that.

Your post brings up a really interesting dilemma and it’s hard to give advice. As far as I can see, your information is based on the word of a third party who may, or may not, have her own agenda. I’m a little unclear if she knows you’re gay. If she does, she may be entirely altruistic in warning you - or may have more Machiavellian reasons to stir things. If she doesn’t, she may suspect you are and is trying to test it. Or, she might just be sharing some titbit of information about a co-worker. It might be instructive to know why she has told you this.

We are all human and it’s only natural to feel some bitterness to someone you otherwise respect and rate. I would feel the same - also if I learned a co-worker was racist or anti-Semitic. If you found out that this woman is telling the truth and if his homophobia would impact on his role, then you certainly have much to ponder. Otherwise, I should rise above it and perhaps just be aware of it.

Interestingly, I have just left a company in the UK where I was very much able to be open. In fact, I spotted two co-workers on BBRT and if I ever opened Grindr at work I would see a dozen more. All forms of discrimination were frowned upon and I could talk openly about partners, and invite them to company events. But I had one line-manager who, while outwardly very liberal, one just knew had a problem with gay men. Nothing was ever said, or acted upon, but instinctively one knew it was there. That is an equally difficult path to navigate.

[raw773]

8 hours ago, BlackDude said:

Nobody’s business really.

Everybody is different, but I found coming out at work -- owning it -- really shuts up any chatter and gossip. Also, nobody will say anti-gay stuff to your face if you own it. (I know, every workplace is different.)

[SlampaBay]

Dunno what your HR manual says but isn’t a known homophobic boss just asking for trouble down the road?

[Guest hungandmean]

Let me .... understand.

The moral dilemma here is whether or not it would be unfair to him, to deny him a promotion, because he is SUCH a homophobe that a coworker was able to figure it out? Like, it wasn't some quiet conviction of his - it was obvious enough someone noticed (or was in his circle of influence to see it) 

Would this homophobe hire or promote gay people? Regardless of how qualified they are for the job? If their alleged homophobia was so transparent another coworker saw it - then it doesn't sound like it's some privately held conviction (as if hating someone because of their race, gender, or orientation should be part of someones character) 

I think a lot of the time minorities are told to take the high road. Some very Michelle Obama when they go low we go high bullshit.

Only the disenfranchised are ever taught to sympathize with their abusers.

The dudes a fucking homophobe - find someone else to promote. 

 

[UpstateNYexplorer]

So just around the corner from a potentially big promotion, A known drama queen comes forward that he just so happens to hate gay people. Sorry but that sounds very suspicious to me and considering, at least from what I've read, he has never had a complaint like this at all in the entire time he has worked there, He more than deserves the benefit of the doubt. If you can't find any unbiased people to verify this or similar behavior, I would just ignore what she is saying as it seems more than likely that she is just trying to stir up drama to get him out of the promotion.

And yes, This is coming from someone totally vilified at work because of the gossip of a drama queen and then had my ass kissed by many once they learned she was lying.

[NoFucksGiven]

24 minutes ago, UpstateNYexplorer said:

So just around the corner from a potentially big promotion, A known drama queen comes forward that he just so happens to hate gay people. Sorry but that sounds very suspicious to me and considering, at least from what I've read, he has never had a complaint like this at all in the entire time he has worked there, He more than deserves the benefit of the doubt. If you can't find any unbiased people to verify this or similar behavior, I would just ignore what she is saying as it seems more than likely that she is just trying to stir up drama to get him out of the promotion.

And yes, This is coming from someone totally vilified at work because of the gossip of a drama queen and then had my ass kissed by many once they learned she was lying.

I totally agree. Without knowing the motives of the woman - which may or may not be well-intentioned - acting on hearsay can be a very perilous path. 

[drscorpio]

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