Bad faggot

[Chastitytom]

So, I'm kind of a bad faggot. I don't like cum, I don't like piss, I want the man to be fresh from the shower before I take his cock in my mouth. But I fantasize about being forced to swallow both cum and piss, and also accept a sweaty, unwashed cock and balls.

Yesterday, a meeting turned out to be both uncomfortable and really hot when I look back at it.

I decided to do a "saying no is not allowed" week, wich means I have to meet anyone and do anything (within limits). And then I got a msg from an anonymous profile on a Norwegian gay site. He kind of demanded a nude full body picture with my dick locked up, and clearly showing my face. And I did, 'cause I can't say no. Then I got the following msg: "you will come to my place and serve me with your mouth. I will come in your mouth and probably piss in it as well. You will swallow. I am 50 years old, overweight and an average cock. I have not showered in two days, my dick and balls are sweaty and smelly, but you will just have to handle it". Any other time I would have just said no. But I couldn't now. So I went.

He was right in everything, I gagged a lot, I let him use me the way he wanted. I licked his balls and cock clean before I got to really suck his cock. He held me down on his cock and made me swallow his cum. He kept holding me onto his cock, and pissed in my mouth. I almost cried, and felt violated. And yet I knew I did it by my own free will.

Wasn't very much turned on during, but I have been hard in my cage since, and I hope he wants to use me again.

Guess I just want to know if I am just weird or if anyone else (top or bottom) gets turned on by this?

[backdoorjimmy]

There's nothing weird about it and if you walked away from it feeling fulfilled and turned on after the fact, then that's even better. There are a lot of things we call [banned word], but in my opinion there's nothing more [banned word] than crossing my own boundaries. Everytime I do it, it feels incredible and freeing. There's a sinful pleasure in it.

The first time I hooked up with a poz top I felt my body exploding from the moment he put his dick up to my hole until the moment he came inside me. It was my ultimate boundary at the time and when I gave in and did it, I got pleasures that I never knew I could have. It sounds like you experienced the same thing.

[Close2MyBro]

From a psychological standpoint, you should start thinking yourself as the very thing that you're resisting. So instead of letting your subconscious mind tell you that you aren't a fag, start telling yourself that you ARE a fag. The more you do this the more you start to shift how you see yourself and many of the reservations you have will start to slip away.

[bareback-flipflop]

We, even gays have grown up under determining circumstances which continuously press us to do a proper thing. However, nobody knows who determined what thing is proper. Partly the development of society, partly traditions and culture. 
For example according to my community, I’m a very decent guy and in my daily life I look like this. Only few friends know that in sexuality I’m everything but not decent. At the beginnings I thought that sex is kissing, sucking and fucking, obviously with condome.  Now, I do things that are disgusting even according to gays. Yesterday in the cruising bar fucked me bareback countless guy in the dark room about whose age, appearance  I didn’t have any idea. On another place I was on my knees on the dirty floor and was sucking one cock after the other. I assume that the others thought what an ultimate bitch fag I was. And this option just stimulated me more. 
Your consideration is nothing but exploring your limits and understanding yourself. The key is that if something is exciting to you, do it and if you enjoyed, repeat it. If you didn’t like it, you can say that you know why you don’t like it. Because you tried and didn’t turn on. 

[PupLucca]

Totally agree with you 

[parvenu]

On 6/12/2021 at 11:32 AM, Chastitytom said:

So, I'm kind of a bad faggot. I don't like cum, I don't like piss, I want the man to be fresh from the shower before I take his cock in my mouth. But I fantasize about being forced to swallow both cum and piss, and also accept a sweaty, unwashed cock and balls.

Yesterday, a meeting turned out to be both uncomfortable and really hot when I look back at it.

I decided to do a "saying no is not allowed" week, wich means I have to meet anyone and do anything (within limits). And then I got a msg from an anonymous profile on a Norwegian gay site. He kind of demanded a nude full body picture with my dick locked up, and clearly showing my face. And I did, 'cause I can't say no. Then I got the following msg: "you will come to my place and serve me with your mouth. I will come in your mouth and probably piss in it as well. You will swallow. I am 50 years old, overweight and an average cock. I have not showered in two days, my dick and balls are sweaty and smelly, but you will just have to handle it". Any other time I would have just said no. But I couldn't now. So I went.

He was right in everything, I gagged a lot, I let him use me the way he wanted. I licked his balls and cock clean before I got to really suck his cock. He held me down on his cock and made me swallow his cum. He kept holding me onto his cock, and pissed in my mouth. I almost cried, and felt violated. And yet I knew I did it by my own free will.

Wasn't very much turned on during, but I have been hard in my cage since, and I hope he wants to use me again.

Guess I just want to know if I am just weird or if anyone else (top or bottom) gets turned on by this?

keep locked and you will keep enjoying

[skinster]

On 6/12/2021 at 6:32 AM, Chastitytom said:

Guess I just want to know if I am just weird or if anyone else (top or bottom) gets turned on by this?

You're not weird. That guy didn't really go all that far. But there is a first time for everything. I can tell that over time there will be less of those before you will want more and more instead.

I've seen a bottom gagging on me pissing down his throat. It also happened to be his first time, and he did agree pretty much to a similar setup for no questions asked. We played with much more.

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

On 6/12/2021 at 5:32 AM, Chastitytom said:

 

Guess I just want to know if I am just weird or if anyone else (top or bottom) gets turned on by this?

Not weird. As a faggot, it’s part of your nature. Give into your natural faggot tendencies and always live for not being able to say no to superior men (alphas). 

[tallslenderguy]

On 6/12/2021 at 3:32 AM, Chastitytom said:

So, I'm kind of a bad faggot. I don't like cum, I don't like piss, I want the man to be fresh from the shower before I take his cock in my mouth. But I fantasize about being forced to swallow both cum and piss, and also accept a sweaty, unwashed cock and balls.

 

Guess I just want to know if I am just weird or if anyone else (top or bottom) gets turned on by this?

 

People are complex, eh?  As some have noted, what makes an individual is a combination of nurture and nature and there are no clear lines as to where one begins and the other leaves off.  Most of us have grown up in cultures that define things like  "good, bad, deviant, etc.."  

Narrowing it down, i think a lot of gay guys find their nature is in conflict with their nurture.  As you state it,  there seems to be a part of you that wants a less than clean guy to cum and piss in you. my guess is that is in conflict with how you've been conditioned?  i think a lot of us go through a time where we want to be forced to do the things we really want, even crave, because it's a way to get around the conditioning that has taught us we are "bad, deviant, etc.."  

i used to have an elaborate fantasy where a guy kidnapped me and forced me to be His bottom lover. At the time, i was married (to a woman) and still stuck in a religious web, believing i was 'broken and evil' because of my sexual needs and desires.  

Once i processed through and accepted myself, fantasies of being forced went away... for the most part. i still fantasize of a Top who feels free to penetrate me any time He wants/needs. A lot of those fantasies involve Him penetrating me when i am asleep. But none of those fantasies involve Him being mean, bullying or forceful, rather they are based on mutual understanding and acceptance of each others needs and desires.

i also sitill desire (need?) what i have come to call "affectionate degradation/humiliation,'  but again, it's never from a mean or bullying, forceful Mate, but affectionate.  

i believe a lot of what we experience in these different forms of conflict is our needs/desires are in conflict with our conditioning, but need/desire wins out, and despite the conflicting feelings, we are deeply affirmed. 

 

[ErosWired]

Each time you perform an act that you were resistant to before, you cross an "inhibitory threshold". Before you do something for the first time, your mind may have certain arguments against doing it that contribute to your hesitancy. Some of these may be sensible arguments based on rational principles, others may be shakier arguments based on emotion or illogical thinking. Either way, your mind has an arsenal of reasons why you shouldn't.

Until you do.

Once you actually do the thing, provided that the worst thing you feared doesn't actually happen, the next time you are faced with the situation, your mind doesn't have the same arsenal of arguments to stop you—you just proved at least some of them false in practice. And if some of them turned out not to be true, how possible is it that none of them are true?

So with your mental defense weakened, you are more likely to cross that threshold line again, and doubly likely to do so if you actually experienced a sense of pleasure/reward either during or after the act. If you do the thing a second time, and obtain the same result, it confirms the sense that you were probably wrong to be so concerned in the first place, further weakening the inhibition. With each repetition, the inhibition becomes less, until you feel none at all. But you only have to cross the line once to break the hold of the inhibitory threshold.

You may not feel any of this directly. You may just find that you simply make up your mind to try something again where you probably wouldn't have before. As long as the experience continues to provide the reward you seek, you'll continue to be inclined toward doing it. If it all goes south on you one session, you may feel the need to pull back, and if it's bad, you may pull back hard, but you'll never be able to put the inhibitory threshold back in place—that genie doesn't want back in the bottle.

As to being a "bad" faggot, that assumes there is behavior that one has to perform in order to be a "good" faggot (or indeed, to be considered a faggot at all). I'm a trained sexual service submissive for men, as in I was taken by a man, physically owned by him, and actively trained to perform sexual acts in service to other men for their pleasure. I perform this duty for any man who requests it, without exception, usually anally but also orally. No part of my body is off-limits. By most measures I would be considered a faggot. I do, not, however, serve under all conditions, nor perform all acts, yet I have never had a Top complain that I was a "bad" faggot. Whether you choose to respond to any label is up to you. Whether you apply any label to yourself is entirely your prerogative. It sounds, though, as if you're putting unnecessary pressure on yourself based on assumptions that other men may not even make, and based on failing to do something that you in fact did do. And, after the fact, liked.

Even if you were a "bad" faggot before, you were a "good" one then, and you can't unring that bell.

So I would say, forget about the labels and do what rewards you, for as long as it safely continues to do so.

 

[Bfspig]

It's because we're conditioned our whole lives that piss and cum are bad/dirty/[banned word]. Becoming a faggot is overcoming those constraints, and accepting that what Men do to you are what you deserve. But it helps that you've accepted you need to be forced. The next step is to explain that to your tops, find a verbal dominant top and give them the  control to take you to the next level. 

[Chastitytom]

So a little update on my faggy adventures. I’ve had several requests like this the last weeks, maybe someone has been advertising me? 
I got a msg from this old Indian guy, kind of the same thing. Not showered for 4 days, wanted a blowjob. I really wasn’t in the mood so I asked him kindly if he could maybe clean up a little first. 
The response was kind of brutal, but fuck I got horny. His answer was: of course I won’t. You are the human equivalent of a disposable flesh light, why would I give a damn about you? 
Needless to tell you, was an amazing feeling to serve, knowing that was his feelings about it. 

[Cumfilledbottomboi]

2 hours ago, Chastitytom said:

So a little update on my faggy adventures. I’ve had several requests like this the last weeks, maybe someone has been advertising me? 
I got a msg from this old Indian guy, kind of the same thing. Not showered for 4 days, wanted a blowjob. I really wasn’t in the mood so I asked him kindly if he could maybe clean up a little first. 
The response was kind of brutal, but fuck I got horny. His answer was: of course I won’t. You are the human equivalent of a disposable flesh light, why would I give a damn about you? 
Needless to tell you, was an amazing feeling to serve, knowing that was his feelings about it. 

Then do it, submit to that fantasy and let him use you.