Scared - Extreme anxiety

[blackrobe]

1 hour ago, FreakedOut said:

Thanks. I know I may be catastrophizing. I am 100% compliant of my regimen, and have finished the PEP course, which I started at 15 hours. As someone who is also on PrEP (so does your profile say, at least), have you tested its efficacy with guys you knew were HIV+?

It's the "waiting it out" that has me terribly anxious. But apparently, this is as fast as tests work, according to the Doc.

Thanks for your support, again.

More than half of the loads I've absorbed into my body were Poz, lots were undetectable, but I'm sure some were unmedicated. I got a false positive on a fast HIV test at my last screening and was surprised since I'm 100% PrEP compliant. It turned out to be a false positive, but I know the feeling of waiting in limbo until a test comes back. Just set it aside and breathe.

[Close2MyBro]

Since you were quickly put on PEP and had already been on Prep, I think it's highly unlikely that you'll contract HIV. I had a similar scare myself many years ago with a guy who told me after he came in my ass that he was positive and not on meds and I went to the doctor and was immediately put on PEP and it prevented me from contracting HIV. It seems to be very effective when dispensed soon after the possible exposure.

[Guest]

1 hour ago, viking8x6 said:

Because life is full of scary shit.

If you don't believe him, @FreakedOut just look at his profile pic. 😈

 

Sorry @viking8x6 but this thread was becoming in dire need of some comedy. 😘

[BootmanLA]

I'm going to point some things out that others have hinted at, but that you should keep in mind as well.

1. People lie. A guy can say he's negative knowing full well he's positive.

2. Even if a guy isn't lying (because he doesn't know otherwise), a guy who says he's "negative" could well be positive and just not know it.

3. Even with a negative HIV test in hand, that documentation is only as good as of the date of the test, and it's possible that he has converted since (and does or does not know it). He could even have converted slightly before the test and there wasn't time in his system to develop the antibodies that the test would reveal.

4. Serosorting for "negative" guys, then, is risky. Even discounting the liars, there are plenty of poz people who don't know they're poz. That doesn't mean you don't have sex with guys who claim to be negative, but you ask about testing. You stay on PrEP. You don't engage in practices (like drug use) that may interfere with your judgment. (Sorry, but while I think most drugs ought to be legalized so that people can make that choice for themselves, I think it's one of the stupidest things you can do.)

5. Consider undetectable guys. They're brave enough to admit they're poz (ie they're not lying and claiming they're negative), so they're probably* not lying about their undetectable status. The odds of an undetectable top infecting a bottom on PrEP are so vanishingly small that it's not worth being concerned over at all.

*I say probably because yes, of course, a guy can be HIV-poz and have a toxic viral load, and lie and claim to be undetectable. But such a guy could just claim to be negative, and I think mostly likely that's what he would do.

 

[Guest]

On 7/26/2021 at 2:02 PM, BootmanLA said:

'm going to point some things out that others have hinted at, but that you should keep in mind as well.

The OP knew the risks of bareback sex hence he went on PrEP which already should be enough to keep him safe.

So we all know this already and besides you're heaping blame on his anxiety.

More young gay men in the Western world die of suicide than of HIV/AIDS.
You are out of line. 

Edited July 29, 2021 by drscorpio
Abusive language removed.

[DarkroomTaker]

4 hours ago, Alphpig said:

You stick to not playing raw. If becoming poz is not something you want, you don’t play unsafe. Period. Otherwise you go through this often. I’ve dealt with your type and you guys are a nightmare.  So go seek counseling and don’t play without rubbers. 

Wow, are you for real? The guy whether right or wrong is worried sick.

3 hours ago, cyberdolphnow said:

"We did some drugs and I was very uninhibited."

 

Stop taking drugs which encourages your  risk taking behavior and you will feel better about your choices...

I don't take drugs and I sero sort for undetectable HIV positive guys. Anyone who claims negative I assume is untreated  positive including myself unless I take a  rapid test.

You'll be ok. Let yourself be free...

I agree^

Further OP. Without dictating to you or coming across as patronising to you. Maybe take time out to reflect on what works for you. Are things best left as a fantasy? Does BB work for you psychologically?

Take care.

[Guest]

Hi OP, from all what you have said and told us,  the odds of you getting hiv are basically zero, I would calm down and try to relax, you will be fine. you will still be neg.

[Guest]

2 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

5. Consider undetectable guys. They're brave enough to admit they're poz (ie they're not lying and claiming they're negative), so they're probably* not lying about their undetectable status. The odds of an undetectable top infecting a bottom on PrEP are so vanishingly small that it's not worth being concerned over at all.

This is just as risky as any kind of serosorting.

Get or stay on PrEP if you're neg and want to bareback and stay neg.

[bttmpink7]

6 hours ago, Alphpig said:

You stick to not playing raw. If becoming poz is not something you want, you don’t play unsafe. Period. Otherwise you go through this often. I’ve dealt with your type and you guys are a nightmare.  So go seek counseling and don’t play without rubbers. 

Don't be a gatekeeper 

[bttmpink7]

Honestly some of you guys in this thread are toxic, yikes. 

[FreakedOut]

@Alphpig  : I do not intend to convert. The question here is if PrEP counts as "unsafe", which probably many would say it is not.

@verslut: thanks for your answer.

To anyone: does breeding have to be risky? I know some people here get off on risk, but that is not what appeals to me about breeding or "natural sex". That is the reason I have never done it before PrEP.

In general, yes I regret having taken drugs. They fuck up my judgement. Luckily, going on PrEP was a decision taken months before I even tried any drugs and the drugs did not prevent me from taking it further.

@BareLover666:   I tried to reply yesterday but I was out of messages. Apparently there is a limit on new members. I thank you for the reassurance. As I said, many people view PrEP as the "new safe". I myself am caught a bit in the generational mindset change and cannot let go of the visuals of a guy  (later admitted HIV+) cumming condomless in my ass. That image fills me with guilt and anxiety. If I had been wearing a condom - supposedly less safe than PrEP - I do not know if I would be so anxious. Actually, I had sex before with HIV+ people with a condom. Btw, your public conversations about me (e.g., saying that I am in need of a well meant pat on the shoulder or cuddling) are also public to me 😉 Also, I think you asked me, I am on DAILY PrEP, not demand based, for the last two years.

@viking8x6: your message made me smile (something I was in dire need of). I also tried to answer, but due to message restrictions I could not.

@blackrobe: thanks for sharing your experience on PrEP. It helps. Why did you get a false positive?

@Close2MyBro: I am glad your scare turned out well. Thanks for the reassurance.

@Whiteguy1 thanks for your message.

[verslut]

7 minutes ago, FreakedOut said:

To anyone: does breeding have to be risky? I know some people here get off on risk, but that is not what appeals to me about breeding or "natural sex". That is the reason I have never done it before PrEP.

Yes, it has to be risky. We practice risk reduction strategies like PrEP or barebacking within a relationship. But I engage in a high-risk activity every time I fuck bareback and I don't delude myself into thinking my strategies are foolproof.

[Close2MyBro]

36 minutes ago, FreakedOut said:

To anyone: does breeding have to be risky? I know some people here get off on risk, but that is not what appeals to me about breeding or "natural sex". That is the reason I have never done it before PrEP.

I've always thought that when guys use the term 'breeding', it was meant as an intentional transmission of positive cum. The term "raw" typically denotes "natural, unprotected" sex.

[Kinkybreed]

First of all: I understand where you are coming from and trust me when I say that I also found myself in similar situations and was extremely anxious then. However, having sex shouldn't cause anxiety, it should cause an orgasm and happy feelings. You are taking prep AND are using condoms most of the time so you are literally doing everything in your power to be as safe as possible. Of course drugs make you more uninhibited and will most certainly cloud your judgement. Cause when you are high, these happy feelings are the main focus. Is it smart? No. Do you take drugs to continue being smart? Definitely not. Most of the time it's about losing inhibitions. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever happened, happened. And while it might stresses you out, you can not change it and still you did everything in your power to protect your health. Although I really want to see that doctor who prescribed you PEP even though you've been on Prep for two years. That really causes stress for your body. I'm not a doctor but I'm almost certain that you should definitely not take both at the same time (hell, it even says on the bottle that you shouldn't take more than 7 pills of Prep in a week). Also: HIV is not that easily transmittable AND being on daily Prep protects you almost 100%. Multiple studies showed that. So taking PEP on top of that seems highly unnecessary and actually more damaging. While I can still understand your anxious reaction, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. It's all going to be fine. Don't let fear ruin your sexual self. Rather embrace it. It's also never healthy to keep things bottled up. 

[FreakedOut]

5 minutes ago, Kinkybreed said:

First of all: I understand where you are coming from and trust me when I say that I also found myself in similar situations and was extremely anxious then. However, having sex shouldn't cause anxiety, it should cause an orgasm and happy feelings. You are taking prep AND are using condoms most of the time so you are literally doing everything in your power to be as safe as possible. Of course drugs make you more uninhibited and will most certainly cloud your judgement. Cause when you are high, these happy feelings are the main focus. Is it smart? No. Do you take drugs to continue being smart? Definitely not. Most of the time it's about losing inhibitions. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Whatever happened, happened. And while it might stresses you out, you can not change it and still you did everything in your power to protect your health. Although I really want to see that doctor who prescribed you PEP even though you've been on Prep for two years. That really causes stress for your body. I'm not a doctor but I'm almost certain that you should definitely not take both at the same time (hell, it even says on the bottle that you shouldn't take more than 7 pills of Prep in a week). Also: HIV is not that easily transmittable AND being on daily Prep protects you almost 100%. Multiple studies showed that. So taking PEP on top of that seems highly unnecessary and actually more damaging. While I can still understand your anxious reaction, you really shouldn't have anything to worry about. It's all going to be fine. Don't let fear ruin your sexual self. Rather embrace it. It's also never healthy to keep things bottled up. 

Thank you very much for your message (or should I say Dankeschön, since I'm in Germany too). Just to clarify: I did not use condoms this last time. And the added PEP were 2 Issentress pills ADDED to the PrEP i was already taking. I didn't double up on the PrEP. I took - and still take - 7 a week.

I keep obssesively looking back into what I did and finding additional reasons to worry. But I am trying to let go and trust my initial decision that I should trust PrEP to keep me safe. I have an anxious condition that sometimes goes away with talking and exchanging ideas.

My therapist said today I should come out to my father. Too much old-school Freudian repression there.

Hey, again, thank you very much for your support, mein Freund. I envy your attitude towards life and hope I can soon be at that point too.

(two messages to go for today, apparently. This one was really worth it 🙂 )