Denial

[Spermpig]

Denial is a powerful thing.  Denial can blind you to facts and make it easier to lie to yourself.  Denial can protect you from harm.  Denial can make you stronger… and weaker.  And denial can hone desire.

The first time I saw Kurt it was Tuesday, April 25th and he was fucking a guy at the bar.  I remember the date because of “Miss Congeniality”.  I also remember it because I had agreed to meet there for a first date with a guy I met on Grindr.  Naturally he never showed up. Go figure.

Technically Kurt wasn’t fucking the guy “at the bar” but in the bathroom.  At the trough urinal to be precise.  After drinking three beers while waiting for Mr. No-Show, I needed to relieve myself… and there he was.  Nailing some twink while they were standing at one side of the trough.  The twink was braced up against the wall and Kurt had his hands on his hips and was drilling away.  The remaining open area of the trough was occupied by another guy who was ostensibly pissing, but mainly watching the show.  And then there was me.  Standing there.  Utterly frozen.

Now, I wouldn’t say I’m a prude, sexually.  I’d definitely had my fair share of sexual experiences.  But my sex to date had been fairly straightforward and shall we say, tame.  Definitely not of the “fucking in a bar bathroom” variety.  Sure, I’d jacked off to porn like this- but I’d never encountered it in real life.  So I think I was kind of stunned to have stumbled into such a scene at my local gay bar.

Stunned—yet titillated at the same time.  Instantly I had that nervous excitement about it in my guts.  Like “this is wrong, but why does it excite me”?

Looking back, I’m not sure what it was about Kurt that attracted me so completely and so quickly.  I mean, I didn’t usually make a habit of lusting after guys who go around fucking in public toilets.  But I was instantly mesmerized by him.  Perhaps it was me attaching the sight of him the heady aroma of stale piss, ripe pits, naphtha, and pheromones.  Or maybe it was my body tuning into the pulsing waves of sexual confidence radiating from him.  Or maybe it was because I was horny and he was just a fucking ridiculously handsome man.

Kurt was one of those empirically hot men- the kind you see in Colt magazines or 80’s porn.  He was tall.  Like a good head taller than me. Swarthy.  Muscular.  Broad chest and back.  Short black hair and a thick beard so dense you could just make out a slash of a mouth in there. A jaw and nose like they’d been sculpted by an LA cosmetic surgeon.  A dark pelt of fur covered his substantial chest and taut stomach.  Thighs like a Greco Roman wrestler.  Was he Italian? Greek?  Lebanese? Whatever it was, he was fiercely handsome and built like a fuck tank.

That night he was in biker boots, jeans and a leather harness with metal arm bands accentuating his ample biceps.  He also had leather wrist cuffs on- like a modern day sex gladiator.  As he pummeled the twink, I just stood and stared at him.  It was like seeing a unicorn—the kind of guy that never really seemed to exist in real life.  The guy pissing eventually left and freed up the trough, but I couldn’t move even though I really had to go.

Kurt seemed to sense my presence.  Without missing a thrust he called back over his shoulder in a deep voice, “You wanna use him next?  I’m just about through.”  This sort of snapped me out of it.  I kind of stammered a bit and said no, thank you and that I just needed to pee.  I moved to the free area next to them, as far to the side as I could manage in order to give them space.  I was just freeing my dick from my pants when Kurt looked over.  And I made the mistake of looking back.

Time seemed to stop as we locked eyes.  He stopped thrusting and just stared at me.  And I stared back.  He was just so beautiful that I felt I should look away.  That I wasn’t worth being scrutinized by him.  But I couldn’t look away.  I was completely immobilized.

After what felt like an eternity he spoke.  “Don’t piss yet,” he commanded as he continued to stare into my soul.  I merely swallowed and nodded my acceptance.

Kurt started thrusting again and picked up his tempo, never taking his eyes off mine.  Have you ever had a guy look you in the eye while he’s fucking someone else?  All that naked lust projected at you.  It’s animal. Almost feral.  And even though you aren’t being physically penetrated, all of that Alpha energy has a choke-hold on your most primal core.  His unblinking stare is daring you to look away from the stolen intimacy.  But you won’t look away.  You can’t.  You are utterly frozen- powerless-  waiting until the release of his seed releases his hold over you.

Let me tell you.  It’s intoxicating.  Like nothing I’d ever felt before.

It felt like we were in our own time bubble until suddenly he grunts loudly and I know he’s emptying himself into the blissed out twink. He slowly pulls out, gaze unwavering.  I finally broke eye contact to look down at the meat that was slowly exiting the twink’s ass.  Damn… it was long pullout.  A thick, long, glistening cock with a fat, ruddy head eventually popped free of the hole.

An enormous PA glinted in the half-light as his cock swung free of its anal confines.  I swear Kurt wagged it a bit knowing that I was watching it.  I could feel myself blushing.

“Now you can piss,” Kurt commanded in a low voice.  “Inside him.”

My eyes snapped back to him. “Whu- whu- what?” I managed to squeak out.

Kurt’s eyes glittered darkly.  “Piss.  Up his ass.  He’s a worthless fuckin’ urinal and I wanna watch you use him as such.”

I hesitated.  I’d never done anything remotely like this before, and to be honest the whole scene felt like a fever dream.  It was all so surreal.  Things like this just didn’t happen to me and my brain was shutting down.  My skin was hot and felt like it was vibrating.   I found myself highly aroused, which disturbed me.  It’s like he tapped into some dark sexual side of me that I didn’t know existed but longed to be released.  And much like a dream, I felt like I was just being swept along in the story.

“Do it.  I wanna watch you piss my cum deep into his guts.”

I still hadn’t really moved from my side of the trough, my fly undone and my dick out and really needing to piss at this point.  Normally I’m pretty pee shy (and also shy about guys seeing my erect dick), but Kurt exerting control was overcoming my shyness and making my cock stiffen regardless.  I saw Kurt’s eyes flick down to my groin and then a tug of a grin at the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah, you Clark Kent preppy-types.  You look like good boys, but there’s always a Superpig hiding just below the surface.  All you need is that phone booth.”

In a daze I slowly took position behind the twink, and slid my steel-hard dick inside his slick, well-opened chute.  I could feel the wet heat of his ass engulf me, but my cock and body was dissociated from my brain.  It was like I was watching myself do all of this from beyond myself- aware of it all, but also a bystander.

“Fuck him,” Kurt growled.

I’m embarrassed to say that I lasted all of perhaps 30 seconds.  Kurt, the scene, the fact that this was so beyond the pale for me fairly short circuited my brain.  My orgasm caught me by surprise and sort of startled me back to reality.

“Oh my god.  I just came in him.  Without a condom,” I said in a confused whisper.

Kurt looked at me with hooded eyes.  “Good boy. Now relax that bladder.  Fill this urinal up.”

Was I really going to do this?  I’d just cum inside a random guy at the bar and now I was being asked to piss his ass?  All this in the bathroom at the bar on a dead Tuesday night?  I could feel myself relaxing into the idea, but also warring against it.  The urge to piss was strong and my erection waning, but I was still clenched.

Kurt leaned in to whisper.  “You’re gonna piss in him… for me.  Because I’m giving you permission to give in to your desires.  And because you know it will please me.”  His hot breath on my neck made me shiver.  Or was it merely a pee shiver? Or was it a shiver of my naked desire to please this fucking Alpha sex god?  Whatever it was, the last of my inhibitions with the scene fell away and my bladder started emptying into the twink.

Something I feel I should mention- I have a big bladder.  I’m one of those guys at the movie theater who after the movie lets out, I’m at the urinal for a solid 3 minutes of pissing.  Like, the urinals on either side of me will change over at least twice while I’m standing there.  I get really self-conscious about it because I always think I might look like a [banned word] or something hanging out in a bathroom. So I always aim for the water so guys can audibly hear that I’m actually going still and not wanking it.  (Yeah, I’ve had lots of time to analyze this).

After a minute or so, Kurt asks the twink, “He pissing in you?”

“Oh god damn yes sir!  So much piss sir!  I’m getting so full sir!”

Kurt looks at me again with a smirk-  his glittering, dark eyes raking my very soul.  “Good boys.”

I eventually finish, and slowly pull out of the urinal kid.  “Now clean off his dick,” Kurt tells him.  The twink rapidly drops and takes my dick in his mouth and starts sucking me.  While this is happening, Kurt is tucking his flaccid equipment back into his jeans and buttoning up.  Kurt has washed up and is walking out of the bathroom before I snap out of this weird sex trance.  I quickly pull my dick from the twink’s mouth and zipped up.  The twink silently resumed his standing post at the trough, awaiting others while I headed for the sink.

As I was washing up, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror.  I didn’t even recognize the guy on the other side.  What the fuck just happened?  I don’t fuck random guys.  And I certainly didn’t engage in water sports.  Who WAS this person?  Had I been drugged?  I kind of felt a bit sick to my stomach.  But I felt something else too… satisfaction?  I splashed water on my face and toweled off before leaving the bathroom.   

When I made it back to the bar, Kurt was nowhere to be seen.  I felt like I needed some answers so  I quickly flag the bartender over.  “Excuse me, but have you seen a big, burly, dark haired guy who was in a harness and…”.  The bartender cuts me off with a harsh, appraising look.

“Kurt just left,” he interrupts.  “Don’t tell me he’s dickmatized another one?”  Another one meaning me.

“Oh… no.  I just, um, wanted to… talk…to him.  Maybe?”

The bartender snorted.  “Good luck, kid,” he said as he shook his head.  “You’re gonna need it.”

* *

So his name was Kurt, that much I’d learned from the bartender.  But where had he come from?  Why hadn’t I ever seen him out before?  Granted I almost never went to the bars, but still.  Someone like him I figure I would have noticed at some point.  Or heard about.  Or seen online.  Or something.

Needless to say, I became obsessed with him.  Like all-consuming, can’t-focus-at-work obsessed.  Every waking moment I was replaying the bathroom scene in my head.  My dick was getting raw from jacking off to it.  I looked for him on the apps.  I looked for him when I was shopping at the grocery store.  I started rotating to other gyms in my network to see if I could catch a glimpse of him because he obviously worked out.  All to no avail.

I also started going to the bar more frequently in the hopes of running into him again.  I started to go every Tuesday at the same time as before.  But since that wasn’t yielding any results, I started peppering in other nights of the week.  And Friday happy hours.

I even started asking Charlie (the bartender) about him.  As I was becoming a regular, I’d gotten on a first name basis with him.  This particular night I plaintively asked, “You seen him recently?”  I didn’t even have to give a name anymore as Charlie knew exactly who I was talking about.  Normally he’d just roll his eyes at me and shake his head.

“Actually, he was in two nights ago,” Charlie told me. Rats!  I’d missed him!

“And…?” I asked like the needy bitch I was becoming.

Charlie looked uncomfortable.  “Um, well.  He picked up some out of towner, and they left together.”  I was crestfallen and Charlie noticed.

“Look kiddo.  You need to set your sights on a different guy.  Kurt is… well, I don’t think he’s a good match for you.  I mean, he’s off-the-charts sexy, and you know the fuck would be epic.  He’d probably split a little guy like you in half!  But he has… issues.  And I don’t think he’s exactly your scene.  You’d just find yourself used and discarded like a teenage boy’s tube sock.  That’s it.

“Look.  You are cute as hell with a bangin’ little bod on you.  And you seem like you got it together, with a good head on your shoulders- at least when it hasn’t been turned by Kurt.  You need to put yourself out there and find a nice guy, like yourself.  Or even a not so nice guy if you just want sex.  You honestly can get yourself any man you want at the drop of a hat!”

“I’m not *that* nice,” I replied sullenly.  “And evidently I can’t get *any* man.”  Charlie just sadly shook his head.

It wasn’t until a couple months later that I was at the bar (also on a Tuesday, as it was becoming my regular night) when I saw Kurt again.  I almost didn’t recognize him at first.  His hair was a bit longer and he was completely clean-shaven.  He was also wearing rimless glasses that went with his business-casual drag for the evening.  But it was him.  It was definitely him.

He was leaning up against the bar, beer in hand, in a tight, navy blue polo that looked like it was straining to contain him.  He was also chatting with another guy who had his back to me.  Kurt was smiling and laughing a little at what the other guy was saying and I felt jealously uncoil in my guts.

I positioned myself in Kurt’s line of sight, and tried my best not to stare.  It wasn’t working.  Kurt wasn’t looking- he only apparently had eyes for this other guy.  I drank down my whole beer this way… waiting for Kurt to notice me.  Or at least to acknowledge my presence.  It didn’t happen.

When the other guy finally excused himself to the restroom, I decided it was time to make my move.  I walked up to where Kurt was standing and leaned on the bar next to him.

“Hey Kurt,” was my opening line. Smooth.

He slowly turned to me and then casually tipped his chin down to regard me.  His eyes were amber.  I wasn’t expecting that. Seconds passed as he stared blankly at me.

“Do I know you?” he finally said in a somewhat bored voice.

“Um… no.  Not exactly… But, um… there was this one time that we….” My voice died on my lips as Kurt’s friend returned.  Kurt flicked a dismissive look in my direction and immediately turned away from me and started talking with his friend again.  They spoke as if I were invisible.

“So—friend of yours?” the guy asked.

“Nope.  Some rando… He just came up and started talking to me.  It was really awkward.  So, you wanna get out of here?”

“Fuck yeah, daddy, I want my gift!  Let’s go!”

And then without another look in my direction, Kurt and his “plus one” left for the evening.  My eyes stung as I stood at the bar.  It was taking a massive effort not to cry right then and there; not like it would have mattered in the mostly dead bar.  But still, public bawling over a guy was not high on my to do list.

Maybe it was my jealousy, but all I kept thinking was ‘why did he leave with that guy’?  I mean, I didn’t think he was all that cute.  He was some average, mid-30’s, banker type with a receding hairline and a paunch.  Was *that* Kurt’s type? What did he see in him?  It was like a gut-punch to the old self-esteem.

Eventually Charlie sauntered over, a concerned look on his face. “You ok, kid?”

“Charlie, he looked at me like I was something he scraped off his shoe. I haven’t been made to feel like that since high school,” I said.  “I mean, what’s that other guy got that I don’t got?”

“A death wish,” Charlie mumbled.

“What was that?” I asked, curious about his choice of words.

“Nothin’ kid.  I’m sorry you’re still hung up on him and I know it hurts a bit, but it’s for the best.  Hell, they’re called ‘crushes’ for a reason.”  He poured me a bourbon and set it in front of me.  “Maker’s Mark… for affairs of the heart.”  And then he took his leave, so I could nurse the drink, and my wounds, in private.

* *

After that, I became a bit less of a bar fly and a bit less stalkerish.  Kurt still crossed my mind, but now instead of horny, it made me angry.  Although I will admit that I found his facebook profile during one of my weaker moments.  It was fairly private, so I couldn’t learn much.  And it didn’t look like he had posted much in a few years.  All I could see were a few pics of him with a guy named Bo who looked like he could be my older brother.  However, I had so far managed to resist the urge to request friendship, which I saw as a definite win.  I was slowly weaning myself off of Kurt, and getting back to somewhat of a focused life.  And it felt good.

So a month later when I saw Kurt again, it sort of caught me off guard.  Although it really shouldn’t have- as it was at a sex party.

Now, let me be clear.  Sex parties are not my forte.  I’ve only been to like 3 of them, like, ever.  And while they are kind of exciting, I think perhaps I give off the wrong sort of vibe or something?  Maybe I look too goody two-shoes?  Or like I won’t participate? Or I look like I’m nervous (because I am).  Whatever it is, I never seem to get laid at them.  Maybe a little sucky sucky, but that’s kind of it.  Which can be a bit depressing when you see others having loads of fun, so to speak.

Anyway, my waning crush on Kurt had left me in a bit of a randy mood- considering I had been so focused on him that I hadn’t had sex in months.  So I hit up a friend of a friend of mine whom I knew to have semi-regular sex parties at their fairly large (and sluttily equipped) home.  As luck would have it, they were hosting one that coming Saturday evening as a July 4th “Bang Bash” and yes, I was welcome to “cum”.

I received an email with directions and timing and rules (along with their strict no drugs policy).  And by the time Saturday rolled around, I was fairly well vibrating I was so damn horny.  Not wanting to seem too eager, I waited until 45 minutes after the party start time in order to arrive.  I didn’t think I could take arriving early and being scrutinized by other party guests.  It would make me even more self-conscious than I already am.

When I arrived, I was shown where to put my clothes.  As I disrobed, I was informed there were about 50 or so guys already there, the basement was in full swing, and that I should head on down.  So I quickly got down to my jock, sneakers, and backward Cubs cap.  One final check in the mirror convinced me I looked cute enough for this and I made my way downstairs.

My glasses fogged briefly as I entered the humidity from the sweaty bodies.  You could smell sex and poppers in the air.  The basement area was illuminated by red bulbs, some rainbow LEDs and occasional bursts of laser lighting.  House music throbbed to provide an ambient noise level to mask some of the fuck noises and lower inhibitions.  It was a very heady combo, I’ll admit.

I wandered around as I seem to do at such events, never quite sure of where to look or what to do with my hands.  I saw several guys standing and/or kneeling as blow jobs were underway all over the place.  A couple of guys were fucking in a darkened corner—the slap of flesh keeping time with the music.  I watched them fuck for a little while.  They were oblivious to my presence.  As I wandered more I saw guys making out in groups of 3, 4 and more.  There were guys on a couch and bent over chairs.  It was a smorgasbord of sex.

And then I saw him.

His profile was unmistakable as he stood in a small knot of guys surrounding a sling.  My stomach clenched and I nearly turned around to go back upstairs.  But something made me hold my ground.  I could tell that there was a guy in the sling, and that he was being fucked.  I was hesitant to go watch- even though I wanted to- because of him.  Suddenly a small voice inside me said, “Fuck him!  You were invited here.  It isn’t his party.  You have every right to watch too.”

So I made my way over to the sling.  And thereby to Kurt.

I stepped up to the side of the sling across from Kurt, keeping my eyes glued to the guy fucking the hot, furry, muscle cub who was currently getting his ass well and truly used.  I had to will myself not to look over at him, but damnit if I wasn’t going to do my best to ignore that fucker the way he’d ignored me.  It wasn’t going to be easy though, because in my peripheral vision I could tell Kurt was staring at me.  Hard.

Muscle cub by this time had found my cock and fished it out of my jock.  He was jacking me and I was quickly wickedly hard.  I shifted myself up toward his head so he could suck me while he was getting fucked.  I shifted my gaze to the muscle cub’s face as he worked my cock.  Anything to hold my attention and to keep me from looking at Kurt.

Muscle cub was cute.  Blonde.  Stocky.  Shoulders and arms for days.  Nice pecs on him. And seeing him in such a vulnerable position on his back with his legs in the stirrups made my loins stir.  I didn’t know if I wanted to do him… or be him.  Probably a bit of column A and a bit of column B.

Again, it was like I entered a sex trance and I was disconnected from my cock and this activity—I was aware of it but it was like I was dissociated from it all.  Plus, I mean, again who *was* this guy who was actually participating at an orgy?  Normally I couldn’t even get hard if there was more than one other guy in the room as I was too embarrassed and self-conscious.  But tonight it was different.

Because he was here.

Dimly acknowledged in the back of my brain burned this solitary idea. I wanted to strike back at Kurt. I wanted him to see what I was doing.  I wanted him to watch me fucking this guy’s mouth.  I wanted to show him I could take pleasure without his permission and without even acknowledging him.  In a misguided way, I was trying to wound him like he had wounded me at the bar. Although I honestly had no idea why I believed this would even phase him or where this idea had germinated.  All I knew was that fucker was going to notice me and remember me this time.

The guy fucking the muscle cub came suddenly—and very demonstrably.  The cub pulled off my cock to moan in delight and say “Oh fuck yeah!  Breed me!”  As my eyes swept to the man emptying himself inside the cub, I stumbled.  In a weak moment, I glanced over at him- I swear it was involuntary!  And just as if he were medusa, my breath caught in my chest and I was immediately petrified under his gaze.

He’d buzzed his hair down to fuzz, and his beard was at that heavier than 5 o’clock shadow stage.  He was naked except for his harness.  And tonight he wore a steel cock ring which matched the PA.  This was the first time I’d seen the full expanse of his body, and my god he was beautiful.  Like, everything was just perfectly proportioned.  Everything except his fairly enormous cock.

As we stared at each other? Waves.  My god, the pulsing waves of pure, unadulterated sex that bombarded me from this man were unlike anything I’d ever felt!  I could feel the thrum in my skin.  Again, I blame the stench of man-sex and poppers and the July heat of the room and the music and pheromones.  I didn’t even feel the cub’s mouth on my dick anymore (he’d evidently gone back to sucking me at some point- I honestly hadn’t noticed).  I was lost in Kurt’s stare which was a grappling hook in my heart.

With a small head gesture from him, I pulled my dick from the cub’s mouth and walked down to the now vacant end of the sling.  Still locked into his eyes, Kurt reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder and added a slight pressure downward.  I knew what he wanted, and even though I’d never rimmed a guy before, I obeyed.  I slowly sank down, and started tonguing the cub’s furry pucker.  The heat of his butthole and the tang of semen hit my tongue like a one-two punch, and it shocked me.  A fuse blew, and I just started to eat his ass with abandon.

The cub was moaning and begging for more, and I could feel him pushing out some of the cum for me.  Tasting what he’d collected from these other men in this way drove me into a frenzy.  In a hazy way, could tell my brain wanted to analyze what the fuck was going on with me, but I was too busy being swept along in the sexual current of the moment.

I felt Kurt’s hand under my chin, gently lifting me upward.  Again, he didn’t have to tell me what he wanted.  I just knew.  I absentmindedly reached for a condom, opened it and rolled it on.  I spit on my hand and lubed up, although I didn’t need much.  The cub was already well lubricated from several others.  While continuing to be held by Kurt’s stare, I slid into the cub and started fucking him.  Slowly, I let the sling rock back and forth, feeling the cub’s hot, hairy little hole slide up and down my shaft.

Through my stare I was trying to telepathically communicate to Kurt that this is what *I* wanted.  I wanted to be in the sling, him to be sheathed inside me— my hole working his shaft.  Me giving him my body and giving him pleasure, and taking pleasure in return.

During the fuck, Kurt moved closer.  I felt his thumb and forefinger encircle my cock at the base as I fucked the cub.  I was keenly aware that this was the first time he’d touched me, and I shuddered.  On the outstroke, I could feel Kurt using his hand to work the condom up my shaft.  Then he lined me up and I thrust back in.  Then on the outstroke again, Kurt’s hand working the condom up.  By the 4th stroke or so, it was just now at my head.  He deftly pulled it off.

Without missing a beat, he lined me up again and I slid back inside the cub.  Kurt was again directing me as he wanted and I was his slave.  He then leaned in close to me again and gruffly whispered, “Now breed him.  He’s a cumdump and I wanna watch you give him what he wants.”

I obeyed.

I grabbed the chains of the sling and looked down at the muscle cub I was using as directed.  He really was a cute guy, the kind of “aw shucks” guy it looks like you’d want to date and take home to your parents. At least until you found out he was a dirty, fucking slut.  Which right now made my dick that much harder.

His hole felt like wet silk on my raw dick.  As I was building tempo, Kurt moved up to the head of the sling and tucked his prodigious unit in the cub’s mouth.  Only about 1/3 of it fit and the cub was gagging on it.  Kurt made eye contact with me again and held it as he grabbed the boy’s head and fucked his mouth.  I smirked because I could tell that was doing this for me.  He *knew* I would like seeing the cub struggle with his meat.  He spoke to the cub next, in a deep voice that seemed to cut through the noise in the room.

“Beg for his load, slut.  I wanna hear you beg for his cum like the filthy cunt you are.”

The cub stopped sucking long enough to start up a litany of entreaties for my seed.  “Please breed me!  Please cum in me!  I wanna feel you load me!  I need it!  Please!  No loads refused!  I’m a fucking cum whore and I live to be filled!  I want your DNA to be part of me!  Knock me up, man!”

Hearing the hot stud begging for me to cum was the final push to get the load to boil out of my balls.  I buried myself in him and let go.  Volley after volley of my pent up seed and frustration throbbed into his guts.

“Oh fuck!  I feel him cumming!  I actually FEEL it!!  Fuck that’s a lot!  Oh FUUUUUCK!” the cub whimpered.

And through all of this, my eyes never left Kurt’s.

Even though I had just cum so much that it felt like my balls turned inside out, I was still in a sex trance.  I was empty, but now I needed to get filled.  I pulled out of the cub and made my way over to Kurt.  I figured it was going to be now.  This was going to happen.  Kurt was still rock hard from our scene and I aimed to be on the recipient end of it.

As I approached there was a brief look of confusion which flickered across his face.  When I was in front of him, I reached out and grabbed his massive tool.  He flinched at the contact, and pushed my hand away.  Not to be deterred, I dropped to my knees in front of him and moved to take him in my mouth.  He instantly jumped back away from me and barked out, “No.”

It was like a hypnotist snapped his fingers and I suddenly found myself naked on a stage in front of strangers.

One of the party rules was “consent”.  If someone said No or wanted to stop- you stopped.  That was the rule.  And if you didn’t stop, you were asked to leave or escorted out.  So there I was, as it were.  Just a boy.  Kneeling in front of a boy.  Asking him to fuck me.  And being patently rejected.

It was so “mixed message” after everything that had just transpired that I actually started to laugh.  I had so many emotions roiling about that I didn’t know what to do or how to react.  Seeing how Kurt looked at me, I was instantly filled with hot shame.  Which was then rapidly replaced by seething anger.

I stood up slowly and gave Kurt my best “what the everloving fuck” look.  He just looked back at me with pinched brows and shook his head.  So I walked over to the nearest fuck bench, bent over with dramatic flair, and proceeded to make a show of lubing up my ass.  And I aimed to get filled one way or another.  And if Kurt wouldn’t do it, anyone else would do.  Any and all of them.  And that fucker was going to watch them do it.

One guy immediately walked up and stuffed his dick in my mouth.  I asked for some poppers, took a hit, and went to town servicing him.  I was on a mission.  During this, I felt a couple different guys walk by and caress my ass.  One even fingered my hole a little… but then they would walk away.  Nobody seemed to want to fuck me.  I kept wriggling my ass and trying to tempt guys, all to no avail.

Why was nobody fucking me?  Even the guy feeding me his cock didn’t cum and he wandered off.  I was prepped.  I was ready.  I had a muscular, round ass from hours of squats and miles of biking.  And I was a pretty darn good bottom from what I’d been told.  But tonight I was on a fuck bench island—alone.

I was starting to feel pretty despondent, when suddenly I feel a guy’s cock start to nudge around my ass.  Finally!  I hear the lube bottle open and feel him slick up his dick behind me.  A lubed digit briefly slipped in my ass to open me up.  And just as the head starts to slip inside me, it stops and pulls out.

“What’s your deal, man?  I was gonna breed that fine little ass!”

“It’s off limits for you.  Go fuck the cumdump in the sling.” It was Kurt’s voice.  Why the fuck was Kurt was cock blocking?  This made absolutely no sense.

“Fuck you, man.  You don’t own this hole.  And this little fucker is begging for a load!” said my would be fucker.

“Seriously man, just walk away.  He doesn’t want your toxic seed.”

Toxic seed?  Was the guy poz and was he going to fuck me without a condom? I stood up from the bench.

“Dude, are you poz and were you going to fuck me without a condom?” I asked the guy.

He looked at me with disdain.  “Whatever, dude.  It’s a bareback sex party.” And he stalked off.

Kurt was standing there with his arms folded over his chest.

“Are YOU the reason nobody’s been wanting to fuck me?  Have you been cock blocking me this entire time??” I asked him incredulously.

“I just saved your ass.  Literally and figuratively.  You’re in a sex haze and not thinking clearly.  Did you really want his dirty dick to load you up with poz cum?” Kurt asked flatly.

“Well… maybe I DID!” I retorted like a child.

Kurt stared me down until I looked away.  “I didn’t think so,” he answered smugly.  And this pissed me off.

“You know what?  I’m out.  Thanks for ruining what was turning into a good night.  Let’s not keep meeting like this, shall we?” I spat as I walked away from him.  I stormed upstairs, got dressed, and left the party.  I drove home angry.  Hurt.  Sad.  And … relieved?  Relieved that I’d dodged a poz load in my ass all because of Kurt and his apparent conscience.

I was more confused than ever about who the fuck this man was.

* *

I didn’t see Kurt again until the end of summer.  And other than occasional angry thoughts about him, I didn’t much think of him during the time after the sex party.  The only time he seriously entered my thoughts was during the one hookup I had in the month of August.  Looking back, it was painfully obvious I was trying to find a clone of Kurt.  The guy was big and dark and muscular—but the connection just wasn’t there.  The sex was perfunctory and unfulfilling and left me fantasizing about Kurt while I jacked myself off on the guy.

I ate my weight in ice cream afterwards, because feelings.

Anyway, I really felt I had turned a corner when Labor Day rolled around.  It was time for Tom and Hal’s end of summer pool party.  I was in a mood and pretty down on myself, so I almost didn’t go.  If Tom wasn’t such a good friend, I’d probably have begged off, coming up with some lame excuse.  As it was, I sucked it up, put on the pink speedo that showed off my assets, and headed over.

When I arrived, Tom met me at the door- a big shit eating grin on his face.

“About time!  And man have I got a surprise for you!” and he started singing “Matchmaker” from Fiddler on the Roof.

“Oh no.  Don’t you remember the last time you tried to set me up?  I thought we’d learned our lesson, because *that* went so fucking well,” I admonished.

“Look honey.  How was I supposed to know he was still married?” he shrugged.

“And a sub bottom with a diaper fetish,” I reminded him.

“Everyone has little kinks, darling,” he laughed.

“Exactly what part of ‘change me!  Baby make boom-boom’ did you think I would find endearing?” I asked with a raised eyebrow.

Tom waved me off.  “This one is different. You are 100% his type, and he is SO yours.  I mean, this guy is so EVERYONE’S type.  Trust me.  This time, this yenta is onto something big.  And from what I hear, I do mean BIG!”

I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that I had to just go with it.  It was just who Tom was.  I’d humor him, meet the guy, it wouldn’t work (like all the others because it was seriously like Tom didn’t know me at all or what I liked), and I’d go on my merry way until next time.

Tom left me in the kitchen and scurried off to go find Mr. Match, so I made myself a drink.  I heard him coming back with someone in tow (Tom was loud) just as I was completing my margarita.  I turned around and… yeah.  Him.

Tom smiles huge and says, “I’d like to introduce you to…”

“Kurt,” I finished, my disdain apparent.  Tom’s smile falters.

“Oh, have you two met?” he enquires.

“Oh yeah.  On a few separate occasions, isn’t that right Kurt?”  Kurt just stood there, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else at the moment.  For once he wouldn’t meet my eyes.  I took the opportunity to add an extra shot of patron to my marg.

“By the way, Tom?  You’re wrong about me being his type,” I said in the shittiest voice I could muster. “He actually finds me quite repulsive—that is when he can even be bothered to remember who the fuck I am.  So if you’ll excuse me, imma go find your husband and drink.  Heavily.”  And with that I left them standing in the kitchen.

Several drinks and an hour of avoidance later, I was on an air mattress in the pool, trying to relax and soak up the last of the summer sun.  I felt the waves gently rock me as someone slid into the pool.  A few moments later, a shadow covered me as someone stood next to my float.

“Hey,” he said.  Because of course it was Kurt.

I tilted my head over and opened my eyes.  God he was even more beautiful wet.  And today he was sporting hair that was a bit longer and just starting to wave a bit, and a full mustache with heavy beard stubble.  He was a wet, sexier Tom Selleck.  Or Pete Kuzak.  It was his best look and it physically hurt me to look at him, so I closed my eyes.

“What is it, Kurt?” I sighed.  “You’ve successfully managed to suck almost all the joy in my life for the past few months.  What are you going to do for an encore?  Anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?”

He chuckled.  “That line is from the movie Clerks.  And No.  No encore.  More like a truce.”  I looked at him again.

“I was a jerk and I’m sorry,” he said with a shrug. “And I think that for today, on this last day of summer, we should just hang out and… be.  Maybe get to know each other in a different space.  What do you say?”

I thought about it for a good minute.  I mean, really thought about it.  Do I continue to be butthurt?  Or do I just say fuck it and let him off the hook?  Even though his eyes held mine again, there wasn’t the heat.  Instead they were saying “please”.  Which broke me.

I relented. “Fetch me another drink, Farm Boy, and we’ll see,” I said.

“Fetch it yourself,” he says and then proceeded to dump me off my air mattress into the pool.  I sputtered as I came up and he was laughing like a kid and smiling.  Smiling AT me.  I’d never seen him smile before, not like this.  Not directed at me.  Being on the receiving end of it was absolutely blinding. Like a million photographer flash bulbs going off.  And he had dimples, because of course he did.  Fuck me sideways.

The next couple of hours in the pool drifted by lazily.  We talked about everything and nothing.  The Clerks quote had opened things up and we chatted about favorite movies and art and just hung out.  Other guys at the party desperately wanted Kurt’s attention, but whenever they would swim up to chat, he would shift over to me.  Feeling his bulk casually brush up against my side, or his furry leg touch mine set flame to my skin.  One time he even draped his arm across my shoulders possessively and my insides melted.  Seriously turned to goo.  I slowly reciprocated and put my arm around his expansive back to his waist.  This time he didn’t smack it away.  It was the first time I was actually touching him after all these months—the heat of his tan flesh under my hand made my heart stutter.

I’d had more than a few cocktails at this point, so I was feeling giddy and buzzy, but in a really warm and delightful way.  I was also punch drunk from the attention Kurt was paying me.  Feeling cocky, I popped back onto a pool float and lay back with my hands beneath my head.

“Push me around the pool,” I jokingly command him.

“As you wish,” he replied.

Fuck me.  He did know the Princess Bride after all.  I felt his hand move from the float to my side and I felt sure that I was in for another dunking.  If that happened, I’d make him pay.  But no.  We were in the shallows of the pool and he was gently pushing me around- his large hand on my upper rib cage.  Then his hand shifted a bit, and I felt his finger on my nipple.  At first it just rested there, but instantly the entire focus of my being was concentrated on that little nub of flesh.  Then his finger lightly circled it and brushed it.  I shivered, and my cock sprang to life in my speedo.

“Looks like someone is having a good time,” said Tom cheekily, and I quickly dumped myself off the mattress and into the cool water.  I was immediately self-conscious again of being sexual in public and separated myself to the far side of the pool to get my drink.

I hear Kurt haul himself out of the water and excuse himself to the restroom.  Meanwhile my mind is racing with a million thoughts.  What was happening?  Was Kurt flirting?  Did he actually want me?  Did I WANT him to want me? What would we do?  Would we finally have sex?  My boner would NOT go down as my mind raced down alley after alley of all the things I wanted to do to Kurt’s body.

Eventually I was able to quell my visible desire and decided that I too could use a bathroom break.  I figured it was also a good time for a drink refresher too.  When I looked for Kurt to see if he wanted something from the bar, he wasn’t around.  Meh, I figured I’d just surprise him with something and I headed up to the house.

When I opened the bathroom door, I’m the one who got the surprise.

Kurt was there, leaning against the sink with his dick halfway down Tom’s throat.

I think I said something like, “Oops!  Sorry” before stumbling blindly away, tears burning my eyes.  It was like my heart had been ripped from my chest and crumpled like a ball of foil.  I couldn’t breathe.  I couldn’t form coherent thoughts.  I had to get out of there and away.  Just… away.

The next thing I remember was sitting in my car and bawling my eyes out.  I’d been duped again and let my guard down.  I was smarter than this.  And How DARE he have this much power over me!  But the truth was he did have that power and it sucked.  He’d hurt me again.  And the really fucked up thing was, I would probably continue to let him because I was just that pathetic.

I felt the passenger side open up and someone crawl in.  I figured it was Tom, come to apologize.

“You know, Tom?  Bathroom doors come with locks for a reason.  Mainly so your EX-best friend doesn’t stumble in on you sucking off the love of his life,” I said with as much venom as I could muster.

“It’s not Tom… it’s me.”  Because of course it was him.  And suddenly a switch flipped and I was furious.

“Get.  The fuck.  Out of my car,” I said dangerously.  “Seriously.  Get out.  Get OUT!  Fuck you, fucking dick!  Did you come to gloat?  To Rub it in?  Fuck you and your mixed messages.  Fuck you for messing with me.  Is this a fucking game to you?  Is this FUN?  Tormenting me?  Teasing me and then gutting me to the core?  Is THAT what gets you off you sadistic FUCK!”

“No, this isn’t a game.  And this isn’t what gets me off,” he said quietly.

“Then what is it?  What the FUCK is going on between us?  Why would you come at me with your ‘lets just be’ B.S.?  Then proceed to tease me all day?  You aren’t blind or stupid—you KNOW what you do to me!  You KNOW how I feel about you.  You toyed with me deliberately only to go off and fuck Tom’s mouth!”

“I didn’t do it deliberately, I honestly just wanted to try to befriend you today,” he mumbled.  “And I didn’t go off to fuck Tom’s mouth.  He busted in on me jacking off in the bathroom and he just dropped and started sucking.  I… I wasn’t thinking clearly at that point…I should’ve stopped him, but….”

“But??  BUT WHAT??  Any hole will do, is that it?  Anyone’s but MINE?”  I shot back.

“I… I just really needed… I needed to get off, ok?”

“You needed to get off.  AT the pool party.  Because it couldn’t wait until you got home?” I said incredulously.  “Seriously.  It couldn’t wait?”

“No, it couldn’t wait!” Kurt was becoming visibly agitated and upset now.

“Why the fuck not?  Seriously, who just jacks off randomly at a party?”

“I was doing it to protect you!” he said, his voice escalating in volume.

“Protecting me?  From whom?  Tom??  You thought you’d protect me from Tom’s mouth by FUCKING IT?!?”  I shouted back.

“I WAS PROTECTING YOU FROM ME, GODDAMNIT!”

All the air seemed to go out of the car, and Kurt was shaking.

My anger dissipated quickly and my intuition was telling me something important was happening.  I turned to Kurt and just looked at him— patiently waiting for some sort of explanation.  Kurt wouldn’t look back.  He just looked at his hands as he gripped the dashboard.  He took a deep, shuddering breath and began.

“I was protecting you from me.  Being near you today?  I thought I could handle it.  I saw the way you looked at me at the sex party.  How hurt you were and it gutted me.  I told myself never again.  So when you showed up today, I thought to myself, Kurt?  Here’s your opportunity.  Here’s your chance to make amends and maybe not be such an asshole.  I really thought the best protection for you might be if I were a buddy, you know?  Just a buddy who could look out for you and protect you.  I thought I could handle it.

But christ.  Being near you today?  Seeing your body?  Joking around and hearing you laugh?  Touching you?  It made me fucking crazy- like I wanted to jump right out of my skin.  I tried to tamp it down, God I tried.  To just be a normal guy and not… not think with my prick.  But you look so goddamn much like him and I couldn’t control myself and my dark thoughts started spinning out of control and I had to stop them.  Stop myself.

So I went to the bathroom to jack off.  To relieve the sexual pressure so that I could maybe go back to just being a nice guy and maybe a friend.  If I could just cum it might be enough to get through being near you the rest of the afternoon.  But I didn’t lock the fucking door and Tom came in and he just… started sucking… and I just really needed the release or else I was going to do something I would regret so I just let him keep sucking even though I should have stopped him.  I know I should have stopped him!  It wasn’t his mouth I wanted. But when my demons are released it’s like trying to stop a freight train and then you walked in and everything went to fucking hell ….”

Kurt still hadn’t looked at me.  And he still hadn’t answered the big question.

“Kurt,” I said gently. “Why do you feel you need to protect me from yourself?  I’m a big boy- maybe not in stature- but I can make my own decisions.  I’ve wanted you to fuck me for a long time.”

“Oh you can’t say that!  PLEASE don’t say that!” he cried.  And tears started to flow from his eyes.

“Why not?  It’s the truth.  I want you like I’ve never wanted any other man before.  You electrify me in a way that nobody ever has,” I said as I reached out to touch his leg. He flinched and looked up at me, stricken.

“Electrify? As in Charge??  HA!”  He laughed mirthlessly as his body was wracked with sobs.

“I’m HIV positive,” he finally whispered.  “But it’s more than that.  Much more.  I’m sick.  Not HIV sick, but sick in my very soul.  I have a darkness in me.  A twisted desire to infect other guys with HIV.  You asked what gets me off?  THAT gets me off.  The thought of infecting guys makes my dick hard!  Christ!  I’m getting hard right now just talking about it and I’m fucking bawling while I bare by soul to you! How fucked up is that?”

There was a pregnant pause as he took a deep breath.  “And how sick is it that I want to infect you so you’ll be mine forever?”  It was barely audible, but I heard it.

“Kurt…” I started.

“His name was Bo.  Love of my life.  I was fairly newly poz when we met, and he wasn’t.  But we were determined to make it work.  I loved him and He knew me, REALLY knew me.  Knew my darkness.  Knew my fetishes and kinks.  My demons.  And he loved me anyway.  He loved me so much that he begged for me to knock him up.  To infect him so we would always be together.  I railed against the idea for a long time, and we were always so careful.  SO careful!  I needed him healthy and whole.  But he wore me down. He said he was ready.  He PROMISED me he was.  That he could handle it and he wanted it and he wanted it from ME. He even told me that he would go get pozzed up from someone else, just to be done with it all.

So finally I relented.  I let the demons out and I did it.  I fucking did it.  It took on the first try too, because I’m fertile.  And I gotta tell you, man was it hot.  It was so goddamn hot doing it.  I loved every fucking second and being the one to make him poz.  Fuck, it blew my mind.  When I bred him that night it was like all my love emptied into him too.

Only he lied to me.  He wasn’t ready for it.  His family found out and they disowned him.  Some of his friends turned on him and called him a fool for not being safe and stupid for being with me.  They abandoned him.  His conservative job found out and canned him.  He lost health insurance.  It was all so messed up.  But I thought we were working through it all ok.  We had each other and I loved him and that was enough right?  But he got depressed. Really depressed.

I came home one day… I came home…and… I’m the one who found him.”  Kurt had tears just streaming down his face now- cathartically releasing all the pent up emotions that must have been eating away at him.  “Bo is dead because of me.  The love of my life died because I can’t control my sick desires.  I was weak and he is dead.  And I vowed never again.  Not with someone that I care about. And then you walk into a bar bathroom, the spitting image…”

“But Kurt, we can still do stuff.  Be intimate.  All this doesn’t make me want you less, if anything I want you more now.  We can be safe….” I offered.

“Safe?  With me there IS no ‘safe’.  You’ve seen me in action, when I’m amped up.  I’m a fucking pig with a big cock and a bigger sex drive.  Once the demons are loose, there’s no stopping them.  You say “safe” but you don’t understand.  You don’t KNOW.  I’m telling you even now sitting here, after all this, I still want to infect you.  I see you and I am overcome with desire.  I want you so badly that I can’t focus.  You are so beautiful and sexy and I want nothing more than to tear up that meaty little ass of yours.  I want to fuck you so hard you bleed.  I want to fuck you until your spine cracks and your spleen is bruised.  I want you whimpering as I cum so deep inside that it will never come out.  And then I want to do it again and again and again until you convert.  Then we’ll be a matched pair and I’ll own you for life.  You say ‘safe’.  How do you think you’ll be safe with me?  I’m way bigger than you.  You don’t stand a chance. Don’t ask me to pull out, because I won’t.  You think you’ll be safe if I use a condom?  Don’t you think that at some point my dark side will win and I’ll sabotage the rubber so my seed leaks into you?  Or I sneak it off and stealth you?  Or drug you and then rape my poz load into your ass?  God, my cock is hard right now just talking about it!

With me there IS no such thing as safe, don’t you see?  That’s why I’m telling you all this.  That’s why I let Tom suck me.  That’s why I pushed you away at the sex party.  That’s why I pretended not to know you at the bar even though I wanted nothing more than to ditch that other guy and take you back to my place to destroy you. That’s why I sprinted home that first time at the bar.  It’s me… protecting you… from me.  Before I can’t control myself and it’s too late.”

We sat quietly in my car, the only sound an occasional sniffle from him as we sat amid the enormity of everything he just unloaded. My mind was reeling from his revelations and his stark honesty.  There was so much conflict going on inside me.  My feelings for him.  My attraction.  His status.  His dark fetish.  His struggle.  But above it all, just being in the car with him had me vibrating.  My guts were a knot and…

And suddenly, I was calm.  In a moment of clarity, I knew what I was going to do.

Kurt spoke again, dejectedly.  “I know this was… a lot.  And I’m sorry.  I truly am sorry.  Please understand that I think you are so… so beautiful.  But you deserved to know.  And now maybe you’ll understand I can’t see you again.”  His hand moved to the door handle. Before he could make another move, I launched myself at him, grabbed his face, and kissed him.

I wish I could say it was one of those beautiful, perfect moviestar kisses—it wasn’t.  He’d been crying.  I’d been crying.  There were residual tears and snot.  I came in too hot and our teeth sort of clacked together.  It wasn’t pretty.

But it was also fucking hot as hell.

It started off with me ramming against him and him sort of yelping as I startled him.   His body was tensed like a clock spring. I kept our lips pressed together unmoving- waiting to see what he was going to do.  Suddenly the fight seemed to go out of him and he relaxed.  Then our kiss morphed into a gentle “I see you, Jake Sully” kiss.  And then it deepened, and turned more urgent until we were two horny teenagers making out in a car.  And I gotta say—the stache and stubble combo?  Holy fuck.  Feeling his stubble rake across my jaw lit me on fire. Kissing Kurt in this moment was the most intimate, most sexual thing I think I’d ever done with another man in my life.  It also felt I was kissing a brewing storm… and I never wanted to stop.

As my hands wandered down to his straining groin, he suddenly stopped and pushed me away.  “Fuck, this is what I was afraid of!  I am barely hanging on, here.  We have to stop.”

“Have you heard of PReP,” I asked him breathlessly.

“Sure,” he nods.

“Well, I’m on it.  And I triple dog dare you to try to get me pregnant, Kurt.”  He closed his eyes then.

“Drive,” he commanded as he fastened his seat belt.

* *

We drove to his condo in a blur.  I drove fast, but not so fast as to get a speeding ticket (or DUI).  He wanted to fuck me at his place because it was set up with everything that we would need.  I honestly don’t remember getting from the parking garage to his unit.  Once parked we were on each other again with reckless abandon.  We managed to get out of the car, but he pushed me up against it- his hands all over my body.  He ended up going down on me as I leaned against the car- my synapses shorting out as I felt his mouth take me inside. Then I tried to return the favor, but the 0 gauge PA kept clattering against my teeth which really bothered me.  We stopped so he could unscrew a ball and take it out for me.

I sucked his dick briefly in the elevator- I didn’t care if there were security cameras.  Let them fucking watch me service this god’s dick! I just needed to feel him in my mouth.  His dick is fucking enormous.  Two and a half hands worth and my fingers didn’t touch around it.  Big fucking head like a pit viper.  He probably was going to fuck me in half with it, and I was beyond ready to surrender to it.

Eventually we got to his condo and he had me go prep using his shower shot while he got the place ready for me.  I did as I was told and made sure to spend a little extra time, as I knew he would be going extra deep.

I stepped out of the bathroom into a dimly lit scene.  “Come here,” I heard him say in his deep, sex voice.  My feet were instantly compelled forward to the bedroom.  He had a blood red light bulb in the bedside lamp, to set the mood.  He had a sling set up, suspended in one corner from eye bolts in the ceiling.  One of the walls had a large mirror there so you would be able to watch yourself during, were you so inclined.  And the wall opposite the foot of the king sized bed had a 60” TV mounted on an articulating arm, so porn could be watched at any time.  And he had filthy porn playing—lots of biohazard symbols everywhere.

As I stepped into his den of iniquity, our eyes met and he said, “Last chance, bud.  Or abandon all hope.”

I walked up to him, staring deeply into his eyes.  I feel that familiar sex trance coming on and this time I welcomed it fully.  With that all my inhibitions fell away and I felt free.  I knew Kurt wouldn’t judge me and anything was on the table.  I chose my next words deliberately.  “So, that guy that you were talking with that night at the bar when you pretended not to know me?  Did you poz him?”

I saw Kurt’s nostrils flare as his eyes glittered in the red light.  “Yes.  Yes I did.”

“Tell me,” I say.

“What’s to tell?  He was a dumb fucking bug chaser.  I found him on BBRT and told him I could help him out.  He met me at the bar after work.  I brought him here and gave him what he wanted.”

“And what he wanted was your toxic seed.  Did it take?” I asked.  I knew my questions were goading Kurt on and getting his demons going.

“Oh yeah.  I told you—I’m fertile.  He called me two weeks later to tell me he got the fuck flu.  He was so happy.”

“And was it a good fuck?  Did you enjoy breeding him?  Did it satisfy you?” I asked.

“It was ok.  He’d been chasing for awhile but everyone’s pretty well controlled these days so infections are rare. And he really wanted it so it didn’t feel like much of a challenge.  It’s sort of hotter when the guy doesn’t want it, or doesn’t know he wants it.”

Kurt’s cock was so hard at this.  That’s when I noticed he’d changed his PA.  The one in now was a curved barbell of sorts, but there were conical spikes screwed onto the ends.  Kind of like what you’d see on a dog’s collar.

I reached down and fingered it lightly.  His cock jumped at my touch.  “Is this your weapon of choice for my guts tonight?” I asked.

“You triple dog dared me to get you pregnant.  I aim to keep my record intact,” he growled.

“So, about a month before I ran into you at the bar, Charlie told me he’d seen you with some random guy from out of town and that you’d left with him.  You get him pregnant, too?”

Kurt chuckled.  “You keeping tabs on me?” he asked.

“Just some light stalking.  You know I’m obsessed with you.”

Kurt reaches up and starts lightly stroking my nipples.  My nipples are hard wired and with his touch, bolts of electricity coursed through me and made my dick jump.

“I honestly don’t know if I got him pregnant or not- it’s definitely possible since I gave him a double dose.  I may get a two-fer if his wife pops poz too.”

“Fuck, really?” I asked.  Even though I had started out as just playing a role to turn Kurt on, hearing him talk this way was getting me very turned on.  Was I a secret chaser?  Or was I just some sex pig that had finally found someone to help me realize my true self?”

“Yeah.  The guy was in town on a business trip.  Married.  To a woman.  He was at the bar because he was bi-curious, the stupid fucker.  Had cheated on his wife a few times with guys but only bottomed twice before.  Such an easy pickup!  He took me back to his hotel room so I could be his third time.  Man, he was definitely not prepared for my cock.  He cried while I fucked him.”

“And you got him to risk it and go bareback?” I asked, definitely curious at this point.

“Not at first.  He insisted on a condom because he was ‘married’. But I deliberately didn’t use enough lube.  I wanted to rough him up a bit and also possibly have the condom pop.  That happens sometimes due to my size and my… vigor.  Whoops.” He grinned and I had to laugh at the way he said it.

“Unfortunately, the condom held, but he was really crying and it was tearing up his ass something fierce because fuck he was tight, so I told him it would feel better skin to skin.  I had him take a hit of poppers, stripped off the condom, lubed up, and slid right back in.

“I stealthed him quick before he came to his senses. And then kept going to make sure I massaged that load into him.  As I was working up load 2 he did ask me not to cum in him.  I said ‘Why change things now?’ and shot a second load deep.  That’s when he kind of freaked out a bit and kicked me out of his hotel room.”

“Was this a good fuck?” I asked, as I moved behind him and knelt to tongue his butthole.  As soon as I made contact in his furry crack, I went into overdrive.  He moaned.

“Fuck yeah!  There’s nothing better than breeding a married “straight” guy.  I love it when the guy struggles to take my cock.  I like it when they cry too- feels more like rape, even though they never ask me to stop.  And I love sending them on their way with my little gift.  Their cheating asses are getting what they deserve.  Plus it’s hot thinking that they might pass it on to their wives or to some other guys along their path of sexual discovery.”

“I have a question for you,” I say, pausing in my rimming.  “At the sex party, why didn’t you just let that guy fuck me and breed me?  Maybe I would have popped poz and all this conflict would have gone away.”  Then I dove back into his perfect ass.

“I thought I already answered that.  I needed to be the one to do it so that you’re mine forever.  I couldn’t let some other guy have that honor.  Not with you.  Especially when I could stop it.  Do you know how many poz guys I chased away from your hole that night?  At least 5.  The last guy was definitely toxic, although you would have liked his dick.”

I stopped rimming him and stood up.  I stood on tip toes and whispered into his ear.  “I think it’s time for you to impregnate me.  Give me my first dirty dick.”

Kurt kissed me fiercely then.  It wasn’t like the first one in the car, or even the parking garage—this WAS a Hollywood kiss.  Longing and long-denied desire pouring out in a flood between us.  I’ve never been kissed like that by anyone before—or since.  All I knew was that my mind was fried and I was complete his now and forever and all I could think was “dick dick dick… in in in…. now now now… “.

He picked me up deftly, and placed me into the sling.  My feet were placed in the stirrups and cinched in snugly.  He looked down on me with unbridled lust, and I’m sure I looked back with equal amounts.  He bared his teeth and chuckled menacingly.

“You stupid fucker.  Your ass is mine now.  I’m gonna give you my AIDS.”

“Stop talking and fucking do it already,” I goaded.

He let out a fierce growl and lubed up his dick.  Then he lubed up my hole, making sure to roughly finger the lube into me.  Then I felt his cock head and the sharp PA resting against my pucker.  I sucked in a sharp breath in anticipation.

He tossed me some spray poppers and a cloth.  “Here, you might want to try these.  I’ll do you a solid and wait until you’re flying.”

“I want you to know something,” I said as I uncapped the spray can.  “I’m not going to be like that businessman.  I’m not going to cry.  I’m not going to beg for you not to cum in me.  I’m not as innocent as I seem and I don’t need your mercy.  I’m tough.  And I’m a greedy fucking bottom who lusts for big cock.  I need this.  I need YOU.  I think I’ve needed you my whole life.  And my body is yours to destroy as you see fit.”

I hit the spray poppers and soon my head fuzzed and everything got warm and tingly.  I felt a sharp pinch as he entered me, and then discomfort as his girth slowly slid inside.

I figured Kurt was just going to fucking pound me until I passed out, but no.  He slow fucked me.  He worked his enormous tool back and forth inside me, stopping when it started nudging my second ring and then sliding languorously back out.  A couple times he pulled all the way out with a sharp plop (which I admit stung a bit) before pushing slowly back inside.

I’m not gonna lie, what he was doing was feeling fucking incredible.  So much cock was in me and I felt so stretched!  But there was also the added sensation of the metal dragging in my guts.  And then there was his gaze.  I could almost taste his lust.

“I thought you were going to fuck me,” I growled.

“Patience, young padawan,” he said.  “I’m just tilling the soil for my seed.  There’s a method to my madness, you’ll see.  I can’t just ram you with this particular PA in.  It’s kind of uncomfortable for me and the cones tend to come loose.  One time I lost the whole thing inside a dude’s shitter- now that was interesting breeding session.  Also, I’ve been cautioned by the piercer that with my size, this type could get caught deep in your colon and hook us together in a rather compromising position.  And that wouldn’t be very much fun now, would it?”  I shook my head.

“Plus we can’t risk damaging that beautiful baby-maker you got,” I agreed.

“You like it?” he says cockily as he flexed it inside me causing me to gasp.

“It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever taken and its going to ruin me forever for all other cock,” I told him quite sincerely.

“Oh, its’ going to ruin you all right.”  He grinned wickedly.

He popped out again, and started removing the PA. “You should be good and scraped up now.  Plenty of places for my seed to latch,” he said matter of factly.  “And now the real fucking begins.”  He relubed and I hit the spray poppers again, just in time to get fuzzy before his onslaught.

I know everyone is now expecting a merciless rape of the sabine women scene, but it wasn’t like that.  He was definitely all about taking his pleasure, but not at the expense of mine.  He re-entered me fairly slowly and when his dick came to my second ring, he patiently worked me open until he could get all the way inside.  Then he short stroked himself deep in there in order to make sure I was good and open for his dick before he started giving it all to me with force. And for me?  Nobody had ever fucked me this deep before.  And definitely nobody that I was so in tune with.  I literally don’t remember some of the fuck once he got going, because I was riding wave after blissful wave.  I was having anal/full body orgasms left and right from the way his cock was hitting inside me.  I’m pretty sure I was making loud, guttural noises and probably scaring his neighbors.

I honestly don’t know how long he had been fucking me before I regained my voice.  20 minutes?  2 hours?  It was all a blur.  But he was buried in me and grinding when I decided to ask for more.

“Kurt?  Will you put in the big PA for me?  The 0 gauge that you had in the night we met?  I’ve never been fucked by one and I need to feel it.”

“You sure?  Because it will probably bruise your sigmoid colon a bit,” he said with a touch of concern.

“Yeah, I’m sure.  I wanna be able to feel you inside me for days after this fuck.”

He pulled out slowly and went to his dresser.  This was a captive bead PA and he had bought the special tool for popping the ball in and out.  With an audible snap, I knew it was in and that I’d soon be feeling it.

“This is more than I could have hoped for,” he said during the lull in our fucking. “You’re taking me like a champ, and I’ve already been leaking tons of precum into your cunt.  This is the hottest sex I’ve ever had and you’re helping me edge up one massive load.  You’re so getting infected.  I don’t care if you are on Prep—it’s not going to be able to save you after this.”

“Promises, Promises,” I joked.  “Now, play with my nipples as you enter me and get ready to see stars.”

It took a bit to get the 0 gauge in me, but in me it went.  All the way in me.  And yeah, I felt it.  The heavy weight of it moving inside me as he thrust into me.  The pleasure pain as he drove that ring and ball repeatedly into my second ring.

He did work my nipples as he fucked me now, and my hole went crazy on his dick.  This set up a steady litany of accolades from him, where extolling my virtues as a professional bottom cock pig.  I could tell we were nearing the finale at this point, and truthfully I wasn’t exactly sure how much more my guts could take.  Poppers were failing to dull the pain he was punching into me now.

“Look at me Kurt,” I commanded.  And our eyes locked one last time.

“I… I’m pretty sure I love you,” I stammered while staring intently at him.  “It was love at first sight.  From that first moment our eyes met in the bathroom, I knew.  I just… knew.”  Kurt was fucking me hard now.

“It was inevitable.  We were always going to end up here, right here.  With you trying to knock me up.  Because this connection of ours would not be denied.”  His hands were fiercely gripping my hips and he was literally throwing my ass onto his dick.  His groin slamming into me with abandon with smacks echoing off the concrete walls in his condo.

“You know how much I love you, Kurt?” I grunted out between thrusts.

“No.  Tell me,” he ground out.

“You know how I told you I was on PrEP?”  I said, through gritted teeth.  “I lied.”

He came in me then.  With a guttural moan that was somewhere between triumph and anguish, he came.  Deeply.  And hard.  He was planted all the way up inside me when he launched volley after volley after volley of his charged semen into me.  And I felt it.  Not just the throbbing of his cock up inside me where no man had ever been, but I felt his cum.  I felt the shots hit inside.  The wet heat.  All of it.  And somewhere during his orgasm I had my own.  My own prodigious load shot everywhere.  I felt it hit my face, but it painted me from chin to navel.

When he finally stopped cumming (like 2 minutes later, his cock still up in my second ring), he looked down at me with something that looked like sadness in his face.  “Is it true?” He asked.

“Is it true that I love you?” I said, playing dumb.  “Absolutely.  I’ve been head over heels for you for months.  Since I first saw you.”

“No, I mean… the PrEP thing.  Is it… true?”

I looked at him and shrugged. “Yeah, it’s true.  I’m not on it.  Never was.”

Kurt started breathing rapidly and he started to shake a bit.  “Oh god.  You LIED to me!  No no no!  Fuck!  This is going to be Bo all over again!  I can’t handle that.  Fuck, what have I done? Oh god, I never should have…”

“Hey!” I snapped, and Kurt stopped.

“You didn’t do this.  I did.  I chose.  I decided that I wanted you to own me forever, so I let this happen.  No.  I MADE this happen.  And if I had changed my mind, I would have stopped it.  It *is* possible to stop Mr. Ferris Buehler, you know.”

This elicited a small smile from him.

“I’m sorry I lied to you.  I won’t do it again.  Ever.  I promise.”  I looked deeply at him so he could see my earnestness. “Ever.  And although I look like him, I’m not him.  You gotta trust me on this.”  He nodded.

I was still on my back in the sling and he was still in me at this point, and my load was starting to run everywhere.  So, I scooped up what I could from by chest and belly and held it out to him.

“If your fertileness is to be believed, this is my last neg load.  Take it,” I said.

“It’s always the Clark Kent types,” he said with a snort.  And without breaking eye contact, he lowered his head to my hand and lapped up my cum.  Then he held my hand while he slowly sucked each of my fingers clean.

“How’s it taste, big guy?”

The corners of his mouth twitched a bit before answering.  “Positively delicious.”

“OH MY GOD YOU DID NOT!” I guffawed.

“What?” he shrugged. “If you can quote cheesy movie lines to me, then I’m gonna make puns so bad they’ll give you AIDS.” And then he smiled at me.  And it was blinding.

* *

After our breeding session, he carefully removed my feet from the stirrups and I wrapped my legs around him tightly.  Determined to keep him planted inside me forever.  He lifted me out of the sling (with my help) and we maneuvered to his bed.  With much shuffling and grunting, we managed to scooch all the way up, until I had a pillow under my head, and he was laying with most of his weight on top of me.  We kissed slowly and deeply like this for a long time.

As we were resting (he was STILL in me, although my hips were starting to cramp at this point), I started thinking about a positional change.  “Hey, when do I get to fuck you?” I asked.

“I don’t get fucked, I fuck.” He stated. “Although if I were to get fucked, it would be you.  You seem to know what you’re doing.”

“And you seemed to enjoy watching me fuck those guys,” I said.

“I enjoyed MAKING you fuck those guys.  There’s a difference.  Although I’m sure they liked it.   A hot fucker like you dicking them down?  Plus you got a pretty good dick on ya for a little guy.  Not as good as mine but….” I smacked him and he playfully said “ow”.  He chuckled while I made my hole dance on his dick a few times.  I grabbed his face and looked at him.

“You know, I think I’ve always been a pig. Or more accurately a pig-in-waiting.  I was just so focused on being the good boy that everyone wanted me to be.  Always so tentative.  Afraid to cut loose. I guess I was in some pretty deep denial.  Until you.  Then it was all ‘Suuuuper Piiiiig’.  I guess that makes you my phone booth.”

“What’s a ‘phone booth’?” he asked in mock seriousness.

It was right after this that I was brought up short by a sudden and paralyzing thought.  Once again, my insecurities were rearing their ugly head, and my mind started running unchecked down dark alleys.  “Kurt… if you do manage to seroconvert me, is that it then?  Party’s over?  You move on to another hole and we just become buddies that wave to each other at the clinic or…” my voice trailed off, suddenly fearful.

He looked at me like I was an idiot and shook his head.  “God I love pozzing up stupid guys! Mwa-ha-ha-ha!” a said with a fakey, evil laugh.  Then his face got serious.  “Weren’t you listening, silly?  I said I wanted to poz you so that I would own you forever.  Forever doesn’t mean for the two weeks of daily breeding until you get the fuck flu.”  This time it was my turn to nod that I understood.

“Daily breeding, you say?” I said, slowly cocking an eyebrow.

“With an ass like yours?  At least,” he growled as he snuggled into my neck.

“Oh!  I just had another thought,” I said cheerfully.

“Oh god.  Is *this* how it’s going to be with you?  You ‘thinking’ all the time, asking dumb questions and interrupting snuggies?” he smirked.

“Oh, I think you’ll like this one.  So, once I pop poz and before I go on meds, how would you like to watch me knock up some guys?  I’m thinking maybe like a nice, dumb 18 year old high school jock.  Get him good and pregnant before his college career?”

“Am I answering your question?” he asked, as his cock rapidly started swelling in my soon to be destroyed (again) ass.  And then we kissed.

And five very positive years later, we’re still kissing.

[EricX]

Another great story. 

[GIVEMESEED1974]

Ho. Lee. FUCK that’s a hot story. 

[OFfenesLoch]

"kissing" is a nice end to a great story! Thanks!

[seattlebbbtm]

A new BZ classic

[negchaserlooking]

Holy shit - fucking awesome story @Spermpig. 

[Guest WelshBBCigarFuck]

That was very hot and a great story

[BBArchangel]

This is a terrific story! I love seeing the protagonist convert by choice rather than being drugged or raped.

[kitpig]

Awesome story - loved it!

[plisken]

WOW what a hot long-read - worth every minute of reading

[viking8x6]

Absolutely terrific! This one definitely goes to 11.

 

[pozpopperpig]

Fucking brilliant!  Loved every word of it!

[billy88666]

An Epic Tale, beautifully crafted. I loved it !

[RealCute]

Great story... It was a long read for me but i just could not stop.

Loved it

[haireebear]

I love a good Love Story.    It was so good, it was better than Sleepless in Seattle.