The exclusion of older bottom

[Guest]

Is it only me who sees this huge problem in the gay community?

Young top is a hot stud and is wanted by many, older top is a "daddy" and is maybe even more wanted than before, young bottom is a twink and all tops lust after him... But older bottom? I feel like no one wants an older bottom. It is so common to see in a top's profile "only younger", "only under 35", "only twinks" etc. I very rarely see "only older bottoms", "only over 35" etc on a top's profile on dating apps. When someone says a "daddy" the implication is that they are a top, as if an older man cannot (or should not) be a bottom.

Especially in the kink community it is even worse. Though ageplay and Master/slave are very different things, on dating apps the way people put it is "Dom daddy". I have never seen "sub daddy" as a phrase.

I feel like the gay community think bottoming, at least being an exclusive bottom, is a phase, and when you become a grown adult you need to snap out of it and start topping. Otherwise you are doomed, both sexually and romantically. There's even a very popular gay forum article you can easily google and find  suggesting there should be an age limit to bottoming, with people saying an over 35 exclusively bottom gay is basically fooling themselves. It is easily seen on this platform too. "Barely legal", "twink" cumdumps are popular, not grown man bottoms. Many breeders only want a twink, or someone under 35, or at least younger than them.

Not being cocky, but I'm not really a bad looking guy. But more and more often I'm being rejected simply because of my age. Sometimes when a guy is very clearly into me, as soon as he learns my age he loses interest. A few times they even said so to my face that it is the reason even though one minute ago they were ready to eat me alive.

This completely unfair and opposite effect aging has over a top and a bottom really upsets me. I want to hear what others think? Share your thoughts please.

[Guest]

Which I saw what I find too. Young tops think we older bottoms should pay for them to fuck us. Perhaps they should pay us for our experienced asses.  Ironically, within age and diabetes or vascular disease, many tops can’t get or maintain erections and may end up as bottoms. That’s karma.  

[Loveitraw]

I think there is definitely elements of this throughout the scene. I've met a few tops who are surprised to find out I'm mid forties (Lucky I guess). But it goes both ways, I personally have little interest in tops who are much younger than me as I have found the experience to be, typically, less than satisfying.

That said, in a casual hook up or sauna scenario I absolutely don't discriminate and I don't specify an age on my profiles because there are always good surprises out there. I will always pass on guys who emphatically state "no one over xxx" or "no older than xxx" because I won't fuck with guys who, based on their own criteria, wouldn't fuck themselves.

 

[Brianbttm]

I'm 44, in pretty good shape and work out regularly trying to muscle up to be considered a muscled bttm. I travel a lot with work and usually prefer anon ass up face down with blindfold at the hotel and refuse condoms.  Ironically I get fucked by more 20-30 yr olds. I have two 20yr olds that have fucked me dozens of times anonymously.  I don't consider myself a daddy although I have had some younger guys call me that.  Most younger guys especially college guys like the anon fuck and go scene. Some may not be out and just looking to get off without being seen. Plus they avoid the hassle of dealing with some of the picky younger guys. Another thing is some younger tops especially hung ones get tired of younger guys not being able to take their hung dicks and are open to some older bottoms that are experienced and can take them.

Staying in the same areas and hotels traveling I have some regulars that are younger.  Right now the two 20 yr olds, a 22 yr old, 32 and 34 yr old have been fucking me regularly.  The guy in the header pic fucking me was a 21 yr old  college guy that fucked me somewhat regularly until he graduated and moved. True to what you said I do get rejected at times from younger guys. I think it's how you try to start the conversation with them and not sound old. If just looking to get fucked, don't try to project that you're looking for relationship. 

Tip to avoid being asked for money: put "not generous" on your profile to help weed them out.  

 

Edited January 16, 2022 by Brianbttm

[BootmanLA]

FWIW, this is a widespread and widely known phenomenon/issue in the gay community.

Part of the problem is plain old ageism: anyone over a certain age is considered generally disfavored for sex. Tops get more of a pass because there are so many fewer tops than bottoms, so the "Daddy" top gets attention far later in life than a Daddy bottom.

And that's not always true in every city, of course; certain places where there are lots of older gays (and where it's often too expensive for lots of younger gays to live on their own) have a more balanced approach - the tops are still busier, but they're less able to get hordes of sub-30 guys eager to get fucked regularly.

The flip side is the college town, where every year thousands of young people move in, including a significant number of LGBT youth, and it's bottom city. 

[Spunkinmyarse]

I think a lot of this has to do with subconscious power play in the top/bottom dynamic.  Tops are supposed to be the dominant partner, and in general it’s easier to dominate guys who are younger, less experienced than yourself.  So lazy or not very confident tops will naturally gravitate towards younger bottoms rather than taking on the challenge of dominating an older bottom.  The ones who specify ‘no over 30’  or whatever generally fall into this category, and should be avoided at all costs.

The flip side of this is that there are many confident tops in their 20’s or early 30’s who positively enjoy the challenge of dominating an older daddy, and that’s the reason why older bottoms will often attract more tops from this younger age group than from their own.

I think the trick to attracting this better class of top is to be confident in your own manner: don’t overplay the sub thing, let them think they are breaking you down with their irresistible charm and cunning.  A simpering 40- or 50 year old bottom is a bad look: no-one wants to fuck that, where’s the challenge?  Be cocky, be forward, be confident.

Of course, there will always be those who really do have a visceral aversion to older guys.  You can spot them quite easily: they’re the ones who in sex clubs and saunas will go to bizarre lengths not to even see you.  There’s nothing you can do about that, but the good news is that they are quite a small minority, maybe 10-20 percent?

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, flexbtm said:

Young tops think we older bottoms should pay for them to fuck us. Perhaps they should pay us for our experienced asses.

It doesn't help that some men do pay, and thus encourage this behavior. When I host, I get hit up by one of these dudes as often as not. It makes me laugh. I'm 55 years old and I certainly don't have to pay someone to get fucked. I just put myself out there, hoist my ass in the air, and wait. They come.

Him: You generous?

Me: I'm only generous with my ass, but you can have as much of that as you want.

Without a doubt, older bottoms are not most men's first pick, but they are some men's first pick; and they are other men's second pick; and they are still other men's last resort when all else fails. The question is, is the bottom still going to be there to take the cock, or has he given up and gone home too soon? Has he been too picky in his own way? Has he failed to adjust his own expectations to the reality of his situation?

If you can't fuck the one you want, fuck the one you're with. 

[BootmanLA]

6 minutes ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

The flip side of this is that there are many confident tops in their 20’s or early 30’s who positively enjoy the challenge of dominating an older daddy, and that’s the reason why older bottoms will often attract more tops from this younger age group than from their own.

I'd replace "many" in that first sentence with "a few". Seriously. I don't think there is any place on this planet with "many" confident young tops who "positively enjoy the challenge" you describe. If so, that place's location is the best-kept secret on earth.

[ErosWired]

7 minutes ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

A simpering 40- or 50 year old bottom is a bad look

This bears repeating. It's cringe-y.

[Spunkinmyarse]

Let’s compromise: what about ‘quite a lot’?

[ronnie4u]

Curious - Older Bottoms - love to hear the times a experienced bottom introduced a straight , young , male to his pussy cunt hole !  Was the Top drinking or poppers - porno - your Top helping - keeping a limp dick hard - telling him sticking it in the cunt hole -  encourage him the next several days of blow jobs - getting a straight male used to being used ?

[Brianbttm]

1 minute ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

Let’s compromise: what about ‘quite a lot’?

I have to agree with you on that point.  The younger 20 yr olds are usually very horny and are looking for someone that can keep up with their high sex drives. I've had some complain that younger bttms can't take their larger cocks and can't take a pounding.

Seeming to be old and creepy would be a turn off.

[Spunkinmyarse]

Perhaps these younger tops also respond well to the straightforwardness of us older bottoms.  We tend to forget that for most of us it takes years to grow to a point where we know exactly what we want sexually.  I wasn’t like this in my 20’s: I didn’t know what I wanted.  For tops in their 20’s it must be very refreshing to deal with bottoms who know exactly what they want and have no hang-ups about it.

[DarkroomTaker]

Gotta say from my experience that I have had quite a few younger Tops, but not from sites. But a lot of these Younger Tops are Pakistani, European and Asian. A Few British Younger tops can be quite picky and tbh Rude.

But I feel, that a fuck it approach is best placed, move along the bus if not interested, always someone else interested. If you think about it too deeply it can affect your confidence and opportunities.

[ronnie4u]

5 minutes ago, Spunkinmyarse said:

Perhaps these younger tops also respond well to the straightforwardness of us older bottoms.  We tend to forget that for most of us it takes years to grow to a point where we know exactly what we want sexually.  I wasn’t like this in my 20’s: I didn’t know what I wanted.  For tops in their 20’s it must be very refreshing to deal with bottoms who know exactly what they want and have no hang-ups about it.

I thought it was Wonderful older bottoms knew what they want - even been at my favorite bar -  having married couples coming on to me - the married female - going back at their place - fucking her - he husband shoving his dick in my mouth - had to sucking him off ! ( we became friends - fucking her later on ! }