heteronormative notions

[BootmanLA]

53 minutes ago, Baretop4ever said:

And it’s up to no one to question or place it in a moral position if he hasn’t been in our shoes. And it’s up to no one to shame anyone for it. Especially if we have already embraced and owned it.

I agree.  However, as we often see here, that judgment flows in both directions. There are people who look down on those who seek out lots of casual sex, sure. But there are also a lot of people *on this very site* who loudly trumpet that it's "natural" to want to spread seed far and wide and look down on anyone who wishes to be more restrictive in his play.

Let's not pretend EITHER side has the moral high ground.

[Baretop4ever]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

I agree.  However, as we often see here, that judgment flows in both directions. There are people who look down on those who seek out lots of casual sex, sure. But there are also a lot of people *on this very site* who loudly trumpet that it's "natural" to want to spread seed far and wide and look down on anyone who wishes to be more restrictive in his play.

Let's not pretend EITHER side has the moral high ground.

Absolutely true. Your posting shows me that I will have to question myself in how far I question others. Although I see both sides equally, maybe my experiences with being treated as a second class person for the sole reason to look out for casual sex might have positioned me into an extreme point to look down on others as well. Which may have surfaced in spite of me trying to treat both sides equally. Which is definitely not what I intended either. 

[hntnhole]

Twelve paragraphs of some of the most sincere, reflective, incisive, responsible, intellectual work I've read on BZ.   Yes, it does appear that English may not be his first language,, but his words bear a couple of careful read-throughs.  

Kudos, Baretop4ever.  Thanks for the excellent sharing of your thoughts and perceptions.  You really do get it !!!

[Baretop4ever]

16 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

it does appear that English may not be his first language

Oh damn 🤣 and I thought I was already fluent with English 😅

[hntnhole]

LOL .... welllll .... your abilities are more than equal to sharing your perceptions.  Forgive me, but I was in the publishing business for many years, and stuff just leaps to my eyes.  

Actually, that's why I read through your thoughts 3 times ... the first, fairly quickly - the second, because I appreciated what I was reading, and the third, just to appreciate it one more time.  

I'll read your thoughts anytime - even if you write in German and I have to use the translator doo-dad.  Thanks again for the excellent addition to this thread.

[tallslenderguy]

16 hours ago, Baretop4ever said:

 

 I believe as well in sex as something precious, cause someone can be respectful towards sex in spite - or even because! - of being a cumdump or a random fucker. Wanting sex is something that I would consider as sharing, no matter immediately on the first meeting or after dating x times. Sharing something that you and anyone else have something in common: The same desire, the same lust, and the same goal. And the fulfillment of supporting and satisfying each other. 

 

I have heard men claim how empty or depressed they feel after having anonymous sex. But I think the issue doesn’t go back to the anonymity of the act itself but within some personal issues of those men. Maybe some men are just not into it - that’s ok. And maybe some have anxieties or other reservations not to practice like this - that’s also ok. But it is very poor of such people, to place themselves in a higher human position than those, who don’t have any trouble with or even found a passion in hooking up like this, and can see a unique meaning for themselves in it.

 

i loved Your entire post Baretop4ever. Thank You for taking the time to share Your thoughts and feelings. It, and many other responses were exactly the kind of openness i was hoping for.  

Not to take away anything from Your entire response, but particularly appreciated these thoughts/feelings.

When i first started having sex with Men, i was still caught in a web of a religious belief system and culture that had conditioned me to think and feel my needs and desires were "sin, broken, etc.."   Yet, i could not deny my need. i'd go to a cruising place, a restroom or a park for hookup sex. Because i was so bound by my beliefs, i would literally be praying the entire time i was driving to a location to have sex, begging my idea of "God" to help me resist my desire/need. Then as soon as i had sex, i'd often cry and always felt horrible guilt and shame for what i had just done.

BUT,

while i was having sex, connecting with another guy, i was free from all of that. 

Sex for me became a sort of fix, self medication. i realized after i  found my way out of my cultural/religous conditioning and came to a place of  self acceptance, that those anonymous sex encounters probably saved me. They were the only acceptance and affirmation that part of me got. 

i cannot think of one time that having sex with another man left me (personally, not making a universal declaration) feeling "empty" or "depressed." Quite the opposite. The only emptiness or depression i ever felt having sex with a man, was when i was still bound by cultural conditioning against who i am. But it was not the sex that left me feeling empty or depressed, it was the conditioning against who i am that had that effect. 

[Spunkinmyarse]

On 1/26/2022 at 9:42 PM, Sharp-edge said:

I just think that sex is something "precious" and should be treated with more respect than just taking anon dick, poz talk, dick pics etc. 

I too think that sex is precious, but that has led me to a different position.

Love is also precious, but few would advocate that we ration it on that basis.  Love should be shared, spread around- the world would be a better place if there were more love in it.

I view sex similarly.  It should be also be shared and spread around precisely BECAUSE it is precious, and I genuinely believe the world would be a better place if more people had sex.

[Baretop4ever]

On 1/28/2022 at 1:16 AM, hntnhole said:

Thanks for the excellent sharing of your thoughts and perceptions.  You really do get it !!!

 

19 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Thank You for taking the time to share Your thoughts and feelings.

 

I have to thank you guys - I’ve been around here on this website for sometime, haven’t posted much, but have been a frequent and enthusiastic reader, which is why I felt addressed by the openness that you have offered before in many of your posts in various other threads.

[hntnhole]

As the old song asks:  What is this thing called Love?  What are the qualities that a "love-experienced" person possesses?  

As another (yet to be written, perhaps) old song asks: "What is this thing called Whoring", Sharing sex with thousands of others like ourselves?

I would submit that there can be no line between the two at all.  "Love" is transcendent, encompasses all things, forgives all things, celebrates all things.  Whoring - sharing sex with thousands of others like ourselves is also transcendent - perhaps not every single time (there are disappointments occasionally), but on the whole, Whoring is quite similar to Love in it's particular qualities.  

We don't sit down one day and decide to 'fall in love'.  It just happens, if we're fortunate enough to recognize and allow it.  Whoring, on the other hand, can become part of ourselves slowly - as in an evolution - or it can suddenly seize us by the balls and almost force us into Whoring. We become our best selves if both occur, and better selves even if only one occurs.

Either way, I see Love and Whoring as two sides of the same coin.  Each is about sharing - giving - receiving - celebrating.  If we cut off one half from the other, both sides of the coin tarnishes from disuse - and that's a sadness indeed.  

[BlackDude]

Everyone will do anything for the right person. If I’m on a “hookup site,” show me your ass, and we decide if we’re fucking first. We can talk about that other stuff after. But I’m not playing the pretend not to fuck game so you can waste my time. 

 

I can write a mini novel about these “too holy too fuck” guys. More often than not, they are fucking and just don’t want to feel like whore or they’re stalling.