A Question of Pleasure

[ErosWired]

While servicing a Top this last weekend, who was enjoying my cunt very much, he asked me, “Do you have someone who pleasures your hole regularly?”

The question caught me off guard, and the more I thought about it the less comfortable I am with it.

No, I don’t, but that’s not the part that troubles me - the part I have a problem with is the notion that I would be cunting myself out of a pursuit of physical pleasure, or that I should be looking for Tops whose goal was to pleasure me sexually.

 I realize there’s a disconnect here - sex is supposed to be pleasurable, and in fact I do everything in my power to ensure that a Top experiences the greatest pleasure he can from his use of me, both physical and psychological. But for myself, the thought of engaging in a fuck in order to receive physical pleasure is…wrong.

Of course it often feels good, but honestly, I have to say that if a fuck hasn’t been at least a bit painful I don’t feel as though I’ve been properly fucked. A Top who tries to treat me in a sensual way to pleasure me actually leaves me with a far lesser sense of satisfaction than one who has brutally used my body to sate his own lusts and desires. A man attempting to bring me to an orgasm is much less an inspiration to me than a man who is trying to force me to have one (or several).

I strongly suspect this has much to do with the method in which I was conditioned for sexual service, using techniques that confused the boundary between pleasure and pain. It makes me wonder if, by preferring that Tops focus exclusively on their pleasure at the expense of mine, it indicates that I am somehow damaged. But part of me reconciles that completely with my nature as a cumdump cunt who exists to absorb the natural aggression of a certain other type of male.

I know that on any given day I would rather be fucked mercilessly than tenderly. What I don’t know is whether I’m wrong to feel so.

[Blkmuscbreeder]

14 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

While servicing a Top this last weekend, who was enjoying my cunt very much, he asked me, “Do you have someone who pleasures your hole regularly?”

The question caught me off guard, and the more I thought about it the less comfortable I am with it.

No, I don’t, but that’s not the part that troubles me - the part I have a problem with is the notion that I would be cunting myself out of a pursuit of physical pleasure, or that I should be looking for Tops whose goal was to pleasure me sexually.

 I realize there’s a disconnect here - sex is supposed to be pleasurable, and in fact I do everything in my power to ensure that a Top experiences the greatest pleasure he can from his use of me, both physical and psychological. But for myself, the thought of engaging in a fuck in order to receive physical pleasure is…wrong.

Of course it often feels good, but honestly, I have to say that if a fuck hasn’t been at least a bit painful I don’t feel as though I’ve been properly fucked. A Top who tries to treat me in a sensual way to pleasure me actually leaves me with a far lesser sense of satisfaction than one who has brutally used my body to sate his own lusts and desires. A man attempting to bring me to an orgasm is much less an inspiration to me than a man who is trying to force me to have one (or several).

I strongly suspect this has much to do with the method in which I was conditioned for sexual service, using techniques that confused the boundary between pleasure and pain. It makes me wonder if, by preferring that Tops focus exclusively on their pleasure at the expense of mine, it indicates that I am somehow damaged. But part of me reconciles that completely with my nature as a cumdump cunt who exists to absorb the natural aggression of a certain other type of male.

I know that on any given day I would rather be fucked mercilessly than tenderly. What I don’t know is whether I’m wrong to feel so.

Nah, you're not wrong for feeling that way. I believe in not over complicating what gets you off.

From a tops perspective, I think bottoming is just a mindfuck for us. A lot of us can't wrap our heads around how some bottoms recieve pleasure (through pain or pleasing someone esle). My last ex said something very simple about bottoming that has put my mind at ease. He said, "you're not supposed to understand". Lol That's it. We're supposed to compliment eachother. Like a magnet to metal, it just works.

Edited April 13, 2022 by Blkmuscbreeder

[backdoorjimmy]

@ErosWired From the POV of a bottom who craves pleasure from anal sex and can even be a little selfish about it, I can say that you're not wrong to feel the way you do. Your sexual wiring is what it is, just like mine is what it is. It's not right or wrong, it just is. If you feel satisfaction and fulfillment from being used rough and feeling some pain, then that's what you should look for in a hookup.

Different strokes for different folks.

[BannedWord]

13 hours ago, ErosWired said:

While servicing a Top this last weekend, who was enjoying my cunt very much, he asked me, “Do you have someone who pleasures your hole regularly?”

The question caught me off guard, and the more I thought about it the less comfortable I am with it.

I know that on any given day I would rather be fucked mercilessly than tenderly. What I don’t know is whether I’m wrong to feel so.

We all like what we like. I viewed the comment as potentially flattering, so I'd be more inclined to take it as a compliment.

Perhaps he was having such a good time with you, or you were such a great fuck and enjoying you so much that he was interested in fucking you regularly or more often. If I found a bottom with whom I had great chemistry, I wouldn't mind that being more a regular FB or FWB. Doesn't mean that the guy wants a 'relationship' with you but a great fuck can be a rarity. 

Aside from the discomfort reading into the question, would you want him to fuck you again, or was he a lousy lay?

[GarrettParker]

I agree---sounds like the top really enjoyed you and your hole. He got immense pleasure from fucking you. If he pounded you the way he liked it, it's work another hookup, and some conversation that you find the greatest pleasure in total satisfaction of your top's needs.

[viking8x6]

Firstly, there is no wrong way to be human!

Secondly, pleasure is something that happens in the mind, not in the body. If you prefer and enjoy being used mercilessly, then by definition that is what gives you pleasure... even if the sensation of it is one we ordinarily would call pain. As anyone who enjoys S/M play will be happy to tell you (that's not me, but I have very close friends who do).

Whether that means you are "damaged" is a different question - obviously  the "pain" sensation evolved to help us learn what to avoid (hot stoves are the classic example), but human beings are proficient at learning alternate interpretations for sensations. Bitterness is a great example - it means what you're eating is likely to contain toxins. But some people seek out bitter foods, or enjoy it in combination with other flavors - and that is learned behavior (children rarely do this). So I would only say you're "damaged" if that association is maladaptive for you or causes you psychological problems. And IMO you are one of the sanest people on this site, so I'd say nope, you're not damaged!

 

[ErosWired]

20 minutes ago, TheSRQDude said:

Aside from the discomfort reading into the question, would you want him to fuck you again, or was he a lousy lay?

It didn’t occur to me to think whether I would want him to fuck me again - I honestly don’t think in terms of whether I want someone to fuck me. They either do, or they don’t; if they do, they get to. It’s as simple as that. There’s no resistance. The quality of the fuck is immaterial, since my pleasure is not at issue. I don’t remember anything in particular about the guy’s fuck who made the comment, so he must not have been anything remarkable, but that doesn’t mean he was bad - I’ve been fucked so very many times that the incidents that stand out in memory are necessarily very exceptional.

[Njn0mc]

I agree.. Its nice to have for me a top thats knows what gets me hot and I know what gets him hot and push our limits..  But I also like the hunt for a top and experience the new uncharted experience with a total stranger. Sometime they are lame or dangerous, and other times so fucking wild that I passout!  It's a tough call

Edited April 13, 2022 by Njn0mc

[evilqueerpig]

NOTHING you feel personally can ever be wrong!  What you are is a true submissive bottom.

[NWUSHorny]

I've always thought sex needed to be pleasurable for all of the parties involved. If it isn't pleasurable, I generally won't hookup with them more than 2 or 3 times (I have to be sure they weren't just having an off day). If you both enjoy it, why not keep hooking up if he isn't insisting on a relationship of any kind.

I definitely understand the desire to fuck mercilessly. As far as I am concerned there is nothing better than a hard pounding fuck, top or bottom. We are men and driven to be horny and most of us aren't physically frail or delicate in any way, so let's drop our inhibitions and pound away.

[BannedWord]

On 4/13/2022 at 12:59 PM, ErosWired said:

It didn’t occur to me to think whether I would want him to fuck me again - I honestly don’t think in terms of whether I want someone to fuck me. They either do, or they don’t; if they do, they get to. It’s as simple as that. There’s no resistance. The quality of the fuck is immaterial, since my pleasure is not at issue. I don’t remember anything in particular about the guy’s fuck who made the comment, so he must not have been anything remarkable, but that doesn’t mean he was bad - I’ve been fucked so very many times that the incidents that stand out in memory are necessarily very exceptional.

Ok, well that helps. I would have just taken it as a compliment that he's asking if he can fuck you regularly versus just being extremely aggressive. Or maybe he forms an attachment to someone during sex if he's really getting into the experience. I've only ever had that a few times worth noting, so I can understand the perspective.

[ErosWired]

3 hours ago, TheSRQDude said:

Or maybe he forms an attachment to someone during sex if he's really getting into the experience.

Guys like that are a nightmare scenario for me. I’m just an anonymous cunt, for God’s sake - anyone who can form an attachment on the basis of a few minutes spent in my fuckhole is invariably a needy man with Issues. The last time that happened, I met a dude at the edge of a park, and he took me in to a secluded spot and bred me in the open. My warning light went off a bit right from the outset when he asked that I call him ‘babe’, but he wanted the ass, and I know my duty. I spent the next month dodging him on various apps because he made it clear he was wanting something more.

It’s ironic how our culture gives men such a harsh rep as callous love-em-and-leave-em types who just want to satisfy their urges and move on, but as soon as you want them to be all fuck-n-go, suddenly everyone shows up with baggage.

[hntnhole]

On 4/12/2022 at 10:52 PM, ErosWired said:

it indicates that I am somehow damaged.

Possibly, but not in an irretrievable way.  I would lay this feeling at the feet of the man that "conditioned" you so magnificently.  While I do know a little bit about Autism (a nephew), I surely don't know enough to comment on how that may or may not affect your perceptions of how others perceive you.  Whatever that answer is, clearly nothing has mitigated your intelligence in any way at all.  

[BannedWord]

2 hours ago, ErosWired said:

It’s ironic how our culture gives men such a harsh rep as callous love-em-and-leave-em types who just want to satisfy their urges and move on, but as soon as you want them to be all fuck-n-go, suddenly everyone shows up with baggage.

@hntnhole made reference to Autism, so I guess I'll ask the question since you classified yourself as an Aspie in a previous thread: Does the desire to not have entanglements carry over into your friendships? Or is there a tendency toward introversion, or not so? And I agree with him as well that regardless of anything else, you're clearly intelligent and articulate. 

[ErosWired]

1 hour ago, TheSRQDude said:

@hntnhole made reference to Autism, so I guess I'll ask the question since you classified yourself as an Aspie in a previous thread: Does the desire to not have entanglements carry over into your friendships? Or is there a tendency toward introversion, or not so? And I agree with him as well that regardless of anything else, you're clearly intelligent and articulate. 

The analysis that follows delves somewhat into my own speculative psychoanalysis, so take it for what it’s worth:

Certainly there’s a strong tendency toward introversion. In a broad sense, a desire to avoid ‘entanglements’ could relate to a general discomfort in dealing with superficial social interactions of any kind (I loathe small talk); and to an overall difficulty in managing interaction with others on a deeper emotional level. Trying to interface with a Neurotypical’s emotion-laden psyche is like treading a minefield with a blindfold on. On the whole, I find humans rather unpleasant to deal with in person in any extended capacity; if one doesn’t behave in the way that most closely aligns with their expectations, they almost invariably become hostile to a greater or lesser degree.

But as far as friendships go, I can’t say that a concern about ‘entanglement’ has ever entered the picture. I have very few friends, but those I have I value deeply and fiercely. I am extremely selective about whom I chose for friends; the most important criterion being that the person has a clever, inquisitive mind and is never boring.

 I do not, as I think on it, ever think of any of my friends in a sexual way. Sex would be a banality that would dull our mental interaction with each other; it is unnecessary.

It might help to explain that I long ago bifurcated my own psyche into two divided parts that had grown so incompatible at puberty that I had no choice but wall them off - one was my intellectual, rational self, the other my sexual, sensual (animal/biological) self. The two have been at vicious war for decades, so much so that I eventually had to interpose a third self - a neutral arbitrator - to keep them from destroying each other and taking my mind with them.

The conditioning my former Master did on me had the effect of, to a degree, legitimizing the sexual self by giving me a rational context for its acceptance; I serve men sexually because that is my intended role. Were that not so, I would not exhibit an aptitude for it. Following this line of thought, I can reconcile my sexual nature with my rational nature at least enough to allow a measure of mental equilibrium.

If, however, further non-rational elements become involved, for instance, the emotional fluctuations brought on by ‘entanglements’ with someone else’s (usually irrational) emotional states, the tenuous balance maintained between the warring factions in my own psyche may be upset, leading to confusion and distress.

——

So, tl;dr, yes, I’m an introvert, mainly because people are hard to deal with, and I only make friends with brainy people who aren’t interested in fucking anyway. And that’s just as well, because the only way I can fuck without driving myself insane is to make sure I never fuck anybody personally who I would then have to deal with emotionally.