Where are all of the tops???

[NWUSHorny]

1 hour ago, YourNoLimitsBottom said:

Yeah, I never understood this. I mean we all have our preferences. If "straight" married guys are what make your motor run, have at it! I've seen so many ads looking for likewise married, maybe for mutually assured discretion?

Give me a gay top any day, a guy that is into fucking me and not imagining the woman he couldn't get in the heat of the moment.

Ironically, finding a "straight" married top is even harder than finding a bottom that is married to a woman. My experience is that men in hetrosexual marriages are even more inclined towards bottom when they have sex with other men than any other group of gay or bi men.

Over a period spanning slightly more than 30 years,  I can count on 1 hand and have 2 fingers left over, the number of men that I know were in heterosexual marriages that have topped me, and all of them happened when I was college and grad school and I don't that any of them were 25 years old at the time. Where as the number I have topped would be in high double digits. I have also probably played with 25 or more married couples in 3 ways, in every single one of those cases I fucked both the husband and wife, but have yet to get fucked by a husband.

Getting fucked by a "straight" married man, simply isn't going to happen in my experience.

Edited June 20, 2022 by NWUSHorny

[FelchingPisser]

50 minutes ago, NWUSHorny said:

Ironically, finding a "straight" married top is even harder than finding a bottom that is married to a woman. My experience is that men in hetrosexual marriages are even more inclined towards bottom when they have sex with other men than any other group of gay or bi men.

Over a period spanning slightly more than 30 years,  I can count on 1 hand and have 2 fingers left over, the number of men that I know were in heterosexual marriages that have topped me, and all of them happened when I was college and grad school and I don't that any of them were 25 years old at the time. Where as the number I have topped would be in high double digits. I have also probably played with 25 or more married couples in 3 ways, in every single one of those cases I fucked both the husband and wife, but have yet to get fucked by a husband.

Getting fucked by a "straight" married man, simply isn't going to happen in my experience.

I totally agree.  I just see everyone in the  world as a bottom until they show me they aren't.

[FelchingPisser]

On 6/19/2022 at 10:43 AM, ErosWired said:

Another thought I had, following on mentions of PrEP above, is that I wonder if the relaxing of fear of HIV is leading to an increasing promiscuity that is saturating a field unaccustomed to it? I came of age just as the AIDS crisis was getting underway, so I don’t have any experience of the sexual atmosphere pre-AIDS - perhaps there are those here who can give us some perspective. Was the bottom/Top situation like this back in the Golden Age pre-HIV?

Late 70's for my first sex....and it did seem like men were so much more versatile.  Picking guys up in a bar, well, you were attracted to the man.  You had to go home and figure out how to have sex with each other.  

 

[Ieatcumholes]

3 hours ago, hntnhole said:

Well, I am, for a couple of reasons:  

1.  It's just not all that enticing to get hook-ups on the apps in this burg.  I don't happen to want drugs in my home, or guys that have just used, and this town is soaked in drugs. 

2.  Which means, by default I hit the public places far more than private homes (mine or someone else's).  In the public bars/backrooms/fuckjoints I don't have a dog in the fight whether some guy is high as a kite.  I'll fuck him from here to there, and then on to the next one.  There's nothing but the Lust involved, and no guy flying on who-knows-what is going to pull any deleterious stunts in a public place.  

3.  It's clearly not conducive to achieving that "connection" I like to go on about, but it can happen in the fuckjoints.  Then again, I'm not really in the market for a relationship (a-la live-in) so there's that too.  I've widened my focus - a "connection" is great, but a real connection, i.e. "relationship", isn't my goal at this point.  If it happens, that would be lightening striking twice, and lightning just doesn't like to do that.

And everything above is why I am envious of you! 😍

I don't want anyone living with me, (at all, but) especially not if they're a regular drug user! I'm less pressed if a hookup does drugs though. EXCEPT for the time when the guy got so high getting ready that a) he lost track of time and b) was too high to get in a rideshare.... 🤬

I'm not really one for performing in public, even in a dark back room. Wish I could be more like you in that regard!

My ideal relationship would be with someone who has his own place. There could be the occasional overnight stay, but that's about it. And I've finally come to accept that I'm not really relationship material. And I'm OK with that.

On the subject of being too exclusive, about the only exclusion I have is that I'm not all that into chubs (but chubby is fine). And I'm even exploring that option, as of late lots of self-described chubs have hit me up. Didn't enjoy one, was quite pleasantly surprised by another and at least on paper the one I hook up with next week when he's in town should be lots of fun. The two major reasons I might not hook up with a bottom who hits me up are 1) it's late and I get up at zero: dark thirty and 2) they want me to travel to San Francisco, which I just have an aversion to doing! (I'll drive twice as far away as SF before I would drive to SF. 🤷‍♂️)

OK, I have a second exclusion - I'm not into a lot of kink (I call it "the alphabet"). If that's your thing, you do you! But I won't be doing you.

And my top dance card still isn't full. Like I've already said, I have other things I can do, so I don't trip.

[hntnhole]

So, basically you're a man who's very comfortable in his own skin, comfortable with his decisions, and not in need of everyone else's acceptance.  You've carved out a productive life, you're enjoying the fruits of your labors, you're enjoying sating your Lusts, and your life is on track, just as it should be. 

What more can we ask of ourselves?  We're two peas in a pod; at this point, I have pretty much everything I want (still no Duesenberg though), and it sounds like we're both in control of our lives, and happy with our decisions. 

But I still envy that fantastic SpermScoop .... 😛

[bluedragon]

I'm vers top: i used to be 80-90% top (back in the condom era) but am trying to get it down to about 60%.  I'm happy that there's a demand for tops, but I find there are plenty of guys out there who enjoy being vers, and my best sessions are flip flops.

If you are a strict bottom only, ask yourself why? Personally I couldn't understand someone who never uses his dick. Time to get past any mental fixations you might have on topping and bottoming and what kind of person each one makes you. Rigid fixations do not lead to a good sex life.

 

[bluedragon]

Erectile dysfunction is often caused by social anxiety or performance anxiety, I've had that problem myself. In the gay world where hookups are often with strangers and people can be judgemental, perhaps many of us with no major medical issues might sometimes find getting and staying hard challenging, so might start to bottom more.

[ErosWired]

28 minutes ago, bluedragon said:

If you are a strict bottom only, ask yourself why? Personally I couldn't understand someone who never uses his dick. Time to get past any mental fixations you might have on topping and bottoming and what kind of person each one makes you. Rigid fixations do not lead to a good sex life.

The fact that some of us are total bottoms does not mean we have a “mental fixation” that we need to “get past”. The fact that you don’t understand us doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It just means your perspective is limited.

Pronouncements about what does and doesn’t lead to a good sex life seldom play well in posts here, because what constitutes a good sex life is a highly personal, individual, and variable measure, and what makes sex good for you might do absolutely nothing for the next guy.

Why am I a strict bottom? You might as well ask me why I’m not a strict heterosexual while you’re at it. The answers come from the same place. It’s how I’m made. That’s how it is whether you understand it or not, and my sex life suits me just fine, thanks.

Edited June 23, 2022 by ErosWired

[bluedragon]

59 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

The fact that some of us are total bottoms does not mean we have a “mental fixation” that we need to “get past”. The fact that you don’t understand us doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with us. It just means your perspective is limited.

OK, well I did say 'any mental fixations you might have', I phrased it to leave open the possibility that there are some total bottoms without mental fixations. I don't mean to offend you or suggest there is something wrong with you, as an individual. However, believe me, I have met some total bottoms who really do have a kind of fixation.

 

Here's a story. I once had a fuckbuddy I met fairly regularly who only wanted to bottom with me. As I was mostly a top, that's what we did. One day we decided to look for a third and I invited over this other guy I had played with a few times. The other guy preferred to top, so I had bottomed for him. When he arrived the two of them played together for a bit, but sparks didn't seem to be flying, so I invited the new arrival to top me. I get on hands and knees on the bed and he moves into position and my regular fuckbuddy starts to get agitated and announces that he has to go. He almost hurries into his clothes and out the door. This was all very odd to me but later I realised (and confirmed it by talking with him) that he had built me up in his head into the image of the perfect top guy for him (looks, mannerisms, how I fucked him) and I had inadvertently ruined it by showing a willingness to take dick, since for him, taking dick and being his perfect top guy didn't go together, and was so difficult to watch he had to abandon a hotel room he had paid for.

OK, not my problem, right? But there are more than a few guys like that out there who get very invested in particular ideas and very upset when their partners fail to live up to them. THAT is what I mean by 'mental fixation'. For what it's worth drugs often seem to make it worse.

[bluedragon]

1 hour ago, ErosWired said:

 

Pronouncements about what does and doesn’t lead to a good sex life seldom play well in posts here, because what constitutes a good sex life is a highly personal, individual, and variable measure, and what makes sex good for you might do absolutely nothing for the next guy.....

That’s how it is whether you understand it or not, and my sex life suits me just fine, thanks.

That's fine, and I'm glad your sex life suits you just fine, mine does too. But here we are on a thread about a global shortage of tops. If you're a total bottom and you can't find tops around, then you don't have a good sex life.  If on the other hand you are overrun with tops wanting to fuck you, then clearly this thread does not apply to you, and I'm sure a lot of guys will want your secret. Personally, I think the premise of the thread is a bit exaggerated, but there does seem to be an imbalance there, which works to my advantage as a vers top so I don't let it stress me 🙂