Is being sexually active right now worth it or a bad idea?

[kinkyosito]

So I finally have reached a point in my life where I can afford to travel. Now I want to be able to have fun sexual adventures. I have recently accepted how much of a kinky person I am and I want to do all the things I have fantasized of doing. A few of those things being visiting bathhouses, going to a fetish/kink event, attending themed weekends and general having lots of hot and uninhibited sex.

Unfortunately, my sexual enlightenment is happening at a time where there is a serious risk of contracting monkeypox and I feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything mentioned above.  I know that despite taking precautions like prep and condoms, things can still happen even if monkeypox wasn’t going around. I know at the end of the day its my decision, I just want to be sure I know what the risks are if any.

People have compared monkeypox to the last sexual health crisis the gay community experienced. For context I’m under 30 and can’t accurately compare what happened then and now but I have educated myself on what happened and I can’t help but feel anxious about this. This question is for the generation who lived through the AIDS epidemic. I’m just an anxious millennial who wants to be safe, healthy, and have fun.

 

TLDR: I want to have lots of sex everywhere and with anyone but monkeypox has me anxious to even consider planning anything anywhere. I want advice on the current situation 

 

[VersGuyAnon]

3 minutes ago, kinkyosito said:

So I finally have reached a point in my life where I can afford to travel. Now I want to be able to have fun sexual adventures. I have recently accepted how much of a kinky person I am and I want to do all the things I have fantasized of doing. A few of those things being visiting bathhouses, going to a fetish/kink event, attending themed weekends and general having lots of hot and uninhibited sex.

Unfortunately, my sexual enlightenment is happening at a time where there is a serious risk of contracting monkeypox and I feel like I shouldn’t be doing anything mentioned above.  I know that despite taking precautions like prep and condoms, things can still happen even if monkeypox wasn’t going around. I know at the end of the day its my decision, I just want to be sure I know what the risks are if any.

People have compared monkeypox to the last sexual health crisis the gay community experienced. For context I’m under 30 and can’t accurately compare what happened then and now but I have educated myself on what happened and I can’t help but feel anxious about this. This question is for the generation who lived through the AIDS epidemic. I’m just an anxious millennial who wants to be safe, healthy, and have fun.

 

TLDR: I want to have lots of sex everywhere and with anyone but monkeypox has me anxious to even consider planning anything anywhere. I want advice on the current situation 

 

You need to determine your boundaries which, it sounds like, you're actively working on. As someone considerably older than you, I'M at the point where I'm throwing caution to the wind more and more, to actually enjoy many of the things I haven't been game to in the past. For example, for years I hated darkrooms and always needed to see who was getting anywhere near me. This year, I started using darkrooms and enjoying every minute of being used, without knowing who the other guy was. I just decided it was time to really enjoy myself.  

In terms of risks that concern you, maybe make a list and then for each note down how to deal with them. You're mentioned PrEP, so that's one. STIs? They can generally, easily be treated. MP - there's the vaccine but of course there's a supply issue. It's not fatal, but of course it's a genuine concern. As you mention it, the Monkeypox situation is definitely very different to the 80s period. In another way it's not, because the "community" is in essence trying to be responsible, but government doesn't exactly appear to be busting a gut to deal with it.

[Mcv69]

YES it’s worth it! Release the inner Pig 

[gaypigbb]

I'm in the same position. It's difficult navigating the gay sex scene nowadays. Just out of COVID, then monkeypox. I'm really hungry for sex and uninhibited fun, but it feels pretty irresponsible, considering all aspects of the situation.  (Even more irresponsible then having wild BB piggy sex with 20+ guys in one night used to feel..). It's not just the risk of getting sick myself, but contributing to spread the virus, and to cause stress to the society as a whole and our gay community. Also, the stigma on gay sex still is around, and javing to stay at home three weeks cause your fave and arms are full of blisters doesn't help at all on the judging and prejudices. Thanks for lifting this up as a topic, even in this otherwise rather wild and uninhibited fora. 🐽

[NoFucksGiven]

There have always been risks associated with sexual freedom and not just health related. Execution. Imprisonment. Violence. Society’s disdain. Caution is always prudent but one cannot go through life shying away from every shadow. Centuries ago the pox was a death sentence. Decades ago so, too, was AIDS. But people didn’t stop fucking because, as the late, great Joe Orton once said “you’ll regret not having fun with your genitals when you’re dead.”

[NWUSHorny]

I'm in my 50's, but am in somewhat the same mindset with regards to monkeypox. I was starting to enjoy a lot of post COVID sex when this hit, in fact I finally took a long awaited post COVID sexcation a month and a half ago. I fucked and got my brains fucked out for 5 straight days, by my best estimate I was fucked by or fucked, briefly in most cases, more than 150 different guys. I did hookup the weekend after I returned home, but today will mark 5 weeks since the last time I hooked up. At this point I'm planning on resuming my activities when I get the vaccine.

[Safer]

3 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I'm in my 50's, but am in somewhat the same mindset with regards to monkeypox. I was starting to enjoy a lot of post COVID sex when this hit, in fact I finally took a long awaited post COVID sexcation a month and a half ago. I fucked and got my brains fucked out for 5 straight days, by my best estimate I was fucked by or fucked, briefly in most cases, more than 150 different guys. I did hookup the weekend after I returned home, but today will mark 5 weeks since the last time I hooked up. At this point I'm planning on resuming my activities when I get the vaccine.

You got fucked by 150 guys in only 5 days? How do you even find that many guys so quick?

[NWUSHorny]

Orgies, sex clubs, sex resorts, hookup apps. I was in LA for 3 days and Palm Springs for 2. I'm counting penetrations not loads. I topped 100 or more guys for at least a few strokes, only 50 or so fucked me for at least a few strokes.

[bbzh]

We don't have to resort to extremes here - i.e., no sex vs fucking everything with a pulse. I take loads from three guys regularly. To my best knowledge, two of them are married and one is in my estimation fucking a lot of guys. I'm thinking of cutting off the third guy until he gets vaccinated.  Scenario planning and taking calculated risks are important factors to consider. The worst case scenario for me would be awful facial lesions and lesions in my ass and having to isolate for three weeks. What about you? I'm not advocating abstinence per se but let's be realistic. There are some very high risk activities right now and I'm not willing to play monkeypox roulette.

[Guest]

I agree with “it’s not yes or no”.  Right now tightening the circle with whom you play is a sound idea. Regulars you trust are always best (since you can go no boundaries without concern)… no judgement if you want to “wild abandon” it, just be aware contracting it will be far more likely. I’ve not heard about long term effects, but the pain and outbreak experience sounds like hell for a month. 

[bluedragon]

We already have an effective vaccine, and even if vaccinated the vast majority of monkeypox cases resolve. It is obviously nothing like AIDS.

There may be supply issues now but this vaccine should eventually become available, in a timescale of months rather than years I would expect. Seems clear the sensible conclusion is to moderate your activities until you are offered it.

 

[bluedragon]

Sorry, above should read 'even if unvaccinated the majority of monkeypox cases resolve'

[AirmaxUK]

Like anything - Monkeypox, C19, HIV, Riding a motorcycle in t-shirt and shorts... It's all about how you perceive risk and how you mange it, to keep your anxieties low enough to still have fun. I find that if I have figured that out in advance, then I am able to make sensible decisions in the moment without overthinking or procrastinating.  I think that then when guys haven't reached this point it leads to the worst sin in hookup world: leading someone on then changing your mind. 

Everyone's perceptions of risk and their situation and anxieties are different. What's good for one person may not suit another. The best answer for you is one of your own devising, based on facts you trust. We live in an age of influencers and pundits trying to foist their own agendas on us. Even if you think your agendas are aligned, you can never be sure the facts and thinking behind them are sound. Asking this question here is going to get an answer biased toward the lifestyle this site promotes. Only you can figure out the best answer for yourself but if it helps you figure it out, I think understanding other people decisions and most importantly, the reasoning behind them is helplful.     

For example, during C19 lockdown I was really exceptionally risk averse: my mother was having treatment for cancer. Although we were vaccinated, catching C19 - however mild after the vaccine - would likely have been fatal. Some guys I spoke to thought I was being overcautious, but I didn't want that on my conscience, so despite having opportunities and getting invites - I had to decline. 

Last year the situation inevitably changed and once the dust settled,  I was able to adjust my attitude to risk.  What I've found is that the landscape had changed somewhat - and the online/app scene is now very hard to get guys to switch from fantasy to reality. When the clubs, bars and saunas reopened, this was my playtime, although many were slow to return. Even before monkeypox, numbers were 50-70% of where they were. 

As far a Monkeypox goes, knowing my body and how it reacts, I figured that I'd likely be OK in the long term if I had it, and the worst thing was that it might be embarrassing to explain at work. My partner is quite scared of it, so I had to take his feelings into account. After talking to a couple of guys I knew who caught it at Darklands, I felt a bit more informed about what to expect.  Based on this, I figured I was happy reducing down to a few 1-2-1 meets, but not comfortable in darkrooms and saunas.  

We were lucky enough to get the monkeypox vaccine about three weeks ago, and I've re-adjusted again. They tell me it's not 100% effective so there is still residual risk... But it's low enough that I've really enjoyed SOP and done a couple of sessions in the saunas. It's been fun, but it has been really quiet out as a lot of guys are still staying away...

TL;DR: Everyone should inform themselves to make their own balance of risk/anxiety vs reward.

[EuroMusk76]

6 hours ago, bluedragon said:

We already have an effective vaccine, and even if vaccinated the vast majority of monkeypox cases resolve. It is obviously nothing like AIDS.

There may be supply issues now but this vaccine should eventually become available, in a timescale of months rather than years I would expect. Seems clear the sensible conclusion is to moderate your activities until you are offered it.

 

MPX might not be as deadly as HIV/AIDS was in the early years, and there is a modern vaccine available for smallpox which may protect you from getting MPX, that's true.

If you looked at it from different angles you'll find there are similarities.

I don't just refer to the sluggish response from governments the world over which some may ascribe to institutional homophobia. These diseases affected predominantly MSM in the first phase after coming to the general public's attention. They are sometimes seen as gay diseases by people outside the MSM community, as they are closely related to having (gay) sex.

In the community there was a palpable fear of infection, lack of knowledge, and dearth of professional help (medical or psychological). People felt left alone, having to cope with the prospect or reality of the disease: in the 80s as well as the present. While MPX has caught us all on the back foot at least there are LGBTQ+ health organisations now, which wasn't the case in the early stages of the AIDS crisis.

Both diseases leave their mark on the body: KS-lesions for AIDS and pock lesions in the case of MPX. This is not just a stigma in the general public but also in our community which is oftentimes focused on good looks. There is certainly only a very small group of people who find lesions or pockmarks desirable. So this will diminish the self worth of people affected and their prospects of getting partners.

And finally both diseases leave the developing world behind. Jynneos/Imvanex is as scarce as hen's teeth in the developed world. It is however next to inaccessible to developing countries, in some of which MPX is endemic. AIDS ran rampant in Africa during the past decades and ART was slow to take up there due to cost. I fear we will see a similar pattern emerge in the case of MPX. Keeping affected persons from seeking treatment not just because of lack of funds but also out of shame/fear as we find some of the most homophobic places on earth there.

[hntnhole]

21 hours ago, kinkyosito said:

TLDR: I want to have lots of sex everywhere and with anyone but monkeypox has me anxious to even consider planning anything anywhere. I want advice on the current situation

Here's how I'm handling it:  One mpx became an up & cumming issue, I had phone calls in to all the health-care agencies in the area to get the mpx vaccine.  I decided, mostly because of conflicting reports in the media regarding the details of transmission, blah blah blah to hold off on my usual sexual routine.  So, I've been going without for a few weeks, but I usually take the 'better safe than sorry' lane.  I'll feel comfortable heading out again soon, and putting off the fuckjoints for a while in favor of making sure I'm as protected as I can be, after the suggested wait time has passed, I'll jump into the pile again.  At least I'll know I've taken the most steps possible to avoid infection, and I can live (and fuck) with that.  

It's irritating not to know what to do - I get that in spades.  But, until I felt I knew enough (and got the shot), I just told my Cock that he'd simply have to wait, and shut the fuck up about it.  But, what level of risk you decide to assume is up to you, right?  

Good luck, bud

Edited August 14, 2022 by hntnhole