Is there a nice way to invite someone to a threesome?

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

My suggestion is to break this into chunks. Tell him you and your boyfriend are looking to expand your social circle with other gay men, and with apologies in advance if you're assuming incorrectly, ask him if he'd like to get to know you both better. I'd say get coffee or something like that first, because you're on neutral territory and anyone can leave at any point. If he agrees, at that meeting, you can find out about his own dating status, and IF he's single and available, then you can continue.

As usual, I think BootmanLA is giving good advice.  The following thoughts assume you and the bf are well-protected with all the shots, pills, precautions:

1.  The venue is a public one, and thus there is no implication of commitment for either party.  Within the confines of the LeatherLife, it's called a "negotiation", but in your case it would be simply a 'hey - wanna go have a drink or bite of supper with us sometime?" kind of presentation to the intended.  

2.  If he's got any anti-gay issues, he'll politely demur, and you'll have your answer.  No harm done, no one gets hurt, and you two move on.  If he says sure, I'll meet you at X place, X time, that's a hint of potential good will on his part.  

3.  If he agrees, you and your bf can come up with some conversation which would be steered (by you two) towards alluding to gay sex, without getting down into the weeds about it.  Gauge his reaction.  Sniff the wind.  Unless he's a total dunce, he'll get the drift, and you'll have your answer.  

4.  When he hollers "hell yeah, rawfuck me senseless", tell us allllll about it.  

[Bottom Jim]

Several years ago I met this father and son ( not really son but younger) at a coffee shop in DC 

We chatted a while and all of a sudden the father asked if I would like to come back to their apartment 

We had some wine and the father started to kiss me. While he was kissing me the son unzipped by pants and started to suck my cock

the father suggested we go into the bedroom We got naked and the father than said they both wanted to fuck me. They had been looking  for a threesome and thought I would up to it, The son then said he hoped I was up to bareback because they do not use condoms with each other 

story short they both shot three loads each in my ass and the son sucked me till I came in his mouth. 
 

I have met them one more time and it was the same. 

[NWUSHorny]

Having been on the recieving end of several of these invitations, my advice is just do it. Unless he is completely and totally straight he isn't going to be offended. Once you have made the invitation and he has indicated the interest is mutual you can discuss whether what you want to do is of interest to him, since you seem to have some very specific things in mind it may or may not work out.

[ErosWired]

I think @BootmanLA’s suggestions point to the key issue - the lack of intel. The less information you have on the approach, the greater the risk.

 I should think the absolute least you should establish before you set up an exploratory get-together is whether he is, in fact, gay or bisexual. If he isn’t, you will not only waste your time, you will risk an awkward encounter that may result in him putting distance between you.

If you determine that he is, realize that it’s a significant step from “he’s gay” to “threesome”. I’m extremely hesitant to be the third in a threesome involving two partners, because I’ve seen it go badly in more than one way. I’ve seen one partner get jealous or hurt because he perceives his partner has focused too much on me, I have found myself in situations where one partner was clearly less comfortable with the threesome than the other, and I have found myself basically ignored while the two partners got totally into one another, having used me essentially as a marital aid to spice up their encounter. You’re already describing what could potentially be an uneven or lopsided experience where someone might not be comfortable playing safe or unsafe, someone might not be able to physically accommodate the other, and you already have loaded your expectations onto the encounter when you don’t even know if he Tops or bottoms.

In short, I think you’re getting way too far ahead if yourself to just jump in and make a direct ask. It might work - but it sounds unnecessarily risky too me.

A number of suggestions have been made above indicating ways to ferret out the information you want from him. Some of those ways strike me as rather direct and manipulative. I would counsel you to take a subtle approach, and ask what seem to be more innocuous questions from which you can derive or deduce the information, at least until you have enough confidence that you can ask bolder, more leading questions.

[MoonDreamer]

On 10/30/2022 at 11:34 AM, BootmanLA said:

Here's the thing: you're making a lot of assumptions, some of which may be reasonable under the circumstances and some of which are just... guesses.

--You assume he's gay, and there's apparently some evidence that may be the case, but you don't know for sure.

--You assume he's single and available, whereas you may not realize he has a boyfriend or partner about whom he's very discreet (the boyfriend may be not out).

--You assume he knows you're a couple, but don't know for sure.

--You hope he's available (see: boyfriend possibility) and interested (no evidence cited) and interested in a threeway (again, no evidence cited).

--You hope he's a bottom (no evidence cited).

--You hope he can take a rough fucking (no evidence cited).

In other words, you're trying to confirm a buttload (no pun intended) of ideas and assumptions about this guy leading to sex in very short order. I'm not saying you can't get answers to all of this one night, but if at any point the information goes in an unexpected direction (he's straight, he's got a partner, he has no idea you're a couple, he's not available, he's not into threesomes, he's not into one or both of you, he's not a bottom, he doesn't like rough fucking), you've got to get through the remainder of whatever social setting - dinner, whatever - you have set up with that awkward realization hanging over you. It won't be fun.

My suggestion is to break this into chunks. Tell him you and your boyfriend are looking to expand your social circle with other gay men, and with apologies in advance if you're assuming incorrectly, ask him if he'd like to get to know you both better. I'd say get coffee or something like that first, because you're on neutral territory and anyone can leave at any point. If he agrees, at that meeting, you can find out about his own dating status, and IF he's single and available, then you can continue.

I'd suggest the second meeting also be at a neutral spot, but for dinner. Again, that way, if it turns out you misread him or he's flattered but not interested or whatever, you can finish dinner and leave separately (which is less awkward than him leaving your house and you having to say goodbye at the door, etc. I'd wait until later in the meal to approach him (which gives you more time to decide if you like him enough to continue down this path). Then just lay your cards on the table: you and your BF both think he's attractive, you're occasionally open, and both are interested in some recreational fun if he's interested - and if not, you'll be happy to just be friends.

That way, if he's really not interested, he doesn't have to wait long to end the dinner, everyone saves face, and you go on your way. If he is interested, you can start negotiating details, and furtively discussing those kinds of things over dinner in a public place can be kind of hot in itself. It also lets him choose to think it over for a future day, or to accept on the spot (which is harder to do if he's at your own house for dinner).

 

You are right. However I think that these make the whole situation intriguing. For me an important aspect that dating apps remove is the "hunting" part. Everyone wants to fuck/get fucked and the tough part is if he wants these with you.

1. if he's not gay I'm gonna be the most surprised guy in the planet and potentially in the solar system

2. Single or not, I don't mind. It could be quite a challenge to seduce him

3. He doesn't know we're a couple but he will find out with some proper discussion

4. That's the intriguing part.

5. He could be a top (odds are against it) but I'm cool with everything

6. Nobody can take my dick easily (well okay at least most people)..

[LetsPOZBreed]

Couple of questions from me:

- How many times have you and your b/f had threesomes (or moresomes)?  Would this be the first one?  If so, this gets a little tricky to navigate.  Before even contemplating anything with this guy, you and your partner need to lay down the ground rules about what is and is off limits during mutual play - not just condom/raw (though that should def be a part of that discussion), but also about any specific acts that might be off limits; things such as do you kiss on the mouth?  Some couples find this part to be very intimate and reserve it between themselves.  As with any other sexual act, it's important to check in with your own partner about what they are willing to consent to in this situation - and THEN you can contemplate how you can approach a threesome with this guy or any other.

- As alluded to in an earlier post, I've been in threes with couples where it was very clear that one of them was more into it than another.  For me, that made things a little uncomfortable - I liked both of them, and went out of my way to give them equal attention during play.  But at the end of the day, once the sex was over, they are still a couple.  If you have any unresolved issues with your partner, your third will notice - and it will make him uncomfortable.

- If you find your guy is interested in the idea of a threeway with you, I'd still check his level of interest in both of you.  Again, you don't want a mismatch where he's into one of you significantly more than the other.  Can lead to hurt feelings that the two of you will be living with once your shag is in the bag.

[ErosWired]

5 hours ago, MoonDreamer said:

For me an important aspect that dating apps remove is the "hunting" part. Everyone wants to fuck/get fucked

What mythical wonder-apps are these? The general complaint these days about most of the apps is the difficulty in finding men who are actually down to fuck, in any position. In my experience, “hunting” is their primary function, second only to time-wasting.

Frankly, I don’t buy that you’re interested in eliminating the “hunt” from the situation - quite the contrary. You talk about what a “challenge” it will be to seduce him. You talk about how “intriguing” it will be to go after him knowing as little as you do. This is the language of a sexual hunter who has selected a target and relishes the chase.

“Nobody can take my dick easily(well okay at least most people)”

😐 Sure, dude, go with that. Claims that your massive cock will likely overwhelm his ability to take it might also come across like you’re packing an elephant gun…if one were to credit them. You don’t even know if he’s gay, so you have no idea whatsoever how many cocks he’s had or how seasoned his cunt might be. The more we read of this, the more it sounds like you’ve built a fantasy around this scenario and are planning to act on it as though it were real.

[BootmanLA]

12 hours ago, MoonDreamer said:

2. Single or not, I don't mind. It could be quite a challenge to seduce him

I could be wrong, but the tone of this statement sounds like "I don't care if he's in a monogamous relationship - I want him, and I'm ready to work on getting him to cheat because I don't respect his choice."

Which, if true (and I'm just spitballing here), would make you a pretty shitty person, or at least a person willing to do something pretty shitty. 

[MoonDreamer]

9 hours ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

Couple of questions from me:

- How many times have you and your b/f had threesomes (or moresomes)?  Would this be the first one?  If so, this gets a little tricky to navigate.  Before even contemplating anything with this guy, you and your partner need to lay down the ground rules about what is and is off limits during mutual play - not just condom/raw (though that should def be a part of that discussion), but also about any specific acts that might be off limits; things such as do you kiss on the mouth?  Some couples find this part to be very intimate and reserve it between themselves.  As with any other sexual act, it's important to check in with your own partner about what they are willing to consent to in this situation - and THEN you can contemplate how you can approach a threesome with this guy or any other.

- As alluded to in an earlier post, I've been in threes with couples where it was very clear that one of them was more into it than another.  For me, that made things a little uncomfortable - I liked both of them, and went out of my way to give them equal attention during play.  But at the end of the day, once the sex was over, they are still a couple.  If you have any unresolved issues with your partner, your third will notice - and it will make him uncomfortable.

- If you find your guy is interested in the idea of a threeway with you, I'd still check his level of interest in both of you.  Again, you don't want a mismatch where he's into one of you significantly more than the other.  Can lead to hurt feelings that the two of you will be living with once your shag is in the bag.

It's the first time but we were both discussing it for a long time. I always wanted it more but it's him who proposed to actually do it. I love kissing, if I didn't want to kiss someone I wouldn't fuck with him.

I can understand that someone could be more interested than the other but I hope it won't be like that. I was hoping that we would be sucking and getting fucked and he would enjoy, as simple as that. But only time will tell.

43 minutes ago, BootmanLA said:

I could be wrong, but the tone of this statement sounds like "I don't care if he's in a monogamous relationship - I want him, and I'm ready to work on getting him to cheat because I don't respect his choice."

Which, if true (and I'm just spitballing here), would make you a pretty shitty person, or at least a person willing to do something pretty shitty. 

No, I meant that it's his decision to make. If he wants to fuck with us and he is not single, it's up to him to decide. I wouldn't even ask if he is single. 

 

7 hours ago, ErosWired said:

What mythical wonder-apps are these? The general complaint these days about most of the apps is the difficulty in finding men who are actually down to fuck, in any position. In my experience, “hunting” is their primary function, second only to time-wasting.

Frankly, I don’t buy that you’re interested in eliminating the “hunt” from the situation - quite the contrary. You talk about what a “challenge” it will be to seduce him. You talk about how “intriguing” it will be to go after him knowing as little as you do. This is the language of a sexual hunter who has selected a target and relishes the chase.

“Nobody can take my dick easily(well okay at least most people)”

😐 Sure, dude, go with that. Claims that your massive cock will likely overwhelm his ability to take it might also come across like you’re packing an elephant gun…if one were to credit them. You don’t even know if he’s gay, so you have no idea whatsoever how many cocks he’s had or how seasoned his cunt might be. The more we read of this, the more it sounds like you’ve built a fantasy around this scenario and are planning to act on it as though it were real.

I never had trouble with guys that don't want to meet. There are people who say "just browsing" or that guys that don't seem to want to meet but I could easily figure (however it's quite a bit since I last used such an app).

No I don't want to eliminate the hunt, I love that that's what I don't like about apps.

I'm not that massive in terms of dick, it's just fat and it's hard for some people to take. My bf for example had always trouble. I'm having a fantasy about that guy and plan to invite him home to see if it can get real.