Why is it so difficult to accept that someone is gay?

[BBBxCumDumpster]

How are our taste formed?

I was shocked years ago when I saw a study that said after having three males, a woman has a 90% chance of having a gay son if she has more sons.  The exception is if the son is left-handed.  I am the gay fourth son and my younger brother is straight and left-handed.  The point I'm making is I think orientation can be a done deal before birth.  But I wonder what forms our taste sexually.  My taste run the gamut.  I've been with guys from 40 different countries.  My taste have gotten decidedly kinkier and complex. Are our taste nature, nurture or just complimentary pheromones at work? Are tastes decided before we're born as well?

[tallslenderguy]

28 minutes ago, BBBxCumDumpster said:

How are our taste formed?

I was shocked years ago when I saw a study that said after having three males, a woman has a 90% chance of having a gay son if she has more sons.  The exception is if the son is left-handed.  I am the gay fourth son and my younger brother is straight and left-handed.  The point I'm making is I think orientation can be a done deal before birth.  But I wonder what forms our taste sexually.  My taste run the gamut.  I've been with guys from 40 different countries.  My taste have gotten decidedly kinkier and complex. Are our taste nature, nurture or just complimentary pheromones at work? Are tastes decided before we're born as well?

i know this is speculative on my part.

i believe our "tastes" and predilections are from both nature and nurture.  i have read some studies that suggest that nurture can become part of our genetic makeup and, thus, be passed along that way.  i'm pretty confident my attraction to Men is intrinsic after trying so many years to change and still loving Men as much, if not more, than i ever did. The expressions of my attraction to Men has evolved hugely over time, but the foundation of attraction is still the same. 

i married  when i was religious and part of the culture this thread is discussing, and have two sons. Both of them stayed religious when i came out (they were both adults when they learned i'm gay). They pretty much disowned me, though that may be changing after 16 years, and they remain very religious. They both are married and have kids, and i'm sure have made all the 'right' choices in raising their kids to ensure none of them turns out gay. Their kids are getting older, teens etc., and i am curious to see if one or more out of the six ends up being gay despite all the programing they have received to the contrary.  Stay tuned. 

[MoonDreamer]

3 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

Fundamentalist Christianity (or any fundamentalism really, fundamentalist Islam justifies bombing and killing 'sinners' using the same exact attitude toward their bible), is not a faith based belief system, though they think they are. Instead, they treat their ideas about the bible as knowledge.  They call the bible "The inerrant word of God," and "the truth," but what they are actually doing is calling their interpretation of what they read "the word of God."  What they have done is elevated their own perceptions to "God" status.  They do not see that it is they who have decided that the bible is the "word of God" as is their perception of "God."  It's truly bizarre how they leave their self out of the equation when it comes to assigning stuff to "God."  

The hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christianity is endless. So many of the fundamentalist leaders today have used "God" to get rich, for instance, and there is a whole lot more in the bible about money than there is about guys having sex with each other.  Even one of the most popular bible portions used against gays condemns more of the preachers using them than it does the gays they are using them against, these verses rank "greedy" right along with the gays these mega church preachers are condemning. This is from I Corinthians 6:

"...you yourselves cheat and do wrong, and you do this to your brothers and sisters. 9 Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men[a] 10 nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God."

You are right. I remember someone saying "Let God protect you from those who act on His behalf". They want God to bless the weapons that they will kill innocents, to make the win over someone else (let's say in the Olympics) or anything else. God in their minds is something similar to the Elixirs and buffs of Fianl Fantasy games. Gives luck for any purpose. For me if you want to act according to God's will (and although I'm not religious I like to think that God exists and is benevolent), things are very simple. God asks to love and care. Go around and heal people by helping in hospitals or providing volunteer service where needed. Don't go around looking for excuse to spread the seeds of hatred.

3 hours ago, hairyone said:

You don't deserve ANY type of violence.  STAY. THE. FUCK. AWAY. FROM. HIM!

It is a a loss and I'm sorry for your loss.  But, not only did HE grow to not being a good friend, he's not a good person.  Good riddance to bad rubbish.

I guess you are right too. I didn't expect to be punched it came out of the blue. I didn't fight back.

 

3 hours ago, NEDenver said:

Moondreamer, you also mention that things are this way in your country.  Some countries are very hostile to LGBT people, mostly because scapegoating is a good way for authoritarians to maintain power.  You are under no obligation to risk your safety.  If the potentially former friend can cause you harm, then please make a plan for your safety.

You know what? I live in Europe, inside the EU not in a forgotten land somewhere lost in the mountains. People can think for themselves. I don't feel threatened by the govrment (for being gay I mean) or at all actually. I'm just hurt, emotionally. Deeply hurt.

[tallslenderguy]

20 minutes ago, MoonDreamer said:

You are right. I remember someone saying "Let God protect you from those who act on His behalf". They want God to bless the weapons that they will kill innocents, to make the win over someone else (let's say in the Olympics) or anything else. God in their minds is something similar to the Elixirs and buffs of Fianl Fantasy games. Gives luck for any purpose. For me if you want to act according to God's will (and although I'm not religious I like to think that God exists and is benevolent), things are very simple. God asks to love and care. Go around and heal people by helping in hospitals or providing volunteer service where needed. Don't go around looking for excuse to spread the seeds of hatred.

I guess you are right too. I didn't expect to be punched it came out of the blue. I didn't fight back.

 

You know what? I live in Europe, inside the EU not in a forgotten land somewhere lost in the mountains. People can think for themselves. I don't feel threatened by the govrment (for being gay I mean) or at all actually. I'm just hurt, emotionally. Deeply hurt.

i think you are a wonderfully intelligent and insightful person. i am impressed that, despite the awful treatment you have received by those who should love you, you have a level head and a compassionate heart. Still, these people, i believe, are poisonous evil.  Personally, i think most evil is inadvertent and born out of ignorance vs being purposeful, though i think that exists too.  Still, one cannot remain unaffected swimming in a sewer. i am so glad to read that you live in a country that is not unsafe for gay people. Please seriously consider getting away from these people who would harm you. WTF, your life long friend actually hit you in the face. That is horrible, he is without excuse, but a good example of how so called "friends" and acquaintances can do great evil when their fragile ideas are challenged by someone who is different. These people are less mature and more ignorant than unschooled children, they are not a healthy culture to be a part of. They are inbred and sick. i hope you leave them behind. 

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

The hypocrisy of fundamentalist Christianity is endless

Someone just earned the Gold Star for intellectual enlightenment. 

I would only add that the old, mainline Liturgical outfits are at least as guilty as the fundies.  They may be a bit more skilled at disguising the blunt hatreds, but that's only because they're more experienced in throwing road apples at others .... or was that cow pies .... ahhh, who gives a shit anyway ..... 

[gwmxyz]

Two things to remember.  First the Bishop of Birmingham's theory about Jesus: he hung out with a group of guys, none of whom - as far as one can tell - were married.  He got on with women - including sex workers - but just as friends. There was one particular disciples who was the one he loved - but it was one of the others who gave him away to the authorities, identifying him by a kiss. In first century AD terms, how much more obvious would you like it to be?
More seriously remember there good surprises happen too. Trust people and you will find out. The fear and anger brigade like to sell the story that they represent everyone.  They don't.  If they did, they  wouldn't react as they do.  My biggest surprise was telling my best friend I was gay - not because I chose to but because I had no other choice).  What I found out was not that he was gay. He's straight - but was having way more extra-marital action than I was (including e.g. a bride on the night before her wedding). 
It's things like this which tell you who your real friends are - and means you don't waste any more time on those who aren't. If you weren't gay you might never know which was which.

[MoonDreamer]

On 11/7/2022 at 10:16 PM, tallslenderguy said:

i think you are a wonderfully intelligent and insightful person. i am impressed that, despite the awful treatment you have received by those who should love you, you have a level head and a compassionate heart. Still, these people, i believe, are poisonous evil.  Personally, i think most evil is inadvertent and born out of ignorance vs being purposeful, though i think that exists too.  Still, one cannot remain unaffected swimming in a sewer. i am so glad to read that you live in a country that is not unsafe for gay people. Please seriously consider getting away from these people who would harm you. WTF, your life long friend actually hit you in the face. That is horrible, he is without excuse, but a good example of how so called "friends" and acquaintances can do great evil when their fragile ideas are challenged by someone who is different. These people are less mature and more ignorant than unschooled children, they are not a healthy culture to be a part of. They are inbred and sick. i hope you leave them behind. 

Thank you for your kind words. I do think that many people that do harm don't make it on purpose. But ignorance can be deadly at times. To make matters worse, I saw him again on the street and he made an aggressive gesture towards me. He didn't really go for me but I did move fast. That was bad, I felt bullied and embarassed. I decided to message him and told him that I don't deserve all that and I was always there for him and now he's abusive towards me. He called me weak and that he's gonna do whatever he likes. Sad thing, he is a dentist. Shouldn't he be more open minded as an educated person? Do his patients know how he treats gay people I wonder? My bf told me to either call the police if he does that again and if he tries to attack me I should stand on my ground and defend myself. Am I much of a coward for wanting neither of these option? I'm physically strong but is punching the only way? I'm sad and troubled.

As a "friend" of his it's easy to understand what he thinks. He's shocked and confused. These emotions make him violent, I know that. He tends to  be violent when he feels vulnerable or that someone underestimates him (even if it's not like that). In his mind he feels betrayed. Like me a gay guy pretending to be his best friend but in reality I was a gay guy. Gay is something bad, he's not sure why, but it's bad. When my father died, he was crying too, he had hugged me and he hold me tight several times those days. He had asked me if I needed money. He was protective. When he had a medical issue I helped him out go through that. I hope that someday his mind will figure. That he will reconsider about the things that he knew and the things that he learned on his own. He may realise that he's friend is gay, not evil.