Is it alright to ask for proof?

[Guest]

Had some good communication going with a dude I met online. He answered my ad in which I’m searching a long term fuck buddy if the first hookup works out.

He insisted on everything being bare, telling me he’s on prep.  I told him I’m ok with that, but for bare I would like some sort of evidence he really is on it. I told him I can provide recent test results of mine.

He then told me no and proceeded to block me. 
 

So did I dodge a bullet, or was I in the wrong for asking for too much?

 

[ffWhole]

You yourself should go on Prep if you are not already...

As a reminder - it won't stop other STD's.

Then stop asking because most are tops on Prep or Poz but medicated and thus undetectable so near to entirely safe...
Poz guys not on meds will still be safe if you take your Prep diligently and the risk is almost nil..

People don't want too much drama...
If you want to stay safe, rubber up or stay out of the sex groups.

[viking8x6]

It is certainly all right to ask the question. But by asking for it, you are implying that the person is a liar. So it's likely they will be offended, as you found out.

[Guest]

Asking for proof is due diligence.

[Pigforpoz]

No; it means you don't trust the guy; and like Viking8×6 said,  'you think the guy is a liar.'  I would block the guy asking for proof too! And, Yes, I think it is offensive to ask!

Edited November 12, 2022 by Pigforpoz

[PigFaggot2904]

Do what you need to do, in order to protect yourself, your health, and your personal & sexual boundaries.  No one can stop you from asking that question, if you feel it is necessary due diligence.  As you have found out, however—and others have suggested in this thread—be prepared for rejection.
 

[BlindRawFucker1]

If you are truly concerned about HIV, you need to take care of yourself, instead of relying on others to take care of you.

 

What type of evidence would you want? These days, anything can be faked.

 

Even if he showed you his prescription of PREP, do you know if he is taking it?

 

Put on a condom, or get on PREP yourself.

[VersGuyAnon]

3 minutes ago, BlindRawFucker1 said:

If you are truly concerned about HIV, you need to take care of yourself, instead of relying on others to take care of you.

 

What type of evidence would you want? These days, anything can be faked.

 

Even if he showed you his prescription of PREP, do you know if he is taking it?

 

Put on a condom, or get on PREP yourself.

I agree 100%

[BootmanLA]

Seconding what others have said: it's not so much that you're calling him a liar (or even suggesting he might be) but you're asking for proof of something he can't really prove.

Can he prove he's got a prescription for PrEP? Sure.

Can he prove he's been sticking with it daily for an extended period of time? No.

I notice, by the way, your own profile here says "Don't ask, don't tell". While that's fine as a concept if it works for you, it seems awfully hypocritical to not only ask others, but to demand proof, for something you're asking others to not discuss about you. 

[ErosWired]

I see three potential reasons the guy acted as he did:

1) He wasn’t actually on PrEP and would have been caught in his lie;

2) Had s concept of honor that would take unbrage at someone questioning his word one he has give it; or

3) He decided he just discovered that you were a neurotic worrier and notpicker, that he had no time for any extra drama, and that he had just dodged a bullet.

You may never know. I echo the advice above saying get on PrEP yourself snd render the matter moot.

Incidentally, a request for proof inherently implies a level of doubt, snd when applied to something s person has said, therefore implicates suspected falsehood. In other words, if someone tells you something and you ask them for proof, it’s hard not to be seen as either disbelieving them or calling them a liar.

 

 

 

[Guest]

1 hour ago, BootmanLA said:

 

I notice, by the way, your own profile here says "Don't ask, don't tell". While that's fine as a concept if it works for you, it seems awfully hypocritical to not only ask others, but to demand proof, for something you're asking others to not discuss about you. 

It’s an old setting, I wasn’t actually ever planning on being active here, but kind of got sucked in.

and like I wrote, I offered him proof of my tests…

[Guest]

Thanks for all the replies. I haven’t got on prep yet since I only do bare with steady partners. But I guess it’s time to get on it. I know it’s not foolprof, but with my previous fwb it all worked well, because we had a trusting and honest situation.

guess I just need to keep looking for someone who will also be this honest and trustworthy. 

[partying.hard]

Are you familiar with the website “am I the asshole?“  In this case, I think you were. If you were so concerned about your sexual safety, did you have an obligation to protect yourself in all ways.  Yes, a person can lie about his status. And if someone were to lie, he easily can doctor up negative test results for you. If it’s that big a concern, you never should be fucking raw.

[Guest]

34 minutes ago, partying.hard said:

Are you familiar with the website “am I the asshole?“  In this case, I think you were. If you were so concerned about your sexual safety, did you have an obligation to protect yourself in all ways.  Yes, a person can lie about his status. And if someone were to lie, he easily can doctor up negative test results for you. If it’s that big a concern, you never should be fucking raw.

No need to be rude

[partying.hard]

Just now, frank86 said:

No need to be rude

I’m sorry.  If you think I was rude, then I apologize. That was not my intent. If you’re familiar with the concept I referenced, “am I the asshole” then you would know it’s not meant as a rude reply.

The point I was trying to make is that if you are concerned about HIV and your sexual safety, you need to take control and protect yourself without relying on others to do so or on others honesty.

Again, I apologize.