Need to bareback - neg scared of becoming poz but can't get it out of my head

[Westhamsmoker]

On 3/7/2025 at 8:58 PM, loolikaa said:

I just want to get fucked I don't care at all

 

Thats the best way to think about it. 

If its in your head to want to bareback then go for it and you will never look back or regret it as the sex is so much hotter. You can play safe you can take prep but your missing out . Knowing you are taking risks when you fuck is like being on a high and you crave for more . Its actually quite hard to be pozzed so dont worry about it just enjoy.

[Dundee2]

I barebacked my way through the '70s, '80s, '90s, '00s, '10s and '20s and am still negative. I know for a fact that poz guys have barebacked me. I took a lot of loads when I worked in Edinburgh, then the HIV capital of the UK. 

[billy88666]

3 hours ago, Dundee2 said:

I barebacked my way through the '70s, '80s, '90s, '00s, '10s and '20s and am still negative. I know for a fact that poz guys have barebacked me. I took a lot of loads when I worked in Edinburgh, then the HIV capital of the UK. 

When they looked into the reason why so many people were infected in Edinburgh they found that it was more likely due to the number of heroin users that were sharing needles. In some of the housing estates like Muirhouse and Pilton a baggie of heroin was selling for £5.00. It was difficult for users to get their hands on needles and they were used multiple times and shared amongst friends.

You still took a risk barebacking but it was probably safer than the risk that the drug users took if they shared their rigs.

[jd13]

I think the title of this thread is actually a kind of teachable idea for anyone who is thinking of starting to bareback:

"NEED to bareback - neg SCARED of becoming poz"

This really is it for me: NEED vs SCARED. That balance between an intense sexual desire and fantasy that's drawing itself into your reality, versus the fear of consequences, and in particular, becoming HIV-positive.

Now for me, I'm a chaser, so becoming Poz would be (pun intended) a positive outcome for me, but that's simply not the case for the majority of barebackers. But I completely connect with this idea of NEED. 

When I started barebacking as a btm in 2012, it had gotten to the point of being a NEED: I needed a total stranger - or multiple strangers - to fuck and cum in me, and in the end, what it took for me to get over being SCARED was a few drinks and a random hookup in the toilets of a London Soho bar.

Hardly the most stylish way to do it maybe, but it got me past my SCARED. It got me to tip my scales towards that NEED.

And I won't say that I wasn't still scared afterwards, but yeah there was full acceptance that I had done it. I was still scared of becoming poz in those days, but I didn't freak out and go: oh shit, get me on PEP right now! I accepted the consequences of my actions.

And it turns out, the major consequences of my actions on that drunken night were to want it more. I didn;t get HIV from that one fuck, because actually getting HIV is something of a challenge, a roulette: I know - I've been trying!

In the years 2013-18, my rule was to let the top decide about condoms, and more than 50% of the time, I was fucked bare. This practice - to take the decision out of my own hands and submit to the top's will - was perfectly authentic for me as a btm sub, and tipped the scales so completely that only NEED remained. That need to have men cum inside me, as much as possible. These days I'm addicted, and weirdly proud of that, but you certainly don't have to go as far as I have done in this NEED/SCARED equation.

But I digress (hey there ADHD! 🤣) - the point is that your decision to start barebacking will always play upon these dynamics of NEED vs SCARED.

These days, you can tip the scales a bit more safely with Prep, but I say that living in a country with free healthcare. That's not the case in the US, and other countries.

In the end, my own advice, based on my experience would be to JUST DO IT. That NEED isn't going to go away, and there are lots of things you can do - Prep, find a trusted partner, etc - to lower the risk so that SCARED isn't going to feel so intense.  The chances of getting HIV from just one fuck are pretty low, and virtually zero if you go on Prep.

If you can't get it out of your head, then it's just going to become a pathological situation, intensifying in the background to such an extent that when you do eventually do it, it'll be a wild desperate set of risks you take, because the NEED will have grown into a mountain, but so will the SCARED.

Start now, when that NEED is less rampant and pathological, and you are able to be a lot more mindful about these two dynamics. Unexpressed desires often barrel into psychological issues, and really the only two paths ahead are either expression or eradication. Fear will not be a great teacher, and will not assist in either of these: if you cannot mindfully let it go - truly let it go completely, with a smile and a relaxed breath - then you'll have to express. But true eradication is hard, and is often only partially completed. That NEED comes barrelling back.

So my advice: Express the NEED in your sexuality, and take the steps you have to do in order to reduce that SCARED. Prep is a good first step for someone like you I think.

Good luck, hope you are able to find the right balance between that NEED and that equally valid SCARED, and do what feels right for you ❤️ 

Edited Wednesday at 07:23 AM by jd13

[BigChaserHere]

On 3/17/2023 at 4:37 PM, Guest said:

I don't *want* to be Poz but I do feel hooked, drawn to, turned on by, the idea of barebacking completely unprotected, obsessed with it. 

Peole say 'just go for it' but I can't quite. Other people say that once I've passed this point there's no way back and I just need to accept that I'm drawn to barebacking. A lot of people must have gone through this. How do I move on from here? (and yes I do get hard at the thought of getting fucked 100% unprotected). London UK looking for advice and understanding tops.

I have felt this way for a decade, ever since having a hot poz top BF. I can't get getting pozzed out of my head, especially during sex or JO!!  Just get on PrEP, forget your on it and just bend over for anyguy you want to have breed you.  Npbody needs to know ....

[Marlin]

On 3/7/2025 at 12:01 PM, AusBareBack said:

but I think having a man i desire breeding me with poz cum would be the most intimate kind of sex. 

Exactly.  I still look back to the night it happened to me