Do Not Assume Everyone Shares Your Kink

[ErosWired]

I’m hosting tonight. My first signal of interest is from a guy on Sniffies, who says he can come right now, and loves to fuck a dirty hole in a sleazy hotel like the one I’m at.

Red Flag 🚩 My hole isn’t a dirty hole, but I’ll let that slide because of the reputation of the hotel.

Then he says, “I’m a clean Top, but it’ll be fun to play a little risky with a poz bitch like you.”

Strike One 🚩 He has read from my profile that I am HIV+, but has not asked my view on it. He assumes I’m willing to incorporate my status in sex play.

He asks me if I ever infected anyone else after I was pozzed. I reply, Not that I know of, to which he answers, ‘That’s lame.’

Strike Two 🚩 He assumes that just because I’m poz I’m the kind of person who would seek to intentionally infect someone else - a Gifter.

He then proceeds to tell me how he wants me to tell him how I’m going to poz him up with my dirty hole while he fucks me, and he’ll stay a long time so he can do it over and over.

Strike Three 🚩 He not only assumes I’m on the same page, he dictates the Gifter/Chaser fantasy scenario he wants to play out on the basis of the fact that I have HIV and he does not.

I informed him that his play scenario was not going to happen because I nearly died of AIDS in 2014 and have been fighting to stay alive and Undetectable ever since, and wished him better luck elsewhere.

Because I, who will allow any man to fuck me, was not letting that motherfucker lay a finger on me. It is deeply inappropriate to fetishize another person’s incurable, life-altering disease, especially if you’re free of it, if that person does not feel the same.

Hey, tell me how you’re going to give me your stage 3 cancer while I fuck you. I totally get off on that shit. Be sure to wear that bandanna you use to hide the fact that all your hair is falling out.

Edited June 17, 2023 by ErosWired

[KylerIsTrash]

When I was younger, I used to be more like this guy you described. I was so turned on by taking POZ loads that I would seek out + guys and beg for them to breed me for their status. I still love getting seeded by a poz guy more than anything but over time I’ve learned to be less of a dick about it. It took a couple hard conversations from guys like you who mentioned the same things you did here for me to put the person on the other side of the cock before my own needs.  I don’t bring up my bugchasing in conversation anymore unless the other guy leads in with it or asks about my fetishes. 

@ErosWired I’m grateful you’re still here. ❤️ I grieve the men before us who passed before their time. 

[Kayne]

It is said that:a closed mouth cannot eat." it means that one cannot get what one desires without asking. the optimal word in that statement is "Asking".

I was once just as foolish im no dogged pursuit of my Manscent/ Musk and WS kinks. It took a long period of  harsh rejection to open my eyes. 

I know that Poz Kink/Fetisization is the ultimate [banned word] for many.  I often think about this one guy that used to message me incessantly on A4A in its early days. His desire to " Convert" me made me feel dirty, sick, and like a piece of meat in a bad way.  Add to that, my own mixed feelings and I felt awful. period. I never hooked up  with that guy. And after a while, I never saw him again.

I get where you're coming from and even though that kind of play is one of my kinks, I'm right there with you. It would beva far different thing if you included fetishization in your ad. You did not. It was rude, tactless and disgusting that this Tool made such wild assumptions. I can see how it would make you feel degraded in a negative way and I'm sorry, I hope you're okay. 

[tallslenderguy]

i think this is an example of one of the top dividing factors in society in general. i think egocentricity breeds and births all manor of ethnocentricity. i see it as a question of immaturity.  

We hear/read stories of a person going to another country and discovering a whole new collection/culture of people who are different. Sad to me how there are still cultures that try to force their views on others, even going so far as to authorize their behavior by insisting 'God' is behind  it!  

i'm a part of a couple of BDSM discussion forums  and it is a common topic of discussion how key communication is to any connection or ongoing relationship. Our labels are just a starting point in a conversation, but how often to we ask what it means to the other person? 

To me, such presumption stems from egocentricity born of immaturity, and the gay community is just as fraught with it as any other culture.  i think a lot (if not most?) of presumption flies under the radar, that we are often not conscious that we do it.  

[LetsPOZBreed]

My view on fetishes - to the point where this is now on my Recon profile - is, "my life doesn't revolve around sex; my sex doesn't revolve around fetishes"

I enjoy my fetishes and kinks, but a big part of that is the fact that I don't do them in every session.  I don't really WANT to do them in every session.    

As far as the poz/gifting fetish goes, despite my profile name on here, I'm not going to do any poz verbal with a guy who's not into it - it's the kind of role play that has to be discussed ahead of time, and I'll only do it nowdays with other poz guys.  When I've had my bbrt name as this in the past, I've had guys message me saying how hot it is (which I appreciate the compliment), but it's funny how quickly they lose interest after I get really upfront that it's just role playing - or I ask them about their own sexual health and STI's only to get the response of "I don't really know/care".  Well...I care.  Having HIV, even being undetectable, isn't fun.  Neither are the inconveniences of contracting other STI's.  Yes, there's always a risk in bareback play; yes, I accept those risks when I let a raw dick inside me.  But I'm not really interested in playing with another guy who clearly acts so callous around this sort of stuff.  

[hntnhole]

18 hours ago, ErosWired said:

I informed him that his play scenario was not going to happen

I'll bet you did it as kindly and respectfully as possible too, despite the source.   

[hntnhole]

5 hours ago, tallslenderguy said:

fraught with it

and thank you for using that modifier properly.  Would  you be willing to educate Madame Maddow as well ???  I tried; nothing.  

 

[ErosWired]

17 minutes ago, hntnhole said:

I'll bet you did it as kindly and respectfully as possible too, despite the source.   

I did tell him that I don’t entertain Chaser fantasies, but that was as far as I went. He instantly blocked me, because he, of course, was the offended party. 🙄

[hntnhole]

5 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

because he, of course, was the offended party

Aren't they always ....... but, maybe he learned a thimble's worth.  🙂

[PissGuzzlerLA]

1 hour ago, hntnhole said:

Aren't they always ....... but, maybe he learned a thimble's worth.  🙂

Unfortunately, I doubt it.  I've learned a large percentage of folks like this are only interested in their own views and seem to think others should bend their way most of the time. If they don't see that happening, their knee-jerk response is to get mad and either block or blast the other party, sometimes publicly. Those with maturity and self-awareness learn to see the signs early on and avoid them in the future. I've been the target of some truly nasty nellies (on other sites, not here). Manners and accepting other ways of life seem to be more lacking these days and surprisingly not just from younger generations. A good chunk of the older population seems to have lost good manners as well. Damned if you do...

[ErosWired]

Thank you @Kayne, for your concern. I’m fine. It takes a very rare person to be able to pose a threat to me with words, and considering the way men have treated my body, a little insensitivity is mainly an annoyance. I just thought it bore mentioning because it was so blatant.

And I’m afraid @PissGuzzlerLA is right, that he’s unlikely to have learned anything from it, because he simply doesn’t get the fundamental premise of the thing - that fetishizing and conspiring - whether in fantasy or reality - to actually propagate a deadly pathogen - to construct an entire social network and set of codes predicated on actively seeking to become infected and infect others with it, and promote its growth it living bodies - is deeply antisocial, deeply self-destructive, and deeply lunatic in any rational framework.

Frankly, I’m astonished that someone on the far Right hasn’t already picked up on Giver/Chaser culture as the new boogeyman to terrify people about the evils of homosexuals and their lifestyle. You got trouble, my friends! Right here in River City! Those gays are chasing after people trying to “gift” them AIDS! Lock up your sons, wives, daughters and sheep! I’m surprised we aren’t having hearings about it on Capitol Hill; I can only assume it’s because they just haven’t caught on yet. It’s too low-hanging a fruit to be left on the tree.

[Guest]

On 6/16/2023 at 9:07 PM, ErosWired said:

I’m hosting tonight. My first signal of interest is from a guy on Sniffies, who says he can come right now, and loves to fuck a dirty hole in a sleazy hotel like the one I’m at.

Red Flag 🚩 My hole isn’t a dirty hole, but I’ll let that slide because of the reputation of the hotel.

Then he says, “I’m a clean Top, but it’ll be fun to play a little risky with a poz bitch like you.”

Strike One 🚩 He has read from my profile that I am HIV+, but has not asked my view on it. He assumes I’m willing to incorporate my status in sex play.

He asks me if I ever infected anyone else after I was pozzed. I reply, Not that I know of, to which he answers, ‘That’s lame.’

Strike Two 🚩 He assumes that just because I’m poz I’m the kind of person who would seek to intentionally infect someone else - a Gifter.

He then proceeds to tell me how he wants me to tell him how I’m going to poz him up with my dirty hole while he fucks me, and he’ll stay a long time so he can do it over and over.

Strike Three 🚩 He not only assumes I’m on the same page, he dictates the Gifter/Chaser fantasy scenario he wants to play out on the basis of the fact that I have HIV and he does not.

I informed him that his play scenario was not going to happen because I nearly died of AIDS in 2014 and have been fighting to stay alive and Undetectable ever since, and wished him better luck elsewhere.

Because I, who will allow any man to fuck me, was not letting that motherfucker lay a finger on me. It is deeply inappropriate to fetishize another person’s incurable, life-altering disease, especially if you’re free of it, if that person does not feel the same.

Hey, tell me how you’re going to give me your stage 3 cancer while I fuck you. I totally get off on that shit. Be sure to wear that bandanna you use to hide the fact that all your hair is falling out.

If this guy is fucking random men bb, he is probably already poz and a strain chaser type.

Re: boogeyman post, Neoleftist closeted lesbian Oprah blamed black bisexual and gay men claiming most are "down low" want to purposefully poz and infect black, white, latina, and Asian women and then acted shocked when Magic Johnson told her how expensive HIV meds are.

Edited June 18, 2023 by TotalTop

[funpozbottom]

It seems a lot of guys on apps are looking for a fantasy and forget that the profile they contact belongs to a real person and not just a porn inspired sex bot.  They expect everyone to be in exactly the same headspace they are and be ready to dive into that one scene they want to play out.

Anytime someone brings up my poz status, I point out that I'm undetectable and can't really pass on the virus. They usually say they've been curious or turned on by the thought of sex with someone who's poz and then usually flake after that. (I dunno, maybe getting a lecture on U=U and the use of prep kind of turns them off.)

[bbzh]

Being the clean freak I am, I'm just as upset by the request for a dirty hole in the original post. I've had guys not reveal they are into 💩poop until it's just about time to close the deal. When I say no, they then try to talk to me as if I'm some sort of prude. I've fucked 1000+ guys. I've got enough data points to know when you are an outlier, sir. I've also noticed that very few of these guys will share face pics, which I require before meeting.

[PozTalkAuthor]

This guy ErosWired has somehow "sermonized" me about my fantasy last summer, or at least I understood it as such, so I've chosen not to talk to (and about) him. But in this case he brought up an ESSENTIAL topic: kinks vs. communication. 

 

My fantasies are clearly documented on my profile for this reason: I never want to abuse of anyone! And this does NOT concern "hardcore" kinks only, it's not the first time I've approached someone here with "are you up for dirty chat role play?" And from the other side I got the answer "I'm not into role play chat" or "let's meet up [date/location] if you want to", and I behave accordingly: respect, without bothering someone who doesn't show interest in talking to me. 

No one is the center of the world, in a community like this (and better off line) everyone contributes to the world but no one is essential! There's a French quote saying "graveyards are full of unreplaceable people". Brutal as it is, but it's the truth. So, there is really no reason to think that our fetishes are the ones to make our partner live their most unforgettable experience. 

I also agree with the horrible sensation you feel when someone feticizes you for what you are: how you are dressed, tall or short, more and less "masculine-looking" or even HIV status. 

I've not wanted to become HIV positive, despite I had gifting fantasy (repressed) for a long time. New condition made me repress it even more... 

Now I've embraced it completely, but when I discovered my ex had chasing kink, I didn't feel flattered. Being repressed, I felt objectified! Very unpleasant! When I saw his Twitter with some kind of videos, it took a while to come out with my turn-on imagining those faceless sex acts with myself and him instead. 

My current bf? As I was his first male partner and a close friendship 12 years long, it's been quite easy to explain my kinks and why not being afraid of them. High trust has played a very good part! 

We're currently discussing this "not assume everyone has your kinks" topic as we're facing the matter of opening our couple or not. So, every aspect must be kept in consideration. 

Are we going to let other possible partners know about poz talk? Are we exploring other kinks? Are we staying monogamous? We are just discussing right now with no urge or forced decision around. But I admit, having a partner with same kinks makes sex  much easier but life mustn't be concentrated on sex. 

About buddies here? I have a few neg guys playing with me frequently in our breedingzone message box, we have fun, this allows us to relax body and mind... But nothing else.