what am I doing wrong? (be nice in your replies haha)

[SpectreAgent]

17 hours ago, Nay80 said:

ok online, on here on bbrt on squirt on twitter i get lots of guys saying they'd fuck me, they all chat and see my pics and say they love my hole and would 100% fuck me etc. yet when i see the same guys at the sauna they totally blank me. i can only assume I'm doing something wrong, body language or something. what are your suggestions?

I doubt you’re unique in that experience. Not only have most of us worn that T-shirt, it’s now being used to clean the windows.  

However, I have been known to blank guys in the sauna when I’ve been to vain to wear my spectacles and don’t have any contacts with me…
 

 

[SpectreAgent]

1 hour ago, RawPlug said:

I doubt you’re unique in that experience. Not only have most of us worn that T-shirt, it’s now being used to clean the windows.  

However, I have been known to blank guys in the sauna when I’ve been to vain to wear my spectacles and don’t have any contacts with me…
 

 

“Too vain”

[ellentonboy]

I think a smile, a nod and even eye contact can along way in sauna/bathhouse situation.  Guys who may not be 100 percent perfect, but have a welcoming, nice attitude are generally someone I would be attracted to and pursue.  That's just me..... 

[Cumboynyc]

I agree

[hntnhole]

13 hours ago, FunCheerSlut said:

influencer-based culture

This is something I don't quite "get". 

Exactly who decides which person is an "influencer" and which person isn't?  Are folks so empty that they need to be told by some "influencer" what's what?  What happened to self-determination?  What happened to deciding for ourselves what we'll do and what we won't?  What's important and what isn't?  Have we turned into lemmings, rushing mindlessly to the cliffs ?

I just don't get why so many people willingly give up their own, self-determined identity, goals, aspirations, and I don't give a rats ass about what these so-called "influencers" have to say.  

[VersGuyAnon]

I'd say don't think that you are doing anything wrong. 

Although I still look at the apps/sites (including BBRT), it's rare that I receive a reply. As Viking says, if you look like your photo on here, I'd expect you to be receiving lots of interest in the sauna. It does depend where you are and what type of crowd goes to the sauna. Where I live, there's one main sauna and a mixed crowd. In some bigger cities, some saunas are definitely geared to a younger crowd. You may very well be aware of that of course, but just a thought.

[Lily95]

honestly it most likely is not you. you look great and i just think they just dont want to be the one to start up a conversation. i have had similar experiences but mine is when i try to meet they ghost me. i know im not good looking to most but i try

[Nay80]

2 minutes ago, Lily95 said:

honestly it most likely is not you. you look great and i just think they just dont want to be the one to start up a conversation. i have had similar experiences but mine is when i try to meet they ghost me. i know im not good looking to most but i try

you seem fine to me! quite pretty actually

[Raunchyfag]

There's also the aspect of who else is in the sauna. I've had multiple experiences where no one is playing and I start something with a guy and EVERYONE in the room gets around us and start touching us to the point where me and the other guy can't do anything. I'm a cock/cum hungry pig so for the most part I don't mind the extra attention but when it interferes with play I can't stand it! Recently its gotten so bad that no matter how much I tell a guy no (I've literally have come close to blows) that they keep going at it that I don't approach a guy or try to start anything if the "area" looks like is full of guys that don't want to do anything but won't let you play in peace either. 

[LetsPOZBreed]

On 7/10/2023 at 4:05 PM, ellentonboy said:

I think a smile, a nod and even eye contact can along way in sauna/bathhouse situation.  Guys who may not be 100 percent perfect, but have a welcoming, nice attitude are generally someone I would be attracted to and pursue.  That's just me..... 

I'll agree with this statement.  I've seen guys at the sauna who just genuinely look unapproachable; and they are typically just wandering around or sitting watching the porn on TV - rarely interacting with the others.  

[tallslenderguy]

3 hours ago, LetsPOZBreed said:

I'll agree with this statement.  I've seen guys at the sauna who just genuinely look unapproachable; and they are typically just wandering around or sitting watching the porn on TV - rarely interacting with the others.  

i see this too. One of the hardest things for me is to feel like i am always the initiator, especially online. Easily for every 100 contacts, i initiate 99... and the number of guys that don't even respond? Eek, doesn't do wonders for the self esteem.  i wanna get bred by a Man Who wants to fuck me... but if i'm at a sex venue and presenting and no-one is  taking, i find the guy watching porn on TV (and often pulling on His Cock) and i ask if i can suck Him. i cannot remember being turned down. i've also been in sex clubs where i did that, was sucking on a Guy and another Guy would come in and fuck me and i wonder if it's because i am so obviously hungry lol? i usually am fucking cock crazed at those places and any Cock i get, sucking or otherwise, i'm in the zone. 

[Kayne]

This is the downside of progress my friend. 

Before, Cruising had stakes. whether it was covertly checking out a potential playmate and clicking in a space -Whether public or private-,   or stumbling on a group of guys gettingbit on, Getting caught did something to heat the situation. The exposure could be addictive. and it didn't matter where you did it, in a bar, on a pier, beach, between two cars, in a sauna, in your own apartment. it didn't matter. 

Before there were potrable super computer phones in our pockets with nstant nudes, internet porn at a moment's notice and literal electronic bulletin boards of the next nearest cock or community cum dumpster, or PrEP, one has to be fully present to hunt.

Whether Predator or Prey "Man2Man" interactions had chemistry, not easily subverted by fantasy. But when you can literally See the guy at a gym, bar, grocery store on some random hook up site and never talk to  him, but yet you know all that you need to know to get you off, interpersonal interaction becomes redundant. Why, because you have the best version of them already at your disposal.  where the real you might not like deep anal, and much preferre being hot dogged, the you in his fantasies can't get enough cock in his hole. Maybe you're a Dominant guy, in his mind you're either a needy submussive, or Dom that He can turn the tables on. That fantasybtskes way less effort with way less risk of rejection than the you that he's built in his fantasies; even if you're right there in front of him within breathing distance.

Normally, I'm Just A Big Dumb Jock, but I'm gonna get nerdy for a tick, because this illustrates what I mean better than I can explain it.

There are 2 Episodes of Star Trek TNG Where LaForge comes into contact with a Physicist,  Dr Brahams.  in the first episode the problem of the week lead Laforge to make a  holodeck simulation of the doctor. he had her statistical info, but made up a personality out of whole cloth, and the computer played the simulation. its implied that  over the next year he fired up that holder doctor many times. A year Later, when he has a chance to meet the real lady, she shatters the fantasy he built, which only got worse when she found out about the holodeck program. They ultimately were able to get past this issue. he saw the real person, she stopped being a stuck up bitch. but the point still stands, and is especially accurate, because in most situations,  people never get past the destruction of their fantasies.  so no, its not you.

TL;DR

Its not you. We as a whole have moved to a place where the lower stakes approach is preferable to actual effort, sadly. 

[tallslenderguy]

54 minutes ago, Kayne said:

 

Its not you. We as a whole have moved to a place where the lower stakes approach is preferable to actual effort, sadly. 

i've seen (and remember) the Star Trek episodes You mention, so i guess i qualify as "nerdy" too.  

i think there is a lot of truth in Your observations and ideas. i think the majority of effects of evolution fly under the radar of our awareness and am grateful for discussion forums like this where another pair of eyes and connected brain are adding to the mix of awareness. 

Even for those of us who would still go to the local cruising spot, tech has (likely forever?)  changed  that venue and process. 

i lived in VA prior to the gay tech age. i knew all the cruising spots where i could almost guarantee instant sex or multiple sex partners just  by showing up and sitting in my car or sitting on a toilet in a stall in a RR.  

There was one park in particular, sandwiched between two Naval bases, that always had at least a congregation of 20 guys with the potential for sex. i went through that park on a trip back east, and it didn't have one guy there... just a bunch of straight families. Sex venues seem to be going the way of the horse and buggy and what we have is the Model T... well, tech has progressed beyond that lol, but we are  still in the early stages of evolution me thinks. i do remember my first  gay internet porn, trying to watch it using a dial up modem. But fuck, it beat going to an ABS and getting a magazine.  

Also, now we have a whole generation of guys who have never even experienced cruising like some of us  older  guys have... all they know is online. 

Another online phenomenon that just did not exist  with IRL cruising is stuff like 'bots' and  'scammers.'    The last couple of years, apps have become overrun with them.  But even those can evolve or become extinct, eh? Squirt recently added a filter  to the log on process that requires one of those "prove you are human" features and i have noticed the bots/scammers i was getting every time i signed on have 'virtually' disappeared (for now).

[jeff238]

1 hour ago, Kayne said:

This is the downside of progress my friend. 

Before, Cruising had stakes. whether it was covertly checking out a potential playmate and clicking in a space -Whether public or private-,   or stumbling on a group of guys gettingbit on, Getting caught did something to heat the situation. The exposure could be addictive. and it didn't matter where you did it, in a bar, on a pier, beach, between two cars, in a sauna, in your own apartment. it didn't matter. 

Before there were potrable super computer phones in our pockets with nstant nudes, internet porn at a moment's notice and literal electronic bulletin boards of the next nearest cock or community cum dumpster, or PrEP, one has to be fully present to hunt.

Whether Predator or Prey "Man2Man" interactions had chemistry, not easily subverted by fantasy. But when you can literally See the guy at a gym, bar, grocery store on some random hook up site and never talk to  him, but yet you know all that you need to know to get you off, interpersonal interaction becomes redundant. Why, because you have the best version of them already at your disposal.  where the real you might not like deep anal, and much preferre being hot dogged, the you in his fantasies can't get enough cock in his hole. Maybe you're a Dominant guy, in his mind you're either a needy submussive, or Dom that He can turn the tables on. That fantasybtskes way less effort with way less risk of rejection than the you that he's built in his fantasies; even if you're right there in front of him within breathing distance.

Normally, I'm Just A Big Dumb Jock, but I'm gonna get nerdy for a tick, because this illustrates what I mean better than I can explain it.

There are 2 Episodes of Star Trek TNG Where LaForge comes into contact with a Physicist,  Dr Brahams.  in the first episode the problem of the week lead Laforge to make a  holodeck simulation of the doctor. he had her statistical info, but made up a personality out of whole cloth, and the computer played the simulation. its implied that  over the next year he fired up that holder doctor many times. A year Later, when he has a chance to meet the real lady, she shatters the fantasy he built, which only got worse when she found out about the holodeck program. They ultimately were able to get past this issue. he saw the real person, she stopped being a stuck up bitch. but the point still stands, and is especially accurate, because in most situations,  people never get past the destruction of their fantasies.  so no, its not you.

TL;DR

Its not you. We as a whole have moved to a place where the lower stakes approach is preferable to actual effort, sadly. 

I like this. My experience is that society is just getting more punitive. I came of age when feminists were just starting to gain momentum. Being a more reserved type with nerdy inclinations, it was extremely confusing to me, to such an extent that I just avoided female interaction period. Physically, not being what women were classically attracted to, made that easy.

I remember, one time being at a table with a couple other guys at the company cafeteria, a woman sat down with us and started chatting. At some point she made the statement that she often, when getting home from work, just had to get out of what ever she was wearing and just be naked. Not one guy said a word, no doubt afraid to engage, for fear of saying the wrong thing, and being in a work setting to boot.

Being a flexible, problem solver type, I just gravitated to being with guys, in no small part because guys are/were more likely to put themselves in a situation that gives the green light to engage in physical activity.

[tallslenderguy]

29 minutes ago, jeff238 said:

I like this. My experience is that society is just getting more punitive. I came of age when feminists were just starting to gain momentum. Being a more reserved type with nerdy inclinations, it was extremely confusing to me, to such an extent that I just avoided female interaction period. Physically, not being what women were classically attracted to, made that easy.

I remember, one time being at a table with a couple other guys at the company cafeteria, a woman sat down with us and started chatting. At some point she made the statement that she often, when getting home from work, just had to get out of what ever she was wearing and just be naked. Not one guy said a word, no doubt afraid to engage, for fear of saying the wrong thing, and being in a work setting to boot.

 

i wonder if it's that society "is just getting more punitive," or if 'offense" and the reasons for punishment have changed? In 1998, i was arrested for asking an undercover vice cop  who was purposely pretending to be gay in order to entice and entrap a gay guy looking for  sex.   We exchanged  enough to where i asked if he wanted to fuck me? He confirmed i was asking him to fuck me, then arrested me and charged me with a felony using a 100 year old  sodomy law (the  court reduced it to a misdemeanor or "indecent exposure" even though there was no  exposure  involved... at the time, i was just relieved to have it reduced).  Gay guys don't get arrested that way anymore?  

In some ways, i think society has become more aware (and accommodating?) of the differences between people. Whereas women may have just taken sexism on the chin in the past, because it was 'the norm,' the term: "boys will be boys" doesn't fly as readily as a reason for sexual aggression in 2023. 

Haha, i wonder about the incident you relate. A couple of questions arise now that probably wound not occur to a male during the  1960's say. In the 1960's, probably all those  guys would have felt free, even invited, to make sexually suggestive retorts. Today? i'd wonder if she was bating?  Or, was she possibly a horny woman fishing for a  come on in a now polluted waterway?  

"Progress" always seems a double edged sword.