Caring about cumming?

[Dirtysouth]

Also a quick survey, I've seen bottoms on here say when they are getting bred they are after a load, but not their own. So as someone who is new to this whole scene, and being mainly straight identified, where men are almost always worried about their female partner climaxing (though it happens somewhere in the 1/3rd of the time range) when I got blown the other night, I shot a huge 2 week load and didn't reciprocate. It was pretty clear he was a bottom and the load was what he was after, but still, felt odd to not care about his pleasure... which is of course what I want... I want to fuck ass, get blown, and be a straight top who enjoys getting his balls off. So in the end, do I need to worry about helping a bottom cum?

[Bttm2go]

No, you do not have to worry about him. As a bottom my goal is to please you and taking your load is my reward. I can get off later. So, please, just be a top and use us. There is too few real tops around.

[gkz68]

As a bottom I'm after your load in my hole. I don't often get hard when getting fucked and only cum with a top if he wants me too. Otherwise I cum later on my own with your seed inside me.

[thick]

This is how I play it. Im the top. I cum first. AFTER I CUM, If I like the bottom Im with, then I will assist him in getting off (if he wants to cum). but trust me. most bottoms wont cum. They get their pleasure from pleasing you.

[Pig Bottom]

If he wants you to help him cum he will let you know or jerk himself off.

[drscorpio]

If I plan on taking more loads, I probably won't want to come after you breed my ass. I only want to shoot when I am done for the evening. Every once in a while, a top will insist on seeing me cum which I will certainly do for him. Just be aware your bottom may sometimes not want to get off right at that moment.

[BttmChub]

Nope, don't worry about us bottoms getting off at all. That's not what we are there for. Being allowed to take Your cock inside me and being allowed the honor of being a receptacle for your Sperm is all the pleasure i need.

[Belfast-Bottom]

"No, you do not have to worry about him. As a bottom my goal is to please you and taking your load is my reward. I can get off later. So, please, just be a top and use us. There is too few real tops around."

I agree, plus in a sauna or orgy situation where I might want to get more loads, I don't want to cum until the end of the night. Cumming reduces my drive to take a lot more cock.

[Guest]

Wow, this thread is so timely. I identify myself as a bottom, and on a4a I recently had a top who saw my profile say that i was too needy because I admitted that i like to cum while my ass is being fucked, and liked cuddling and kissing afterward. He said that i should only be concerned about the top's pleasure, that once i cum he'd be afraid that i wouldn't want to be fucked any more. I have to admit I was confused, because here i threw my naked ass at this top and he turned it down.

Now I agree it is the bottom's duty to get the top off, but why can't or shouldn't the top care about the bottom's pleasure. I mean I get the dom/sub thing, but can't there be varying degrees of it. Maybe it's still left over from when i fucked my wife, but i always made sure i got her off before i came, her pleasure showed i cared about her and made me a better lover, made me dominant to her, i had the power to make her cum, give it up to me.

Now as a bottom, i love to beg for a guy to breed me, i love when a guy cums in my mouth or ass. I like knowing that i gave my self to them and that they took my manhood or proved theirs by cumming in me. Maybe it's macho for a top to think that once he cums in a guy, he's done, that it doesn't matter about the bottom.(the routine dom/sub attitude) But i think if he made the bottom cum, the top would show even more of his control over the bottom. Besides I think that you can be dominant and still care about your bottom's pleasure, and this may actually show even more strength than a love(fuck) 'em and leave 'em attitude. i'm not confusing sex with love here, or that fact that some subs just collect loads to run up numbers and dont care about respect--(except maybe from voyeurs-tops or bottoms- who might be impressed by the number). just an alternative view. If the we show respect for each other within the gay community, maybe those outside the community will learn respect for us too. Sorry about the run-on nature of this response as it is kind of free form.

[boigotbak]

yeah just fuk our slut holes......use us. we like it.

[BottomBiCork]

flexbtm:

i'm not confusing sex with love here, or that fact that some subs just collect loads to run up numbers and dont care about respect--(except maybe from voyeurs-tops or bottoms- who might be impressed by the number).

While agreeing with the vast majority of your post (ie: that there are degrees of domination and submission, and each to their own), I can't help but take exception to this particular statement/assumption.

Just because I have no need or desire to experience orgasm when being bred does not mean I do not respect the Top who is using me for his pleasure. By the same token, I do not presume that the Top has no respect for me as the vehicle for his own selfish pleasure. We are engaging in a specific and immediate relationship wherein the aim of the contact is HIS orgasm(s), not mine. Very simple. My personal desire is being fulfilled by taking another man's seed. His by doing the seeding.

Whatever kinks or switches that operate in the sexual pleasure centres of the two participants, respect for each other is an entirely exterior concern, unrelated to the transaction. Indeed, there are certainly people for whom degradation, humiliation and abuse is their major turn-on, but even then there must be a modicum of respect between the participants, otherwise they would avoid each other completely.

Finally, and this is purely personal, while I appreciate the pornographic quality of keeping a count for relating to others later, for me it is not a numbers game. Each time I get bred it is about that exact moment, nothing else. Voyeurs, future retelling of the details and accurate updating of my load count for the day/week/year are all utterly absent from my mind.

To the OP: Personally, I rarely cum while being fucked. For many of the reasons outlined by others, but principally because my role is that of sub bottom. The fuck is about the top cumming in me. When he's done, if he just wants to walk away, then so be it. I get the distinct impression that many other bottoms think this way, for sure most of those on here. Indeed, I would venture that the nature of this board attracts submissive bottoms and dominant tops, as well as truly vers guys on that spectrum, more than other demographics. But then, there are still guys like flexbtm above who think differently.

Like anything else, a bottom's desire for orgasm is something that can be quickly and easily ascertained on initial contact if the meet is planned in advance. Not so easy in a bathhouse or sauna situation, but then if you're gonna complain about what goes on in such places, then you shouldn't be there in the first place, IMHO.

Each to their own.

[thick]

I also like a bottom that gets hard. you know why? because when the bottom plays with their clit while Im poking them in the ass, their ass contracts around my cock. A. I dont like a bottom to be in noticeable pain, its distracting. B. I want my bottoms to enjoy what Im doing to them. C. like I said previously, get me off first and I'll work on you to get you to cum if thats what you want. If you dont want to cum then thats cool....... I hooked up with this guy the other day and before I could even get off the bed and into my clothes, he was texting other tops for more cum. now thats disrespectful

[bttmboy4daddy]

No you don't "need" to be concerned with making the bottom cum. A lot of bottoms (as has been said), like being viewed as just holes for your cock and don't want to cum themselves. Some of them (like me) will jack themselves off either while servicing you, or after. Many bottoms (again, myself included) don't want a top jacking us off or blowing us.

However, there's nothing wrong with asking a bottom if he wants/needs to cum. I like to cum (usually after my top has cum, unless he requests otherwise), and I like it when a top is willing to at least let me rim his ass or suck his dick while I jack off (especially if he's just barebacked my ass; I don't feel I've really bottomed properly unless I give him some ass to mouth, really be a slut for him).

There's no set rules for this, just do what you feel like.

[Deaner]

When in doubt, ask. And if you have a preference, let it be known.

A sub is more likely to appreciate your desires one way or the other if you are upfront about them. And if you give them the option of reciprocating, they can either accept the gratuity or decline the offer.

Once in a while, there will be a conflict of interests. It's inevitable that occasionally a selfish top will hook up with a sub who wants to get off, or a top who likes seeing his boy cum will meet a sub who is unwilling or unable to do so. Better to ask a simple question or make a firm statement upfront, than to deal with awkwardness and disappointment at the end of the session.

Most folks will simply go with the flow, but if it's a deal-breaker one way or the other, being clear about your desires - or asking you partner about his - will give either of you the opportunity to opt-out and find a better match elsewhere.

[TotalBottom]

One of the reasons I don't cum is because I want my memory of the experience to be solely focused on the fucking and the dynamic of it. When I'm getting fucked, I pay close attention to everything about the top's cock, the ways he fucks, how my hole feels, etc. If I cum when I'm with a top, I feel like it becomes a distraction when I think about the encounter later.

I like to keep getting fucked and jerking off really separate. I don't want the actions combined.