About to have sex for the first time

[Flared]

Hello everyone. I'm 19yo and just moved to a large city for the first time in my life for studies. I come from a small village (which is on an island). Although we do have tons of tourists well it was hard to do anything sexual. It seems as there is a kind of an invisible barrier between us and the tourists. Being gay is tough here but I've managed to be a fake str8 or whatever you may call it. I know that I'm gay and I have no regrets or bad feelings about it. I love liking men.

However I'm a bit scared too. Sometimes it feels that my sexual drive takes control. It's not easy finding someone. I recently made a profile on a gay site, I receive lots of messages but very few were interesting for my taste. I'm mostly into someone who would be 35+, the daddy type you know. I don't really know if I am a top or a bottom, for the time being I can be everything. I feel like I'm ready to catch fire, metaphorically speaking. I also thinking of getting a nipple piercing. Sounds irrelevant but somehow when I get horny I think of that too. Or when I see it in others. I wanna test another man's lips and not only that.

I know about prep and I know about STDs. I want my first time to be raw. The only guy that we're talking these days is a guy who is 40 and he likes smoking and poppers. he smokes cigarettes and weed. We jerk off together at cam and he likes smoking a lot while I stroke for him. he wants me to suck him. I think I want too. I'm just a bit confused. I'd like to discuss all these with someonen who is patient and does not want to fuck me right now. I've got no gay friends or friends who know that I'm gay. So I wanted to share all these..

[DallasPozzible]

I was also 19 when I first had sex. Gosh, those were long years waiting to get to a big city so that I could find other gay guys. But that was a very different time before AIDS and the internet. I wouldn’t even try to advise you on modern coming out and hooking up. However, I strongly urge you to think carefully about your health.

I totally understand wanting your first sex to be raw. And I would feel the same way. The great thing is that you can go raw and be pretty safe too, but it will take some planning. Take precautions. Find a doctor or free clinic where you can get medial consultations. At minimum, I’d suggest getting on PrEP and get vaccinations for HPV and hepatitis. You can also get a prescription for doxycycline to take after having condomless sex to dramatically reduce the risk of catching an STI (DoxyPEP). I’m definitely not a medical expert, so others will probably correct me or add to the list.

Reading posts on this site can make risky sex sound great - it sure does to me! But I urge you to take a step at a time. Just having sex for the first times is unimaginably exciting. If later you want to stop PrEP, you’ll be in a much better headspace to make that life-altering decision. 

Good luck to you! Keep us posted. 

[viking8x6]

1 hour ago, Flared said:

Sometimes it feels that my sexual drive takes control. It's not easy finding someone. I recently made a profile on a gay site

As a teenage male, is completely normal for your sex drive to feel overwhelming! Try not to let it make you crazy. Finding sex is great, but if you can't do that, jerking off helps.

It's always difficult finding someone, it seems. I think a lot of that is because people have a lot of specific ideas about what they want. Sometimes it is very helpful to let go of some of those and be flexible. If you give up some of your pickiness, you can try things you might otherwise not and also as an added bonus actually get some sex! The internet can be very unhelpful in finding sex, because people there are all being picky, too, and also it throws time and location into the mix, and actually meeting someone in person can be a seemingly impossible task. This is where parties and gatherings are superior, especially ones where sex, or at least flirting, is expected. It's why people go out dancing, for example.

[poztwinksrhot]

Knowing who you are and what you want is good, but it's only half the battle.  I knew in my mind that I wanted to touch naked boys before I had any idea what jerking off was, but was in my 20s before I was open enough to have proper sex with a guy.  But that was a different era.  Now it's ok to be open about such things, especially if you're in a big city.  Find a gay friend your age, or an older mentor type, and have long talks about gay stuff and sex.

Don't worry about what makes you horny.  You're still in the process of figuring that out.  That list will change and grow over time.  Things that seem weird now may make your dick drip in 10 or 20 years.  Are you a top or a bottom (or versatile)?  You won't know until you try.  Don't be scared of trying each of them over and over until you're absolutely sure. :)  Just learn how to clean yourself out before bottoming.  Both you and your partner will appreciate that.

Whether you start raw or use condoms is up to you.  Of course you know our opinion LOL.  The idea of going without PReP may get you horny (or maybe not), but whatever you do, make it an educated decision.  As was mentioned earlier, you can always start safe, and then take the training wheels off later.

Being scared or nervous is normal when you're starting out.  I'll also echo @viking8x6's comments about "pickyness".  I can't say much.  I was picky. I also didn't touch many dicks other than my own.  Looking back, I want to slap my younger self and tell him that there will be time later to find Mr Right, but that at their age, they should be focusing on Mr Right Now, and Mr Big Dick But With a Hairy Body or With Facial Hair, and Mr Interested In Me But Over 25, and Mr Doesn't Look Like The Guys I Jerk To Online But is Horny and Lives Nearby.  Those are the guys that will get your hole filled (or let you fill theirs) on a regular basis, and when you're young and horny, that's what should matter.

Good luck, and let us know how it goes.

Edited September 19, 2023 by poztwinksrhot

[Flared]

17 hours ago, DallasPozzible said:

Take precautions. Find a doctor or free clinic where you can get medial consultations. At minimum, I’d suggest getting on PrEP and get vaccinations for HPV and hepatitis

In my country all adolescents are vaccinated against HPV and Hepatitis B (and also A as children but I think it only lasts for 2 years). So I'm mostly worried about HIV which can be solved by taking Prep.. 

[tallslenderguy]

Hi, 

And welcome. There's a great group of guys on BZ, lots of interesting, informative discussion, not to mention a lot of variety. i've been here for several years and have not found it's equal as an online gay community... a lot more here than "breeding."  

It seems nature has instilled a strong sex drive in most guys, probably why it's called a "drive," because it often drives us vs us controlling it lol.  You sound like a perfectly normal guy, and being "a little scared" is part of that normalcy me thinks. 

Strange about the "invisible barrier" you speak of. i think it likely that people are afraid when in a foreign environment, especially as a tourist. Maybe not being familiar with customs and culture makes one more cautious, and frankly, afraid.  Even in this country, i remember that getting sex was a process i had to figure out, not something that happened in a week... which may be all a tourist has in your country?  This seems one instance where Aps actually may facilitate things, though i've read of fears from guys touring other countries where they were afraid to hook up with locals because of fears of being victimized by predators. i imagine that would be a fear any could have visiting any new environment. Too bad, likely a lot of lost opportunities. 

Hope you stick around and get to know us, interact and become part of the BZ community.

[DallasPozzible]

5 hours ago, Flared said:

So I'm mostly worried about HIV which can be solved by taking Prep.. 

It sounds like you’re on the right track. When you see doc about PrEp just ask if there’s anything else you should do. I mentioned DoxyPEP to prevent other STIs. This treatment is only now becoming recommended and seems very exciting to me. I myself am getting my first prescription today. 

Since you’re coming from another country, be sure you get familiar with the perils of American healthcare. It’s really a mess and can get very expensive. There are some good posts relating to this issue on this site. Last night I was reading a thread called “When is the best age to become poz?” where @ellentonboy posted a long discussion about his process for getting health insurance. 

 

[hntnhole]

On 9/19/2023 at 11:52 AM, Flared said:

I know that I'm gay and I have no regrets or bad feelings about it. I love liking men

That's what I call a real dilemma, Flared.  Do you have any plans for higher education?  If so, make sure you choose a college in a larger city, far from your current location.  That will help tremendously with your journey to sexual freedom.  

It's a lot easier to be from someplace, and free to be the man  you were born to be, than spending too much time wishing you were.  

Good luck !!

[Flared]

It's me again

So I had my first experience at last. I found a guy 41yo on a dating app. My dream for finding someone "outside" did not come true, too romantic for today's standards. But I found a handsome man who was into me as I was into him. I think I had some risky behavrious but it was fun. I agreed to meet him outside the subway (he said he worked in a hospital nearby) and I got into his cars. I kept on thinking what my father would say about getting inside a stranger's car. I also had a thought of guilt that not even god would help a sinner like me but I pushed it away. I also had some horror movie-based thoughts. But I was not punished or murder and so far he's not a psycopath which is a positive thing. We went around with his car for a while. I was shy as fuck. I was not horny but the guy was my type I wanted him. Still believing that there's a slight chance I could get murdered I thought that I was lucky to be with him. We went into a nice bar and had a beer. We talked. He asked me if I wanted to get to his place.

That was a tough call. Half of me wanted to go and half of me didn't feel ready to have sex. But anyway I thought that it was a now or never thing. I think that 99% of the time I had an innder dialogue with the angel and the devil (and me) inside me. I have to admit the guy had patience. We kissed a lot. Guys I'm a terrible kisser I need to practice, my teeth were hitting his, I didn't know this could happen.

We got undressed and he hugged me. I liked that. He asked me to suck him. I felt like he was my training doll. I was asking him can I do this or can I do that and he would agree. He came in my mouth which I didn't know what to do. In my horny thoughts I would swallow but I was not sure I wanted but I did. It felt weird to go to the bathroom and spit. He fucked me after that quite soon. He smoked just before which without knowing, he triggered a kink of mine. He really tried when he fucked me but everything was painful. I mostly waited for him to cum. I was getting horny from him being horny. He helped me cum afterwards. He asked me to sleep with him and so we did. But I don't know why I didn't enjoy the fucking. It was painful, but I like the idea of being fucked

[hntnhole]

28 minutes ago, Flared said:

But I don't know why I didn't enjoy the fucking. It was painful, but I like the idea of being fucked

Congrats, Flared.  You've come quite a distance from when you first posted above.  

There are any number of reasons you didn't enjoy the fuck.  You're what we call a "novice" as far as sexual acts go, and I'm not at all surprised you didn't find the first fuck thrilling.  We're conditioned to associate the ass with unpleasant functions, and that could be part of it.  Others (I mean bottoms) on BZ can offer you advice on the prep-work, if that's what was bothering you. Or, maybe it was nothing more than learning how to relax your Hole properly.  I'd call it a small issue, soon to be overcome with some practical advise and taking more Cocks up your gut.  Generally, I think it's the Top's responsibility to "open" the bottom, and make sure it's ready (after the usual preparations are accomplished).  You'll learn fairly quickly, I think, to accommodate the Cock, and thrill to the sexual freedom that's in your future.  It could be nothing more than a sense of not knowing what to do, and that wouldn't be a surprise at all.  

Again, congratulations on your first "natural" fuck.  Now, go forth, young man - and experience everything you need/want to experience.  Make the years count, in all the richness they offer. 

Good luck !!!

[Iker80]

Congrats on your first time. They're not always what people expect though. My first time on top was cool because, well, fucking is great. Our dicks feeling good is familiar. Having a guy inside me was different, I didn't get it first time, second or even third time. Those guys all hurt and felt like they were too big and hitting my insides at bad angles. It was the fourth guy I tried it with when it worked.

It's a mind thing really. One of the major differences between pussy and a guy's butt is muscles. We can really tighten up hard if we're not in the right headspace and then nothing is going in comfortably. Your butt won't really be fuckable for the top like that and it will hurt you if he tries to. That's what happened to me with the first three guys. The fourth one I relaxed though. The thing that worked for me was being so horny about this specific guy I had to have him inside me. If you can find  guy that makes you feel that way, try it with him!

Once you've had your first good fuck though you'll find it's easier to do it with all kinds of other guys. You'll know how to relax better.

[Flared]

So guys thank you for your comments, it really helps hearing (or reading) other people's minds.

We had sex again these two days (Friday and Saturday). The fucking hurt as hell. There were times that it was bearable though especially yesterday. The experience was definitely better. I enjoy that guy he's sexy, he has something "daddy-like". He's older than me, he's kind, he's caring. But at the same time I feel so shy around him. I can't understand who I fuck with him yet I'm shy. I don't know where this goes. I can't ask him. It feels too childish. We're not a coupe. Are we what we call fuck budies? Are we budies? Can I be buddy with him who's 40? I don't know how am I supposed to feel. He sure makes me horny. But emotionally I'm so damn confused.

[cumnboys]

17 hours ago, Flared said:

So guys thank you for your comments, it really helps hearing (or reading) other people's minds.

We had sex again these two days (Friday and Saturday). The fucking hurt as hell. There were times that it was bearable though especially yesterday. The experience was definitely better. I enjoy that guy he's sexy, he has something "daddy-like". He's older than me, he's kind, he's caring. But at the same time I feel so shy around him. I can't understand who I fuck with him yet I'm shy. I don't know where this goes. I can't ask him. It feels too childish. We're not a coupe. Are we what we call fuck budies? Are we budies? Can I be buddy with him who's 40? I don't know how am I supposed to feel. He sure makes me horny. But emotionally I'm so damn confused.

I'm that age and I'd love to breed a person your age.... no need to be shy, trust me, he's finding every inch of you beautiful.

Nothing wrong with it as long as you're both having fun...... and older guys have benefits like being caring and having money etc. Relax and enjoy the ride to wherever it ends up.

As your ass gets used to fucking from now on it'll stop hurting and start feeling really, really, really good. Keep at it, it'll be like maximum a few more times until that happens.

I hope you're not using condoms?  It's SO much better feeling cum squirt into your ass.... also, for reference, condoms cause his cock to be WAY less comfortable than barebacking it, skin on skin is going to be so less painful for you, you'll be amazed.   So ditch the condoms and go unprotected.