Ever been really angry at a hookup?

[viking8x6]

I got pretty pissed off once when a former Grindr hookup (which hadn't been repeated because it was pretty lousy TBH) showed up at my door after dark one evening without any notice or contact whatsoever, on Grindr or anywhere else. Creeped me the fuck out. I told him in icy tones that it was NOT OK and that he needed to go away. Which fortunately he did.

[BootmanLA]

On 10/23/2023 at 5:03 PM, slaveboi said:

Only time I ever got too worked up was my 3rd time with a guy. I had a gloryhole setup in a hotel room. I sucked him Friday night and again Saturday morning.  He hit me up again Saturday miday and asked if I was interested in more than just blowing him through the gloryhole.  He had seen some bdsm pics on my profile and asked if I had any gear. I had all my gear and toys so we agreed a on what we would do. He wanted me in leather cuffs and a hood with an open mouth gag. I told him if I was gagged I would use a small squeaker toy as a safe word. Everything was going great he came in hooked my cuffs together and put his uncut cock in my mouth. At the gloryhole I couldn't deepthroat him because of his size. He switched between my holes and was really getting into it. He pulled out of my ass flipped my onto my back hand started pushing down my throat. I was trying to work the squeaker but it was smashed in my hand and wouldn't work.  I was gagging and choking and finally got all the way in. He blew his load and pulled out. I was coughing up cock snot and was pissed.  He reached down and uncuffed me. While I was trying to recover he starts telling me how hot that was and he couldn't believe i didn't tap out. Once I realized he didn't know I calmed down. After the fact it was actually kinda hot.

Third time with a guy, and you're already setting up gloryholes in hotels and experiencing this kind of thing? My, my. How do the chirren go on these days.

[BootmanLA]

4 hours ago, Baretop4ever said:

At a hook up I didn't get a hard on - had a stressful week before and had some personal issues distracting me. I honestly hoped to get off and honestly offered a fuck... The guy was pissed and reproached me for not getting hard and started a real drama out of it. 

I offered him three options:

- maybe I don't get hard because he's not the cupcake I thought to be?

- if he needs an all-time ready-steady hard dick, it's a dildo what he needs, and not a human being that isn't ready like a tool with loaded batteries at any time... 

- to piss off

I'm aware that a date expects a hard dick when one is out to get fucked, and that I, as a top, am the one to deliver and I provoke hope for that when I accept a hook up, but hello...! We're humans, no machines or apps... I had countless of guys without a stone hard rod for various reasons that no one's to blame for.

The *only* thing missing from this narrative (and I hope it's just omitted, not that it wasn't part of the scenario) is an apology - "Look, I'm sorry, I thought I was up for this, but apparently my cock's not going to cooperate. I've been kind of stressed - any chance you'd let me try again sometime?"

Without something like that, it could kinda come across like you didn't mind wasting his time, given that he probably wanted to get fucked as much as you wanted to fuck.

And given that bottoms often have to go through a reasonable amount of prep work before hand, he may well have had more "invested" in the hookup than you did. So at least acknowledging that it was your issue causing the problem would have been the classy thing to do.

As for the "not the cupcake" crack: had you exchanged photos beforehand, or anything? if so, and his pics were him, it sounds kinda assholish to me to accept the hookup request and then suggest the reason you don't get hard is his fault - ESPECIALLY given your "stressful week" AND your "personal issues" (which weren't his fault). I agree, nobody's supposed to be a dildo on demand, but come on - if you can't deliver what you set out to do, the least you can do is appear somewhat regretful (even if you have to fake it) that YOU didn't deliver what YOU agreed to.

[Theo8]

yeah-the guy did NOT clean his hole out like he promised.  I got off and left

[PozBearWI]

4 hours ago, viking8x6 said:

I got pretty pissed off once when a former Grindr hookup (which hadn't been repeated because it was pretty lousy TBH) showed up at my door after dark one evening without any notice or contact whatsoever, on Grindr or anywhere else. Creeped me the fuck out. I told him in icy tones that it was NOT OK and that he needed to go away. Which fortunately he did.

@viking8x6 do you have a Purple front door????  LOL

[blackrobe]

5 hours ago, Baretop4ever said:

At a hook up I didn't get a hard on - had a stressful week before and had some personal issues distracting me. I honestly hoped to get off and honestly offered a fuck... The guy was pissed and reproached me for not getting hard and started a real drama out of it. 

I offered him three options:

- maybe I don't get hard because he's not the cupcake I thought to be?

- if he needs an all-time ready-steady hard dick, it's a dildo what he needs, and not a human being that isn't ready like a tool with loaded batteries at any time... 

- to piss off

I'm aware that a date expects a hard dick when one is out to get fucked, and that I, as a top, am the one to deliver and I provoke hope for that when I accept a hook up, but hello...! We're humans, no machines or apps... I had countless of guys without a stone hard rod for various reasons that no one's to blame for.

That's inexcusable.

In the same way bottoms would like tops to be understanding of the complexities and difficulties of bottoming, bottoms have to understand the challenges of topping.

I've had meetups with men who said "I don't always get hard" or something like it. I smile and just say I'm there to make them feel good and just relax and do what feels good to them. Every time they relax, we make out, and they get very turned on and have no problem getting hard. Arousal is such a multi-factored thing. I try to take the pressure off tops so they know whatever happens, it's going to be fine and fun.

[cumfillthishole]

I was pnp'ing with these guys for a good day or 2. I ended up at my friend's pad after to try and get some sleep after. I passed the fuck out and woke up to my friend's neighbor fucking me bare. I was groggy as fuck. When he noticed I was coming to, he said my friend had gone to collect more favors and he had left the door open.

I asked him to stop so I could rest up. I was down to let this stranger fuck his load in me but when I was rested a bit and could enjoy it. He stopped and I fell back asleep.

Woke up again to him going to town on my ass. My friend was there now and cheering him on. Heard him them going on about a 3rd load.

I was passed the fuck off. It was a hot scene, but I was still livid at the situation.

[Baretop4ever]

On 11/9/2023 at 12:14 AM, BootmanLA said:

The *only* thing missing from this narrative (and I hope it's just omitted, not that it wasn't part of the scenario) is an apology - "Look, I'm sorry, I thought I was up for this, but apparently my cock's not going to cooperate. I've been kind of stressed - any chance you'd let me try again sometime?"

Without something like that, it could kinda come across like you didn't mind wasting his time, given that he probably wanted to get fucked as much as you wanted to fuck.

I didn't write without reason in the beginning of my post: "The guy was pissed and reproached me for not getting hard and started a real drama out of it."

 

I get what you mean and I agree with you that my post lacks context and I understand certain aspects can be difficult to comprehend. It would have been wise to ask for more context. Instead, you make assumptions, and accuse me of things based on your approximate assumptions. Things that I didn’t do and that you don’t know about if I actually acted like that, as you claim. I'm afraid that you are over-interpreting and reading more in there, and seem to estimate things that didn't happen. Over-interpreting things into my post doesn’t help to support your points either. It’s nothing but hijacking my post to address issues that you obviously have in mind, but have nothing to do with me or my situation.

Therefore to clarify and with more context:

1) I did apologize for my inconvenience. I'm not sure why you estimate that I wasn't regretful and would put the blame for my issues on that guy. I never wrote that anywhere. I asked him to piss off because he was reproaching me.

In detail: that guy became rude, abused me, calling me bad names, shaming me for “not being man enough”, and angrily started to talk me into focusing on getting a hard-on. That was the point when I gave him my three options.

2) he didn't do all the prep work beforehand. I found out when I fingered him - it wouldn't have taken much and he would have offered me a different kind of cupcake 💩. I did not mention that in my initial post because I wasn't angry about it within. I didn't have any problems with that. That happens and is part of the risks for me as a top and I didn't reproach him for that. I'm not sure why you estimate that every bottom is likewise conscientiously doing prep work beforehand, that argument doesn't work. I had countless bottoms not doing the prep work. It is not okay, but experience has taught me that is still very common. And I take the chance if I want my fun.

Normally, an apology is definitely due, and while I did apologize for not meeting what he expected, I don't apologize to rude people and don’t have to eat humbled pie for not getting a boner.

It goes without saying that a sex date is always combined with the risk that you don't always get what you expect. Hello, that is common experience! No matter how much a bottom does prep work beforehand - that doesn't make him entitled to demand warranty. Of course, he comes with the expectation that a top offers and provokes hope for. Of course, a top has to deliver. But remember: it was a date. Consensual and non committed. No notarized certified contract with 100% hard-on and cum-inside guarantee and warranty period or refund policy for all prior investments. I don’t know if you keep on with a date if you feel uncomfortable for whatever reason, but I take the liberty of ending it if something does not feel right. And shaming me for not getting hard is definitely not a good basis to go ahead, only because of me assuming the other guy seemingly may have done more prep work beforehand.

And I don't understand anyways why you weigh up who did more prep work beforehand, the bottom or the top… it’s not a competition and doesn't entitle anyone to enforce anything, so that argument doesn't work either.
When I fuck someone, I offer what I have got and I will see what the other one will offer. So do most of the guys act that I have met. Aggressively demanding something that has obviously become possible like the rude guy in my case did are the exception in my case.
Everyone offers something, that's normal and part of the process, and there's always the risk that it could be in vain. If you don't accept that, then don't invest anything. If a bottom feels entitled to enforce a boner at any cost for the sole reason he did all the immense prep work beforehand, then that's what I mentioned for to go for a dildo. That's the only 100% hard-on guarantee you can ever get to make your prep work worth it. Or go to a sex worker that you have paid for, there you can argue how much prep work you have invested beforehand and how much you are entitled to make demands.

I believe that it's a given to be empathic enough to understand that a man doesn't get hard on command. I understand that, and I had men who understood that. It was even by such men that I've learned that compassion from while I had been inexperienced myself and had been starting to hook up. And that guy lacked that empathy.

This is the kind of empathy that I'm talking about. Look and learn:

On 11/9/2023 at 2:06 AM, blackrobe said:

In the same way bottoms would like tops to be understanding of the complexities and difficulties of bottoming, bottoms have to understand the challenges of topping.

I've had meetups with men who said "I don't always get hard" or something like it. I smile and just say I'm there to make them feel good and just relax and do what feels good to them. Every time they relax, we make out, and they get very turned on and have no problem getting hard. Arousal is such a multi-factored thing. I try to take the pressure off tops so they know whatever happens, it's going to be fine and fun.

 

 

On 11/9/2023 at 12:14 AM, BootmanLA said:

had you exchanged photos beforehand, or anything?

What do you think?

Maybe you had the luck exchanging photos in advance, and your guys looked and appeared exactly the way in real life. I had different experiences.
Besides that, do you have any suggestions how to tell from a photo of a person has a rude and aggressive character and tends to create dramas? Especially when he comes across as sweet and friendly while we had been chatting before?
How do you think I could tell from a photo if he did prep work beforehand or not? It should be a give to do prep work, as you expect it to be the norm. But the reality looks different, no matter what a bottom promises with words in advance. Well, I couldn't tell that beforehand when I exchanged photos with that guy. Here again: your assumptions about me don't make any sense. With him not doing prep work and becoming rude and dramatic, it should make more sense now why I didn't feel him to be the cupcake he pretended to be.

 

On 11/9/2023 at 12:14 AM, BootmanLA said:

had you exchanged photos beforehand, or anything? if so, and his pics were him, it sounds kinda assholish to me to accept the hookup request and then suggest the reason you don't get hard is his fault - ESPECIALLY given your "stressful week" AND your "personal issues" (which weren't his fault).

I never wrote anywhere in my post that I placed the blame for me not getting a hard-on on that guy. I clearly wrote that the blame was to place on my personal matters. (Have you actually read the post entirely??) Again: assumptions, assumptions, assumptions... instead of calling me an asshole it would have been intelligent of you to ask for ore details and context if you wanna go deeper into the topic. Hijaking my post and placing your personal issues doesn't get you anywhere.

I'm happy to answer anything more if it's still lacking context, but I'm not going into any more wild and confused assumptions. As I said, any assumptions have more to do with you than with me. Or at least have the courtesy to read a post entirely before commenting. That would be "classy", to stick with your narrative.

 

[hntnhole]

On 11/8/2023 at 7:58 PM, JimInWisc said:

do you have a Purple front door????  LOL

I can't help but wonder if a purple front door carries some meaning in some way?  Mine's not purple .... but maybe it should be ??? 

[Baretop4ever]

On 11/9/2023 at 12:14 AM, BootmanLA said:

it sounds kinda assholish to me to accept the hookup request and then suggest the reason you don't get hard is his fault - ESPECIALLY given your "stressful week" AND your "personal issues" (which weren't his fault)

Obviously you have read my post from bottom to top, in reverse. Then it would make sense that I told that guy to piss off and which he started to reproach me because of.

Try to read the post from top to bottom and mind the chronology: He was pissed off and reproached me for not getting a hard on and started to make a drama out of it. There is reason why I wrote AFTER this point that I told him to piss off etc.

Edited November 10, 2023 by Baretop4ever

[BootmanLA]

I'll say this: I can only comment on/respond to the chronology you actually laid out. The reason I ask questions about possibilities (NOT "making assumptions" as you put it) is to suggest things that might explain what happened that don't contradict what you wrote. If you're going to leave out important details, then you can't get pissed when people ask about those details as possibilities. Omitting things like apologizing for urging him to come hook up when you weren't capable (for whatever reason, and yes, things happen) suggested that you did not, in fact, apologize. I'm glad you did, and of course that changes the analysis.

But that's exactly what the suggesting possibilities is for - to ask you whether X or Y is possible, so that you can add more detail to rule things in or out. If you're going to judge me for raising possible reasons for the way this interaction went down based solely on what you wrote, maybe writing a bit more would have avoided that.

My experience is that we all (myself included) try to convey narratives in which we look good. When there are gaps in that narrative that might, in fact, point in another direction, it's not unreasonable to ask about those gaps.