Help on letting loose at bathhouses

[miticax]

So guys I need a bit of help on a situation  I'm currently in.
I have recently been to the bathhouse in Amsterdam but as much as I wanted to have fun - even bb as I do prep on demand, being an introvert I'm not really good at getting to connect to ppl and engage into fun.

So I went twice but got somehow in the thought of just watching or freeze myself in getting any fun.

I did try to get fucked by a guy in the darkroom but his dick was small and also he couldn't stay hard, so that was a bust, and that was that.

There were guys on a bench in the open area but although I admired their courage to get fucked without looking, I sort of wanted that too but chickened out.

So I'm bi, considering myself bottom and the times I played where with hookups on apps but not at bathhouses.

My most recent fantasy is darkrooms, so that I would be stripped of that interaction before anything, but I'm afraid again I will not be able to do it.

I'm not a fan of drugs or not even poppers (never tried) because even though I'm bottom, I don't like the feeling of loosing control, so that won't help.

So if you have any advices on all of this I would really appreciate it.

[VersGuyAnon]

I'd say the darkroom option might be the best for starters. Each time I go to the sauna it's a different crowd. Some days I get a lot of action. Other days, not much at all. If you do manage to enjoy a fuck in the darkroom, it will very possibly give you the confidence to seek more fun in other areas of the sauna. 

There's no need to rush things. If you can go in with no or few expectations, you'll more than likely be pleasantly surprised.

Good luck!

[topblkmale]

1 hour ago, miticax said:

So guys I need a bit of help on a situation  I'm currently in.
I have recently been to the bathhouse in Amsterdam but as much as I wanted to have fun - even bb as I do prep on demand, being an introvert I'm not really good at getting to connect to ppl and engage into fun.

So I went twice but got somehow in the thought of just watching or freeze myself in getting any fun.

I did try to get fucked by a guy in the darkroom but his dick was small and also he couldn't stay hard, so that was a bust, and that was that.

There were guys on a bench in the open area but although I admired their courage to get fucked without looking, I sort of wanted that too but chickened out.

So I'm bi, considering myself bottom and the times I played where with hookups on apps but not at bathhouses.

My most recent fantasy is darkrooms, so that I would be stripped of that interaction before anything, but I'm afraid again I will not be able to do it.

I'm not a fan of drugs or not even poppers (never tried) because even though I'm bottom, I don't like the feeling of loosing control, so that won't help.

So if you have any advices on all of this I would really appreciate it.

 

Seems as if you are not attracted to the guys at the bathhouse and are attracted to the guys you meet on hook-up apps.

 

Edited January 2 by topblkmale

[NWUSHorny]

I've found that being an introvert isn't really a problem at bathhouses and fuck venues in most cities. I can usually present myself as being open to fucking or get fucked and let the natural gravitation take place. I will readily admit I struggle in cities where there is a lot of socializing at the fuck venues. Darkrooms are even easier, if you want to fuck or get fucked in and enter an active darkroom it will happen, the key, for me at least, is it needs to be an active darkroom I have no idea how to get things started in a situation where guys are just standing around resisting all gropes.

[hntnhole]

3 hours ago, miticax said:

So guys I need a bit of help on a situation

First, congrats on taking the steps you already have.  

You've tried a number of venues, situations, but you missed describing what it is you really want - what you really need.  You've witnessed guys doing what you apparently want / need to do yourself, yet you hung back from joining in the fun.  You're on PrEP, so you're as protected from serious illness as you can be.  

I'm not sure what it is you're afraid of.  Why not go to those places, and just join in the fun?  There must be something you haven't mentioned that's holding you back?   

 

[Leather69]

Depending on the day and time that sauna can be fairly clicky..lots know each other and spend most of the time sitting around and chatting. Been there and I would only rate it 1 out of 5. I have been to lots of saunas over the years, both in Australia and overseas during my travels.

[barefucker44]

3 hours ago, NWUSHorny said:

I've found that being an introvert isn't really a problem at bathhouses and fuck venues in most cities. I can usually present myself as being open to fucking or get fucked and let the natural gravitation take place. I will readily admit I struggle in cities where there is a lot of socializing at the fuck venues. Darkrooms are even easier, if you want to fuck or get fucked in and enter an active darkroom it will happen, the key, for me at least, is it needs to be an active darkroom I have no idea how to get things started in a situation where guys are just standing around resisting all gropes.

It can be tricky in a non-dark room.  I prefer the dark rooms cus some guys are bent over just waiting on a hard cock.

[BBDreamer]

Bathhouses are always hit-and-miss. I have a different idea. Maybe rather than the dark room. Get a room of your own. Either cruise for someone you click with, or leave your door open and see how you attract. Once in your room alone/together, you can explore what you like. If you like the intrigue of not seeing the guy, turn the light off in your room. Maybe worth a try?

[barebackbro]

On 1/3/2024 at 7:34 AM, miticax said:

I'm not a fan of drugs or not even poppers (never tried) because even though I'm bottom, I don't like the feeling of loosing control, so that won't help.

I’m not sure whether you’d be comfortable with this, but having a fair bit of alcohol before you hit the bathhouse should solve your problem. 

I’m guessing you went to Sauna Nieuwezijds. It’s great there. The steam room might work for you too. 

[ffWhole]

Being introvert isn't your problem... neither is being bisexual. I am both but with gay sex as a bottom I become a cumslut whore. It's in your head and you're just not ready.
It's a mental proces and with some it takes longer...
Once you get the mood right and let go of all the mental brakes, you will get the hang for it.
No advice or anything written will really help you. You have to get it straightened out in your head and you alone can do that.
Keep watching porn and by all means keep going to the sauna. It will either get to you - if not ... well then stick to what you are doing with 1-1 hookups and/or female.

[Spunkinmyarse]

I would just stick at it. I can’t remember how many visits it took to a bathhouse before I felt comfortable enough to “let go”, but it was quite a few. @ffWholeis right: you’re just not quite ready yet. The more familiar you become with the surroundings and the whole concept of bathhouse sex, the sooner you’ll feel comfortable enough to join in.

I’m crap at initiating contact, so going down the cumdump route worked best for me: I present myself and let guys come to me, rather than picking them myself. But it does take time to get to that particular place. Not sure if that’s where you want to be, but enjoy the journey, and don’t worry too much about the destination- you’ll get to wherever you’re going in your own good time!

Edited January 6 by Spunkinmyarse

[JamesL100]

That's why darkrooms are so popular? Or getting invited to private room?

[DeliciousHallway]

As some people already mentioned, you always take a gamble when going there. Sometimes the crowd is great, sometimes it's unbearable – there is nothing you can really do about it.
However, maybe it might be an interesting idea to focus on the things you can actually influence. For me, that would be my expectation. If I visit with the intent of getting topped, I worry about hygiene, the right people, if I'm horny at the right time; a cascade of things that have to be fulfilled for me to have a good time or to achieve the goal I set for myself, which sets up some pressure for me. Personally, I noticed that when I go there only with the plan to relax, an encounter is a nice bonus; I'm way more at ease.

Most bathhouses I went to have bars, and while you write that you don't like poppers (which team I also play in), a beer or two is a nice way of loosening up.
Sometimes you'll meet a guy that isn't your type, but maybe he'd be supportive and help to watch out for you, while you do your thing.

[NWUSHorny]

I can only give you my personal experience, while I am a total introvert, I have always been very open sexually. I didn't exactly know what to expect on my 1st visit to the bathhouse, I got a room, took my clothes off and started to explore. In the 1st group play area there was a couple fucking and they motioned for me to join them so I did. One of the guys was verse, and the other a bottom so I wound up flip fucking with the verse guy while we fucked the bottom. So within 15 minutes of the 1st time I set foot in a bathhouse, I had fucked and been fucked probably at the same time. Even though it was a Thursday night this was Denver in 2000, so it was fairly busy by the standards of most if not all cities by 2024 standards. I stayed about 3 hours fucked 6 guys and got 2 big cocks up my ass. I went back Friday and Saturday nights, and have been visiting bathhouse regularly ever since.

I'm not sure this will help, but here is a thread with multiple men relating their early bathhouse experiences.

 

Edited January 6 by NWUSHorny

[hntnhole]

Quite a number of worthwhile advice above.

Here's one more possibility:  Get a friend/buddy to go with you.  Some guy who you already trust, knows your issue, and is willing to help you release your inhibitions or fears.  These are the things that can interfere with one's Lusts, and need to be expunged from your mind.

Basically, the fuckjoints are about only one thing:  Guys who need sex meet up to either fuck or get fucked.  Sure, there can be small groups of guys who know each other, sit around and trade gossip more than anything else, and that's ok too.  

NO guy has a fantastic time every time he goes to a fuckjoint/baths.  Allow yourself to be bolder - if one guy doesn't work out, find another, and then another.  Don't allow your inhibitions to rule your sex life, listen to your Lust instead.  If you can manage that once, the second time will be easier, and the third will be even easier, and the hundred-and-third will be a piece of cake.  Know that exercising your sexual needs is an important part of your wholeness, your human-ness.  

Good luck !!