Heartbroken

[GyroLover]

Well, it was inevitable.  I’m pretty new to this side of me. I have been visiting a young man for a few months and it was great.  Early on I knew and felt this was special.  He even said so himself.  Yeah I was in love, still am.  He Said he was too and it was going great then it happened.  Things started getting distant, shorter texts, too busy to talk, couldn’t meet, yada yada.   We weren’t seeing anyone else and honestly if he was or wanted to, I wouldn’t have cared.  I truly just wanted to please him and for him to be happy, but I want to still be in his life.   We both had to be discreet.  
 

 I’ve not felt this way since high school.  I’ve not felt this way about any of the women I fucked  that I ran off or ran off on me, or any previous men I’ve been with.   
He was the first person to fuck me and it was amazing experience.   I treated him like a god.   
i know it’s stupid but I cried my eyes out all day for two days.  I didn’t get shit done at work.  I thought I’d be tougher than this but I’m weak and miss his dick in my mouth and ass but most of all I just loved holding him and kissing him worshiping him    
 

thanks for letting me vent.  

[yunghungtop]

Hit the gym, hit the bar, hit the bathhouse. 
 

Stay busy and fuck the pain away. 
 

Go get some dick. Don’t stay home wallowing in emotional pain. 
 

Feel what you’re feeling. But go get laid. Get out of the house and get some random cock in your holes

you’ll feel better 

Edited January 20 by yunghungtop
Typo

[GyroLover]

I’m not wallowing in it any longer.  Haven’t been fucked again…yet but it was therapeutic to talk about it.  
 

I  must not get so attached going forward.  
 

thanks for the reply!!

[jball45]

I think I know how you feel. I've had some of those unrequited feelings too. Especially when I was a teenager.

[PozTalkAuthor]

Why shouldn't you! Love is the most beautiful feeling you can experience in life. Don't allow pain to cancel this wonderful part of you!

Let me say it by experience, in 48 (almost 49) years I've been in love for so long, and I still am. Of course, every time is different.

First time, at the point "or me, or drugs" he chose the latter. What could a syringe offer, better than what our relationship did? Stopped wondering. I suffered but changed my perspectives (now he's 15 years sober and we are still friends).

In that occasion I said "no longer love, it's not worth the pain"

I fell in love again, this second man betrayed and gave me HIV. "Love is a closed chapter", once more.

The third, he made me feel desired and important, he was an abuser. But I was simply addressing my heart in the wrong place, as LOVE was at work, directly in front of my desk, and we mutually pretended to be "best friends" - this one is my current partner, the one who has encouraged me to kick the abuser out of my house, to send away the one who said "who do you think will accept an HIV positive, beyond me?".

Don't close your doors, let yourself go with love and passion but never forget the most genuine and romantic part of yourself. 

Then, I personally don't believe in "soul mate" or "one person for all life long"; circumstances might change it all. But, does it last one month or a lifetime, love is an experience worth living.

Vent, cry, scream, spit on the wall do whatever you want (no self-harm, obvious) to wash yourself from tension and disappointment. Then... The show must go on! Good luck.

[viking8x6]

12 hours ago, GyroLover said:

Well, it was inevitable...
i know it’s stupid but I cried my eyes out all day for two days.   I just loved holding him and kissing him worshiping him   

 

3 hours ago, GyroLover said:

I’m not wallowing in it any longer...
 

I  must not get so attached going forward.

Heartbreak is inevitable. And a rite of passage.

Glad you have moved beyond wallowing.

Having had mine broken a few times, and broken a few myself, I'm offering free advice (worth its weight in gold) -

DO get so attached going forward. Yes, heartbreak hurts, it hurts like death if the love was truly good, but it's worth it. Love is the best thing there is.

[GyroLover]

Just wanted to circle back here and thank everyone again for the kind words and encouragement.  
 

over the weekend I heard from my friend.  Long story short,  spiritually has caused this.  I too grew up religious and still am.  I’ve just come to terms that I can live with.  
If he is happy, I’ll be happy because that’s really all I care about.  If I never see him again but know that he is not troubled and at peace then I’m good.  It was great to talk to him and seek clarification about the relationship and what transpired.  
 

faith can be powerful and wonderful and it can also be the source for internal conflict and turmoil.  The other thread in general has a great deal on this subject and it’s been helpful to me for sure.  
 

Love one another and be kind to all.  No matter what.  
 

thanks. 

Edited January 22 by GyroLover

[ktopper]

I just now saw this. I think most here know exactly what you are going through, it hurts. Love is such a divine, ennobling experience that it is worth the risks. Someone once said "he who has not loved has not lived." As Lord Tennyson put it, better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

[tallslenderguy]

❤️

i concur with those who encourage keeping an open heart. It seems common, almost the rule, for guys to have inaccessible hearts. i've spent much of my life trying to practice openness and vulnerability.  Early on i learned the difference between that and wearing my heart on my sleeve, and it can be a fine balance.  To me, living is connecting with other   human beings, and i think intimate connection is the greatest, strongest and most intense, rewarding connection/s that we can have. 

i think part of the suffering we experience from loss of a love bond is because we have unrealistic expectations.  i don't know if our nature is wired to preserve the feelings we have with "love" or it's a culturally conditioned expectation, i suspect it's a combination. But it seems to me it's the disappointed expectation that a love bond should last, endure, that hurts us, not the experience of love itself.   So, what we need to learn is to appreciate love while we have it vs trying to force it beyond its real lifetime? 

idk, i'm thinking out loud on this one... not making absolute or universal judgements here, i know it's complex.

[hntnhole]

On 1/20/2024 at 6:29 AM, GyroLover said:

I  must not get so attached going forward.  

I think you should remain open to "love".   I also think that getting involved in some non-sexual activities would help too, since that would focus your mind elsewhere.

For instance:   a club that reflects some of your other interests; there are social clubs for every interest under the sun - from gardening to stamp-collecting to cars to politics to literature  to playing card-games to dancing to anything you have some interest in.  You can meet other, new people, and some you will like and enjoy.  Of course, some you won't, but that's ok.  It's the establishing connection to other folks that's important, and they don't have to be "gay" to work.  That said, some will be though.

Withdrawing, after the kind of disappointment you've suffered, will only deepen the negative feelings, and who needs to sit and stew in their own juices?  No one !!!  Get out there socially, be open to new friends, and when love begins to develop again, you'll be better able to accommodate it.  

My best wishes to you, GyroLover ... let us know how you're progressing.

[GyroLover]

@ktopper @tallslenderguy @hntnhole

I’m okay.  I’m glad that I had the experience with him and as I said, my main concern now is that he is fine and happy.   I’ve been in love before but this one hurt more for some reason. Likely because it was the first time I felt this way about a man.
 

  @tallslenderguy you are so right and you aren’t rambling at all.   
 

@hntnhole I’ve got more hobbies and interests than I can devote time to.  Plus my work.  Plenty of people around and I’m okay.  I appreciate the thoughts so very much.  But you are correct in that unchecked these kinds of emotions can be overwhelming for some and it’s best to keep busy.  
 

It’s a little more complicated for me since I’m also in a long term hetero relationship.  This place is the only outlet I have to speak about my other “interests” and I’m okay with that.   He and I were in similar situation in regards to the discreetness.  
 

I guess the biggest issue I have right now is that i really haven’t a desire to feel this type of connection on this level again or at least for a good while.   I’m sure there are deeper more loving relationships to be had but I felt like this was pretty good if not perfect for our situation at the time so why bother.  
 

This started as a hookup but to tell you the truth, I’m not very good at those and it was a fluke that I did it this time as it had been years since I had craved any male attention or wanted to give any attention.  I had just given into my carnal desires and met a wonderful person  I had no idea it would turn into quite the affair and end with him feeling guilt over God, sin, church, my adultery etc.  kinda fucked up huh 🙂 

bottom line, he is and shall remain my first gay love.  I could have seen myself give up everything I’ve worked my whole life for to make him happy and be with him.  But he’s too young to make that kind of commitment really and it would have been wrong of me to let him or expect that from him. 
 

im so glad I had the experience, the feelings, the suspense, the secrecy.  It was all exhilarating and even the tragedy of the end of it  

like @ktopper quoted.  It’s better to have loved and lost.  
 

thanks fellas. 

Edited January 23 by GyroLover