being judge by the doctors

[tomzefis]

I'm happy to have this space where we can discuss these topics that perhaps the rest of society doesn't understand well.

I recently had a BLIP on my viral load and I was also diagnosed with Syphilis at the same time ( and for the first time )

😑

My doctor is a woman, she seems to be a liberal person, at least that's what I thought...

What scared me most at my last appointment was that she told me several times that this BLIP is the result of me not taking the medication correctly.

She also said that it is entirely possible for me to be reinfected with a virus that is resistant to my medicines and that this will harm my treatment (and from what I have studied, it is practically impossible to have a reinfection, especially if I take the medicines every day).

The whole time the doctor insisted on how my long-term treatment is going to fail and that my virus gonna be resistant to the medications. and that if I don't stop having unprotected sex, I will have a very serious problem

She made me very scared about even syphilis, she told me that I could get other types of syphilis whose antibiotics don't work well

Anyway, I'm not saying that having HIV is something simple....although I sometimes "forget" that I have this disease, but going to this medical appointment traumatized me because it seems like the doctor wanted to shock me all the time, leave me with fear

I live in Berlin and gays here live their sexuality at full, and I don't see people here worried about having HIV or even having other diseases

Could it be that I'm being very naive and am downplaying HIV? Unfortunately, I don't want to go back to this doctor. I felt that I was being judged

[viking8x6]

12 hours ago, tomzefis said:

What scared me most at my last appointment was that she told me several times that this BLIP is the result of me not taking the medication correctly.

You have the facts. If in fact you were taking the medication every day, she's wrong. If she didn't believe you when you told her that you were, she's a bad doctor, unless there's some good reason for her to believe that you're mistaken or lying.

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The whole time the doctor insisted on how my long-term treatment is going to fail and that my virus gonna be resistant to the medications. and that if I don't stop having unprotected sex, I will have a very serious problem

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She made me very scared about even syphilis, she told me that I could get other types of syphilis whose antibiotics don't work well

Both of these suggestions are greatly exaggerated. Here in the U.S.A. less than 1/3 of socioeconomically advantaged people living with HIV die of HIV related causes (2017 numbers). That rate is still improving and it includes cases of HIV that are NOT treated.  I couldn't easily find numbers for only cases that ARE treated, but they must be lower. Multi-drug resistant syphilis is not, as far as I know, significantly prevalent right now, although MDR gonorrhea is. The main problem with syphilis is that its symptoms are frequently subtle and similar to other diseases, so it's easy to miss. Regular testing is our best tool for controlling is. Does her manner of talking about it encourage you to test regularly? I think not.

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going to this medical appointment traumatized me because it seems like the doctor wanted to shock me all the time, leave me with fear...

I don't want to go back to this doctor. I felt that I was being judged

It certainly sounds like she may have been judging you and she certainly was trying to belittle you and manipulate you. In your place, I would definitely find a new doctor.

[ellentonboy]

There are doctors that will always stress the importance of taking your medication.  I had a provider tell me, years ago, that if I didn't do what he told me regarding meds, he would drop me as a patient.  He said I was an insurance liability and he could be sued, which I found to be either a "stretch" on his part or an outright lie. There can be so many other factors as to why your numbers go up and down from office visit to office visit.  They are not always due to missed dosages.  

I know viral load is, viral load.  But stress can cause t-cell numbers to vary, and I would think a doctor judging you each time would make you a nervous wreck.  Unless you are locked into seeing just that provider, you might want to look elsewhere and find a different infectious disease specialist.  You don't need that aggravation every time you go in for a follow-up visit.

[ErosWired]

The first question I would ask you is, are you taking your medication as prescribed, regularly, without missing doses? Or are you being lax about it? You ask us if you’re downplaying HIV, but your actions will tell us more than your words.

If you are taking your medication as prescribed, without fail, find another doctor. This one is being irrational. On the other hand, if you were being totally irresponsible and non-compliant taking your meds - in other words, downplaying HIV - then pay attention to her. She may be exaggerating the risks a bit, but she may be doing so in an attempt to startle you into compliance, since plain information hasn’t gotten through to you.

I am extremely meds-compliant. I have missed exactly two daily doses of ART in the nine years since I started. When I called for my most recent refill and mentioned this to the pharmacist, she said, “Wow, we need to introduce you to some of our other patients.” And in spite of that, I get blips in my viral load count. It just happens, for various reasons.

Regardless, your doctor is not wrong that you could get reinfected with a meds-resistant strain of HIV, but this is true regardless of your meds adherence. If the strain of HIV resistant to your ART, it’s going to bypass it whether you’re taking it or not, and the meds won’t be a barrier. The reason you’re at risk for it is that you fuck bare, and you fuck people of unknown status. It’s also why you’re at risk for STDs like syphilis.

This doctor sounds as though her belief standard is that prevention trumps all risk, and she would rather see you curtail your sexual choice - or not fuck at all - to ensure that you remain disease-free on her watch. She fails to understand that your body belongs to you, not her, and you alone decide what risks you are willing to take with it. She does not sound very sex-positive, nor understanding of gay lifestyles, and you might be better served by a gay doctor who understands you better. Many members here attest to having such physicians.

If you elect to keep this doctor, I suggest you do two things:

1) Take your damn meds. Every. Single. Day. No excuses. Do whatever it takes to make sure you get that pill in you every day without fail.

2) Tell the doctor, politely, something to the effect of: Thank you for your earnest advice. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. I have listened very carefully, and understand the risks to me as you have explained them, and there will be no need to repeat it. I will conduct my life in a way that seems best to me, and continue to count on your care, whatever may happen.

[hntnhole]

On 1/27/2024 at 11:12 PM, tomzefis said:

I don't want to go back to this doctor. I felt that I was being judged

Excellent replies above, tomzefis.  

Living in the US, I can't comment about your physician's apparent bias directly, since I'm not familiar with details of the health-care system where you live. 

That said, I'd print out a copy of the (delete the references to various deities if you like) Hippocratic Oath, make one last visit to this woman, hand her the copy, and politely tell her she's no longer worthy of caring for you, with all the good manners you can summon forth.  That said, find another doctor to see to your care first.  

note:  per the above responses, why can't we make an "upvote" more than once !!!  Only one for this particular thread seems inadequate ... 

[tomzefis]

3 hours ago, ErosWired said:

The first question I would ask you is, are you taking your medication as prescribed, regularly, without missing doses? Or are you being lax about it? You ask us if you’re downplaying HIV, but your actions will tell us more than your words.

If you are taking your medication as prescribed, without fail, find another doctor. This one is being irrational. On the other hand, if you were being totally irresponsible and non-compliant taking your meds - in other words, downplaying HIV - then pay attention to her. She may be exaggerating the risks a bit, but she may be doing so in an attempt to startle you into compliance, since plain information hasn’t gotten through to you.

I am extremely meds-compliant. I have missed exactly two daily doses of ART in the nine years since I started. When I called for my most recent refill and mentioned this to the pharmacist, she said, “Wow, we need to introduce you to some of our other patients.” And in spite of that, I get blips in my viral load count. It just happens, for various reasons.

Regardless, your doctor is not wrong that you could get reinfected with a meds-resistant strain of HIV, but this is true regardless of your meds adherence. If the strain of HIV resistant to your ART, it’s going to bypass it whether you’re taking it or not, and the meds won’t be a barrier. The reason you’re at risk for it is that you fuck bare, and you fuck people of unknown status. It’s also why you’re at risk for STDs like syphilis.

This doctor sounds as though her belief standard is that prevention trumps all risk, and she would rather see you curtail your sexual choice - or not fuck at all - to ensure that you remain disease-free on her watch. She fails to understand that your body belongs to you, not her, and you alone decide what risks you are willing to take with it. She does not sound very sex-positive, nor understanding of gay lifestyles, and you might be better served by a gay doctor who understands you better. Many members here attest to having such physicians.

If you elect to keep this doctor, I suggest you do two things:

1) Take your damn meds. Every. Single. Day. No excuses. Do whatever it takes to make sure you get that pill in you every day without fail.

2) Tell the doctor, politely, something to the effect of: Thank you for your earnest advice. I appreciate your concern for my well-being. I have listened very carefully, and understand the risks to me as you have explained them, and there will be no need to repeat it. I will conduct my life in a way that seems best to me, and continue to count on your care, whatever may happen.

Yes, I take the meds, every day, since I was diagnosed in 2016. I believe in 7 years I probably missed like 7 doses, like 1 dose a year probably. Sometimes I take at 7:30pm...sometimes at 10:00pm....but Im gonna try to take it the same time, everyday ( maybe at lunch time )

When I said "downplaying" HIV what I meant is that ---sometimes I think that --- I should be thinking like this :   "  I have to stop have unprotected sex otherwise I will get reinfected with another type of  HIV Virus, and Im gonna be screwed..........if I don't  change my lifestyle, Im screwed" 

Also my doctor told me pretty much that,  regardless what I do, eventually my meds gonna stop working and Im gonna have to change to new meds...( and I dont know why, I dont believe this. I think my meds can work like, forever, if I take it everyday, etc.....also I dont believe I can be reinfected(?)....lot of people say thats almost impossible coz the meds already come with PREP(?) so how could you get reinfected if you the Meds you are taking comes with "prep''?

 

 

 

[ErosWired]

There is not going to be any significant difference if you take your meds within a three-hour variable window, unless you’re taking a med that must be taken timed around a meal. My first med, Atripla, was like that, and it was a majestic royal pain in the ass.

No, your med is not going to work forever, and yes, no matter what you do you will have to change medication eventually. But that’s a good thing, because pharmaceutical companies are constantly working on better, more effective formulations with fewer side effects, and novel approaches. I have been on five different meds since I started, all but one of which has been an improvement over the one before. When my doctor says something better has come along, I’ll try that.

In time, if you never ever changed, the Enemy Virus in your system would eventually adapt to the medication, develop resistance, and then it would be useless to you. Imagine that you never, ever changed any of your passwords - eventually some hacker is going to crack them, and you’ll be screwed. You change meds partly for the same reason you change passwords.

As to your lifestyle: On this site we primarily discuss a sexually active (if not promiscuous) lifestyle that advocates unprotected intercourse. That lifestyle carries certain inherent health risks that can be reduced, but cannot be eliminated, and some of those unavoidable risks carry potentially serious consequences. Many of us consider the rewards of this lifestyle to be great enough that they are worth even a grave consequence. There is no great reward without great risk. Only you (and not your doctor) can decide whether the value of what the lifestyle would bring you would be worth the potentially serious consequence, and only you can weigh the degree of that risk and decide whether it is tolerable for you.

Yes, I got HIV and as a result AIDS very nearly claimed my life. I have to live with the disease now for the rest of my days, and that sucks seriously. But - I am also a veteran of a 34-load gangbang, multiple 20+ load weekends, and have been cunted by now nearly 1,100 men by my count. And so very much more. My sexual life has been colorful and adventurous, and I have lived it. I will at least have little to regret that I did not try.

[ErosWired]

I will also add that, if your meds compliance is so outstanding that you miss one dose a year and this doctor is blaming your blip on you being lax with your medication, I would ditch her immediately as your physician on account of her gross incompetence. She obviously has no idea what is going on with your case or your body, and God only knows what she’s got written on your chart. But she’s plainly demonstrated that she is not competent to manage your care, and as your life is in the balance I would give her no further opportunity to fuck it up. In a place the size of Berlin I imagine there are a number of qualified professionals, and I’m sure your regular doctor can provide you a referral if they don’t take patients directly.

Edited January 30 by ErosWired

[gay87]

lol , i had similar doctor. I changed to a gay doctor, and he is like "oh? you took 60 loads last month? That's great, as long as you took your pills, and you are vaccinated against hep A/B, and G9 warts, and yeah you will occasionally pick up some gono & chlamydia or sypillis, just get those treated and you be fine

[hntnhole]

11 hours ago, ErosWired said:

Only you (and not your doctor) can decide whether the value of what the lifestyle would bring you would be worth the potentially serious consequence, and only you can weigh the degree of that risk and decide whether it is tolerable for you.

This ^ is spot-on. as I see the issue.  It's perhaps the single-most crucial component of all, when considering where one's place is in our magnificent universe of barebackers.  

All of us should invest the time/effort in weighing all the variables, arrive at a decision, and then proceed to live our lives on our terms.  

[Guest]

@tomzefis It just occurred to me that it might be yet another reason why your CD dropped, Vl increased and your doctor is judging you.... Do you drink piss ? especially anon piss? The reason for my ask is that if you are into piss, you may unknowingly introduce in your blood stream potential drugs that have not been metabolised by the pisser and they end up in your blood stream. And since you have no idea what drugs (I am mostly referring to medication, not party drugs)  the guys who feeds you piss are on, there is a chance of mixed interaction with your medication, which would also explain the higher VL. It would also explain why your doctor thinks that you are not sticking to your medication. 

That's why is best to see a gay doctor who understands the lifestyle. It is highly unlikely that a straight woman doctor would know to ask these questions....

[tomzefis]

13 hours ago, EuRawBull said:

@tomzefis It just occurred to me that it might be yet another reason why your CD dropped, Vl increased and your doctor is judging you.... Do you drink piss ? especially anon piss? The reason for my ask is that if you are into piss, you may unknowingly introduce in your blood stream potential drugs that have not been metabolised by the pisser and they end up in your blood stream. And since you have no idea what drugs (I am mostly referring to medication, not party drugs)  the guys who feeds you piss are on, there is a chance of mixed interaction with your medication, which would also explain the higher VL. It would also explain why your doctor thinks that you are not sticking to your medication. 

That's why is best to see a gay doctor who understands the lifestyle. It is highly unlikely that a straight woman doctor would know to ask these questions....

yes, Im into piss, but to be honest I did not do a lot of piss the last 6 months...

but its good to know that. Im very picky with piss, I really only like / drink piss that taste like water/beer. but like I said I have not being doing lately

the last 3 days, im feeling "sick" again.... I really need to find a new doctor...and yes, a gay doctor

ps: wow ....I cant believe that drugs from piss could have an interaction with my medication!!! thats crazy!!! well, looks like Im taking lots of riskys

Edited February 2 by tomzefis
typo

[BlueSaphir]

I would find another doctor. I had met my first doctor to treat HIV. He was instant I take Symtuza and other HIV med. Symtuza alone hit me hard physically. 
 

I wasn’t compliant taking Symtuza. I sought another doctor who change my regimen. And been compliant with my new doctor since. 

[brnbk]

On 1/28/2024 at 11:52 AM, viking8x6 said:

You have the facts. If in fact you were taking the medication every day, she's wrong. If she didn't believe you when you told her that you were, she's a bad doctor, unless there's some good reason for her to believe that you're mistaken or lying.

From the sound of her views, it seems like she a strident person with strong views. Unfortunately, people with rigid views can be wrong. If you told her that u are fairly contentious in your medication regiment, as a medical professional she should think of other causes for your symptom —BLIP on viral load — instead of insisting or implying that you are lying. Sounds like she is put off by the fact  that you have Syphilis a disease which still conjures negative connotations in the minds of some.  It makes sense that you feel judged coz it does sound like she is  Her value system does seem to include the maxim: do not have casual sex, as sex increases the risk of diseases.  Does she realize though, that not everyone shares her value system. Even the great German thinker Martin Luther ended up marrying, as he could not endure being a priest, and ultimately rejected the idea that Lust was inherently evil. If you do meet her again or decide to continue  as her patient do mention how even great Germans like Luther thought differently that her. Maybe it might open her mind?

 

The flaw in her approach is that, as the doctor she assumes u might have the same value system as her OR that you should; and she does not give you options. She does not listen when you tell her about your actions and tries to put the fear of God/disease into you. There are no easy answers for questions about values as what might be stupid or unhealthy to some might be very attractive to other. Many Germans for e.g. might judge Sumo Wrestlers of Japan to be fat/obese/unhealthy however to a sumo wrestler, he is carrying on the traditions of a great sport. We all takes risks- more than nature requires. People who lives in cities are taking risk with the quality of air, food and life compared to someone in a rural areas. Workers in industries are taking risks compared to non industrial employees. I am told now, that even sitting in an office is unhealth as it leads to a sedentary lifestyle. Most of us do take risks, in that sense.  Where is the risk justified, depends on the individual and his society. Football apparently brings with it the risk of concussion - is this doctor really going to tell her football player patient to stop playing football? Not likely. 

On 1/29/2024 at 3:42 PM, tomzefis said:

 ---sometimes I think that --- I should be thinking like this :   "  I have to stop have unprotected sex otherwise I will get reinfected with another type of  HIV Virus, and Im gonna be screwed..........if I don't  change my lifestyle, Im screwed" 

Also my doctor told me pretty much that,  regardless what I do, eventually my meds gonna stop working and Im gonna have to change to new meds...( and I dont know why, I dont believe this. I think my meds can work like, forever, if I take it everyday, etc.....also I dont believe I can be reinfected(?)....lot of people say thats almost impossible coz the meds already come with PREP(?) so how could you get reinfected if you the Meds you are taking comes with "prep''?

 

 

Sounds like you are confused about both your lifestyle choices i.e. barebacking as well as medical information regarding it : do HIV meds eventually stop working, and can you really get re-infected if you takes Meds as they have PrEP in them.  A good place to start would be to gather all relevant medical information. how safe is barebacking for a HIV positive person, what are the risks of casual sex and barebacking etc, how well does PrEP protect people. Websites like the CDC offer fairly accurate information. For eg. on their website they say that Prep protects 99% but I am not sure if that rate is true for all prep users including HIV poz people.

CDC - Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis (PrEP) Print

Posting here is great as well as there is some relevant information coming up from the great guys on here. I do believe there is some truth to the  possible causes sited by EU Raw Bull. I do know that I once caught an infection coz some horny guys had a piss session in the Sauna of a YMCA gym that i had just joined and before I could do anything i got a serious hepatitis infection! So even going to a gym, can get u sick. 

On 2/1/2024 at 6:14 AM, EuRawBull said:

@tomzefis It just occurred to me that it might be yet another reason why your CD dropped, Vl increased and your doctor is judging you.... Do you drink piss ? especially anon piss? The reason for my ask is that if you are into piss, you may unknowingly introduce in your blood stream potential drugs that have not been metabolised by the pisser and they end up in your blood stream. And since you have no idea what drugs (I am mostly referring to medication, not party drugs)  the guys who feeds you piss are on, there is a chance of mixed interaction with your medication, which would also explain the higher VL. It would also explain why your doctor thinks that you are not sticking to your medication. 

Once u are clear about the information, you will be in a place to make a more informed decision. Life is short and each person has to decide what feels right for them. It is possible that you might decide that casual sex and its risk are not for you but you can choose to bareback in a monogamous relationship. 

I am surprised by your experience but not totally shocked. Capital cities of even western countries can be super conservative and can attract all sorts of government types, most are greedy and some add their version of godliness to the greed. It would be a pity if you cannot find a more gay friendly doctor especially in a large city like Berlin. You should never have to fear your doctor or their judgements. 

Hope you feel better soon!

[Kayne]

I got a judgmental doctor myself. I've taken about a year off from seeing him its been a nice vacation. im gonna have to go back to him tho.  I'd love finding.a Gay Doc who osa on my wavelength but I wouldn't begin to know how to find one as twisted as I am.