Rejection at sex clubs

[polyglutton]

On 6/10/2024 at 12:36 PM, slaveboi said:

I don't do too many big events but when I have i think guys get too greedy. They all walk around looking for the hottest guy and end up with nothing. 

Some of my best luck when I used to frequent Steamworks in Berkeley was on less busy nights.  Friday and Saturday nights back then seemed to attract lots haughty of "A" gays, and their attitude seemed to breed a choosier vibe, so I came to prefer less busy weeknights, where fellas seemed more DTF. 

The problem with guys who buy into the BS of body meritocracy is that their obsession with status gets in the way of simply exploring pleasure for its own sake; it can't just be sex, it also has to validate their sense of status. It's rather tragic.

I recommend just starting something with anyone. Once you're doing something sexual with someone else, other guys are more likely to sexually objectify you, and a chain reaction can lead to group fun!

 

Edited June 19 by polyglutton

[fuckholedc]

On 6/2/2024 at 1:46 PM, Normaldude said:

I don't want you guys so think this post is superficial, but Im gonna be straightforward with the problem.

Im on my late 30's ( 37 ), I consider myself a normal straight-passing guy, not ugly, not handsome, just normal. 

My body is something that I don't like. I never really made sports in my life, so I have almost no muscles, and a belly, that I hate.

During my life and during my time living in the States, I don't remember lots of episodes of rejection, maybe, because I was meeting people on Grindr, or maybe because living in a small town in South Carolina the things work a little bit different.

But then, last year, I moved to Europe. And I started going to sex clubs and their sex parties. So for the first time I experienced what is rejection. and what is like to be invisible.

=(

I went to party in Berlin last night and there were probably 1000 guys inside, and nobody wanted to do anything with me, nobody looked at me.

It looks like everybody in that club was super young and super hot. and I feel that I was the only person there that was being totally ignored. 

I know the place is like a meat market and everybody can one day experience rejection, but it is something that really makes me sad.

well, but my questions in this post  (  and I would honestly want to  hear the opinion of my > 35 guys who are not gym rats! )

- how do you deal with rejection in sex clubs / parties?

- what should I do to improve my chances of getting laid? should I start going to the gym? is it too late for that?

- I try to always wear a t-shirt at those clubs ( I don't wanna show my body naked ), is that also a turn off for guys?

 

 

I'm an American from Germany who also came out in Europe (Germany, Switzerland, France and the Netherlands) when living back in Germany.

Germans are very cliquish.  And many times these clique boundaries are inviolable.   This can also happen in the US but Americans are often not as cliquish (and anyway, there's really no comparison between German and American cliquishness).  

As noted, there can be a lot of anti-Americanism.  It helps (or can help) if you speak German - usually even if you speak passable German with an American accent (from observation - I've seen Americans I don't know with obvious accents with German friends at clubs over my lifetime - usually they acted very outgoing [which is a German stereotype of Americans]) however - this can also go the other way, at least in Berlin and sometimes in some other cities.  If you are living in Europe, generally Cologne is an exception to this in Germany as it is a more accepting place overall (but it can also be quite reserved overall wrt fucking).

Parties in Berlin are choice and depending on the party and the venue there is an attempt to make them exclusive at various levels.  The good news is that you were able to get in to a party (even though you can get into many parties in Berlin).  

My last party experience in Berlin was April - Easter weekend.  It was okay but not great (compared to previous recent experiences).  But in Berlin especially sexual chemistry can sometimes change totally because you run into people who at least in that moment are attracted to you for some reason (this happened in Boiler on a disappointing afternoon  and then I suddenly got fucked 5 times more or less one after another).

So also maybe you weren't other people's choice of the moment at that party.  As I said, Germans can be quite cliquish which also includes this thing that they can be looking at that event for a kind of narrow stereotype of body and image.  

If you are going to stay in Germany or visit with some regular expectation of sex then you'll need to "hit the gym."  This doesn't mean literally, btw.  You can add some regular biking or rucking (hiking with weights) that will build some muscle as well as get some cardio.  But certainly not all Gay Germans hit the gym but overall a lot more tend to walk than Americans do so there is this background of minor physical activity from birth. Also remember that German Gay men tend to like a stereotype of kind of thin men (schlank) or a kind of muscular but not usually too muscular guy (like a triathlete ideally if they go for "muscular"), or more rarely more muscular on the side of light bodybuilding, or bearish guys (usually kind of lightly bearish), or an obvious pig or piggish guy (for some guys, but this is more a clothing affectation at least to start with, then if it is real and you're in the right place you will be swamped).

Edited June 19 by fuckholedc
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