Can't decide whether or not to get pozzed

[IrishBoi]

Hello

So I call myself a part time bug chaser even though I know this is a lifestyle that counts on 100% commitment. 
I will tell you my case.

I find pozzing, bug chasing etc hot

I have had each three main STIs such as gono, chlamydia, syphilis multiple times. I have never had herpes and am vaccinated against at least one of the hepatitises. 

My main point of this post though is I keep going back and forth on whether I should intentionally become Poz. I know plenty of poz guys. They are all undetectable and non are chasers or lifters. One near punched me in the face when I asked him if he was a chaser/gifter. 

I have tried taking PrEP in the past but I have pill dysphagia, undiagnosed but it's there. For those that don't know, it's a condition where I am mentally or physically unable to swallow pills. Which is weird cos I can swallow massive fucking cocks with no issues.

I am able to take my mental health pill each day but it's smaller than a a speck of dust but PreP tablets as many of us know are massive. I had tried multiple forms of taking PrEP such as crushing, eating with food, watching tutorials online of easier ways to swallow. Nothing has helped. It tastes absolutely rank and call me selfish but I am not putting myself through the taste of it daily cos it's all you can taste for the rest of the day. 

I get tested regularly but I do not use condoms or PrEP so I know for a fact that at some point I will likely be pozzed and this is where my issue is. I have come to terms with the fact I will likely be poz at some point in the future. For those of you that are poz either by accident. From friends I know that are poz and on meds, they say the poz medication is the same size or in some cases bigger than PrEP. Believe me I hate having this condition and I have tried many ways to overcome it. 

My question is or I should say questions are:
1. Is there anyone out there in the same boat as me with a condition like this where they are unable to swallow tablets

2. How did you know you were sure you wanted to be poz??

3. Did you have any fears or regrets?

I have fully considered being poz so I am not constantly worried and/or in stress about it but then I have the added pressure of potentially not being able to take meds if I do get pozzed

PS: I do know the US has done tests on a PrEP vaccination and there has been major less in the cure of HIV in recent times with some people already being fully cured (should that be what they desired)
No such advancement (that I know of) has been made in the UK yet and had there been a PrEP vaccine or injection over here I would have zero issues. 

I guess thats all I need to say. Thanks for allowing me to rent 

Please keep it kind and respectful in the comments
Everyone has an opinion and every opinion is valid 

[757neg4poz]

if you can't swallow meds, you are condemning yourself to a death sentence. if you can get on injectible cabotegravir for prep, that would probably be best. you don't want a disease that requires daily pills vital to continue living if you cannot take oral medications.

for me as a chaser, i just want hiv so i can have sex with some poz guys i fancy who won't play with neg guys. i'm okay with the reduction in life expectancy and having to take meds for the rest of my life just so i can have slutty sex.

Edited September 6 by 757neg4poz

[IrishBoi]

18 minutes ago, 757neg4poz said:

if you can't swallow meds, you are condemning yourself to a death sentence. if you can get on injectible cabotegravir for prep, that would probably be best. you don't want a disease that requires daily pills vital to continue living if you cannot take oral medications.

for me as a chaser, i just want hiv so i can have sex with some poz guys i fancy who won't play with neg guys. i'm okay with the reduction in life expectancy and having to take meds for the rest of my life just so i can have slutty sex.

Uhhhhh.......you think me having a condition that I can't control such as not being able to swallow a pill is a choice?? Do you think I would choose that. Also like I said, I don't have the option for injectable PrEP as it is not available in the UK yet. Did you read my post fully?? or just come here to shame?? 

[757neg4poz]

1 hour ago, IrishBoi said:

Uhhhhh.......you think me having a condition that I can't control such as not being able to swallow a pill is a choice?? Do you think I would choose that. Also like I said, I don't have the option for injectable PrEP as it is not available in the UK yet. Did you read my post fully?? or just come here to shame?? 

i'm not shaming you as someone who is a bugchaser themselves... intentionally chasing is a choice that requires a lot of deliberation. this is the serious discussion forum: this isn't the backroom!

[BootmanLA]

@IrishBoi:

To answer your question, I'm going to give you what is strictly my opinion, and that is "No, you should not become poz."

It's not just that "stay negative" is my default advice, although it is; it's that you have identified several potential issues you'd need to resolve.

For starters, you note that all the poz people you know are undetectable. That is, in fact, the status for the overwhelming majority of gay men in the developed western world who are poz and who know it. Of course, there are always poz men who don't know (and thus have never gone on medications), and there are a handful - not many - who avoid meds, sometimes to their detriment. But they're a small minority of poz men in the west.

Second, as you note, a lot of undetectable guys want nothing to do with chasers. They became poz not deliberately but because of misplaced trust, a broken condom, substance abuse problems, a drunken fling, or whatever. Some of the ones who've been poz the longest gave up trying to prevent it, back in the days when infection rates were high, so they could stop stressing and worrying about every single sexual encounter. But almost all of them decided they'd rather live a long life, and the introduction of modern HIV medications made that possible. Not a lot of them are going to want to give that up just to help you "cross over."

Third, you yourself note that you have issues with taking pills, and while I wouldn't call my HIV pill "massive", it's larger than the ones I take for controlling my blood pressure, my cholesterol, etc. On the other hand it's considerably smaller than my daily vitamin or the handful of joint/heart supplements I also take. If you did manage to become poz, I can assure you: unless you're one of a very few lucky non-progressors, within a relatively short period of time, maybe ten years, you'll likely be fighting to stay alive and active, if you can't take the medication.

Fourth, you say you've "fully considered" being poz, but I can assure you, the reality, especially if you can't take medications, is nothing you've thought about. If you don't know anyone poz who isn't undetectable, and haven't watched anyone in the hospital who's wasted away from 200 lbs down to 120 in five months because his body's giving out, you haven't "fully considered" anything.

Yes, yes, I get it: there's a forbidden element to HIV conversion, which many of us have eroticized. But the reality is really divorced from the fantasy if standard treatment isn't an option, and it sounds like it isn't for you.

 

[IrishBoi]

3 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

@IrishBoi:

To answer your question, I'm going to give you what is strictly my opinion, and that is "No, you should not become poz."

It's not just that "stay negative" is my default advice, although it is; it's that you have identified several potential issues you'd need to resolve.

For starters, you note that all the poz people you know are undetectable. That is, in fact, the status for the overwhelming majority of gay men in the developed western world who are poz and who know it. Of course, there are always poz men who don't know (and thus have never gone on medications), and there are a handful - not many - who avoid meds, sometimes to their detriment. But they're a small minority of poz men in the west.

Second, as you note, a lot of undetectable guys want nothing to do with chasers. They became poz not deliberately but because of misplaced trust, a broken condom, substance abuse problems, a drunken fling, or whatever. Some of the ones who've been poz the longest gave up trying to prevent it, back in the days when infection rates were high, so they could stop stressing and worrying about every single sexual encounter. But almost all of them decided they'd rather live a long life, and the introduction of modern HIV medications made that possible. Not a lot of them are going to want to give that up just to help you "cross over."

Third, you yourself note that you have issues with taking pills, and while I wouldn't call my HIV pill "massive", it's larger than the ones I take for controlling my blood pressure, my cholesterol, etc. On the other hand it's considerably smaller than my daily vitamin or the handful of joint/heart supplements I also take. If you did manage to become poz, I can assure you: unless you're one of a very few lucky non-progressors, within a relatively short period of time, maybe ten years, you'll likely be fighting to stay alive and active, if you can't take the medication.

Fourth, you say you've "fully considered" being poz, but I can assure you, the reality, especially if you can't take medications, is nothing you've thought about. If you don't know anyone poz who isn't undetectable, and haven't watched anyone in the hospital who's wasted away from 200 lbs down to 120 in five months because his body's giving out, you haven't "fully considered" anything.

Yes, yes, I get it: there's a forbidden element to HIV conversion, which many of us have eroticized. But the reality is really divorced from the fantasy if standard treatment isn't an option, and it sounds like it isn't for you.

 

I really appreciate your honesty
Thank you Sir

[Poz50something]

On 9/5/2024 at 7:35 PM, IrishBoi said:

I find pozzing, bug chasing etc hot

Let me perhaps disabuse you of one illusion - that all the poz guys are going to coalesce around you to be your helpers etc. Often, you are going to face poz life, medications and all it entails by yourself. That poz brotherhood? It's a myth. It"s porn. 
I have had each three main STIs such as gono, chlamydia, syphilis multiple times. I have never had herpes and am vaccinated against at least one of the hepatitises. 

I have had Hep B. It'a no cakewalk. I was never so sick in my life. Not even with HIV. Chase HIV you might end up with a lot more.....

My main point of this post though is I keep going back and forth on whether I should intentionally become Poz. I know plenty of poz guys. They are all undetectable and non are chasers or lifters. One near punched me in the face when I asked him if he was a chaser/gifter. 

No doubt because it's an enormous responsibility to know someone could be very sick because of a simple thing such as sex
 

 

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, IrishBoi said:

I really appreciate your honesty
Thank you Sir

You're very welcome.

As @Poz50something noted, there's some sort of myth about a "community" of poz barebackers that you can join by becoming poz, but it's just that - a myth.

It wasn't always necessarily so. Back when AIDS was first discovered - and when HIV was identified as the cause - the affected community DID have to come together, because we were shunned not only by panicked straight people, but also by other gay people who weren't poz. You're way too young to have seen the reaction to the world as a whole when gay men suddenly started dying of a mysterious illness, one that couldn't readily be diagnosed until the onset of one or more of what were called "opportunistic infections" - the kinds of infections that were killing gay men whose immune systems were completely collapsing, even though these infections were almost unknown in the broader world (or were easy to treat in other cases).

I was fortunate, if one can call it that (and I hate that word in this sense) that I lived in a relatively small city far from the big population centers where HIV initially spread rampantly - New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles. Once HIV was identified and a test developed to detect its antibodies, we learned that as many as HALF of gay men in San Francisco - one of the two centers of gay culture in the US - were HIV positive. Virtually every one of those people tested then are dead, many decades ago. The problem for the rest of the country, of course, is that thousands and thousands of gay men traveled to those cities from other places every year, having sex with locals, and bringing the infection back to their local community. Local mores being what they are, it didn't usually spread as far within those smaller towns and cities, but it didn't stay contained to the original person, either. 

Public reaction was predictably horrible. One very prominent conservative pundit called for mandatory tattooing of a "positive" indicator on the asses of gay men who tested positive, so that at least anyone who had sex with them would be informed (as though most of us weren't being up front anyway). Ambulance companies would refuse to transport early victims to the hospital because they didn't know if the disease was transmitted by air or not, and gay people weren't important enough, generally speaking, that anyone was outraged by that kind of behavior. 

In that kind of environment, the healthier poz guys stepped up to help care for others (along with, to be fair, a lot of negative gay men willing to help). Even more so, lesbian groups did even more; since they were (broadly speaking) far less likely to get infected, they did a lot of the "on the ground" work of caring for their poz friends and brothers. They were often the only reason gay men didn't literally die in the streets, as they helped establish some of the earliest hospices to care for the dying.

That was then. Importantly, even though there WAS a community of people coming together in the face of being poz, it was a community none of us WANTED to be in. There's only been this "eroticization" of HIV in the last couple of decades. In fact, I'd say there were perhaps five main overlapping periods:

--Panic and fear, because we didn't know what was going on (until about 1985);
--Resolute fighting and demands for improved care and treatment (1985-early 90's);
--A kind of resignation that if becoming poz is likely or inevitable, we might as well let it happen so we can stop stressing after every sex act (early 90's to about turn of the century);
--Dawn of hope that new medications could extend life by some substantial unknown amount of time (1996-2010 or so); and
--The discovery that getting to undetectable meant inability to transmit the virus, coupled with the development of PrEP to prevent infection in the first place (early 2010's - present).

As far as I can tell, the eroticization of HIV infection didn't begin to take hold until the third and fourth periods - people began fantasizing that, well, if I'm going to become poz, let's make it deliberate and something done knowingly to me, making me part of that community. The irony is that the "community" was already on its way out, because government had finally sort of gotten its act together and was helping provide treatment, and being able to become undetectable meant HIV-positive people didn't have "that look" that outed them as poz. Most of the things that brought us together - fundraisers for HIV care, to pay for special HIV hospices, demonstrations to demand research and action - were going by the wayside. 

[PozBearWI]

To the original question, honestly if you're waffling about whether to get poz, the answer is of course DON'T.  Indecision is a great answer on it's own.  

Nothing is going to magically be better once we're HIV POZ.  A lot is going to not be so great, and for some it is going to suck big time, and not in a good way.  

Even treatment, while it can become pill free, will still start with pills.  For the most part doctors aren't going to treat a newly infected person with Cabeneuva unless factors within their body is already controlling HIV somewhat.  

[IrishBoi]

21 hours ago, PozBearWI said:

To the original question, honestly if you're waffling about whether to get poz, the answer is of course DON'T.  Indecision is a great answer on it's own.  

Nothing is going to magically be better once we're HIV POZ.  A lot is going to not be so great, and for some it is going to suck big time, and not in a good way.  

Even treatment, while it can become pill free, will still start with pills.  For the most part doctors aren't going to treat a newly infected person with Cabeneuva unless factors within their body is already controlling HIV somewhat.  

I hear what yr saying. Very wise words thank you Sir

[KatrinaSassy2019]

On 9/5/2024 at 6:35 PM, IrishBoi said:

Hello

So I call myself a part time bug chaser even though I know this is a lifestyle that counts on 100% commitment. 
I will tell you my case.

I find pozzing, bug chasing etc hot

I have had each three main STIs such as gono, chlamydia, syphilis multiple times. I have never had herpes and am vaccinated against at least one of the hepatitises. 

My main point of this post though is I keep going back and forth on whether I should intentionally become Poz. I know plenty of poz guys. They are all undetectable and non are chasers or lifters. One near punched me in the face when I asked him if he was a chaser/gifter. 

I have tried taking PrEP in the past but I have pill dysphagia, undiagnosed but it's there. For those that don't know, it's a condition where I am mentally or physically unable to swallow pills. Which is weird cos I can swallow massive fucking cocks with no issues.

I am able to take my mental health pill each day but it's smaller than a a speck of dust but PreP tablets as many of us know are massive. I had tried multiple forms of taking PrEP such as crushing, eating with food, watching tutorials online of easier ways to swallow. Nothing has helped. It tastes absolutely rank and call me selfish but I am not putting myself through the taste of it daily cos it's all you can taste for the rest of the day. 

I get tested regularly but I do not use condoms or PrEP so I know for a fact that at some point I will likely be pozzed and this is where my issue is. I have come to terms with the fact I will likely be poz at some point in the future. For those of you that are poz either by accident. From friends I know that are poz and on meds, they say the poz medication is the same size or in some cases bigger than PrEP. Believe me I hate having this condition and I have tried many ways to overcome it. 

My question is or I should say questions are:
1. Is there anyone out there in the same boat as me with a condition like this where they are unable to swallow tablets

2. How did you know you were sure you wanted to be poz??

3. Did you have any fears or regrets?

I have fully considered being poz so I am not constantly worried and/or in stress about it but then I have the added pressure of potentially not being able to take meds if I do get pozzed

PS: I do know the US has done tests on a PrEP vaccination and there has been major less in the cure of HIV in recent times with some people already being fully cured (should that be what they desired)
No such advancement (that I know of) has been made in the UK yet and had there been a PrEP vaccine or injection over here I would have zero issues. 

I guess thats all I need to say. Thanks for allowing me to rent 

Please keep it kind and respectful in the comments
Everyone has an opinion and every opinion is valid 

There now is prep by injection 💉  look into that

[BootmanLA]

3 hours ago, KatrinaSassy2019 said:

There now is prep by injection 💉  look into that

But as noted: it's ordinarily NOT offered as a first-time option, because it's a lot pricier (for now) than oral PrEP. 

[PozBearWI]

Further there is an intake process on Cabaneuva where you take pills for several weeks of a lower dose to determine whether you'll have unhappy side effects before they go off an inject.  

[BigChaserHere]

If you can't swallow your PrEP, consider CABENUVA

First month = IM injection day 1 then IM injection 30 days later

THEN ....

an IM injection every other month

It lends great protection

[IrishBoi]

5 hours ago, BigChaserHere said:

If you can't swallow your PrEP, consider CABENUVA

First month = IM injection day 1 then IM injection 30 days later

THEN ....

an IM injection every other month

It lends great protection

the injection isnt available in the uk here yet