Hiding HIV diagnosis from wife/partner

[Tiboer]

In the last year, I met married guys who hid their HIV diagnosis from their wives.

They both said they’re indetectable so their wives aren’t in danger.

Is this common for gays who are married?  I never would have considered it even possible.

[austin_submale]

I will probably have to do this if I get the bug.  I am not sure how they go about hiding meds and insurance or paying for meds.  That has to be the hard part.

 

[SydneyUncutPoz]

I was still in a relationship with my ex gf of 6years when i was pozzed. I have no idea who pozzed me but i told her some bullshit story that “i was certain it happened before we ever met when i fucked some junkie hooker” 

She stuck around after i was poz so she either fckn believed me or was desperate lol

little did she know i was slamming meth and getting more dick than she had her entire life 

[Erik62]

3 hours ago, austin_submale said:

I will probably have to do this if I get the bug.  I am not sure how they go about hiding meds and insurance or paying for meds.  That has to be the hard part.

 

Not hard if you are honest with your partner. If you are honest, your partner is their if you fall ill, there to comfort when drug side effects occur, there to enjoy sex & you don't have to hide bucket loads of meds. Not being up front is also an immensely stressful thing to have to deal with. Things like insurance are also very problematic. If you lie, the truth will come out & potentially leave your partner in a difficult financial situation. By disclosing status to insurers make life so much easier. Premiums may be higher but payouts will be guaranteed & paid without issue. 

    These, of course are Australian conditions & will vary between countries but, advice is gained from personal experience after an HIV diagnosis. 

[Bimarried001]

If I could’ve hidden my status from my wife without infecting her I would’ve done so. I don’t know how one can pull that off. Even if he is undetectable now, he wasn’t when he first got infected. 
 

I hid my status for as long as I could but I eventually had to come clean to try to protect my wife. And after telling her she eventually got pozzed anyway. 

[pozsewerpig]

13 hours ago, austin_submale said:

I will probably have to do this if I get the bug.  I am not sure how they go about hiding meds and insurance or paying for meds.  That has to be the hard part.

 

I don't see how it would be possible to keep being poz from a spouse/partner unless you are basically already leading separate lives. In addition to hiding meds and insurance, there's the doctor appointments and regular testing. And hopefully you never have an emergency health issue where she may find your status while you are incapacitated. That would be an incredible amount of stress to bear wondering when your secret could be revealed.

[descartes70817]

When I found out I had AIDS related double pneumonia I told my wife but she wasn't even remotely surprised. It did mean I must have fucked toxic loads into quite a few raw bottoms. I did notify everyone who I could but I was fucking mostly anonymously and don't even know when I was infected or who gifted me.

[Tiboer]

I can only imagine how keeping secrets and telling lies cause so much stress.  So many of us did it before we came out as gay.  
 

We often don’t talk about how slutty we are or the chems we do. Having a partner who doesn’t know about any of this, compounds the problem. 

Endangering our loved ones isn’t the answer.   True love and partnership mandates honesty.  Honesty takes all the stress away.

I’ve experienced both-lies and trust.  Life is so much better when your partners accepts and acknowledges every part of you.  I know this sounds like silly moralizing but this should be the goal for all of us.

Edited December 1 by Tiboer

[Bimarried001]

20 hours ago, pozsewerpig said:

I don't see how it would be possible to keep being poz from a spouse/partner unless you are basically already leading separate lives. In addition to hiding meds and insurance, there's the doctor appointments and regular testing. And hopefully you never have an emergency health issue where she may find your status while you are incapacitated. That would be an incredible amount of stress to bear wondering when your secret could be revealed.

I had no problem keeping the meds and doctor appointments from my wife. The difficult part was having sex with her the way I was use to having sex with her. That was my reason for coming clean with her. I could hide everything else. To this day (30 years plus poz) she still does not know I’m bi and get fucked by men. 

[BootmanLA]

6 hours ago, Bimarried001 said:

I had no problem keeping the meds and doctor appointments from my wife. The difficult part was having sex with her the way I was use to having sex with her. That was my reason for coming clean with her. I could hide everything else. To this day (30 years plus poz) she still does not know I’m bi and get fucked by men. 

That's pretty sad, imho. I can't imagine having a partner/spouse where I had to keep something that important in my life from them, much less concoct a lie about it. 

[analluv27]

I was somewhat upfront with my partner when I was diagnosed, sadly due to my occupation possible infections could happen if one is not cautious.

 I told them as soon as I was diagnosed and stated that if they chose to go their own way I’d understand.

 My “poppa was a rolling stone” days seriously has diminished since then and COVID pretty much finished it off with a vicious left hook. I haven’t been the best partner in the past but I’ve been trying to improve in that

[TakingItDeep]

One of my best fuck buds hid it from his wife. He’s apparently still hiding it going on 20 years. I have no idea how he’s doing it.
 

I was raped in 2002 and got it, had no idea till 2011 when I was married 5 years and literally ONE DAY before doing IVF and a random blood test showed it. She’s somehow fine, wherever she is (we’re divorced and I’m happier and better off)

[Bimarried001]

4 hours ago, BootmanLA said:

That's pretty sad, imho. I can't imagine having a partner/spouse where I had to keep something that important in my life from them, much less concoct a lie about it. 

Sad? How many cheating partners do you know that just go home and confess? We may not want to admit to reality, but reality it is. 

[Poz50something]

9 hours ago, Bimarried001 said:

Sad? How many cheating partners do you know that just go home and confess? We may not want to admit to reality, but reality it is. 

 Not all relationships are as honest as I tried to be. I tested negative, and went ahead 3 weeks after to do my immigration health test for Canada. I was kinda obligated to anyway, but something like this, it’s important that your partner is aware. That’s why when 2 years later, I progressed to almost AIDS, Greg was aware and advised that I start triple therapy. 

Edited December 2 by Poz50something

[PozBearWI]

I don't understand the motivation to keep secrets from someone we supposedly love, respect and care for.   Yeah lots of people do; but that doesn't make it a good thing.