PozToxVersPig

YO PEOPLE! I only vaguely remember writing this so long ago but it's time for an update, I think. I'll work on one, but I'd love input! We know that the American Hotel is now closed, have any additional places started to pop up to replace it? DO YOU HAVE ANY PLACES TO ADD TO THIS LIST? One place I have heard of a few times is the Motel 6 on Wadsworth. I have a friend (a Rentmen.com guy - really, friend of 20+ years) coming to town from NYC. He's going to stay with me but wants to try to get some clients while here as well. Also, he's just a slut so I'm sure will want to check out places.

I had Wicked for that. I'm NOT a fan of this show at all, so hard for me to find escape in it. I had the two Wickeds for that - and when I really need to juice up, The Greatest Showman. 🙂

I appreciate this really wonderful thought process -- I don't think that's it. The books upon which the show is based on books first published in 2019 through 2022. This only narrowly intersected Trump's first term.

I think what your experience is the massive knowledge gap that exists for what U=U means, what the implications are, etc. It's unfortunately because it puts some of us in educator roles in situations we'd rather not have to be educators in. There was a little cheat sheet I saw recently for "how to explain to someone who is neg...." - I'll try to find it and send your way

I get that everyone is all about this show right now and that I am antithetically not really that impressed. 🙂 I'll accept my role as iconoclast. To lightheartedly make fun of all the bruhaha, however, I created a really low-brow series called "RELAXED COEXISTENCE" - I had to take a break from editing Trunk and Cage. [think before following links] https://x.com/poztoxverspig/status/2014691885953241102?s=20 [think before following links] https://x.com/poztoxverspig/status/2014793946581631275?s=20 I am actually drawing from storylines in the show.....it cracks me up. I can finally fuck again so ya'll only have to deal with me a few more hours! 🙂 TGIF! 🙂

Hey @lttltvbb - congrats. I have posted a bit on this topic - I'll send you a link about my experience. I'm currently in the recovery period from my last upsizing which is a thing in and of itself if you're going for a 2, 0 or 00. I hope you love it as much as I do!

I just re-read my earlier post, and I want to clarify because they seem as though they are at odds with each other: I think I make best available efforts to inform any sexual partner of my status - via public profile updates, as well as clarifying their understanding of my status. To the extent I hook up with someone randomly, anonymously, whatever, I'm not compelled to stop things in their tracks to ensure that someone engaging in anonymous sex is aware of any potential risk they might be facing, nor do I expect someone to tell me if they don't know their status (HIV or STI). When and if asked in the latter situation, I will always obligate myself to honest.

@PozBearWI the fact of the matter is that nearly 2/3rds of the states in the US have HIV criminalization laws. You've seen and read PLENTY of MY posts from me about the ridiculous low rate of transmission, but the fact of the matter is - if I don't disclose it, I'm still liable under current law in a lot of places. If not criminally, civil charges can also be made. These laws are UNFAIR, and should be overturned, but they are the law. What these laws criminalize: HIV-specific charges: Elevating charges for sex crimes or other offenses if the person knows they have HIV. Non-disclosure: Failing to tell a sexual or needle-sharing partner about HIV status, even if transmission risk is zero due to treatment. Exposure: Actions with no realistic risk of transmission, like spitting or biting, especially in correctional settings So the reality is - YES, under the law, we ARE required to disclose this in most states. And I sure as shit don't want to have to hire criminal and civil defense attorneys and get involved in a protracted court case...we can fight this, disagree with this - but I for one don't want to spend a decade of my life and a huge amount of money being the poster boy for HIV Criminalization reform. Also, your comparison between the flu and HIV is inaccurate. HIV is a retrovirus which integrates with mRNA and attacks the very core of our immune system. The flu does not - it isn't near the level of sophistication of HIV and the way it fully integrates via mRNA into its host...it is helpful to make appropriate comparisons here because they are fundamentally different.

I’ve been trying to figure out those two for a while. I actually do know what they mean now and I will write up a response once I’m back to my computer… Essentially it started as code words which enabled people in oppressed countries where being gay was not OK or looking at porn pornography was not OK to be able to search for and find porn gay or sexual content.

To be clear @norefusal - I don’t stealth and refuse any type scenario. And perhaps among others, I’m giving my most current and relevant information. But it is not my job to elucidate an entire medical chart or its implications to another person every time I fuck. i do my best to convey my status and frequently say things like “you know I’m poz, right?” - Also, I don’t think we can play both sides of the fence here… Either HIV is a chronic disease that we have learned to treat via medication OR we are giving people a death sentence by possibly giving them HIV where we know the transmission rates are low. I don’t think it can be both. Lastly, I am very upset by what you said equating me having HIV and having unprotected sex with somebody when I’ve been forthright is equivalent to somebody being raped. You’ve seen my words for sure on the matter of rape writ large. equating somebody having unprotected sex with somebody choosing an outfit is just damn right foolish and you should really reconsider those words.

I was inspired by the discussion of what defined "pig sex" in this thread. There have been other discussions where same terms have been used to mean different things. So, I turned to AI to ask - "What are the top 1000 slang terms used by gay men in the US since 1960s" and had them organized by recency and prevalence. Prevalence was a measurement of how frequently these words occurred in gay online forums/sites within the last 20 years, ranked HIGH, MEDIUM, LOW. THERE ARE VERY FEW TERMS on this list that I've ever heard and certainly never used. Have you? What slang terms are missing? Comment below. SLANG TERM, DEFINITION, and ORIGIN ** 100-footer ** DEFINITION: An obviously gay or lesbian person (as if visible from 100 feet away) ORIGIN: US, mid-20th century, likely from gay communities to describe flamboyance ** 420-Friendly ** DEFINITION: Weed-friendly **** Open to weed use ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** AC/DC ** DEFINITION: Bisexual ORIGIN: 1970s, US/UK, from the rock band or electricity (alternating/direct current) symbolizing both ways ** Ace-flux ** DEFINITION: Fluctuating asexuality ORIGIN: 2010s ** Achillean ** DEFINITION: An umbrella term for attractions and relationships between men, regardless of their sexual or romantic orientation ORIGIN: Recent, 2010s, referencing ancient Greek mythology (Achilles) and Leonardo da Vinci's sexuality; also known as MLM (man-loving-man) ** Aftercare ** DEFINITION: Emotional/physical care post-scene **** Emotional care **** Dominant partner ORIGIN: BDSM ** Alice Blue Gown ** DEFINITION: Effeminate gay man ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US, possibly from a song or color associated with delicacy ** Alpha pup ** DEFINITION: Leader pup ORIGIN: Pup play ** Anal assassin ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: 2000s, UK/US, derogatory term implying aggressive anal sex ** Anon pic ** DEFINITION: Anonymous body photo ORIGIN: App culture ** Aromantic ** DEFINITION: No romantic attraction ORIGIN: 2010s ** Arse bandit ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: 1980s, UK, derogatory from "arse" (ass) and bandit implying theft or invasion ** Artiste ** DEFINITION: A gay man who excels at fellatio ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US gay slang ** Asexual ** DEFINITION: No sexual attraction ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Auntie ** DEFINITION: An older, often effeminate and gossipy gay man ORIGIN: Early 20th century, US/UK gay slang ** Baby gay ** DEFINITION: Someone who’s newly out and is generally pretty clueless about everything **** Newly out or inexperienced gay person ORIGIN: 2010s, modern queer slang, from coming out experiences **** 2000s–2010s slang ** Baby queen ** DEFINITION: New or inexperienced drag queen ORIGIN: Drag culture ** Backgammon player ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: Late 18th century, Britain, from backgammon as euphemism for sodomy ** Banjee ** DEFINITION: Street-tough, urban style; often masc, working-class ORIGIN: Black and Latinx queer communities ** Bareback ** DEFINITION: Condomless sex ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s porn and hookup slang ** Basket shopping ** DEFINITION: Checking out a man's crotch through clothing ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, British/US gay slang, "basket" refers to the bulge ** Bathhouse / Baths ** DEFINITION: Gay male sex club with saunas, rooms, etc. ORIGIN: Early–mid 20th century urban gay culture ** Bathhouse Betty ** DEFINITION: Man who spends a lot of time at bathhouses ORIGIN: Late 20th-century bar slang ** Baths ** DEFINITION: Bathhouses frequented by gay men for sexual encounters ORIGIN: US, mid-20th century, from gay bathhouse culture ** Bathsheba ** DEFINITION: Gay man who frequents bathhouses ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US, play on "baths" and biblical name ** Batty boy ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay or effeminate man ORIGIN: 1990s, Jamaica/UK, from "batty" meaning bottom ** BB / Bareback ** DEFINITION: Condomless sex; raw sex ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s ** Beach bitch ** DEFINITION: A gay man who frequents beaches and resorts for sexual encounters ORIGIN: US, mid-20th century ** Bean queen ** DEFINITION: Man attracted to Latino men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century fetishizing slang ** Bear ** DEFINITION: Hairy, chunky, chubby, muscly, beardy gay man, often with big bellies **** Large, hairy, rugged gay man ORIGIN: 1980s, US gay subculture, from bear-like appearance; popularized in Bear Magazine **** Late 1970s–80s; Bear Magazine and bar culture ** Bear Chub ** DEFINITION: Larger man seeking bears ORIGIN: ** Bear daddy ** DEFINITION: Older bear with daddy vibe ORIGIN: Bear subculture ** Bear4Bear ** DEFINITION: Bears seeking bears ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Beard ** DEFINITION: A person used as a date, romantic partner, or spouse to conceal one's sexual orientation **** Person used to hide sexuality ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US, from "bearding" to hide identity **** 1990s–present ** Beat ** DEFINITION: An area frequented by gay men, where sexual acts occur; also, looking flawless (face or body) ORIGIN: Australia for location (mid-20th century); for compliment, from drag/ballroom culture, 1980s-1990s US ** Bedroom queen ** DEFINITION: Queen who mostly does drag at home/online ORIGIN: Social media era ** Beefcake ** DEFINITION: Muscular, attractive gay man ORIGIN: 1940s, US, from "beefcake" photos of muscular men ** Beige Flag ** DEFINITION: Keeping someone on hold ORIGIN: ** Belle ** DEFINITION: Young gay man ORIGIN: 1920s-1930s, US Prohibition era slang ** Benching ** DEFINITION: Keeping someone on hold ORIGIN: 2010s ** Bent ** DEFINITION: Gay, as opposed to straight ORIGIN: UK, early 20th century, from "bent" meaning crooked or not straight ** Beta pup ** DEFINITION: Submissive pup ORIGIN: Pup play ** Binding ** DEFINITION: A technique in which individuals wear tight clothing to hide and flatten breasts ORIGIN: 1990s-2000s, transgender and queer communities ** Bisexual ** DEFINITION: A person emotionally, physically, and/or sexually attracted to both men and women ORIGIN: Late 19th century, medical/psychological term; entered common use in 1960s-1970s with bisexual movement ** Block ** DEFINITION: Remove user ORIGIN: App feature ** Body pic? ** DEFINITION: Request for body photo ORIGIN: App culture ** Body'ody'ody ** DEFINITION: Emphasizing impressive body **** Emphasizing impressive physique ORIGIN: Drag and pop culture slang **** Drag/pop culture ** Boi ** DEFINITION: Youthful, androgynous or submissive person ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s queer and kink communities ** Bona ** DEFINITION: Good, attractive ORIGIN: Polari; more UK-centric but known among some US queer history buffs ** Bondage bottom ** DEFINITION: Submissive in bondage ORIGIN: BDSM ** Bondage pig ** DEFINITION: Person who loves heavy bondage ORIGIN: Kink ** Bondage top ** DEFINITION: Dominant in bondage ORIGIN: BDSM ** Boot worship ** DEFINITION: Boot-focused kink ORIGIN: Leather scene ** Bootblack ** DEFINITION: Person who shines boots at leather events ORIGIN: Leather culture ** Boots ** DEFINITION: A verbal exclamation point added to statements for emphasis **** Intensifier meaning “very” ORIGIN: 2010s, from ballroom/drag culture, US **** Drag culture ** Bop ** DEFINITION: An amazing, ass-shaking, and/or iconic song ORIGIN: 2010s, modern queer slang ** Bottom ** DEFINITION: A receptive partner in intercourse **** Receptive or submissive sexual role; Submissive partner; Feminine-coded role ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US gay slang from sexual positions **** 20th-century gay sexual slang ** Boy ** DEFINITION: Younger or submissive partner ORIGIN: Long-standing; used in leather and BDSM contexts ** Brat ** DEFINITION: Sub who playfully resists ORIGIN: BDSM ** Brat Tamer ** DEFINITION: Dom who handles brats ORIGIN: BDSM ** Breadcrumbing ** DEFINITION: Leading someone on ORIGIN: 2010s ** Bro (gay context) ** DEFINITION: Casual, masculine gay man ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s ** Bromance ** DEFINITION: Intense but non-sexual male friendship; often used jokingly in gay contexts ORIGIN: 2000s mainstream slang ** Bromosexual ** DEFINITION: Straight-presenting man with strong gay friendships or a gay man with “bro” vibe ORIGIN: 2010s pop slang ** Brosexual / Bromosexual ** DEFINITION: Gay man with “bro” vibe ORIGIN: 2010s slang ** Browning ** DEFINITION: Anal sex ORIGIN: 1920s, US gay slang ** Bug party ** DEFINITION: Gathering centered on HIV transmission fetish (very niche) ORIGIN: Late 20th-century underground slang ** Bugchaser ** DEFINITION: Person seeking HIV infection (controversial, stigmatized) ORIGIN: Late 20th-century underground slang ** Bug-phobic ** DEFINITION: Fearful of HIV-positive people (stigmatizing) ORIGIN: Community slang ** Bull queer ** DEFINITION: A gay man who exclusively tops in intercourse ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, prison slang ** Bum chum ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: UK slang, from "bum" (ass) and chum (friend) ** Bumder ** DEFINITION: Rare slur for a gay man ORIGIN: UK slang, blend of bum and bender ** Bummer ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: UK slang, from bum ** Bussy ** DEFINITION: Portmanteau of "boy pussy"; a male anus in anal sex context ORIGIN: 2000s-2010s, US queer slang, popularized online ** Busted ** DEFINITION: Messy, unkempt, or poorly presented ORIGIN: 2010s, from drag culture ** Butch ** DEFINITION: A person who identifies as masculine **** Masculine-presenting queer person (often lesbian, but used among gay men too) ORIGIN: 1940s-1950s, lesbian communities but applies to gay men **** Early 20th century; popularized via working-class and bar cultures ** Butchy femme ** DEFINITION: A gender expression between femme and futch ORIGIN: 2010s, queer gender terms ** Cake ** DEFINITION: The booty ORIGIN: 2010s, modern slang ** Camp ** DEFINITION: Exaggerated and amusing, associated with gay men or femininity ORIGIN: Early 20th century, from Polari/queer culture; popularized in 1960s ** Camp Queen ** DEFINITION: Queen known for campy style ORIGIN: Drag culture ** Castro clone ** DEFINITION: Hyper-masculine, uniform-style gay man (flannel, mustache, jeans) ORIGIN: 1970s San Francisco Castro district ** Castro gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man associated with San Francisco Castro ORIGIN: 1970s–present; SF regional ** Catfish ** DEFINITION: Fake profile ORIGIN: 2010s ** CBT ** DEFINITION: Cock and ball torture ORIGIN: BDSM ** Chaos Gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man with chaotic energy ORIGIN: 2020s memes **** 2020s ** Chaser ** DEFINITION: Someone attracted to a particular type, e.g., larger men ORIGIN: 1990s, from bear/chubby subcultures ** Chastity ** DEFINITION: Wearing a chastity device ORIGIN: BDSM ** Chelsea boy ** DEFINITION: Fashionable, gym-toned gay man (NYC Chelsea stereotype) ORIGIN: 1980s–90s New York neighborhood stereotype ** Chem-friendly ** DEFINITION: Open to drug use ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Chemsex ** DEFINITION: Sex involving stimulants ORIGIN: 2000s public health term ** Chi chi man ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: Caribbean, 1990s, derogatory ** Chicken ** DEFINITION: A youthful gay man **** Young, often naive or underage boy ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US/UK **** 20th-century gay slang; also in Polari ** Chickenhawk ** DEFINITION: Older man seeking much younger men ORIGIN: 20th-century gay slang ** Children ** DEFINITION: Members of a house or younger queer folks ORIGIN: Ballroom culture ** Chill? ** DEFINITION: Asking about drugs/sex ORIGIN: App shorthand ** Chocolate queen ** DEFINITION: Man attracted to Black men ORIGIN: Fetishizing slang; often criticized ** Chosen family ** DEFINITION: Non-biological support network ORIGIN: 1990s–present LGBTQ culture ** Chub ** DEFINITION: Larger, heavier gay man ORIGIN: Late 20th-century body-positive subcultures ** Chub4Chub ** DEFINITION: Larger men seeking each other ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Chubby ** DEFINITION: Obese man ORIGIN: ** Circuit bunny ** DEFINITION: Younger man who follows circuit parties ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s ** Circuit daddy ** DEFINITION: Older man who still does circuit parties ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s ** Circuit Gay ** DEFINITION: Man who attends circuit parties ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Circuit kween ** DEFINITION: Camp spelling of “queen” for circuit-loving person ORIGIN: 2010s internet slang ** Circuit party ** DEFINITION: Large, often multi-day gay dance/party event ORIGIN: 1980s–90s; tied to club and drug culture ** Circuit queen ** DEFINITION: Man who frequently attends circuit parties ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s circuit culture ** Circuit twink ** DEFINITION: Young man who frequents circuit parties ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s ** Clean ** DEFINITION: HIV-negative (stigmatizing) ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Clock ** DEFINITION: To notice or call out something (often a flaw) ORIGIN: Ballroom/drag slang ** Clockable ** DEFINITION: Easy to recognize as queer or trans ORIGIN: Ballroom and drag slang ** Clocked ** DEFINITION: Recognized or called out ORIGIN: Ballroom culture ** Clone ** DEFINITION: A San Francisco or New York denizen with exaggerated macho behavior ORIGIN: 1970s-1980s, US, from Castro clone look (mustache, jeans) ** Close friends thirst ** DEFINITION: Sexy content for “close friends” ORIGIN: 2020s ** Closet ** DEFINITION: Metaphor for hiding one’s sexuality ORIGIN: Mid-20th century; “coming out of the closet” popularized later ** Closet / Closeted ** DEFINITION: Hiding sexuality; Not publicly out ORIGIN: ** Closet case ** DEFINITION: Person hiding their homosexuality ORIGIN: Mid-20th century ** Closet queen ** DEFINITION: Gay man who hides his sexuality but is known in gay circles ORIGIN: Mid-20th century bar slang ** Closeted ** DEFINITION: Keeping one's sexuality a secret ORIGIN: 1960s-1970s, from "in the closet" metaphor ** Club kid ** DEFINITION: Young, flamboyant nightlife personality ORIGIN: 1980s–90s New York club culture ** Club queen ** DEFINITION: Queen who mainly performs in clubs ORIGIN: Drag and nightlife culture ** Cock gobbler ** DEFINITION: Vulgar slur for a gay man who performs fellatio ORIGIN: 2000s, US derogatory slang ** Cocksucker ** DEFINITION: A person who practices fellatio, usually a gay male ORIGIN: Early 20th century, derogatory but reclaimed ** Coming Out ** DEFINITION: Publicly acknowledging one’s sexuality or gender identity ORIGIN: 20th-century gay communities; metaphor from debutante “coming out” ** Cottagecore gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man into pastoral, cozy aesthetics ORIGIN: 2020s internet culture ** Cottaging ** DEFINITION: Having or seeking anonymous gay sex in a public toilet ORIGIN: UK, 1960s, from "cottage" as public restroom ** Cruise bar ** DEFINITION: Bar known for cruising ORIGIN: Mid-late 20th-century gay bar culture ** Cruising ** DEFINITION: Seeking a casual gay sex encounter ORIGIN: Ancient Rome historically; modern 20th century US/UK ** Cub ** DEFINITION: A young bear, perhaps with a smaller frame **** Younger or smaller bear ORIGIN: 1990s, bear subculture **** Bear subculture ** Cuffing Season ** DEFINITION: Winter relationship trend ORIGIN: 2010s ** Cut/Uncut ** DEFINITION: Circumcised/uncircumcised ORIGIN: App shorthand ** Daddy ** DEFINITION: A typically older gay man ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, from paternal figure; popularized in 2010s ** DDF ** DEFINITION: Drug- and disease-free (stigmatizing) ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s ** Demisexual ** DEFINITION: Attraction after emotional bond ORIGIN: 2010s ** Dicklicker ** DEFINITION: Vulgar slur for a gay man ORIGIN: 2000s, US derogatory ** Disco dolly ** DEFINITION: Gay man who loves disco/club dancing ORIGIN: 1970s–80s ** Discreet ** DEFINITION: Wants privacy; not out ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Dish ** DEFINITION: Attractive person; also gossip ORIGIN: Polari and US gay slang ** DL (Down-Low) ** DEFINITION: Men who have sex with men but identify as straight/hidden ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s discourse, especially in Black communities ** Dog Gay / Cat Gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man whose personality aligns with dog/cat stereotypes ORIGIN: 2020s memes ** Doing the most ** DEFINITION: Trying too hard ORIGIN: 2010s slang ** Dolly eek ** DEFINITION: Pretty face ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, Polari (UK gay secret language), backslang for "eek" (face) ** Dom ** DEFINITION: Dominant partner ORIGIN: BDSM culture ** Down-Low ** DEFINITION: Homosexual or bisexual activity kept secret by men ORIGIN: US, 1990s, African American communities ** Drag ** DEFINITION: Dressing as the opposite gender, often for performance **** Gender performance; Drag queen/king art form ORIGIN: Shakespearean, "dressed as a girl" acronym; 19th century theater **** Older theatrical slang ** Drag mother ** DEFINITION: Experienced queen who mentors newer queens ORIGIN: Drag culture ** Drama queen ** DEFINITION: Person (often gay man) who overreacts theatrically ORIGIN: Mid-20th century slang; popularized in gay and mainstream culture ** Dropping pins ** DEFINITION: Hinting at one's homosexuality ORIGIN: 1920s-1930s, US, from "dropping hairpins" to signal subtly ** Dungeon ** DEFINITION: Kink play space ORIGIN: Leather/BDSM ** Dungeon monitor (DM) ** DEFINITION: Safety supervisor ORIGIN: BDSM ** Edging ** DEFINITION: Prolonging arousal ORIGIN: Kink ** Elder gay ** DEFINITION: Older gay man, often jokingly ORIGIN: 2010s internet slang ** Electro play ** DEFINITION: Electricity-based kink ORIGIN: BDSM ** En femme ** DEFINITION: The act of wearing clothes stereotypically of the opposite sex ORIGIN: French, 20th century cross-dressing ** ENM ** DEFINITION: Ethical non-monogamy ORIGIN: 2010s ** Era ** DEFINITION: Describing a way of acting during a certain period ORIGIN: 2010s, modern slang ** Exhibitionist ** DEFINITION: Likes being watched ORIGIN: Kink ** Extra ** DEFINITION: Taking anything to the next level **** Over-the-top behavior ORIGIN: 2010s, ballroom culture **** 2010s slang ** F3-LOWer ** DEFINITION: A typically effeminate gay man ORIGIN: Mid-20th century ** Face pic? ** DEFINITION: Request for face photo ORIGIN: App culture ** Fag hag ** DEFINITION: Woman who primarily socializes with gay men ORIGIN: Mid-late 20th century; now often seen as dated/offensive ** Fag stag ** DEFINITION: Straight man who enjoys company of gay men ORIGIN: 1990s, US, counterpart to "fag hag" ** Faggot / Fag ** DEFINITION: Strong slur for gay man; sometimes reclaimed ORIGIN: Early 20th century; widely used as insult ** Fairy ** DEFINITION: Slur for gay men, reclaimed **** Effeminate gay man; often derogatory ORIGIN: 1920s-1930s, US; from effeminate stereotype **** Late 1800s/early 1900s urban subcultures ** Family ** DEFINITION: Coded term for other gay/queer people ORIGIN: 20th-century bar and community slang ** Faun ** DEFINITION: Gay man with hairy legs but less body hair ORIGIN: 2010s, US gay body type slang ** Feeling My Oats ** DEFINITION: Living your best life ORIGIN: 2010s, from RuPaul's Drag Race ** Fem / Femme ** DEFINITION: Feminine-presenting man **** Feminine-presenting gay man ORIGIN: 20th-century queer slang **** 1990s–2000s queer slang ** Femboy ** DEFINITION: A feminine or androgynous male ORIGIN: 1990s-2000s, online communities ** Fem-leaning ** DEFINITION: Mostly feminine ORIGIN: App culture ** Fierce ** DEFINITION: Intense confidence in looks or actions ORIGIN: 1980s-1990s, ballroom ** Finocchio ** DEFINITION: Slur for a gay man ORIGIN: Italian-American, from "fennel" implying softness ** Fire Island gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man associated with Fire Island summers ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Fire Island queen ** DEFINITION: Man who spends summers partying on Fire Island ORIGIN: 1970s–present; New York regional ** Fish / Fishy ** DEFINITION: Looking convincingly feminine (like a cis woman) in drag ORIGIN: Ballroom and drag culture; contested usage today ** Fish queen ** DEFINITION: Queen who looks very feminine ORIGIN: Drag/ballroom slang ** Fistee ** DEFINITION: Person receiving fisting ORIGIN: Kink ** Fister ** DEFINITION: Person who performs fisting ORIGIN: Kink ** Flit ** DEFINITION: Effeminate gay man ORIGIN: 1950s, from Catcher in the Rye ** Folx ** DEFINITION: A shorter alternative to folks ORIGIN: 2010s, inclusive language ** For The Gods ** DEFINITION: Executing something perfectly ORIGIN: 2010s, drag/ballroom ** Friend of Dorothy ** DEFINITION: A gay person **** Coded phrase meaning gay man ORIGIN: 1930s-1940s, shibboleth from Wizard of Oz/Judy Garland **** Mid-20th century ** Friend of friends ** DEFINITION: Coded phrase for queer person ORIGIN: Various 20th-century closeted contexts ** Fruit ** DEFINITION: Derogatory term for gay man ORIGIN: Early–mid 20th century; linked to “fruity” meaning effeminate ** Fruit fly ** DEFINITION: Woman who spends a lot of time with gay men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century bar slang **** 1990s–2000s ** Fruit stand ** DEFINITION: Place with many gay men ORIGIN: Playful slang ** FWB ** DEFINITION: Friends with benefits ORIGIN: General slang; co-used in hookup culture ** Gay ** DEFINITION: Homosexual man (often reclaimed or neutral in community contexts) ORIGIN: Mid-20th century onward, originally clinical/derogatory but widely reclaimed ** Gold star gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man who has never had sex with a woman ORIGIN: Late 20th century, joking/slang origin ** Grindr fingers ** DEFINITION: The specific way people hold their phone while using Grindr ORIGIN: 2010s app culture meme ** Grindr goblin ** DEFINITION: Someone who uses Grindr obsessively or in a chaotic way ORIGIN: 2020s internet slang ** Group play ** DEFINITION: Sexual activity involving more than two people ORIGIN: Kink and hookup culture ** Handsome ** DEFINITION: Attractive man (often used ironically or affectionately) ORIGIN: General gay slang ** Hawk ** DEFINITION: Person who aggressively pursues younger partners ORIGIN: 20th-century slang (see Chickenhawk) ** House ** DEFINITION: Chosen family / ballroom family unit ORIGIN: 1970s–80s ballroom culture ** House mother ** DEFINITION: Leader/mentor of a ballroom house ORIGIN: 1970s–80s ballroom scene ** Hung ** DEFINITION: Having a large penis ORIGIN: Sexual slang, widespread in apps/profiles ** Intern ** DEFINITION: Younger/less experienced gay man (joking) ORIGIN: 2010s–2020s internet slang ** IP (Internet Prince) ** DEFINITION: Attractive man whose face is never shown (only body/torso pics) ORIGIN: 2010s–2020s app culture ** Isaiah ** DEFINITION: Older gay man who gives unsolicited life advice ORIGIN: 2020s meme slang (from TikTok/Instagram) ** Kiki ** DEFINITION: Casual chat / gossip session ORIGIN: Ballroom and AAVE-influenced queer slang ** Kink ** DEFINITION: Sexual fetish or non-normative practice ORIGIN: BDSM / leather subcultures ** Kink-friendly ** DEFINITION: Open to partners with kink interests ORIGIN: App / profile shorthand ** Kiwi ** DEFINITION: New Zealander (sometimes used in travel/hookup contexts) ORIGIN: General slang with gay app usage ** League ** DEFINITION: Level of attractiveness / dating market value ORIGIN: 2010s–2020s dating slang ** Leather ** DEFINITION: Leather fetish or leather community aesthetic ORIGIN: Mid-20th century gay leather subculture ** Leather daddy ** DEFINITION: Older dominant man in leather gear ORIGIN: Leather/BDSM culture ** Link? ** DEFINITION: Request for current location / address for hookup ORIGIN: Early–mid app culture ** Looksmaxxing ** DEFINITION: Maximizing physical appearance through grooming/fitness/surgery ORIGIN: 2020s internet slang (orig. incel → queer/meme usage) ** LTR ** DEFINITION: Long-term relationship ORIGIN: 1990s–present personal ads / apps ** Lucky Pierre ** DEFINITION: The middle man in a threesome ORIGIN: Mid-20th century, US/French origin joke/song ** Masc ** DEFINITION: Masculine-presenting gay man ORIGIN: 2010s app culture ** Masc4Masc ** DEFINITION: Masculine man seeking masculine partner ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s dating/app culture ** Miss Thing ** DEFINITION: Playful/sometimes shady address for another gay man ORIGIN: Late 20th-century Black/Latinx queer communities ** Mo ** DEFINITION: Shortened form of “homo” ORIGIN: 20th-century bar slang ** Monogamish ** DEFINITION: Mostly monogamous with some flexibility ORIGIN: 2010s, popularized by Dan Savage ** Mother ** DEFINITION: Leader/mentor figure in ballroom or drag ORIGIN: 1970s–80s ballroom scene ** Mother Superior ** DEFINITION: Leader of a group of gay men ORIGIN: Mid-20th century US extension of “mother” ** MSM ** DEFINITION: Men who have sex with men (clinical/public health term) ORIGIN: Late 20th-century epidemiology ** Mug ** DEFINITION: The face ORIGIN: 2010s drag slang ** Muscle mary ** DEFINITION: Very muscular, often vain gay man ORIGIN: Late 20th-century bar slang ** Naff ** DEFINITION: Tacky, uncool ORIGIN: Polari → British mainstream slang ** Nance / Nancy ** DEFINITION: Effeminate gay man ORIGIN: Early 20th-century English/American slang ** Neg ** DEFINITION: HIV-negative ORIGIN: Late 20th-century HIV/AIDS communities ** Neg4Neg ** DEFINITION: HIV-negative seeking same ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Neg-friendly ** DEFINITION: Open to HIV-negative partners ORIGIN: Late 20th-century profiles ** Negotiation ** DEFINITION: Pre-scene discussion / boundary setting ORIGIN: BDSM ** Nelly ** DEFINITION: Effeminate gay man (sometimes affectionate, often mocking) ORIGIN: Mid-20th century ** Nipple play ** DEFINITION: Nipple stimulation kink ORIGIN: Kink ** No Fats, No Fems ** DEFINITION: Exclusionary phrase rejecting fat and feminine men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century personal ads → 2010s apps ** No tea, no shade ** DEFINITION: “No offense,” often before/after criticism ORIGIN: Drag and ballroom culture ** NSA ** DEFINITION: No strings attached (casual sex) ORIGIN: 1990s–present hookup slang ** NSA fun ** DEFINITION: No-strings sex ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Omi ** DEFINITION: Man ORIGIN: Polari ** On prep ** DEFINITION: Taking PrEP ORIGIN: 2010s ** On the scene ** DEFINITION: Actively participating in gay social life ORIGIN: Mid-late 20th-century bar culture ** Open ** DEFINITION: Non-monogamous ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Open to ** DEFINITION: Willing to try (kinks, types, etc.) ORIGIN: App culture ** Orbiting ** DEFINITION: Watching someone’s stories but not engaging ORIGIN: 2010s social media ** Otter ** DEFINITION: Slim, hairy gay man ORIGIN: 2000s, bear subculture ** Out ** DEFINITION: Openly gay ORIGIN: 20th-century adaptation of “coming out” ** Pageant queen ** DEFINITION: Queen focused on pageant competitions ORIGIN: Drag pageant circuits ** Palone ** DEFINITION: Woman ORIGIN: Polari ** Pansy ** DEFINITION: Effeminate gay man; insult tied to “sissy” ORIGIN: 1920s “Pansy Craze” in US nightlife ** Period ** DEFINITION: Emphatic end to statement ORIGIN: 2010s, AAVE/Southern Black gay slang ** Pig ** DEFINITION: Man who enjoys intense or “dirty” sex ORIGIN: Late 20th-century kink/leather communities ** Pig pit ** DEFINITION: Group kink space ORIGIN: Leather scene ** Pig sex ** DEFINITION: Intense, uninhibited, often kinky sex ORIGIN: 1990s-2000s gay leather/BDSM scenes ** Ping me ** DEFINITION: Message me on an app ORIGIN: 2000s messaging culture ** Pink dollar ** DEFINITION: Economic power of gay consumers ORIGIN: Late 20th-century marketing slang ** Pinkwashing ** DEFINITION: Using LGBTQ friendliness to distract from other issues ORIGIN: 21st-century political slang ** Piss play ** DEFINITION: Watersports kink ORIGIN: Kink ** Plant Gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man obsessed with houseplants ORIGIN: 2020s meme culture ** Platinum gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man with even less heterosexual experience than “gold star” ORIGIN: Late 20th-century joking slang ** Platinum star ** DEFINITION: Gay man born by C-section who never had sex with women ORIGIN: 2000s, from Will & Grace joke ** PNP (Party & Play) ** DEFINITION: Sex + meth/party drugs ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Pocket gay ** DEFINITION: Very short gay man (often joking) ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s slang ** Poly ** DEFINITION: Polyamorous ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Poof / Poofter ** DEFINITION: Slur for gay man (more UK) ORIGIN: 20th-century British slang ** Porpoise ** DEFINITION: Chubby, smooth gay man ORIGIN: 2010s, US gay body type slang ** Potato queen ** DEFINITION: Asian man attracted to white men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century fetishizing slang ** Power Bottom ** DEFINITION: Energetic / assertive receptive partner ORIGIN: 2000s US gay slang ** Power top ** DEFINITION: Assertive, dominant top ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s ** Poz ** DEFINITION: HIV-positive person ORIGIN: 1990s, from positive ** Poz party ** DEFINITION: Gathering of HIV-positive men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century HIV communities ** Poz4Poz ** DEFINITION: HIV-positive seeking same ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Poz-friendly ** DEFINITION: Open to HIV-positive partners ORIGIN: 1990s–2000s dating/hookup profiles ** Prawn ** DEFINITION: Fantastic body, unattractive face ORIGIN: Recent, UK/Australia? ** PrEP / On PrEP ** DEFINITION: Taking PrEP medication ORIGIN: ** Prep-friendly ** DEFINITION: Open to partners on PrEP ORIGIN: 2010s ** Primal ** DEFINITION: Animalistic kink style ORIGIN: 2000s ** Protein Gay ** DEFINITION: Gym-focused gay man ORIGIN: 2010s slang ** Punk ** DEFINITION: Smaller, younger gay man forced submissive ORIGIN: Prison slang, mid-20th century ** Pup ** DEFINITION: Gay man into puppy play kink ORIGIN: 2000s, US leather/BDSM community ** Queen ** DEFINITION: Flamboyant or effeminate gay man ORIGIN: Early 20th century, slur reclaimed ** Queer ** DEFINITION: Umbrella term for LGBTQ; reclaimed from slur ORIGIN: 1890s slur → reclaimed 1990s AIDS era ** Queerplatonic ** DEFINITION: Deep non-romantic partnership ORIGIN: 2010s ** Read ** DEFINITION: Calling someone out sassily / humorously insult ORIGIN: 1980s ballroom / Paris Is Burning ** Realness ** DEFINITION: Authentic self / convincingly embodying a category ORIGIN: 1980s ballroom culture ** Red Flag ** DEFINITION: Warning sign in dating/personality ORIGIN: 2020s dating slang ** Rice queen ** DEFINITION: Man (often white) attracted to Asian men ORIGIN: Late 20th-century fetishizing slang ** Rigger ** DEFINITION: Person who ties rope (bondage top) ORIGIN: Rope bondage ** Rope bottom ** DEFINITION: Person who enjoys being tied ORIGIN: BDSM / rope bondage ** Roster ** DEFINITION: List of dating/hookup prospects ORIGIN: 2020s slang ** Rough trade ** DEFINITION: Dangerous or hyper-masculine sexual partner ORIGIN: 20th-century gay bar/street slang ** Rubber pup ** DEFINITION: Pup in rubber/latex gear ORIGIN: Kink ** Rubberman ** DEFINITION: Man into rubber/latex ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Safeword ** DEFINITION: Word to stop play ORIGIN: BDSM ** Sapiosexual ** DEFINITION: Attracted to intelligence ORIGIN: 2010s ** Scene ** DEFINITION: Kink session / BDSM environment ORIGIN: BDSM culture ** Scene queen ** DEFINITION: Person heavily involved in nightlife/club scene ORIGIN: Late 20th-century club culture ** Scruff guy ** DEFINITION: Man using Scruff app; often bearded/masc ORIGIN: 2010s app culture ** Sero-neutral ** DEFINITION: No preference on HIV status ORIGIN: 2010s ** Serosort ** DEFINITION: Choose partners based on HIV status ORIGIN: Public health / community slang ** Serve ** DEFINITION: Presenting oneself, especially a look ORIGIN: 1980s ballroom ** Service bottom ** DEFINITION: Bottom who prioritizes pleasing the top ORIGIN: 2000s kink/sex-positive circles ** Service top ** DEFINITION: Top who prioritizes sub’s pleasure ORIGIN: 2000s kink/sex-positive circles ** Serving ** DEFINITION: Presenting a strong look or vibe ORIGIN: Ballroom → mainstream ** Shade ** DEFINITION: Subtle or indirect insult ORIGIN: 1980s ballroom culture ** Shadow pic ** DEFINITION: Dark, obscured photo (for privacy) ORIGIN: App privacy culture ** Shadowban ** DEFINITION: Hidden from others (app/social) ORIGIN: 2010s ** Sickening ** DEFINITION: Incredibly amazing ORIGIN: 2010s drag ** Side ** DEFINITION: Gay man who prefers not to have anal sex ORIGIN: 2010s non-top/bottom discourse ** Side eye ** DEFINITION: Subtle disapproval expression ORIGIN: 2010s ** Side piece ** DEFINITION: Secondary / casual partner ORIGIN: 2000s–present ** Sir ** DEFINITION: Dominant title (leather/BDSM) ORIGIN: Leather/BDSM ** Sis (queer usage) ** DEFINITION: Friendly address, often between gay men ORIGIN: AAVE and queer slang ** Sissy ** DEFINITION: Effeminate boy/man; insult ORIGIN: Long-standing English insult ** Size queen ** DEFINITION: Gay man who prefers large penises ORIGIN: Mid-late 20th century gay sexual slang ** Slay ** DEFINITION: Doing something exceptionally well ORIGIN: 1970s-1980s ballroom; popularized by RuPaul/Beyonce ** Sling ** DEFINITION: Leather/metal sex sling ORIGIN: Leather scene ** Sling Pig ** DEFINITION: Person who loves sling play ORIGIN: Kink ** Snow queen ** DEFINITION: Gay man (often Black) attracted to white men ORIGIN: 1990s US ** Snowballing ** DEFINITION: Passing semen mouth-to-mouth ORIGIN: 1990s–present ** Sober only ** DEFINITION: No drugs/alcohol ORIGIN: 2010s–present ** Soft block ** DEFINITION: Subtle block/unfollow ORIGIN: 2010s ** Soft boy / Soft Gay ** DEFINITION: Sensitive, emotional, gentle gay man ORIGIN: 2010s–2020s aesthetics ** Soft Launch ** DEFINITION: Subtle introduction of a new partner online ORIGIN: 2020s social media ** Spill the Tea ** DEFINITION: Reveal gossip ORIGIN: Ballroom culture ** Spiritual gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man focused on spirituality/wellness ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s ** Squirrel friends ** DEFINITION: Group of gay friends ORIGIN: 2010s, US drag culture ** Squish ** DEFINITION: Innocent, non-romantic infatuation ORIGIN: Recent ** Stats? ** DEFINITION: Asking for height/weight/age ORIGIN: Early hookup apps ** STEM gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man in science/tech/engineering/math ORIGIN: 2010s–2020s ** Sticky rice ** DEFINITION: Gay Asian man attracted to other Asian men ORIGIN: 1990s US/Asian communities ** Story thirst ** DEFINITION: Sexy Instagram story ORIGIN: 2010s ** Straight-acting ** DEFINITION: Gay man who presents as stereotypically straight ORIGIN: Late 20th-century bar/personal-ad slang ** Sub ** DEFINITION: Submissive partner ORIGIN: BDSM culture ** Sup? ** DEFINITION: Minimalist opener ORIGIN: Early app culture ** Swish ** DEFINITION: Effeminate ORIGIN: US, mid-20th century ** Switch ** DEFINITION: Enjoys both top and bottom / dom and sub ORIGIN: 1990s BDSM/gay sex ** Tap ** DEFINITION: Quick like/interest signal on apps ORIGIN: Grindr/Scruff feature ** Tea ** DEFINITION: Gossip or truth ORIGIN: Early 20th century tearooms → 1990s ballroom ** Tea dance ** DEFINITION: Daytime dance event, often Sunday afternoon ORIGIN: Mid-20th-century gay social events ** Tea room ** DEFINITION: Public restroom used for anonymous sex ORIGIN: Mid-20th century US slang ** Tea-room queen ** DEFINITION: Man who frequents tea rooms for sex ORIGIN: Mid-20th century ** Thirst Trap ** DEFINITION: Sexy photo posted to attract attention ORIGIN: 2010s social media ** Thirsty ** DEFINITION: Desperate for attention or sex ORIGIN: AAVE / internet slang ** Tomgirl ** DEFINITION: Boy with feminine traits ORIGIN: Recent (opposite of tomboy) ** Tongzhi ** DEFINITION: LGBTQ member in Chinese ORIGIN: 1980s, from "comrade" ** Top ** DEFINITION: Dominant or inserting partner ORIGIN: Mid-20th century sexual positions ** Torso pic ** DEFINITION: Shirtless body photo ORIGIN: App culture ** Trade ** DEFINITION: Masculine-presenting hookup partner (historic & modern) ORIGIN: Early 20th-century Polari/US → 2000s apps ** Trade queen ** DEFINITION: Man obsessed with picking up trade ORIGIN: Bar slang ** Traveling ** DEFINITION: Looking for hookups while traveling ORIGIN: App culture ** Twilight ** DEFINITION: To leave a bar/scene quietly or fade out socially ORIGIN: Localized bar slang ** Twink ** DEFINITION: Young, slim, smooth gay man ORIGIN: 1960s-1970s (possibly from Twinkie snack) ** Twink death ** DEFINITION: Idea that a twink loses desirability with age ORIGIN: 2010s internet slang ** Twunk ** DEFINITION: Muscular twink (twink + hunk) ORIGIN: 2000s–2010s ** U=U ** DEFINITION: Undetectable = Untransmittable ORIGIN: ** UB2 ** DEFINITION: “You be too” (HIV-negative) ORIGIN: App shorthand ** Unblock ** DEFINITION: Reverse block ORIGIN: App feature ** Uncuffing Season ** DEFINITION: Spring breakups ORIGIN: 2010s ** Undetectable (U=U) ** DEFINITION: HIV viral load undetectable ORIGIN: 2010s ** Unicorn ** DEFINITION: Bisexual person, often mythical / rare ORIGIN: 2010s poly/LGBTQ+ slang ** Vada ** DEFINITION: To look at someone ORIGIN: Mid-20th century Polari (from Italian "vedere") ** Verified ** DEFINITION: Profile verified ORIGIN: App feature ** Vers ** DEFINITION: Versatile in top/bottom ORIGIN: 1990s abbreviation ** Village queen ** DEFINITION: Gay man associated with NYC Greenwich Village ORIGIN: Mid-20th century NYC regional ** Vogue / Voguing ** DEFINITION: Stylized dance form from ballroom culture ORIGIN: 1970s–80s Harlem ballroom ** Voyeur ** DEFINITION: Likes watching others ORIGIN: Kink ** Walrus ** DEFINITION: Older, chubby, hairy gay man ORIGIN: 2010s US gay body type slang ** WeHo gay ** DEFINITION: Gay man associated with West Hollywood scene ORIGIN: 1990s–present LA regional ** Werk ** DEFINITION: Exclamation of approval; to perform fabulously ORIGIN: Drag culture; popularized by RuPaul ** Wolf ** DEFINITION: Lean, muscular, hairy gay man ORIGIN: 2000s bear subculture ** Woof ** DEFINITION: Scruff “like” signal ORIGIN: Scruff app ** Yas / Yass ** DEFINITION: Emphatic yes / enthusiastic approval ORIGIN: 1980s ballroom → viral 2010s ** Zaddy ** DEFINITION: Stylish, attractive older man ORIGIN: 2010s US, blend of "zazzy" and daddy ** Zhuzh / Zhoosh ** DEFINITION: To style, spruce up, or improve appearance ORIGIN: Polari → queer/fashion circles

I think this makes the most sense.

Alright, I did as best I could to accommodate everyone - here are some new samples. "Icons" can be included, but they need to resemble a flat emoji, or other icon like in the album below. If people are serious, I'll be posting a Etsy store from my buddy who is going to make these on demand who is based in LA.

I obligate myself to honesty - when asked on sites to disclose, I am honest. When asked by an individual, I am honest. I feel comfortable with my anchor being honestly - and I go beyond to ensure that people know my status just to be sure. It is not anyone's obligation in any relationship (romantic, sexual, etc.) to disclose ad nauseum any and all things about themselves which may impact them coming together... especially when there is a well-understood and assumed "risk" associated with unprotected sex. But if you ask, I'll answer. Bottoms who can stealth a top with HIV are some super-human mutant @bikerarmpits - this is a very rare occurrence...and frankly, wouldn't be worth the douching effort of the bottom. My post link below, supporting @PozBearWI comment above. We all make questions, and choosing to be informed is one of them - so I'll live happily in the "I was honest when asked" universe...

@Sfmike64 you can ask @viking8x6 - I REALLY AM a super big rule follower in most every part of my life when it comes to following guidelines.... except for the vast expanse (words chosen) of my sex life! 🙂

Personality. (seriously). Smell. Demeanor. (seriously)

I've gone through something similar twice @norefusal - it is a loss. Just because it's "just sex" doesn't mean these isn't a connection - so I totally understand.

I did some research in to the evolution of sites. Broken out by "Period" the below describes the various phases of the evolution of the ways gay men in the US have connected and met each other, and the technology evolutions that came with them. Tomorrow, I have some interesting information about some of the trends ya'll noticed (flakes/spam/etc.) impacting the efficacy of the sites! 🙂 History and Timeline of Gay Men's Online Dating and Hookup Culture in the United States PERIOD: Pre-1960s (Sickness Era) Key Trends and Tactics • Secret meetings in hidden spaces • Subtle signals like eye contact or coded language • Cruising in public areas Description Homosexuality was illegal and pathologized in the US, leading to high risks of arrest or violence. Gay men often met discreetly in speakeasies, basements, or behind fake walls in bars. Tactics included "cruising" (seeking anonymous encounters) in parks, restrooms, or theaters, using nonverbal cues to avoid detection. This era emphasized secrecy and community networks for safety. Platforms/Tools • No formal platforms • Reliance on word-of-mouth • Underground bars • Public spaces (e.g., Central Park in NYC, public restrooms known as "tearooms") End User Feedback • High risk of raids and arrests created constant fear, but essential for any connection in a stigmatized era • Subtle signals like eye contact or accessories (e.g., green carnation) were effective but nerve-wracking due to potential violence or rejection • Provided thrilling, semi-anonymous encounters, fostering a sense of community despite dangers PERIOD: 1960s-1970s (Liberation Era) Key Trends and Tactics • Emergence of visible gay spaces • Cruising in bars, bathhouses, and outdoors • Use of hankie codes for signaling interests Description Post-Stonewall (1969 riots), gay liberation movements increased visibility, though sodomy laws persisted until later. Tactics shifted to more open socializing in gay bars and clubs, with casual hookups in bathhouses or parks ("bushes"). The 1970s saw an explosion in cruising culture, including anonymous sex parties and signals like colored handkerchiefs (hankie code) to indicate preferences. AIDS fears began emerging late in the decade, tempering some activities. Platforms/Tools • Gay bars (e.g., Stonewall Inn) • Bathhouses (e.g., Continental Baths in NYC) • Cruising spots (e.g., parks, beaches) • Personal ads in underground newsletters or magazines End User Feedback • Bathhouses offered discreet, exciting spaces for orgies and liberation, feeling like a "rite of passage" with fond memories of freedom pre-AIDS • Bars and cruising spots built community and solidarity, but police raids remained a constant threat • Hankie code was clever for signaling preferences, but some wished for safer, less clandestine options PERIOD: 1980s (AIDS Era Begins) Key Trends and Tactics • Continued cruising but with caution • Personal ads in print media • Hidden speakeasies persisted in conservative areas Description The AIDS epidemic (starting 1981) hindered mainstream hookup culture but didn't stop it; many shifted to safer, more private connections. Tactics included ads seeking "houseboys" or partners, and cruising in bars or outdoors, though fear reduced participation. Gay men built solidarity through community support. Decriminalization in some states encouraged openness. Platforms/Tools • Print ads in magazines (e.g., Advocate) • Early Bulletin Board Systems (BBS) like Backroom for dial-up connections (late 1980s) End User Feedback • Personal ads were discreet and led to meaningful connections via letters, but slow and hit-or-miss with negative language or restrictions in some papers • Allowed covert meetings amid stigma, but users wished for faster, less risky alternatives • Early BBS offered privacy, but limited access and tech barriers frustrated users PERIOD: 1990s (Early Internet Era) Key Trends and Tactics • Dial-up online chats • Personal ads evolve to digital • Group chats leading to private meetups Description Internet access grew (from ~2.4% in 1994), enabling anonymous online connections amid ongoing stigma. Tactics involved banal banter in chat rooms to gauge interest before private messaging or in-person meets. AIDS awareness promoted safer sex discussions. Gay men adopted tech early for solidarity during the crisis. Platforms/Tools • BBS like Gay.Net (1993) • AOL gay chat rooms • Websites like Gay.com (1994) • Gaydar (1999) End User Feedback • AOL chats (GayOL) were revolutionary for community and cybersex, with nostalgic fondness for word-based interactions • Gay.com fun for hookups, fewer fakes initially, but some miss the thrill; great for teens seeking non-sexual support • Dial-up glitches annoying, but privacy and 24/7 access transformative PERIOD: 2000s (Web 2.0 and Mobile Shift) Key Trends and Tactics • Profile-based websites • Emphasis on photos and quick messaging • Home-based browsing over in-person scouting Description Broadband internet made sites more interactive. Tactics focused on "new message" alerts for efficiency, reducing time in bars. Sites catered to hookups with minimal text. The Lawrence v. Texas ruling (2003) decriminalized sodomy nationwide, boosting openness. Apps began emerging late in the decade. Platforms/Tools • Websites like Manhunt.net • Adam4Adam.com • PlanetRomeo (2002) • OkCupid (2004, queer-friendly) • Early mobile app Grindr (2009, geolocation-based) End User Feedback • Manhunt efficient for quick, targeted hookups; photo-based shift convenient but led to more superficial judgments • Adam4Adam free and straightforward, but scammers and fakes became issues; users appreciated specificity in profiles • Better than bars for efficiency, but some wished for less anonymity to reduce flakes PERIOD: 2010s (App Dominance and Equality Era) Key Trends and Tactics • Geolocation apps for instant nearby connections • "Less is more" profiles (photo + distance) • Integration with social media Description Smartphone proliferation transformed hookups to on-the-go. Tactics: Quick swipes or taps for matches, often leading to immediate meets. Marriage equality (2015) normalized dating, but apps emphasized casual sex. Concerns arose over app addiction and safety. Platforms/Tools • Apps like Scruff (2010) • Jack'd • Hornet • Tinder (2012, popular among gay users) • Grindr's growth (10,000 downloads overnight post-launch) End User Feedback • Grindr instant and convenient for meets, but addictive and glitchy; users missed deeper connections • Scruff safer, friendlier for "real men," with better filters; preferred over Grindr for masculine types • Overall, easier but less personal; some wished for fewer fakes and more safety features PERIOD: 2020s (Modern Hybrid Era) Key Trends and Tactics • App-based with AI/matching algorithms • Return to in-person events post-COVID • Focus on diverse identities and safety features Description Pandemic accelerated app use but sparked fatigue; tactics blend digital screening with real-world meets. Apps now include video chats and health badges (e.g., HIV status). Broader acceptance allows integration with mainstream social media, though cruising persists in niche forms. Platforms/Tools • Apps like Sniffies (2019, map-based) • Grindr/Scruff updates • Mainstream like Tinder/Bumble with queer filters • Social platforms (e.g., Instagram, TikTok) for indirect connections End User Feedback • Sniffies direct and efficient for quick sex, no small talk; better than Grindr, with anonymous cruising appeal • Grindr updates frustrating with ads, bots, glitches; users fleeing to alternatives like Sniffies/Scruff • Scruff reliable, cheaper, functional; great for community and real connections • Post-COVID fatigue; wish for better safety and less scams SOURCES Pre-1960s (Sickness Era) and early cruising history: · George Chauncey's Gay New York: Gender, Urban Culture, and the Making of the Gay Male World, 1890-1940 (1994 book, foundational for public cruising spots like Central Park's "Fruited Plain") — [think before following links] https://www.supersummary.com/gay-new-york/summary/ or [think before following links] https://search.worldcat.org/title/Gay-New-York-:-gender-urban-culture-and-the-makings-of-the-gay-male-world-1890-1940/oclc/29877871 · Brian Gerald Murphy's "A Brief History of Gay Cruising" (covers raids, molly houses, and pre-internet tactics) — [think before following links] https://www.briangerald.com/history-gay-cruising · Bearwww blog: "Gay Cruising: From Clandestine Origins to the Digital Era" (discusses molly houses, public spaces, and early risks) — [think before following links] https://www.bearwww.com/blog/gay-cruising-history-renaissance-to-digital-era · Them.us: "Gay Cruising 101: What It Is, Where It Comes From, and How to Do It" (details historical spots like Central Park, waterfronts, and nonverbal cues) — [think before following links] https://www.them.us/story/gay-cruising-101-what-it-is-where-it-comes-from-and-how-to-do-it · Atlas Obscura: "The Rise and Fall of Cruisingforsex.com, a Digital Atlas of Casual Encounters" (contrasts pre-internet reliance on gossip/luck with digital shifts) — [think before following links] https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-rise-and-fall-of-cruisingforsexcom-a-digital-atlas-of-casual-sex 1960s-1970s (Liberation Era), bathhouses, hankie code, and Stonewall: · Them.us articles on the hanky code and leather/BDSM scenes (origins in 1970s San Francisco/LA leather communities) — related coverage in [think before following links] https://www.them.us/story/what-is-the-hanky-code-gay-flagging (cross-referenced) · Agnes & Edie: "How To Flag - The Hanky Code Explained" (history from 1970s guides like Bob Damron’s Address Book and Drummer magazine) — [think before following links] https://agnesandedie.com/blogs/news/how-to-flag-the-hanky-code-explained · Queerty: "Bathhouses And Beyond: A Brief History Of Gay Cruising" (covers 1950s-1970s bathhouses, raids like 1903 Ariston Hotel, and post-Stonewall explosion) — [think before following links] https://www.queerty.com/bathhouses-and-beyond-a-brief-history-of-gay-cruising-20140821 · Allan Bérubé's "The History of Gay Bathhouses" (2003, evolution from Turkish/Russian baths to gay-specific venues in the 1950s-1970s) — [think before following links] https://www.researchgate.net/publication/10577680_The_History_of_Gay_Bathhouses or PDF at [think before following links] https://johnkamys.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/the-history-of-gay-bathhouses.pdf 1980s (AIDS Era Begins) and impact on culture: · Various historical overviews on AIDS stigma, fear reducing public sex venues, and community solidarity (e.g., from UN Chronicle, SF LGBT Center; no direct British Academy match found, but aligned with broader epidemic retrospectives) · NIH/PMC articles and retrospectives on gay men's internet use (1990s-2013, noting caution in cruising and shift to private/safer connections) 1990s (Early Internet Era), AOL, Gay.com, BBS: · Out South Florida: "The Evolution of LGBTQ Online Dating" (Gay.Net 1993 BBS, AOL "GayOL" chat rooms, Gay.com 1994, Gaydar 1999) — [think before following links] https://outsfl.com/history/the-evolution-of-lgbtq-online-dating · PG Dating Pro: "LGBTQ+ online dating: a historical overview" (BBSs, AOL gay chat rooms, Gaydar launch) — [think before following links] https://www.datingpro.com/blog/lgbtq-online-dating-a-historical-overview · Queerty and Vice nostalgic pieces on pre-Grindr online cruising (AOL, Gay.com, Yahoo Messenger) — e.g., [think before following links] https://www.queerty.com/memory-lane-look-back-online-cruising-age-grindr-20170527 · Slate: "When AOL was GayOL" (dial-up chats, anonymity, and community building amid stigma) — referenced in multiple sources like [think before following links] https://outsfl.com/history/the-evolution-of-lgbtq-online-dating 2000s (Web 2.0 and Mobile Shift), Manhunt, Adam4Adam, early Grindr: · IN Magazine: "A History Of Hooking Up" (Manhunt.net, Adam4Adam, PlanetRomeo 2002, shift to profile-based sites post-Lawrence v. Texas 2003) — [think before following links] https://inmagazine.ca/2019/11/a-history-of-hooking-up · NIH/PMC: "Dating in Motion" (generational use of sites like Gaydar/PlanetRomeo, transition to geolocation) · Guardian oral histories and pieces on Manhunt, Adam4Adam as key hookup platforms before apps 2010s (App Dominance) and 2020s (Modern Era), Grindr, Scruff, Sniffies: · The Guardian: "'There's a gay bar in my pocket!': how 15 years of Grindr has affected gay communities and dating culture" (Grindr 2009 launch impact, Scruff 2010, Hornet, Sniffies 2019 map-based) — [think before following links] https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2024/mar/25/theres-a-gay-bar-in-my-pocket-how-15-years-of-grindr-has-affected-gay-communities-and-dating-culture · Wikipedia and DatingNews.com timelines (Grindr launch, growth, updates) · Multiple Reddit threads (e.g., r/grindr, r/AskGaybrosOver30, r/Sniffies; 2017-2025) for authentic user feedback on efficacy, glitches, ads, fakes, preferences (e.g., Sniffies for quick/anonymous, Scruff for reliability/community, Grindr frustrations) General user feedback across eras: · Aggregated from Reddit discussions (nostalgic views on bathhouses as "rite of passage," complaints about modern apps like addiction/superficiality/paywalls, praises for efficiency/privacy in digital shifts) — sourced via community forums like r/grindr and r/AskGaybrosOver30

@viking8x6 was super quick to respond and made two small tweaks to my original text and it has been reposted on the thread. It was nuanced and he helped me make sure I was doing the right thing! 🙂

I want to make sure this is appropriate to respond to in the thread bellow which is in the HIV Fetish - Bug Chasers, Gift Givers, etc. section of the Backroom. The conversation veered into a discussion about what defines PIG SEX and I spent some time researching it. It's varied as you can imagine. I wanted to make sure my response, pasted below, is okay for that section.

LOL why am I getting quoted in this? 🙂 I don't think I did anything wrong, nor do I think @NWUSHorny did 🙂