I am the same. I can't get away from this site, and have been lurking for over 10 yrs.
And I think I have had the least amount of sex on this site, tbh, as I am an older chubby bottom who has had the sort of fantasies this site specializes in for 20+ yrs. After being closeted til I was 46, I used work to distract me from being human, but that ended 2 yrs before covid.
Since that I have met up with about 7 people. Always raw.
I am scared to get sick. But I love the idea of 'unknown' cum about to shoot into me. I get on and off of prep, and so far have not been with any non-neg people. But I really really really want to. And I am really tired of not doing what my heart wants.
As a very hubby older (52yo) guy, I do not get many people wanting me, and I live in the boonies, so options are somewhat limited, but perhaps the key is just to say yes to things for a bit.
I'll toss this to the wind and see what happens 🙂