I can relate to a degree with what you're going through. I'm not poz but I have a genetic condition called neurofibromatosis. If you remember a picture of an Itialian guy covered in bumps being hugged by the pope, that is what I have. There is no treatment or cure. I did not show signs of it until I was 23, buy the time I was 27 it had left me with erectile disfunction. I'm 57, the fibromas (bumps) have kept people away, coupled with the ED I don't get a lot of action. I'm not suicidal per se, I'm not lifeacidal meaning I don't give a shit if I live or die. The only thing which gets me out of bed are my two cats. I have no family so if something happened to me I worry about what would happen to them. Silly I know but they are my life. I get down when I go to the gym and see guys with smooth skin remembering what I looked like before NF. I get down, I get pissed off with the why me attitude, then I see the guy in wheelchair that might be all of 3ft tall. His outward appearance shows he lives with it and makes the best of it. I then realize I am lucky aside from the NF : I'm 57 and in great shape physically, no other medical issues, I'm lean, have a full head of sandy colored hair (no dying it for me), all my teeth and all the marbles are rolling around just fine. So yeah what I have sucks and wish I didn't have it, but I also look at the plusses I do have and go on with the day.
I don't know how old you are but guessing mid 20's early 30's. You still have much to do, much to see and much to experience. Please don't give up sir. Things will work out for you, I know it is hard yo see now, but take one day at a time. Peace be with you young master, I am in your corner and on your side. ((HUGS))