I've been depressed since I'm a kid andvam on meds for it, mixed with all the delf medicating who knows if it's making me worse. I can remember being like 7 or 8 and being attracted to self destructive guys and it's been that way ever since. Not a single guy I've had a relationship with was someone who had their shit together or was someone I could count on. At 16 I discovered I was attracted to alcoholic men and their rapid mood swings. One minute they were kissing me and next giving me a black eye (true story). Most people hate walking on eggshells but I love it knowing I could say the wrong thing or put the TV too loud and punches start being thrown. I won't get into all the straight guys who I supported their habits loving the more they used me the more I loathed myself. I don't even know why I'm writing this I sent a private message to someone on here who mentioned they were self destructive and now it's in my head.