Any guys in a neg/poz relationship?

[JFC1982]

So I met a guy via a sordid Craigslist hookup a few months ago -- I'm neg and a top, he's a poz/undetectable bottom on meds, both in our late twenties. He was honest from the start about being poz, I was horny enough not to care that night. The sex was off the charts, and we actually liked each other, too. Now we've been dating proper for two and a half months, with the sex remaining every bit as great or better, and have never used condoms, and I'm thinking I want to stick around for a while.

I'm curious if anyone else on the forum is in a mixed-status relationship? Any advice? Did you ever convert? (My position on HIV as a neg guy is that I'd prefer to avoid it, but I've been barebacking for more than six years now and I don't see myself stopping anytime soon, so it may be what it may be). Just wanted to see if anyone else has been in this boat, has any experiences to share, etc.

We've started to hint about maybe opening up the relationship a bit, fucking other guys together, and I'm wondering what our approach to safe sex / HIV status will be in that situation. My chances of getting infected expand greatly if we do that, most likely, so I'm a little torn.

[C10H15N]

Yeah, I've been in an HIV discordant relationship. You talk, set boundaries, and re-evaluate said boundaries as necessary.

[bred]

Sounds like you're being pretty realistic and clearheaded. I'm a bottom and I've been poz for the last 11 years, and in that time i've had 3 neg long-term boyfriends. All fucked my ass bareback only, all of the relationships lasted a year or more, and all three stayed negative. And I was not undetectable for any of that - I'm a slow progressor, so my doc was waiting to put me on meds, and during those relationships my viral level was low (under 10,000) but definitely detectable. So my guess is you're not at high risk of converting as long as you're only topping your BF, and you don't let STDs go unchecked (all major STDs can increase risk if left untreated). But you seem aware that there are no guarantees for any of this, so that's good. Just don't stick your head in the sand - get tested on a regular basis, so that if you do convert, you can act accordingly.

[Eastvancpl]

I am in a magnetic relationship. We started safe then went slowly went to bb to now bb with taking loads. I'm neg and the btm and after a year and half still neg. I want to continue bb and although would prefer to stay neg am fully aware that my actions can lead to becoming poz. We have started to open up our relationship and have bb and safe sex. But in the end it's all about communication between both of you. Always keeping the line open. To be able to ask or talk about anything without judgement. I remember the first time I took a load. I kinda freaked and douched out the cum lol. Not like that would have helped but I think I wasn't fully accepting of my actions yet. I now am and enjoy everything we do together. It should also be mentioned that we started bb when he started meds and has been undetectable pretty much right away.

As for the magnetic relationship, I wouldn't change anything. Its opened so many feelings and thoughts. Made me rethink a lot of my actions or feelings for others/situations. If u have any questions feel free to dm me!!

Best of Luck xo

[Guest]

I was in exactly the same situation as Eastvancpl and was finally pozzed after 2 years of bareback (but not cumming inside) and it feels amazing being able to take any load.

[Eastvancpl]

I think if you want to continue bb outside your relationship you really need to make sure you understand fully what being poz is (as much as a neg guy can) try going to the dr with your bf. talk about his numbers, understand what it all means. Side effects, vivid dreams (meds side effect)

The one thing I am worried about is, if I do become poz, what strain would I get. I would want to start meds right away but what if I caught a resistant strain. Again, just something to think about. The ads for the 1 pill a day sound all great and happy but what if I needed more. Also if u continue to bb, STI's will happen lol so be prepared for them and don't hold off going and getting them checked out. I've already got herpes and hpv from bb. Cums with the terrain lol.

[versmetropig]

YES. I have been in a seriomixed relationship for TWENTY TWO years - in fact, we're getting married on our 22nd Anniversary this weekend, now that it's legal here in NY. He has for our 22 years been neg, and I have been poz the whole time (26 years in fact) I'm undetectable and have been on the same med cocktail for 12 years. It can work out, obviously, and work out well - just be aware what you are doing and communicate. He is a total top, and I mostly top - and from our second date we've had an open sexual relationship. He knew my status, and knew my libido was more active than his, and he also knew that my tastes in men were broader and my range of sexual activities far wider than his. We've enjoyed three-ways together, group sex and sex parties together and have each played alone many times when the other is not available (he works nights - including Fri & Sats, I work days...). We never play apart when the other is available. Since he works almost every Friday & Saturday, he's actually happy I'm not sitting home bored, knowing I'm not seeking any other emotional relationships. He knows I BB with other poz guys, and oddly he does envy me that a bit. However, his choice is to stay safe, though he has topped me without a condom a good number of times. He's also a voyeur type (not my thing) and I an exhibitionist, so even when we go to sex parties together, he usually shoots in 15-20 minutes then watches while I play for another couple of hours (and he maybe reloads). It has worked for us, but you neither partner can have a jealousy issue and again you both must know and respect the needs and desires of the other!

[punaman]

yes, I'm neg and my bf is poz/undetectable.  He's the top who cums inside me at least 3 times a week for the last year and i'm still neg.  I keep his cum in me as long as I can and when he cums in my mouth, I keep it in there as long as possible

[LKMike]

perfect candidate for PrEP!

[punaman]

Probably so but my insurance doesn't cover prep so we're counting on the partner study to hold true. My doctor,who's an AIDS doctor told me I only need to be tested once a year as long as my bf stays undetectable. He goes in every three months. We're getting married at the end of the year. We're monogamous and if someday I get pozzed, we'll face it together

Edited July 11, 2016 by punaman

[Bottomhole]

Hello. I'm in a poz/neg relationship for over a year now. I'm positive and undetectable on meds, and my boyfriend who is top is negative. We haven't had any problems however we don't fuck regularly and we try to be safe. I was told by my doctor the risk is incredibly low of transmission. I would advise against opening the relationship up for a number of reasons. However if you're looking to avoid catching anything and still want to go ahead with it, just make sure you guys are both honest about who you sleep with and whether or not it was protective sex or bareback. There are a number of nasty sti's you can catch that are in ways as back as hiv, so I'd say if you can, play safe when outsiders are involved if you have to go down that route. 

I'm lucky in the sense that I used to be a sex addict, but now I'm more that satisfied with my relationship that I don't need to be taking those risks. Just wish I met him before I contracted this nasty virus. Good luck.

[RNVbttm]

I just got out of a relatively short but intense relationship with someone 15 years older than me who was on a med vacation. I was drunk at a pride event this past summer and he sort of just coaxed me back to his place (its not difficult to do). I only fuck raw and am 99% bottom. I had coincidentally tested neg at a booth earlier that day. We parTied and soon my legs were up and ass was presented for him to fuck. Normally I'm shy about sharing my taboo fetishes with new fucks but I guess he must have talked dirty enough for me to tell him that I was "sorta into poz guys cuz they're more uninhibited". Which is my gentle way of saying I love dirty, raw, pig sex and love nothing more than to take any and all cum in my ass. I'm a chaser who gets off on the mystery and lack of caring about anybody's HIV status. 

Anyway, as he was fucking me, he told me that he had been poz for a decade and he was taking time off from his HIV med regimen. He basically told me that he was going to fuck me raw and shoot his unmedicated viral cum in me, and that he did this  often. Turns out he has a reputation as one of the sluttier fags in Reno. Needless to say I was in love by then. We got into a serious relationship immediately that was probably one of the funnest, wildest, and somewhat self-destructive few months of my life. He introduced me to a lot of the sleazy gay world that I never knew I was missing until then. Cruising park, bathhouse, bareback house parties, the works... He got off on the knowledge that there were hundreds of dollars worth of unused, crumbling, expired HIV medications littering the entire bottom junk drawer of his night stand. I admittedly couldn't help but get hard thinking of his hedonistic outlook on life.

I also loved him as a partner and lover, and still do. Unfortunately our reckless lifestyle and my immaturity in relationships took a huge toll on us. Its hard to treat the person you love like meat who's only purpose is to please - then talk about dinner plans after you've both cum (at least for me, but this world is still new to me). Also my cum pig tendaeies made it difficult to resist temptation and not seek out cum any way possible. We broke up last month and I'm still not over it. I wouldn't trade it for the world. Oddly I was shocked to have tested negative two weeks ago, meaning his charged cum and all the other anon or known poz loads I took didn't take....At least not yet. I guess I just have more time to take raw dick in my ass with the thrill of wondering if it will be THE ONE. Most unorthodox relationship ever in my life, but one thing I'll say is, I've never been bored with a poz man.

[Guest FinalDL2021]

I feel I am headed towards one, I met this guy, a couple weeks ago, through another friend. I am Neg, and he is POZ-undetectable. I have no problem having sex with him, and taking his load.

I trust him, and we are becoming more involved with each other. We seem to click, both in and out of the bedroom.

[punaman]

7 hours ago, BiAthlete4You said:

I feel I am headed towards one, I met this guy, a couple weeks ago, through another friend. I am Neg, and he is POZ-undetectable. I have no problem having sex with him, and taking his load.

I trust him, and we are becoming more involved with each other. We seem to click, both in and out of the bedroom.

Best wishes for a long, loving relationship.  It's been about three years since my original reply, I'm still with my UD guy, we're married now and just celebrated our two year wedding anniversary.  Life and love is great!

[Guest gwmcatcher]

Thank you @PreCumer4You and @punaman for restarting this thread. The topic has been on my mind and I posted about it recently in another thread. I’ll summarize again here. 

I’ve been poz/UD for 15 years. My husband is neg. We will be together 28 years next month. Never used condoms.  He bred me a lot the first 10 years and even started fisting. He LOVES to fist. 

When I was first diagnosed we pretty much stopped having sex (I was afraid of infecting him ) but about 4-5 years ago we started bb fucking again. I’m so sorry we stopped. In hindsight I wouldn’t have  but we didn’t really know about U=U then. 

Actually, I should have known the risk is very small of transmission. After all, he was breeding me A LOT 😁 in the likely 2 years between my infection and diagnosis!

Id like to hear more about the experiences of  other similar couples.