I was decieved. Now what? Legal action?

[cuntspunker]

many of the response to your original post are harsh. he was wrong to lie, although he may have found it hard to be honest, assuming you would then walk away (which of course would have been an option). of course you both have to take responsibility if you went ahead and fucked bb. believing what a casual fuck says anyway is pretty useless. based on what is known, you should be fine. you do have to take responsibility for your actions, but measured responses rather than harsh criticisms in response to what is obviously a genuine call for opinion should tend to be more help.

[taku]

many of the response to your original post are harsh. he was wrong to lie, although he may have found it hard to be honest, assuming you would then walk away (which of course would have been an option). of course you both have to take responsibility if you went ahead and fucked bb. believing what a casual fuck says anyway is pretty useless. based on what is known, you should be fine. you do have to take responsibility for your actions, but measured responses rather than harsh criticisms in response to what is obviously a genuine call for opinion should tend to be more help.

Thank you for your answer. I appreciate that.

I also thank for the harsh answers from others too. I know I am not all fair to him at this point.

Right now, I am moderately panicked but got my lesson.

[taku]

By the way, I don't think I would have walked away if he was honest with me.

The dinner went nice and he was cute. If he was open about this status and not defensive, I probably have fucked him (with a condom) or jerked off each other.

Why did I fuck him raw? There are couple of answers I can think out but they must nothing to do with you guys here.

Don't consider me as HIVphobia. I am usually rational and trying my best to be fair to others.

I just did not expected to be fooled by someone when I am open about myself.

[tboyer]

If you are going to rely on the honesty of strangers, his pozz hole won't be the last

pozz hole you bareback. Also what is going to happen if you contract a STD from

some one you "know"? I had symptomless gonorrhea once. Most of the young guys

I know in San Francisco that convert, are pozzed by some one their dating.

It really should be very apparent, that if you fuck bareback your taking a risk.

[bearbandit]

HIV, like other STIs carries stigma with, it. The poz guy, true, could have done a bit better job of disclosing. I keep lube and condoms at strategic places around the house, They're obvious if you look for them but don't expect a call-back. I think Thatt was his first mistake. The second is clamming up when challenged about HIV. The HIV- guy could have done a lot by keeping his cool, remembering his sexual health lessons, whether they were taught by his parents, his teachers or his previous fuck buddies. To throw a panic that involves going into areas of the Tops house where he has not been invited is at best rude, and possibly criminal I'm not from the US - I don't know how law works there). The matter should have been settled between the two of them without any of us having become involved.

The Top would know that his pre-sex "you know what you''re getting into" talk was falling on deaf ears and the bottom might conceivably have learned a little common sense. They'd have discussed their respective limits and then made a more informed decision as to whether or not to go ahead witht their plans. If Yes - Great: have fun boys. If No - have the grace to shake hands to say it could have been fun...

None of this need have happened had there been adequate (for both parties) discussion beforehand. In the meantime, I'm glad you're on the other side of the pond from me. It minimises the chance of running into either of you until you've leaned a little more..

[NiceHard1]

i agree with the posts of many here. I don't agree with blaming others, but a man has to take responsibilty for his own actions - whether the top or bottom.

I think you'd be hard pressed to prove that you he forced you to get hard and to fuck him raw against your will. I became poz as a bottom in a situation where we both "thought" that we were both negative, and choose to fuck raw - but I was an equal willing participant, and take repsonsibility for the outcome myself.

And if you prefer to be "safe" then why didn't you have condoms with you?? "Back in the day" I never left home without them - always had condoms in my backpack to be ready to fuck or get fucked at any time. In fact, I still keep them in my travel kit, just in case I run across a hot guy who prefers that I use them.

Ask the questions before, rather than after. Be specific? Are you poz or neg? When did you last get tested? IF you're poz, what is your viral load and CD4 counts?

What about you? How often do you have unprotected sex? DO you always top, or bottom too? When is the last time that you got tested for HIV or other STDs? Maybe you have syphillis or ghonorrea, and might be less "clean" than your hiv positive friend,*and maybe he should take legal action against you for giving him another STD.

If you're going to play in the kitchen, then you need to be comfortable with whatever risk you are choosing to take

[taku]

Thank you for your answers.

All words are appreciated. I needed reality check.

I am not avoiding my responsibility. How can I? If I got infected, it will be with me forever.

As you can read from my whine, I am not very experienced in this arena. I usually play safe, especially with strangers, but have secretly kept my bareback fantasy; if not, why would I be on this site anyway?

I recently got tested and had no STD. Leaving home without a condom is my fault. I admit. I probably should have asked him before we both got naked.

He was a charming guy and I probably still wanted to play (or more) with him if he was honest with me.

Right now, his avoidance of communication frustrates me and I just wanted to push him a bit even with a little threatening. I have no serious intention to take a legal action (yet) but at least want to hear from him more than "Leave me alone."

Anyway, once again, I appreciate all words from you guys.

[tboyer]

Thank you for your answers.

All words are appreciated. I needed reality check.

I am not avoiding my responsibility. How can I? If I got infected, it will be with me forever.

As you can read from my whine, I am not very experienced in this arena. I usually play safe, especially with strangers, but have secretly kept my bareback fantasy; if not, why would I be on this site anyway?

I recently got tested and had no STD. Leaving home without a condom is my fault. I admit. I probably should have asked him before we both got naked.

He was a charming guy and I probably still wanted to play (or more) with him if he was honest with me.

Right now, his avoidance of communication frustrates me and I just wanted to push him a bit even with a little threatening. I have no serious intention to take a legal action (yet) but at least want to hear from him more than "Leave me alone."

Anyway, once again, I appreciate all words from you guys.

I probably should have asked him before we both got naked.

Even if you asked him, do you expect all strangers to me honest with you? Even if he had a condom, he could have damaged it.

I hope you don't expect that out of politicians also.

If I got infected

The chance of you being infected is very very unlikely, considering that you were the penetrator, and he was on meds.

Any of those two greatly reduces your chance of infection, and when you combine them, even more so.

I think in your life will be put in greater danger from cars, and muggers, than from this one event.

[JamesL100]

It's this sort of reaction which many poz guys dread. Not intentionally lying but not stating they are poz.

But do they deserve this guilt trip and hassle after a hot fuck? Would YOU like to have to declare your VL etc in hard copy?

Get real. No wonder he's ignoring you. Legal action will be public and details about your own actions will be published.

How would you like someone rooting through your fridge after you have done him a nice meal? That's just rude.

I suggest you get off this site as you can't handle it. It's very unlikely you were infected as he appear to be on meds.

[bjbottom]

Taku, relax a bit. Use this experience as a learning lesson. The facts are, topping someone positive who is on meds, and who is undetectable is relatively "very, very, low risk." I have bottomed with a number of positive guys on meds who are undetectable over the years and have remained HIV negative, as well as STD free. A couple words of advice, do not trust strangers to be honest with you, do not rely upon looks (i.e. he looked clean or he looked healthy), be very specific when asking questions (i.e. Are you positive?, Are you on meds?, Are you undetectable?, Do you have any STDs?, etc.). If the person will not answer your questions directly or be specific, do not engage in bareback sex with the person, unless you are prepared to live with the possible consequences. While I agree with you and a number of others that the person should have been honest with you, you ultimately are responsible for protecting and preserving your own health and safety. Remember, even if someone was tested relatively recently, and was negative, it does not necessarily mean he really was negative (antibodies miight not have built up yet (the window period)), or he could have been infected and converted since that last test.

[taku]

tboyer/ I agree with what you said and know I was naive. I also know it's not an enough excuse. Thanks.

JamesL100/ Thank you for wearing his shoes so flawlessly. Probably you are right except a few parts. First, I have no problem to provide my status on any disease in hard copy to my sexual partner. I sometimes do with or without their requests. I simply take a picture of my test results and send to them to see. Sometimes I show them in person and am willing to make a copy in front of them if they want. Also checking one's ref can be rude. Agreed. But when you are in shower at your trick's house, you may check of his medical shelf. It's a presumed by most people who have onenight stand. I happened to know where the meds may exist (I am working in medical center) and checked it. Rude? Yes. But it did not put anyone's health at risk and is not even vaguely defined as a crime in any light. BTW, I did not say anything about a nice meal. You seem empathizing with this guy one step too much.

bjbottom/ Thank you. I am quite relaxed at this point. I understand what you said and I knew them before and after this incidence. I got lost for some reason and just did it. It does not happen with me often and it happened to be this guy. I know my chance is very low; probably practically zero. But you may understand when it's not actually zero, it does not feel like zero. At least for a while. Once again, thanks.

Edited November 26, 2012 by taku

[taku]

It's this sort of reaction which many poz guys dread. Not intentionally lying but not stating they are poz.

I also realized that I forgot to mention. Actually, after I asked if he was safe (I know, not specific enough), I also asked him when he got tested.

He said 3 months ago. So, it was not like he was just "not stating." He intentionally made me believe he was neg.

I am sorry poz guys are dreaded by this reaction. But once again, if he was honest with me from the first, they would not have freaked. Once again, I know this forum.

In this case, his presumption underestimated my acceptance level and turned the things into uglier shapes.

I am not saying I'm a saint here. I believe I have been rather clear with that through my whines.

He actively lied and refused to confront it. If he convinced me that his VL was definitely undetectable, I can also understand the whole thing better and can even sympathize with him. But now this is not cool.

[whoai]

Look, every time you have sex you take some risk. YOU are responsible for your health, not the other guy. Yes, lying about your status may be a crime in your jurisdiction, but do you know how many guys *think* they are HIV negative and aren't? Even if you'd have shown up there with an OraQuick 15-minute HIV test, you could not really be *sure* that he hadn't gotten infected in the last few months. Short of locking a guy in a room for three months and then testing him, you can never be sure. So, if you want to minimize your risk, use a condom. You practiced "insertive" anal sex without a condom. This is a high-risk behavior, though decidedly less so than receptive. Chances are, you weren't infected. Chances are also, he's not the first poz guy you fucked and just didn't know it. It's too late now for post-exposure prophylaxis, but I recommend you get tested in three months and then breathe a big sigh of relief and forget about this guy. Lying about your status is a jerk move and would piss me off as well, but you are old enough to realize people lie to get what they want.

[taku]

Thank you. I appreciate all the bitchslapping here. I deserve it.

However, it just happened yesterday and still it did not pass slightly more than 24 hour.

To be honest, I did not need to mention this, I actually went to ER this evening and got the first emergency Truvada package.

I started less than 20 hours and it will reduce the pre-existing chance to lower.

This PEP will cost a lot without an insurance but as you all can see, I am a very anxious and whiny person. I am very sure this will help my mental health in a long term.

Anyway, as keeping saying it, I appreciate all the comments. Not that I did not know before what you guys are saying here, but it does not hit me right until I made a mistake.

I understand someday I may get converted. I just want to try my best to avoid or delay it as long as I can. Also I only wish that would not be caused by an intentional deception. I should be less naive after this, but can still wish, right?

Edited November 26, 2012 by taku

[Tightslider]

Come on. It gets tiring how everyone tries to cover up and protect these assholes. "Safe" means bug free in any language. When someone asks this, the response is known. You can state that the guy " chose to have unprotected sex", but that doesn't get the person doing the lying off the hook. That's like asking to drive someone's car and asking them if there was anything wrong with it before you drove it and finding out later the brake lines were cut / damaged. The onus is on the person answering the question 100%. If someone were to ask you if you were HIV + and you replied in the negative fully knowing that either 1) you were or 2) there was a good possibility that you could be, you are lying for personal gain and placing another person's health at risk intentionally. The other person cannot make an intelligent decision if they do not have the answers. If you said you were and they decided to go ahead, then that is a different story.

Just makes me sick and tired of hearing all the crap protecting these pieces of shit out there.