Opportunity to look at AIDS up close

[Guest Deviant_Angel]

Thanks for sharing this very real story that we in the community don't encounter this day in age much. I came of age after the first AIDS crisis so have never known anyone personally in this position, as is the case with most gay guys my age and younger. I really hope that my generation understands that yes HIV is a manageable condition, but it's the "manage" part that takes some effort and seriousness if we still want to enjoy having sex 10, 20, 40+ years from now and not be 6 ft under. I'm on this site cuz I love bareback and dirty uninhibited sex as much as every other guy, but I also in return take extra care and responsibility for my health. While his story is rather heart breaking, I'm glad that he did find someone like you to reach out to, instead of those who seem to glorify the sickness and morbidity of AIDS often seen elsewhere on this site.

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

Hard1 first off thank you for posting. Sad to hear how this fellow is suffering but glad to see he has caring friend in you. Your frankness is refreshing. My best wishes to your friend and my appreciation to you for this thread.

[NiceHard1]

Thanks you guys for all your good thoughts. Ive been trying to be there to lend an ear when he needs one.

I am not trying to scare anyone or tell anyone that they should not bareback or become poz....quite far from it if you have read my other posts and blogs. I am certainly open to fucking negative guys who are comfortable being with poz guys such as myself, and think we can be healthy and poz for a long time.

But since there are few stories about guys dealing with advanced HIV/AIDS issues, I hope that the stories can be helpful to give a little window into the experiences of what may happen if you are poz and unintentinonally ignore it, or want to choose to go to full blown AIDS. No judgement here - Each person must choose for himself what he wants

Edited January 2, 2013 by NiceHard1

[NYCPissBear]

I am of an older generation...58 now, was 26 and freshly out when AIDS first hit. Knew very few men afflicted with it at the beginning, but one was one of my closest friends, and I wound up being a primary caregiver over the 53 weeks between his diagnosis (KS) and his death. We traveled together, while we could, and he was one of the first recipients of experimental AZT, which nearly killed him faster then AIDS was doing it. He was 52 and a bodybuilder, but also an alcoholic...dry when I met him, but he went back to it in his last few years. I have not had to go through anything like caring for him again, and it is now more than half my lifetime later. But I can summon it all up in a heartbeat, and this thread has caused me to relive the experience. So I throb (this is a carefully chosen word, and not an exaggeration) with empathy for NiceHard1, for his friend, and for any and all who face this situation today. As much as how we fuck, this is how we earn our manhood, by caring for our brothers in adversity. Bless you, and bless us all.

[NiceHard1]

Latest update...

The boy still has his ups and downs. We talk pretty much every day. He spends his days hanging out at his parents house, and considers himself lucky and thankful that he has parents willing to take care of him.

He went to a neurologist this week, and learned that he has some permanent brain and nerve damage, which is what is causing his difficulty walking. He will be trying physical therapy to try to improve

[AgentColby]

Agreed - too many people never saw or choose not to remember the horrors of HIV before ARVs. "Going full blown" is not a good thing.

Sounds like drugs played a big part in your friend's decline. And then add on top of that not keeping up with his doctor. IMHO, drugs (particularly Crystal) are the the big killers in our community. The question is how things would be for your friend if drugs weren't part of the equation.

Yet on this site and on this thread, this is glorified with guys posting idiotic crap about how much they want the bug, how much they want to look like they have AIDS, how much they want a booty bump, how great "x" experience was thrilling because they did drugs.

I like this site for the fact that it is a safe haven but dislike it b/c I can not take it seriously because of the crazy fetishing.

Unfortunate to say that the image out there that men who knowingly BB are HIV infected low lives who are drug addicts. This site and your blog (some of the bttms you blog about appear to be addicts) gives ammunition to that stereotype.

I look fwd when the image isn't so much that but people like me: professional and drug free who just happens to like his sex raw and isn't on the hunt for a bug.

[AgentColby]

A few years ago I had sex with a guy at the BH here in Philly who, as it turned-out, lived about 10 blocks from my house. Not quite a neighbor, but nearly so. In our post-coital discussion he mentioned he repaired computers, so I soon thereafter began using his services to handle software/hardware issues. I knew he was poz, but over the years when we chatted, he was always quite cagey about his medical treatment. While I was afraid he might NOT be receiving regular treatment, I didn't push him. Of course as it turned-out, he WASN'T on any meds, he did favor party favors, and yes, the virus was running rampant through his system.

In late 2011 I received a telephone call from his mother saying he was in the hospital with some sort of malady - and, as it turned-out, the guy spent almost all of 2012 in one hospital or another as the doctors worked to save his life. They have been fairly successful - even if process of healing is not complete. The example of his decline is the rare reminder of what AIDS will do - if left unchecked. He tells me he has sworn-off Crystal. I hope he takes positive steps to fortify his resolve.

In a lot of cases, people have to hit rock bottom before they get the message. A buddy of mine is a social worker and specifically deals with gay people men with HIV. He tells me how often he has men come in to his program completely addicted to crystal. He always says that if a man is on crystal and poz, he can not be trusted to take his meds or do it as his doctor informs to. In fact, before an addict can successfully take his meds, they have to work on his addiction first.

[HungLatinDom]

I like this site for the fact that it is a safe haven but dislike it b/c I can not take it seriously because of the crazy fetishing.

.

You can opt not to read the Backroom section of the forum. I can do the change right when you tell me to.

We try to curb every reference of chasing and partying outside those forums, we enforce the rules we have. You might not like those people, but they are here, and they are out there, I like to know they are around, so I can remember that when dealing with guys that look a bit out there. Live and let live. Soon enough they will be gone due to their choices.

There's plenty of people like that in the forums, and I am glad to know them and call them friends.

[AgentColby]

You can opt not to read the Backroom section of the forum. I can do the change right when you tell me to.

We try to curb every reference of chasing and partying outside those forums, we enforce the rules we have. You might not like those people, but they are here, and they are out there, I like to know they are around, so I can remember that when dealing with guys that look a bit out there. Live and let live. Soon enough they will be gone due to their choices.

There's plenty of people like that in the forums, and I am glad to know them and call them friends.

You do not need to opt me out. I do not go into the backroom section to begin with. I look at threads based on what pops up on the front page.

You are right, I may think these people are crazy and soon enough they will be gone due to their choices. Live and let live.

[Guest Deviant_Angel]

You do not need to opt me out. I do not go into the backroom section to begin with. I look at threads based on what pops up on the front page.

You are right, I may think these people are crazy and soon enough they will be gone due to their choices. Live and let live.

While I mostly have a live and let live attitude towards chasers and other backroom material, I find it fascinating to read, kind of like watching train wreck videos. However, it's hard to live and let live at times when another of the new headlines to pop up is one about how to "poke holes in condoms"... obviously their intention is not to let someone "opt in" to their risky behaviors and don't think anything to do with stealthing should be promoted, backroom or not.

[dickluva]

Wow~! This maybe my favorite post on this site= So much Hope, Love & Acceptance.

[Guest bbosouno]

I was diagnosed with "full blown AIDS" in 2007. AIDS is when your CD4 type of white blood cell count is below 200 and you have a high viral load plus one or more opportunistic diseases. Here were my "numbers" at time of diagnosis CD4 was 20 a normal person is above 600, viral HIV load of over 800000 in blood stream, thrush in mouth, pneumocystis pneumonia. I was in hospital in 3 weeks. I was placed on the newer anti vitals meds and it was a long journey back to any kind of physical normalcy. My CD4 count is a little over 200 now and undetectable viral load. I don't even look like the stereotypical AIDS patient in fact you look at me and never would you have imagined. The HIV road is not easy but anyone has questions just let me know!

[Bbikercub]

I was diagnosed with "full blown AIDS" in 2007. AIDS is when your CD4 type of white blood cell count is below 200 and you have a high viral load plus one or more opportunistic diseases. Here were my "numbers" at time of diagnosis CD4 was 20 a normal person is above 600' date=' viral HIV load of over 800000 in blood stream, thrush in mouth, pneumocystis pneumonia. I was in hospital in 3 weeks. I was placed on the newer anti vitals meds and it was a long journey back to any kind of physical normalcy. My CD4 count is a little over 200 now and undetectable viral load. I don't even look like the stereotypical AIDS patient in fact you look at me and never would you have imagined. The HIV road is not easy but anyone has questions just let me know![/quote']

We're you on meds before the hospitalisation or were the meds a result of?

[Guest bbosouno]

This thread hits home because I was diagnosed with AIDS in 2007 and - obviously - I'm still here. I'm a bearish looking guy was and is. I have none of the " sick look". I work a regular job, LUCKILY have great insurance - just a semi-regular life. Remember HIV and AIDS are different things...AIDS is when your CD4 immune fighting white blood cells level drop below 200, you have an extremely high viral load and you have one or more "opportunistic" diseases. To let you know how bad I was... I was in the hospital for 3 weeks. I had Pneumocystis pneumonia (PCP) or pneumocystosis is a form of pneumonia, caused by the yeast-like fungus due to body's inability to fight infections, add to that Thrush which is a yeast infection of the mucus membrane lining the mouth and tongue. A fever of over 104. My CD4 count was 20 ( a normal persons is over 600) , HIV (viral load) in system near a million. Luckily I didn't develop any AIDS related cancers. The new meds brought me back to life literally. I was never a partyier, a smoker, took decent care of self. Even though my life is almost normal - NOW if I stop my meds I will go backwards FAST because my immune system is still and will remain damaged - So if any guy out there stops the meds, does hard drugs, heavy alcohol etc, doesnt take care of himself correctly - you will see that "AIDS look" of 80's rather quickly. If you have any questions shoot me a message.

[Bbikercub]

Can you go from AIDS back to just living with HIV? Is it a case that AIDS is just what they call it when your CD4 count drops and viral load rockets?