Living with HIV... When does life become normal again?

[Guest Lempriere]

Thank you for this very thoughtful and heartfelt posting. It is very helpful for us Negative guys to hear this and to think about the world in which you all live and our own reaction to it. Congratulations on your honesty and courage in posting this information for us all.

[evilqueerpig]

My best estimate is that I was pozzed in 1992, but was never tested until 1999.  Having never discussed status and been a barebacker since my first man, my diagnosis was not a shock.  It wasn't long before I was able to say "I have HIV, but it doesn't have me."  Once you're able to say that, you'll be fine.

[bearbandit]

Evilqueerpig, I like your "I have HIV, but it doesn't have me." My way of belittling HIV is to refer to it as "my little passenger". A guy I know refers to his HIV as "Doris"...

[barehole4use]

I've been Poz now coming up to 2 years but not on meds yet even though i have a very high viral load but not so high that my internist says that i need to start on anti virals, They do want me to start if my load gets higher but i'm trying to avoid it as long as my body can handle it.

 

When i heard i was poz i was actually not that upset & that finally my hunt was over because honestly i was chasing for it a pretty long time, I was always fucked bare & rarely ever got fucked using a condom. It was a mate of mine that pozzed me up so i know exactly who did the dirty on me but he knew my thoughts & gave me what i wanted, I still think it's better getting what i got because it was going to happen eventually anyway.

 

I know when i will have to start meds my life is going to change because i will have to get used to taking pills everyday. But i think you can still achieve your goals in life & still be poz & healthy.

[Bottomhole]

It's been nearly 2 months now since I was diagnosed and right now it's kicking my ass emotionally. Physically I feel fine other than some severe fatigue at times. I'm confident this will pass, or I'll get better at coping with it. Have a clinic appointment for the 10th which I'm looking forward to, going to be open and ask questions and keep in contact with others who have it. I'm sure it'll get better.

[bttmsubslut]

I found work and friends helped distract me from my diagnosis, and time especially helps. I completely agree with TigerMilner. 

[MayorQuimby]

My doc put me on anti-depressants even before he put me on HIV meds.  Because of that, I never really had to go through any kind of "grieving" process.  It was actually kind of helpful.  The only advice I can really give is never take Atripla.  That medication should never be given to anyone, unless you like the shits, unexpainable anger, and the inability to think or speak in complete sentences.  To tell the truth, I'm glad I found out I was poz.  I had suspected that I was for a long time, but now that I know I'm not going to be letting my health deteriorate.  Plus, I still fuck as many people as I did before.  :-)

[ZonovX]

I think for me getting hit with cancer and HIV at the same time made it totally different for me. Growing up, it was always 'the C-word' that got people. HIV wasnt prevalent or even discussed. I almost exclusively barebacked, so I dont guess the HIV diagnosis really surprised me. The cancer, however, did.  I have attempted suicide twice. Once just prior to diagnosis and once in January. Both times, I was sick of being sick. I am much better now, on my ARV's and antidepressives religiously. I am not out of the woods yet, but each day is visibly better and healthier.

[wynona tv]

On 3/7/2015 at 7:56 PM, MayorQuimby said:

My doc put me on anti-depressants even before he put me on HIV meds.  Because of that, I never really had to go through any kind of "grieving" process.  It was actually kind of helpful.  The only advice I can really give is never take Atripla.  That medication should never be given to anyone, unless you like the shits, unexpainable anger, and the inability to think or speak in complete sentences.  To tell the truth, I'm glad I found out I was poz.  I had suspected that I was for a long time, but now that I know I'm not going to be letting my health deteriorate.  Plus, I still fuck as many people as I did before.  :-)

 

as can be seen by other posts here, Atripla really depends on the person; i take it and find it just fine, even a mild sort of benefit in that generally between some fatty foods and being tired and marijuana it can be either some great freaky dreaming or fun awake buzz; or most often w/o those it can just be "there" w/o seeming effect aside from the obvious of suppressing hiv

 

i do find marijuana curbs nightmare types of vivid dreaming; if the only bad impact one has from atripla is nightmares, i'd suggest trying weed at night before going to sleep if one is so disposed, makes a big difference i find (i occasionally am on trips w/o access to pot and altho it really is quite rare, those are the times i may have an extremely vivid/regrettable nightmare, but i would stress/add it's been a long time across a few trips since the last one, as in years, and on trips often have uite pleasant vivid dreaming)

i would really resist changing meds as atripla works great

Edited June 18, 2017 by wynona tv

[Guest deleted1107]

I  think that what may help is to reflect on all that is good in your life.... it humbled me... made me thankful for life in such a deep and meaningful way. I have been HIV+ for a very long time and I never really think of it... once a year to the doctor ... but then I would have done that anyway. I feel in some respects it saved my life... I eat well, exercise, and enjoy life in a much more profound way... it humbled me as a man and shook my humility to its core.

If I may... just look at all that is positive in your life, when you feel down a bit think of something special and smile, and then embrace it... for its up to each one of us to manage our journey... and I hope your journey finds peace, happiness, and longevity. It then will be normal... because let's face it... you are still you and that has and will never change.

Edited July 18, 2017 by deleted1107

[analluv27]

I find never forget to love on yourself, when I first found out I went into a downward spiral of being angry with myself, for becoming a statistic and or not protecting myself better.  But I'm sure you'll find in yourself reserves of strength you may never knew existed in you. And you'll come to the same conclusion as many of if us that choose not to let hiv define us but to learn to live more fully whether that be enjoying sex more or trying new things that you put off before. Your life may have changed but it not over

[Guest descartes70817]

My best guess is that I got the bug in 2005 or 2006 but never tested until I was admitted to hospital with PCP pneumonia, where my doctor told me I had AIDS. At first I was freaking out wondering when I would be started on meds, and because I might have infected my wife. Thankfully I hadn't infected her but I did have to track down a few guys I'd fucked bareback recently and give them the news too. That led to anxiety attacks and some dark bouts of depression for a month or two but seeing a behavioral therapist at the HIV clinic and a prescription for antidepressants has done wonders. Finding a whole world of HIV+ guys around has helped me to accept that life is as normal now as it ever has been, and in one way it's very liberating - I don't have to worry about getting HIV any more because I already have it.

[dive2tp]

NORMALITY IS OVERRATED.

And what is it, anyway?

[joethomas]

I have a female friend of mine dealing with stage 3 colon cancer. Another friend has severe depression and is on medication for it. Another friend has chronic arthritis. HIV is just another situation in the big mixing bowl of things we deal with. It becomes routine. The ones who enter the final stage of life without something are rare, so it becomes a matter of which situation we're dealt and how we choose to deal with it.