Why can't I stop barebacking?

[Guest]

I also can't stop barebacking. I started coming out and was playing it safe.

In spring I let an older dom top bareback my hole, honoring his request.  And down the rabbit hole I went. I'm still not poz yet. 

It's an addiction I have to full give into, dedicate my life too  because fighting it is mentally exhausting. 

 

[plisken]

Somewhere early in this thread: "Or....you could realize that there is nothing wrong with you or your desires. The beautiful thing about it is that we are specifically made this way because there are men who were specifically made to fuck another man. They need us like we need them."

Thats a very nice way to see things

[BootmanLA]

10 hours ago, NegChaserBttm said:

I also can't stop barebacking. I started coming out and was playing it safe.

In spring I let an older dom top bareback my hole, honoring his request.  And down the rabbit hole I went. I'm still not poz yet. 

It's an addiction I have to full give into, dedicate my life too  because fighting it is mentally exhausting. 

 

There's no reason you should ever need to become poz - that's what PrEP is for. Ever since its creation, it's broken the "almost inevitable" causal link between "bareback" and "poz".

On PrEP you don't have to fight the desire to bareback, so no mentally exhausting gyrations. 

[NYBBGUY58]

On 5/22/2014 at 11:18 AM, Usedbottom said:

Middle aged, professional male. The guy next door type that everybody likes. Very conservative looking. Live in a smaller town. All my friends and family are straight, conservative types.

However I at a young age was attracted to cock, but hid my attraction for many years and didn't suck my first cock till age of 26. From there I couldn't get enough but it was always oral.

I then met a guy who wanted to fuck me. I was so tight he had a hard time getting in and he started to lose his hard on,he got pissed at the situation and said screw it and slipped the condom off and pushed his raw cock into me, pounded me silly and shot his load inside me. From then on I was hooked. I wanted more and more cum inside my hole.

I'm constantly worrying about catching something, ( I'm not a chaser). I try to go back to safe sex with condoms but it never sticks, I want raw cock. Why am I addicted to bareback sex? I take a break for awhile relieved my std test all come back neg and vow to not fuck raw again. That last about 2 weeks and when I fall off the wagon I fall hard, this last time I quit and came back I took 5 cocks and loads in one day and that still wasn't enough. Is this like a drug addiction? Do u need a 12 step program or what?

I think it's a very personal decision on every level. I would agree with others who say get on PreP, even if you have to go to the nearest large city to get a prescription and then have it delivered via mail order. Still, that doesn't prevent any of the other common STDs.

Ironically during my youth (from the time I took my first cock until pre 1984-ish for me) I didn't "play safe," it wasn't even a THING, and I never got an STD. In the past few years as a 60-something year old I've had gonorrhea 3 or 4 times. It always feels so embarrassing, but I'm willing to pay that price.

I really don't think there's anything wrong with your enjoying BB sex, I would just urge you to find a way to protect yourself that doesn't involve condoms.

[ErosWired]

For the record - currently, ‘sexual addiction’ is not recognized as an actual addiction by the American Psychiatric Association (the most recent version of the DSM-V, published in March of this year, does not recognize a diagnosis of sexual addiction); by the World Health Organization (its International Classification of Diseases -ICD- includes ‘compulsive sexual behavior disorder’ but does not use an addiction model; or by the Chinese Society of Psychiatry (the Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders does not include sexual addiction as a diagnosis).

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the  Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, and neuroscientists studying sexuality have all taken positions within the last 5-6 years that they find no evidence to support a classification of sexual addiction as a mental health disorder.

There is some speculation based on animal studies in the laboratory that compulsive sexual behavior may share mechanisms similar to those of true addictive behaviors, but these assertions are not widely accepted as a basis for the categorization of the behavior as a disorder.

So for all you guys talking about how you’re addicts to sex - you’re not actually addicts in the way people get addicted to drugs. You may be obsessive about sex, you may feel it as a compulsion, but if you’re saying “I can’t help doing it, I’m addicted” - you might want to take a closer look at your motivations. Because if you’re not actually addicted…what’s the actual reason you keep doing it?

 

[hntnhole]

11 hours ago, ErosWired said:

So for all you guys talking about how you’re addicts to sex - you’re not actually addicts in the way people get addicted to drugs. You may be obsessive about sex, you may feel it as a compulsion, but if you’re saying “I can’t help doing it, I’m addicted” - you might want to take a closer look at your motivations. Because if you’re not actually addicted…what’s the actual reason you keep doing it?

I wonder if what the previous guys are alluding to is the "high" they get from purposefully indulging in "dangerous" behavior, and since that behavior is sexual in nature, they equate indulging in the dangerous act with the resultant "high" that act induces. Say someone experiences a "high" or "thrill" out of robbing someone and getting away with it.  We wouldn't call robbing people an "addiction", we'd call it anti-social behavioral choices.  The thrill - or "high" would be the resulting effect of the behavior, not the cause, right?

I'm no shrink, but that (above) might explain the difference between actual clinical addiction, and the rush of a sexual "high"  induced by the behavior they're participating in.  Maybe ???  

I've described many times here how much I love what I do sexually.  It's not occurred to me however, to describe it as an addiction.  If it were (the sex), how would I be able to relatively easily put sex aside for about a month, waiting for the mpx shot to reach efficacy?  I don't like going without at all, but it's just something I have to do, given my life-choices. 

So, I just do it, wait, and offend my right hand more than usual.  

[BootmanLA]

17 hours ago, ErosWired said:

So for all you guys talking about how you’re addicts to sex - you’re not actually addicts in the way people get addicted to drugs. You may be obsessive about sex, you may feel it as a compulsion, but if you’re saying “I can’t help doing it, I’m addicted” - you might want to take a closer look at your motivations. Because if you’re not actually addicted…what’s the actual reason you keep doing it?

I think the problem is (as is often the case) people use imprecise language because they don't know the difference between two words - they just assume they're synonyms. Compulsion and addiction are two such words. 

[Kayne]

I do it because it feels good and I hate condoms,  And While I did it before and has guilt. and stress, and a fair amount of fear and denial and a feeling of "prophecy  fulfillment" helplessness goi g on., Knowing I'm Poz Lets me Fuck N Breed Guilt Free. I avoid playing with "Safe" anything, and I feel great about myself.

[rawfuckr]

Spent most my 2000s getting fucking with rubbers. Mentally I wanted cock in my ass but it always felt wrong. 

Then one day in my fours, guy removed condom after ten minutes fucking and he went in bare. I said nothing. I felt everything I had not felt before. 

[Guest]

20 hours ago, hntnhole said:

 

I'm no shrink, but that (above) might explain the difference between actual clinical addiction, and the rush of a sexual "high"  induced by the behavior they're participating in.  Maybe ???  

I've described many times here how much I love what I do sexually.  It's not occurred to me however, to describe it as an addiction.  If it were (the sex), how would I be able to relatively easily put sex aside for about a month, waiting for the mpx shot to reach efficacy?  I don't like going without at all, but it's just something I have to do, given my life-choices. 

So, I just do it, wait, and offend my right hand more than usual.  

We have to be careful when we say we have sexual addiction. Sex addiction is real and it’s characterized as an addiction when it interferes with your ability to manage your life responsibilities. I know someone who has sought help for his addiction and I have seen the effects it had on his life. We are talking about inability to maintain romantic and platonic relationship because sex is put ahead of all things. It’s missing work or neglecting work responsibilities because you prioritize sex. It’s ditching friends and family for sex. It’s putting yourself in dangerous situation for sex.

Many of us are not sex addicts but rather compulsive. I myself have sex often, in my relationship and outside, however I’m not an addict as I manage my personal relationships and responsibilities. Many of us fall into this category 

. 

[Guest]

This thread was started in 2014, and SO much has changed that the original question seems kinda silly.  2014 was the very beginning of Prep.  Personally I had been barebacking for 10 years already, and it was fairly common by 2014 , but still not "expected" like it is now.  I honestly can't think of the last time someone even mentioned condoms to me - it;s been years for sure.  Most younger guys have NEVER used one and don't know anything except raw sex (lucky fuckers).

When I started going raw with strangers around 2004 it was definitely very uncommon and a "niche/fetish" I guess at the time.  Manhunt was my usual hookup site - I didn't have the balls to uncheck the "safer sex" box and let people see I was a barebacker, but I ONLY searched for guys who had it unchecked, and "pig play" was a good search box too 🙂  By 2010 - 2012 I didn't let that "safer sex" box deter me.  More and more guys were going raw "discretely".  LOTS of porn was BB by then, but when there were still porn shops to get your porn there was a separate bareback aisle - I felt like a dirty slut even being in that aisle, but I loved cruising other guys also looking for BB porn, and did get some hookups there.  I told guys online (and myself) that I "usually" played safe, but would do BB with them if they were usually safe too lol.  Tons of other guys were doing the same thing - 50/50 chance if they'd go bare even though they said "safe" like me.  There was quite a bit of "pulling out to cum" back then, and if someone let me cum in them I definitely assumed they were poz. - when I started letting guys cum inside me I realized that wasn't necessarily true, but there was no way I could ask a guy to wear one after I started topping raw and remembered how infinitely better it felt 🙂

I don't have a lot of regrets, but I do wish I had let loose (more!) earlier.  Fort Troff wasn't originally a gear and toy brand, it was a sex club in Atlanta that was around for a few years.  I got the courage to go ONCE, and I was in heaven.  Check clothes at the door, slings everywhere, tubs for pissing, lots of guys in gear and no condoms anywhere that I saw.  I don't remember the exact year, but maybe around 2010 or earlier.  At one point I was fucking and fisting a hot short muscle bottom I knew personally and knew 100% was poz.  After I bred him and called it a night and got out in the light I realized I had cut my hand in the chain from the sling (I had felt it earlier but didn't stop).  When I got out I saw my bleeding hand that I'd had in this poz stud's ass and panicked a little.  It only lasted a short time - I never even considered condoms, but it did scare me off from going back to that sex club again - I knew I loved it and couldn't trust myself there.  I SERIOULSY do wish I had caved in and been a regular there.  I am totally into that sleazy group scene and definitely feel like I missed out on several good years of filthy pig sex when I was younger 

I always look at the original posting date on threads here or even when I look at porn on barebackbastarrds.  Guys made a bigger decision before 2014 about barebacking.  You were neg or poz - no prep - did you give in to hot dirty lust or protect yourself?  I was giving into lust, but not to the level I really wish I had.  I have tried to make up for lost time, but you can never get all those missed years of nasty raw sex back for a "do over" lol.  Pig out NOW men!!  I'm so horny after writing that I need to hit a sex club this weekend 🙂

[hntnhole]

While this thread is from an 8-year-old rug, it seems to have achieved a life of it's own, despite being worn thread-bare over the years.

I posit that anyone is able to stop doing anything, given the necessary tools.  The lovely fact is, we simply don't want to give up *real* fucking/mating/conjoining/sharing/connecting/breeding with as many of our brothers as we possibly can.  We don't want the phoney, latex-clad stuff, we want the real thing.  And, we're gonna get it - that's just the way it is.

[Guest]

On 8/17/2022 at 4:58 AM, ErosWired said:

For the record - currently, ‘sexual addiction’ is not recognized as an actual addiction by the American Psychiatric Association (the most recent version of the DSM-V, published in March of this year, does not recognize a diagnosis of sexual addiction); by the World Health Organization (its International Classification of Diseases -ICD- includes ‘compulsive sexual behavior disorder’ but does not use an addiction model; or by the Chinese Society of Psychiatry (the Chinese Classification of Mental Disorders does not include sexual addiction as a diagnosis).

The American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the  Association for the Treatment of Sexual Abusers, and neuroscientists studying sexuality have all taken positions within the last 5-6 years that they find no evidence to support a classification of sexual addiction as a mental health disorder.

There is some speculation based on animal studies in the laboratory that compulsive sexual behavior may share mechanisms similar to those of true addictive behaviors, but these assertions are not widely accepted as a basis for the categorization of the behavior as a disorder.

So for all you guys talking about how you’re addicts to sex - you’re not actually addicts in the way people get addicted to drugs. You may be obsessive about sex, you may feel it as a compulsion, but if you’re saying “I can’t help doing it, I’m addicted” - you might want to take a closer look at your motivations. Because if you’re not actually addicted…what’s the actual reason you keep doing it?

 

and

On 8/17/2022 at 10:17 PM, BootmanLA said:

I think the problem is (as is often the case) people use imprecise language because they don't know the difference between two words - they just assume they're synonyms. Compulsion and addiction are two such words. 

Perhaps medical classifications or labels for human behaviour aren't always helpful.

Apparently people feel the need to label their sexual practices and that's probably (I think) because they feel they need to justify or defend them in this way.
Which as a downside has the risk that having more sex than the average person - if that average person even exists - becomes socially acceptable less. And a vicious circle is born.

True (alcohol or drug-) addiction is a huge problem as it hurts the life and health of someone. 
I have no opinion on sexual habits that would be categoried as 'compulsive'. But I would like to add that there are people who spend almost their entire income and most of their time on their hobbies like when they watch every game their sports-team plays and traveling to every out-game. Or people who collect certain things do the same.

The DSM and other diagnostic manuals have the advantage that they created a common language for (professionals) discussing psychological and psychatric issues but have the downside it gives categorisation more than explanations for problems people can have, and might lead to over-diagnosing people.
It's like everyone I meet nowadays starts by giving me theirs which makes me think that the ones I hear of the most by definition aren't actually disorders but so widespread they are just part of the diversity in human nature.

And life and being human isn't always easy, but it's the trick the have fun and do the things that make us and eachother happy.

[DLMarried]

On 8/18/2022 at 8:42 AM, justsexnowatl said:

This thread was started in 2014, and SO much has changed that the original question seems kinda silly.  2014 was the very beginning of Prep.  Personally I had been barebacking for 10 years already, and it was fairly common by 2014 , but still not "expected" like it is now.  I honestly can't think of the last time someone even mentioned condoms to me - it;s been years for sure.  Most younger guys have NEVER used one and don't know anything except raw sex (lucky fuckers).

When I started going raw with strangers around 2004 it was definitely very uncommon and a "niche/fetish" I guess at the time.  Manhunt was my usual hookup site - I didn't have the balls to uncheck the "safer sex" box and let people see I was a barebacker, but I ONLY searched for guys who had it unchecked, and "pig play" was a good search box too 🙂  By 2010 - 2012 I didn't let that "safer sex" box deter me.  More and more guys were going raw "discretely".  LOTS of porn was BB by then, but when there were still porn shops to get your porn there was a separate bareback aisle - I felt like a dirty slut even being in that aisle, but I loved cruising other guys also looking for BB porn, and did get some hookups there.  I told guys online (and myself) that I "usually" played safe, but would do BB with them if they were usually safe too lol.  Tons of other guys were doing the same thing - 50/50 chance if they'd go bare even though they said "safe" like me.  There was quite a bit of "pulling out to cum" back then, and if someone let me cum in them I definitely assumed they were poz. - when I started letting guys cum inside me I realized that wasn't necessarily true, but there was no way I could ask a guy to wear one after I started topping raw and remembered how infinitely better it felt 🙂

I don't have a lot of regrets, but I do wish I had let loose (more!) earlier.  Fort Troff wasn't originally a gear and toy brand, it was a sex club in Atlanta that was around for a few years.  I got the courage to go ONCE, and I was in heaven.  Check clothes at the door, slings everywhere, tubs for pissing, lots of guys in gear and no condoms anywhere that I saw.  I don't remember the exact year, but maybe around 2010 or earlier.  At one point I was fucking and fisting a hot short muscle bottom I knew personally and knew 100% was poz.  After I bred him and called it a night and got out in the light I realized I had cut my hand in the chain from the sling (I had felt it earlier but didn't stop).  When I got out I saw my bleeding hand that I'd had in this poz stud's ass and panicked a little.  It only lasted a short time - I never even considered condoms, but it did scare me off from going back to that sex club again - I knew I loved it and couldn't trust myself there.  I SERIOULSY do wish I had caved in and been a regular there.  I am totally into that sleazy group scene and definitely feel like I missed out on several good years of filthy pig sex when I was younger 

I always look at the original posting date on threads here or even when I look at porn on barebackbastarrds.  Guys made a bigger decision before 2014 about barebacking.  You were neg or poz - no prep - did you give in to hot dirty lust or protect yourself?  I was giving into lust, but not to the level I really wish I had.  I have tried to make up for lost time, but you can never get all those missed years of nasty raw sex back for a "do over" lol.  Pig out NOW men!!  I'm so horny after writing that I need to hit a sex club this weekend 🙂

Hi. New here and taking this all in. 
I did not have the luxury of prep. I go back to the early 80s so back then condom was not a thing for gay (or bi in my case) men. We just fucked. 
 

Then at some point we started hearing about this gay disease. I was lucky to survive the disease but could not escape it. 
 

But that freed me up to go bareback the rest of the way. As a full time bottom I always assumed that if a stranger was willing to fuck me raw he too was poz. Now with prep that’s not always the case. 
 

But I too realized guy checking safe sex only then hitting me up for bareback sex. I’m alway open about my status and condom use is NOT an option. 

[Guest]

49 minutes ago, DLMarried said:

Hi. New here and taking this all in. 
I did not have the luxury of prep. I go back to the early 80s so back then condom was not a thing for gay (or bi in my case) men. We just fucked. 
 

Then at some point we started hearing about this gay disease. I was lucky to survive the disease but could not escape it. 
 

But that freed me up to go bareback the rest of the way. As a full time bottom I always assumed that if a stranger was willing to fuck me raw he too was poz. Now with prep that’s not always the case. 
 

But I too realized guy checking safe sex only then hitting me up for bareback sex. I’m alway open about my status and condom use is NOT an option. 

Welcome to BZ.

I assume your unmedicated and have an undetectable viral-load. If not it's even more important be up-front with your sexual partners.

I'm sure don't mean anything by it, but none of us should really use the word 'gay disease' anymore. HIV is a virus that causes AIDS if left untreated and a cure is - up to this day - not possible.
HIV/AIds is also a pandemic predating the Covid-19 by decades. People in the African continent are suffering, and so are gay- and bisexual men in part because the risk for HIV through anal intercourse, is about 10 times as high as though vaginal intercourse.

So people now can personally feel lucky to be able to prevent an HIV-infection and calling it a luxury.
On a global scale PrEP and a real cure - for yourself included - is an absolute necessity.