Me Undetectable And My Boyfriend Is Negative

[seaguy]

I know, I deserve someone better than him. I'm still very upset. I'm going back to my home on Saturday when I get payed.

Plus when I suggest kinky stuff to do with him, he says stuff like 'oh my god, you're so pervert'

But when I suggested 3sum he was happy saying 'oooh that's kinky, that would be nice'

Sounds rather selfish to me he calls you a pervert when you suggest but if he agrees it is not perverted..  He's to vanilla for you and not thinking about your hapiness and needs  only his, otherwise he would be ditching that rubber to blow the man he says he loves.  I hope you find a kinky motherfucker who will satisfy your ewvery need and desire.

[olly]

Thank you guys for your support, I do need someone to satisfy my needs when it comes to sex.

Today is my last day with him.

The funny thing is, when I was hiv poz, my viral load was very low. My doctor said I probably don't need to be on medication for 3-5 years. This was 2 years ago. The reason I went on medication to keep him safe.

I have not once forced him for bb, or to give me blow job without condom.

But when I have found out his willing to suck and swallow random guy upset me.

I will be leaving him.

[Davidmichael]

Its hard for me to believe how stupid one can treat another. If your Bf wants to be safe, thats ok for me and i can understand him, but he knows that you are on medication, you don't have sex with others and so you will not bring a STD home.

I think he is a bit too young to see the consequenses of his behavior and that he has really disappointed you. All the best for you - the decision you make / had make will be the right.

[MackyJay]

It  just sounds to me like you two are not compatible in almost any way that matters for sex.  I like anon. sex but with a good fb I want intimacy and you are not getting that at all.

[olly]

He said he can try to be better at sex, he said he will improve. Not sure if I should move in back with him to see how things go.

I have an instinct that it's not gonna work.

[JamesL100]

Second chances haven't worked for me over the years. Enjoy your independence, put yourself first, get the sex you want. Maybe you can be friends again later this year.

But in my experience he wants to control you and stop you being yourself. He's putting himself first. Good luck and let us know what works out.

[wood]

He said he can try to be better at sex, he said he will improve. Not sure if I should move in back with him to see how things go.

I have an instinct that it's not gonna work.

You can point him in the right direction in terms of studies about transmission rates and being undetectable, (there is almost no one who is undetectable transmitting HIV, even without condoms) It sounds like you are in the UK, and if so you can see if there is a trial program to get him on PrEP.  

 

Other than that, Id say it would have to be an open relationship if you two want to stay together.  I cant see it working any other way.  

[Ocelot2000]

I was with someone for 11/12 years. Him poz undetectable and me neg. I would never in a million years have asked him to put on a condom to give him head, lol, that's totally insane. And kissing? He's one of the best kissers I have ever been with, plus the only risk with kissing is if he ate garlic, lol, bleh...

 

Anyway, it sounds like he needs to educate himself and for you to realize you deserve better, be brave, be confident, let him go in a nice way and if it's meant to be he will come back. 

 

Also another thing came to mind, are you sure there wasn't some sort of control on his part to keep you in line? Some things don't add up. No one is that stupid nowadays to think there is anything dangerous about kissing. It sounds like he's taking some sort of power thing against you and/or he's insecure about something and projecting it that way to make himself feel better and make you the object of insecurity.

 

Either way, my advice is, walk away graciously, and if he wises up and comes back all the better, if not, better to leave now than be in a bigger mess later.

 

Take care and let us know what happens x

[tallbtm]

Check out results of the PARTNER study about HIV serodiscordant couples (where one partner is HIV positive and on is HIV negative):

 

http://www.aidsmap.com/No-one-with-an-undetectable-viral-load-gay-or-heterosexual-transmits-HIV-in-first-two-years-of-PARTNER-study/page/2832748/  

[olly]

I gave him another chance, and when we got drunk, he said his happy to swallow hot guy but not me. Because he said 'I know you have it but I'm sure that guy doesn't have it'. His happy to swallow random guy but not the one he loves.

Now it's over,

[drscorpio]

Sorry he let you down again. Sorry you had to hear that rudeness from him. Glad it's over. 

[olly]

Same here. I'm just gonna get drunk with my best mate next weekend and party, and have the sex I missed.

[Guest Seattlebottom]

He's happy to swallow random guys and not you?  WTF?  If he is really concerned about everything he should get on Prep.  I would say you are definitely better off without him.  Find someone who will treat you with respect.

[olly]

He keeps saying 'why do you want to leave, what else do you want me to do that I don't do already'

He also says 'I just want to be in relationship where I live someone and someone to come home to after work'

But the blow job thing still upsets me, I just don't get how he doesn't mind to swallow random guy because he thinks they don't have hiv but because I have it and he knows that I have it, he says 'it's too risky.'

Sorry to keep going about this, I feel more comfort when I read your replies, I want to thank all of you who gave me advise.

Edited April 13, 2015 by olly

[JamesL100]

He wants this, he wants that yet ignores you when you make your needs known. Better off without him and find someone who will listen, love and load you