Time For Me To Decide.

[Darcicrisis]

I am new here and fairly new to this topic. I have some serious decisions to make and could use any advice. I will give a little background information. I have 2 gay friends I have known since grade school Scott and Mike. I have known Scott since 1st grade and Mike since high school. For most of my life I thought I was bi-sexual , but in reality I am gay.

 

When in school I had my first gay experiences with Scott. He offered to suck my cock one day and the rest as they say is history. We did many things over the years sexually. He got me to start dressing in slutty female clothes for him, he really enjoyed that. I did it because he liked it but I could take it or leave it. This went on for several years. As I got older I was pressured into the whole get married have a family live in denial trap. That is what I did and Scott followed what he wanted and came out and never looked back..

 

Over the years we would still hook up from time to time. I would dress up for him and we would have a great time fucking. I would always ask him if he was clean and we always used condoms. We have been following this arrangement for many years. Jump to about 6 months ago and I get a call from Mike saying that he had recently spoken to Scott. Mike told me he was giving me a heads up because Scott told him that he wanted to be with me full time and was sick of waiting for my marriage to fall apart. He told Mike that if he infected me I would have no choice but to leave my wife, or risk passing it to her. Mike did not feel it was fair for Scott to get me that way.  This kind of thing was all new to me and I was a bit naïve so Mike told me to check out this website to get more information on the topic..

 

It was an eye opening experience reading the stories on this site. So I have been thinking about my situation a lot for the last couple months. I actually do love Scott, we have known each other most of our lives.. I just don't know if I can take this ultimate step with him. He does not know that I have been tipped off to his plan. But I have to admit I would probably be happier living as an out gay man than staying in a marriage that I feel trapped by.

 

Now for my decision, Scott called me on Thanksgiving to say hi. He said he wanted us to get together sometime in the next couple of weeks for a hook up. He told me to wear something extra slutty because he had a special gift to give me this year for Christmas. Normally I would laugh it off as him just talking about his dick but now I know he is probably hinting about more.. I do not know if I can resist being with him.

[snaketat]

you post raises so many points, a simple response will seem trivial.  I have experienced many of the things you described.  I have made choices that have lead me to where I am and help define who I am.  I value that--for me.

 

you must really understand how you feel about this.  Having gay sex and barebacking are not the same thing.  Understanding each, and how you see yourself relative to the norms of those groups, you will be able to make better decisions.

 

I am hardly one to offer advice, but actions in the name of simply sexual gratification seem to have short value.  Understanding more, knowing more and you can make that one time kink last a life time, rather than risk a lifetime with an illness you did not really want.

 

I encourage you to hang out on these sites.  There are lots of great guys and interesting story.  Certainly it is  a mix of fantasy and reality, but always mind expanding.

 

Chat with guys.......my Skype is in my profile.....i am always open for conversations.

 

Good luck

[Guest]

Very tough call here. First off this is a very unfair situation your friend is trying to set up and force you into doing. First off he is going to stealth you and try to poz you, hoping the outcome will be you leaving the wife and coming to him. Well, leaving the wife would probably be a sure fire thing, but he hasn't considered that you would probably in turn resent him for doing that to you unknowingly and unwillingly, thus straining any relationship with him in the future, because you could never fully trust him again with anything, as in maybe a monogamous relationship. One lie or act of deceit will linger and possibly destroy all good things to come in the future, I know this for a fact from experiences.

As for leaving the wife and coming out as gay, that is a tough decision, but it is your decision and yours alone and does need careful consideration on your part, but if you are truely gay and are sure of this, it shouldn't be too difficult to come up with the right answer for yourself what is right for you. As for myself, I fought with this delima for most of my adult life and tried to deny being a homosexual and tried to live the bi-sexual lifestyle and all the while, was a miserable wreck most of the time. It wasn't till I really came to realize after a lengthy seperation from the fem, that I prefered men over women and that I felt much more at ease with myself when with the guys. What I'm really getting at is that, if you are truely gay and are really unhappy with the female relationship, then do yourself a huge favor and get out of it and go with what makes you happy. Life is too short for misery and BS.

Now as for your friend pozzing you, that has to be up to you and how much you care for him and how far you are willing to go with him. It is ashame that you haven't looked into the PrEP meds and would have had time to be able to get on them before hand. This would possibly have given you a lot more time to make all these decisions, but also allowed you to have a bit of fun with the friend in the meantime and not have to have the worry. In effect, the joke would kind of have been on him, in that you would have stealthed him and have been able to have observed his reactions and being anxious waiting for you to convert.

As for myself, and only myself here, if presented with this situation, I would be open to it, as this is pretty much the situation I'm looking for. My ultimate fantasy and goal would be to become involved in an LTR or semi-LTR with a guy I could get to know and have a relationship with and then allow him to poz me in that relationship. I'm really jealous of you in many ways, you already have a history and bit of a realtionship with this guy and for myself, this would be perfect. Maybe you should give some thought to this also and talk this over with your friend and see if he wouldn't give some time for you to really decide about the marrieage an dcoming out, etc, but don't jump into anything without really thinking it through and careful consideration, once you are poz, you are poz and there is of course no going back!!

Anyway, it all boils down to you having to make some very tough decisions and you are the only one that can make them

[Darcicrisis]

I am sure that I am gay.. I have no interest in sex with woman and crave sex with men all the time. I hate to give up the world I have built for myself, but have dreamed for as long as I can remember of being free to get fucked used. I always wanted to take loads bareback, I just never wanted to bring anything home to the wife.. I also was always afraid of HIV and that is probably why I stayed in the closet for so long.  I knew the day would come when I would start taking Scott with no condoms I really do feel for him that deeply.. I just had not factored in the becoming positive part of being bred.. I have to admit though that it does turn me on a lot to know I in doing so would be the ultimate act of being together..

[cman54]

This is a very tough time for you. I can relate to your situation. As mine is not that far from it. I am divorced now. And talking to poz guys turns me on so much. I am just starting gay sex and fucking. I am a bottom and could be turned on by the same things you are. I will love to dress up like you too for my man. I have given Prep a lot of thought too. I have decided not to go that route. I have also decided to only have bareback sex with a guy and status is not an issue. It is about how you feel about the guy and how much you want him and how you want to please him. To me part of being pozzed is getting knocked up.

 You seem to really like this guy and you two have a lot of history for sure. My advice is to leave your wife and hook up with this guy. When it comes time to have sex with him tell him you really love him and tell him to do you bareback and bred you right. Don`t even mention status and you know he is poz. I`ll bet he will do you like he never has before.  

 Keep us posted on what you do please.

[London1281955]

Just took my first load. Knew always wanted and do took the plunge. Now can't stop thinking about the next

[Darcicrisis]

Thank you for all your input, it is greatly appreciated. I am interested in hearing any input anyone may have on my situation. I have agreed to meet up with Scott this Sunday.. I still am not sure I will handle whatever plays out, but I can't put off seeing him forever.. I guess I could but don't want to...

[cman54]

I think meeting up with him is a very good idea for you. You must care about him a lot and you need to follow your feelings.

I think you should not jo or have any kind of sex before you meet him but think about it a lot. It should make you real horny when you meet him and that will help you loose any reservations you may have when you meet him. I`m sure he will want you to dress sexy so do that to the 9`s.

[Darcicrisis]

I did get something special for the occasion, if things head in that direction it should be a very memorable night..

[rufftopsc]

we would love to hear an update

[cman54]

Yes I`d like to hear an update too please!!

[wood]

 

 

It was an eye opening experience reading the stories on this site. So I have been thinking about my situation a lot for the last couple months. I actually do love Scott, we have known each other most of our lives.. I just don't know if I can take this ultimate step with him. He does not know that I have been tipped off to his plan. But I have to admit I would probably be happier living as an out gay man than staying in a marriage that I feel trapped by.

 

 

More than a couple people have posted similar things on here, and my thoughts have always been the same.  Its really not worth taking such a step for one man.  Just because you are unhappy in your marriage does not mean you cant come out and live openly as a gay man without becoming HIV+.  Further, you have no idea if this relationship would last either.  If it doesn't you are stuck with HIV, and without the man you thought you loved.  

 

I know this is a boring "yawn" answer for the people on here that are chasers and such, but its simple reality.  

[Darcicrisis]

Thanks for all your input, unfortunately I do not have much of an update yet because we had to reschedule for next weekend...

[Guest JizzDumpWI]

So what happened?

[Darcicrisis]

We could not get our schedules to line up for a proper playdate, Then the holidays hit and I have not heard anything more from him...