31 Years Old And Losing My Mojo As A Top... Any Suggestions?

[VersatileBreeder]

I started having this issue a few months ago. Started off pretty minor, but is becoming more and more prevalent. Basically, I'm 31 and starting to experience erectile dysfunction. As a top, I used to get rock hard and could fuck a guy multiple times and that's not happening anymore. I'm not sure if it is physical or mental (resulting from performance anxiety).

Here's the physical side of it- I've been finding it more difficult to get hard when aroused, more so when I'm about to have sex than if I am alone. If I'm alone and just jerking off, I literally go soft as soon as I cum, whereas I used to still be rock hard for a few minutes after. My dick also just doesn't get as rock hard as it used to. What's odd though is time to time, I'll get morning wood, which should be saying that everything works.

The mental side kicks in usually when I'm with someone and I'm gonna top. Case in point, I was with a hot bottom a couple weeks ago and almost couldn't get hard to fuck him. He was sucking me and my dick was just dead. I was able to jerk myself hard enough to fuck him and I did. But it seems like I get this anxiety about not getting hard that overrides my dick in sexual situations and that makes things even worse. It makes me not want to be in situations where I am going to top because I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to pull it off.

I talked to a friend of mine who is 43 who went through this a few years ago. He thinks it's performance anxiety and all in my head. He also says I could be desensitized from a lot of exposure to sex, hooking up, porn, etc and that could be driving this dysfunction. He says I need to "re-wire my brain" whatever that means.

I'm thinking about consulting a doctor about this, but I don't even know where to start. Do I need to see a specialist?

I know that many guys on here use, or have used, drugs for ED, like Viagra, Cialis, etc. If you do use or have used these, my questions are-

- How successful were they at helping your ED? Did it make a night and day difference?

- Which drugs have you used and which would you say was most successful if you've used multiple ones?

- If your ED was mentally driven and not physical, did the drugs still help you get and maintain an erection?

- Do you think I should be pursuing ED drugs at this time?

Would be much appreciated to hear back from guys who have been in my shoes at one point. Cheers.

[seaguy]

I think your friend is right too.  There was just an article in Time magazine discussing how millennials are coming down with porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) because they grew up with access to porn online and it wired their brain to expect the first time with someone to be just like in porn if it isn't then they don't get a boner.

[Guest]

Your friend may be correct to some extent about it being somewhat a mental state, but there are some other things to look at also.

First off let me say up front, I'm an older full time bottom, so therefore I don't have or feel the need to become erect at any time for the kind of sex I desire. That being said though, I do enjoy an occaisional BJ or JO, so do enjoy having the erections for that. I agree with what seaguy stated, but along with that, it could be some other medical problems beginning to arise also. You are at the age that many things begin happening with men medically. First off I'd advise getting a complete check up and paying particular attention to blood pressure and the possibility of the onset of diabetes. These seem to be the two most prevailant issues in the beginning of ED, for most males. In the meantime, if you are thinking about trying some of the ED meds, viagra, cialis, etc, do this instead and see what happens, go to the health department at your local walmart or anywhere they sell supplementals, vitamins, etc and pick up a couple of bottles of " L-Arginine" and begin using it for a few days or weeks and see what happens. This is the main ingrediant in most of the over-the-counter stuff being sold for ED and it's the main ingrediant that makes them work, not the other stuff that is added into them. The important thing though is to get the medical issues checked out first and go from there.

[fsafe]

just stop the porn 

[hungry_hole]

He also says I could be desensitized from a lot of exposure to sex, hooking up, porn, etc and that could be driving this dysfunction. He says I need to "re-wire my brain" whatever that means.

 

This is true in my case and it manifests itself as only wanting anon sex, even being a bottom. But to me this is only a problem with sex with women. I would have trouble getting into sex "women style", dinners, blah, blah, etc.

 

In order to claim that one is suffering from Erectile Dysfunction first one has to imagine possible hot scenarios that may be a turn on. Not sure what this scenario would be for poptronic. Many guys get really turned-on by being a top in a gang-bang, with multiple breeders. Even bottoms are sometimes turned-on by a sloppy hole. Poptronic, would you get a hard-on in this circumstances? In your case a gang-bang may not be your cup of tea.

 

If I did top I may identify with poptronic. But I'm certain that I don't have ED because with some good porn or some hot anon action I have no erectile problems.

[rtpbbcub]

Not to dissuade you from getting things checked out by a doctor or any if the other suggestions here, but there are many reasons for erectile dysfunction. Poor diet, no exercise, low testosterone, anxiety, fear, guilt, depression, substance abuse, medications, just to name a few. Essentially sexual function is almost a barometer (pun intended) of overall health. Not just physical health, or sexual health, or hear health, etc., but how well the whole animal that is you is doing. Call it a glitch of evolution, or an annoying aspect of biology, but sexual function is intended to occur when an animal is best able to produce and care for offspring. That it's also fun to have sex and children are not a desired/possible outcome is irrelevant to biology. Your system is set to make sexual function the first thing that goes down (okay, that pun wasn't intentional, but I like it) if everything else isn't in balance or in good working order.

Basically, you can end up exploring lots of avenues of possibility, but some mindfulness of yourself (what you are doing, how you are feeling, what you want, what you need) may give you some fast answers about what is going wrong with getting it up.

And yes, something as simple as wanting to settle down, or worrying about your bank balance, not sure if you are going to make this month's rent or car payment, or working at a job you hate can be the problem.

[hunting4anon33]

Poptronic,  

This comment is late to the party - but I do feel your pain.  I both empathize & sympathize.   At the time of writing this comment - I'm 36 & not in the best of life situations.  As such,  I've been experiencing the same issues as you.  Kinda glad to see gents talking about it so openly online.   I've never tried cock rings - actually scared of getting the wrong type - & I'll admit I'm rather concerned about being ripped off in costs for trial & error. 

I've chatted with my doctor before ( when I've had a doc, ) - my testosterone levels aren't a problem.

I think the problem in my own case is a rather unhealthy mix of diet,  exercise, mental blocks, & really bad life circumstances that are just not within any real situation of control..  And truth be told,  it is getting beyond annoying - it's aggravating to hear people suggest the circumstances are somehow controllable when they're *most definitely not.*   

I happen to be a moderately severe asthmatic, ( not under control ) & HIV really is a bad complementary condition.  Let's just say that my particular HIV phenotype isn't the the one that is overly conducive to weight loss.  I remember thinking when I got infected: "Well,  at least I'll die skinny. "  Yeah,  that was a depressing day to find out that I couldn't at least eat whatever the fuck I wanted now that I got diagnosed with one of the world's worst conditions.. )   That was the opposite effect -  I basically have to eat like a movie star on "a perfect body paleo diet"  in order to maintain decency.  Of course,  this requires $$$$ that a person on disability just doesn't have access to for blatantly obvious reasons that are simply sickeningly & stupidly bureaucratic.   

I can't get real exercise in more times than none because I can barely breathe at the best of times - asthma is not under control as it should be due to gov't bureaucracy. And diet,  well,  can't get my basic human rights due to disability laws,  let alone eat properly.  So,  you guessed it,  have to be stuck with being treated as a fourth class human being because Canada doesn't believe in treating it's citizens properly. 

I had been fired from a good few jobs due to discriminatory employers.  I guess you could say I've felt very much beaten down & in desperate need of advocates that are - for the most part - non-existent.  

Please note - not my intention to be depressing or having this thread become a competition - I'm simply speaking frankly. 

I have no other addictions - I don't smoke,  I don't drink much.  I've never done any hard drugs - no real desire to want to try them regardless.  

I have been forced to move around a lot due to the nature of disability. Being diagnosed with HIV had literally been a crippling proverbial shot.  I went from being a self sufficient person to keeping medical assisted suicide documentation within easy access in case I wake up & just don't want to deal with stupidity anymore.  

I've gotten to the point where when I have to deal with ignorant haters,  I ask them to please demonstrate just how easy it is to live with an episodic disability,  a chronic condition, weight issues, massive depression & anxiety,  not having enough to live on *properly,*  ( let alone basic human rights,  ) before they shame me for not being in absolute perfect shape. It's almost as if they feel no human compassion nor empathy for their own community of GBT men whom are poz.     

On top of all that - I've been forced to move into an area where the population of gay men is horrendously,  stupidly low - or the guys are just so laughably shallow that they make the Pacific Ocean look like a children's wading pool.. 

So let me clarify when I say - I do feel your pain when I've experienced the very aggragating situation of hooking up with a guy who finally meets my criteria of what I get into - only to go soft when I meet up.    Between the life issues that are not under any control mentioned above,  & then realizing that a guy I meet up with is somehow not what I expected,  or I'm having a mental block due to being frustrated with being lied to,  or otherwise decieved. -   yeah..    

I suppose it doesn't help that whenever I'm horny,  "Murphy's Law" dictates that I will likely not find a guy easily.  I just tend to whack off more times than none due to almost never finding a guy to hook up with easily. Lack of meeting spaces, toxic bullshit,  & really not being able to balance the basics more often than none become an issue that just keeps one from being able to enjoy a primal sexuality perk of humanity.    

Dude,  I feel your pain. 

Edited January 19, 2019 by hunting4anon33
Spelling, editing terminology.

[PupLucca]

Try MANFUEL Mr. S Leather sells it and you can get it on Amazon too. It works for 3 days. Really helped me

Edited January 19, 2019 by POZVersBttm

[Filthpig69]

@poptronic

Welcome to the world of the ageing male.  

As we get older, diet, exercise and mental well being become more and more important. 

There's also such a thing as being oversexed or overstimulated, so if you've been watching porn all day, or having a lot of wanks or sexual activity, you may just need a break for a few days (works for me). 

Good diets for men usually consist of sources of protein, but try to limit red meat. Mixed nuts are a great idea. As for the rest of your diet, fatty or fried foods may be trouble, while fresh fruit and veggies are a great idea for your overall health. Males also need zinc. Zinc helps the body produce proteins but also enzymes that help support your immune system function, and is an antioxidant. Foods like Chickpeas, Lamb, Cocoa/Chocolate, Cashews, Yogurt/Yoghurt, Spinach, Mushrooms, etc are reasonably high in Zinc content. 

Even relaxed exercise - going for a walk or swim - is enough. Also, try not to stress yourself out over this, you're young so I don't think you need ED drugs at all. Stress can be a major player in affecting libido, so take some time to relax and take care of yourself and your mental well being. Smoke some weed, if that helps you to chill. 

Edited January 19, 2019 by Filthpig69

[Guest]

Although I am not a medical professional and I do not profess to being a sage with sexual advice, I would echo one of the previously made comments about the overstimulization of folks today due readily accessible porn.  I am mid 40's and can see its effects.  I would think taking a break from some of that would certainly be helpful (at least mentally).

[rawfuckr]

ED drugs will make you absolutely hard and you'll be able to fuck any tight ass that's in front of you, regardless of mental state, specially on a 31 year old.

• Viagra (Sildenafil) good for 4 hours. needs empty stomach. Gives outrageous boners. Usually cheapest.
• Levitra (Vardenafil) good for 8 hours. can be had with food but takes longer. outrageous boners. can be pricey.
• Cialis (tadalafil) good for 24 hours. food just fine. normal man boners but for much longer period up to a day. can be pricey

Just try them out.