How to become a top again?

[Activiste]

Hi, guys! 

Few years ago I met a guy who later became my bf. I used to be Vers-top before netting him and did not get much pleasure when bottoming.

When we started dating it turned out he's very hung and it was really difficult to let him in. But he wanted to top me very much.  So frankly speaking first two months were difficult. But then - I realized that I can take it. But if I do I will be a total bottom

Few weeks after this conversation  we started to fuck bare and i realized that I would take his dick anytime to have his cum In my ass...

ok. We are still together after 2,5 years. We talk a lot about our sexual wishes. I want more bb with others - we are considering prep. There are other issues we talk about. But...

 

But he also wants me to top him. And I forgot how to do that  how to stay hard how to move, what to do

 

And I want to learn that again 

 

help me please! 

 

 

[topstud127]

Try with him, get comfortable, you should be able to talk each other through it, review it after, and after a few sessions, you should find your groove again. The great thing about being so open with each others is its okay to learn and teach each other and be open with your fears and insecurities. Try with him and keep going til you're both satisfied. 

[Guest PigLuke]

I've often wondered this too. I've always been bottom. My first bf all those years ago was a top and I've tended to go for older guys since I started having sex and they've been top. My dick is so sensitive too. Often wondered if getting cut would desensitise me so that I could fuck without cumming too soon. 

[fucknfeedme]

This is a tough one.  First of all there is not better feeling than being fucked and filled so I would not want to be a Top.

Second, a lot of the passion during sex comes from power exchange.  So being a good bottom you are giving up your hole to your Top Man, etc.  When you start fucking each other you lose this part of the equation. 

BBRT- fucknfeedme

[atlfukbud]

Personally, I think all men are born with the innate drive to fuck (top) -- for various reasons we may have a preference for or be more skilled at various aspects of sex, but we truly have the capacity to top and bottom equally. For example, my hubby of 20 years used to bottom for me 90% of the time, then due to some medical issues he needed to switch to topping -- so with him I mostly bottom now, but we continue to share other men who bottom together, etc. Plus, I love to take BBC from sexy black men. I feel equally powerful when I bottom or top -- the exchange of power, energy, DNA is awesome from all sides... it's more about the mindset/mental game. If you want to top, make it a fun game and enjoy the ride!

[Looking4Pozzing]

Know your situation, ever since my desire to become pozzed I have become a total bottom and lost all desire to plant my neg seed and can't get hard anymore unless its during a serious verbal session on being pozzed. But 10 years later still no luck.. Still neg

 

[Activiste]

I agree with the atlfukbud but just don't know how to change this mindset/mental game. But I guess it will happen by itself sometimes.

 

Wolfhunts — It's easy: you chase in a country with good overall healthcare system. If you really want to get the bug (the wish that I respect but don't really sympathise) then Go to Russia and you will get pozzed almost on the first date you bareback. Since "homosexual propaganda" is now officially prohibited and punished with  fine as well as something like "insulting orthodox people with your homosexuality and promisquity" is regarded as almost a crime, everybody went back to closet and there is absolutely no public discussion on STDs, testing, prevention, treatment etc.

So basically a lot of gay men do not use condoms and they just don't give a fuck to get tested.

[PhoenixGeoff]

So, excellent question!  I'm all in favor of more bottom guys being willing to top, at least now and then.  Helps sort out the imbalance a bit.

A lot of people seem to be on to the thought that this is a mental block.  I think this is quite right.  And I think there are a few ways to get around it.

First of all, look at where you get your pleasure from when you have sex.  Are you really attracted to the man you're with?  Or are you really focused on cock in your ass?  I hope you're more keyed in on your partner, because that will make you a much better lover.  But there are a lot of guys who are just all about getting fucked.  If that's you then step one is finding a guy whom you're really attracted to, whom you really want to make happy, who makes you willing to do things you wouldn't ordinarily do.

OK, so you got a hot fucking stud that you're drooling over.  Next step:  slow the fuck down.  You've got this guy...enjoy him!  Do you even remember how hot it can be just making out with a dude?  On the couch, kissing madly, hands all over each other, fully clothed?  Do you remember the excitement of the first moment you slid your hand under his shirt and felt his chest?  The art of undressing each other without stopping kissing for even a moment?  Guys...when you have that energy between you, that shit is HOT!

What I'm getting at here is the lost art of foreplay.  That brilliant moment when time stands still and you don't give a flying fuck if the rest of the world burns because there is nothing more that you want that this man, right here, in your arms, right now.  (BTW, this is why cruising in RL will ALWAYS be superior to online hookups because when you pick up in a bar, the foreplay starts right there in the bar and carries on that mad drive home where you've both got your cocks out and he's going down on you as you drive....)  Now foreplay is fucking hot in and of itself, but it also serves a very useful purpose:  it gets your dick rock fucking hard.

This brings me to step three:  ditch all of your expectations for how the night is going to play out.  If your love life resembles that badly scripted porn where you can practically hear the director going, "And now, position 2, and SWITCH! ...[20 minutes go by in position 2]... and now, position 3, and SWITCH!" then you're doing it horribly wrong.  Bring back the spontaneity!  Bring back the fucking romance!  I fucking LOVE that moment when we're in bed and we're naked and lost in each other and our hands are roaming all over each others' bodies and I haven't got a fucking clue what's going to happen next, only that it's going to be hot as fuck.

Read your partner, let him read you.  Maybe your hand wanders to his ass and starts holding his glutes with fingers sliding into his crack...maybe you feel him tending slightly and hear just the slightest moan as your fingertip brushes his hole.  And it's entirely possible you're both rock hard and neither one of you has even touched either cock yet.  Feel him out...does he want you to take charge?  Maybe be more aggressive?  Roll him over, hold him down, play with his hole (God, is there anything hotter than that beautiful cleft on a man?  Forget about fucking, assholes should be worshiped in so many different ways!)

When the time comes, you'll be ready to go. And you will enter him because being joined to him is what you want...need...more than anything else, because you've been building and building up to this moment all night long.  Your desire to invade him will crescendo.  And as you watch your cock sink inside him, you'll know there is nothing better in the world than two men joined together this way.

At this point, you're beyond thought.  Your instincts will take care of the rest.  Though take the time to gaze into his eyes as your cock is sliding in and out of him and see in his expression the intense pleasure you are giving him, especially at that instant when your own body tenses and he knows what you are giving him.

That's how you learn to top again.

(Incidentally, a big part of this is being completely willing to enjoy the scene and being OK if no-one gets off.  Sometimes that happens as we get older.  Some of the hottest sex I've had has involved me taking more of a top role, even when I couldn't get hard enough to fuck that night.  You just have to trust that with the right man, it doesn't matter what you do...you know you're going to have fun no matter what.)

On 1/16/2017 at 6:40 AM, Jacksonrw said:

I've often wondered this too. I've always been bottom. My first bf all those years ago was a top and I've tended to go for older guys since I started having sex and they've been top. My dick is so sensitive too. Often wondered if getting cut would desensitise me so that I could fuck without cumming too soon. 

Don't worry about the sensitivity.  That goes away with time, practice and experience.  All it means is that you need to have sex and take on the top role more.  It's a problem that will fix itself.

Plus I find that if I'm so turned on that I shoot too soon, I'm almost always good for another round, even at my age.  And the second time around, I always last much longer.

 

 

 

[punaman]

I have the same problem.  My b/f loves to top me but wants me to top him on occasion.  A few times it's been successful and I've had the best orgasms of my life and really feel the thrill of being a top. Other times I can fuck for a few minutes then go soft and no matter what I do, can't get it back up.  It's mental for sure, had a not so good long term relationship in the past that made me very self conscious about topping.  Wish I could get it to work every time as that is the most powerful orgasm and feeling ever. I'll never give up a cock in my ass, filling me with cum, but damn, topping orgasm is better than any blow job for sure

[PhoenixGeoff]

12 hours ago, punaman said:

I have the same problem.  My b/f loves to top me but wants me to top him on occasion.  A few times it's been successful and I've had the best orgasms of my life and really feel the thrill of being a top. Other times I can fuck for a few minutes then go soft and no matter what I do, can't get it back up.  It's mental for sure, had a not so good long term relationship in the past that made me very self conscious about topping.  Wish I could get it to work every time as that is the most powerful orgasm and feeling ever. I'll never give up a cock in my ass, filling me with cum, but damn, topping orgasm is better than any blow job for sure

My guess is you're putting too much pressure on yourself to perform.  Getting anxiety about getting it up is probably the biggest surefire boner-killer there is. 

I think the secret here is to shift your focus.  Don't worry so much about fucking.  Instead just concentrate on him.  Get thoroughly into the sex without any preconceived ideas of how it's going to proceed.  You may also find that there are certain things that get you hard and ready to fuck.  For me it's playing with a guy's hole or fucking his face.

[CubCase]

I have been a bottom most of my sexual life because I cum way too quickly to be a successful top. Whether I'm fucking ass or getting head or being jerked off - I will cum quicker than I want to and nearly momentarily when fucking a guy's ass.

My last two boyfriends were two incredibly sexy guys - one a Cuddly cub and the other a Muscle bear. Both were vers tops - mostly top.  The infrequent occasions the cub wanted to get fucked got me excited because I loved pleasing him - but I was anxious cause if he wanted dick I wished I could dick him down.  He liked to take the lubed dick with no foreplay or ass eating (which would have strengthen and extended my erection) - I did however really enjoy laying on top of him and fucking him with my thick cock (knowing that  will be pleasurable) slowly - enjoying the sound of every moan and whimper. As I get closer I take a hit or two of poppers to ward off cumming - then admit I'm close.  He would reach back and grab my thighs and start to fuck my dick saying "cum in me." When I bust my load in him he would moan "breed me deep."

The muscle bear didn't like taking it anally - but sure did love oral. although a skilled top he sucked dick like a true bottom - and he wanted it all the time. Either I was sucking him and he moved in to 69 or he would suck me.  This was again a case of wanting to give this incredible lover (and amazing top) what he wanted.  I played with poppers + to get some suitable stamina and would face fuck him - He took it and wanted more. I fucked his mouth till I shot my load down his throat. He particularly liked when I would face fuck him with his head hanging off the bed and I would lay on him with his legs spread wide sucking him hard. That's when he would say I made his throat sore - sore but still eager for more dick.

[Activiste]

On 1/21/2017 at 9:25 AM, punaman said:

I have the same problem.  My b/f loves to top me but wants me to top him on occasion.  A few times it's been successful and I've had the best orgasms of my life and really feel the thrill of being a top. Other times I can fuck for a few minutes then go soft and no matter what I do, can't get it back up.  It's mental for sure, had a not so good long term relationship in the past that made me very self conscious about topping.  Wish I could get it to work every time as that is the most powerful orgasm and feeling ever. I'll never give up a cock in my ass, filling me with cum, but damn, topping orgasm is better than any blow job for sure

Thank you so much for posting this. It is true sexual relationship are getting more narrow with time. And sex is getting close to a ritual where you obey your role. 

To get out of this ritual you have to get into another story. You are right. Thanks.