When is it more than just a fuck?

[barecubtop]

Disclaimer: I haven't dated very much, I don't have a "gay" social circle or community that I'm involved in, and I typically do "one and done" hookups or bathhouse sex. I'm also a romantic that would like to date and be in a relationship.

So, disclaimer in mind, I drove to a nearby city for a BBRT hookup this week, thinking I'd fuck this guy then go to the bathhouse there in town for the rest of the evening.  Well, the guy was hot, and instead of a 30-minute fuck and go, it turned into a 2-hour thing with at least 30-40 minutes of it just cuddling and making out and looking into each other's eyes.  So, obviously, my romantic side just lit up and went into overdrive.  I bred him, and within a couple minutes of my pulling out he got up and started washing himself up and by the time I got up and cleaned off he was dressed and ready to escort me out to my car.  He got into his car as well, saying he was off to get some groceries or something.  I was feeling pretty good, and spent, so I didn't go to the bathhouse and just got some food and drove home.

I texted him a little while later, commenting that I looked at myself in my rear-view mirror and realized how not-so-great I looked with messed up hair and such and said "no wonder you were trying to usher me out after" (meaning it as a joke, I think I added a smiley or something) and he responded "that was not my intention, my fat ass was hungry". 

Anyways, other than 1 or 2 other text messages we exchanged the next day, we haven't communicated any more.  I'm unsure about how to proceed.  And I feel like I've been in this situation before and it's always hurt me to think there is something more but that it was really just a fuck.  What's the mature way (as opposed to the teenage drama queen way) to see if he'd be interested in seeing me again?  Do I hold off and wait for him (like every other gay man waits for Mr. Right)? Do I just ask him outright (and risk him thinking, "oh God, another one of these guys")? Is there a way to ask without being weird? LOL 

Comments, thoughts, suggestions would be appreciated!

[tallslenderguy]

First off, congrats at finding someone who arroused more than your cock!  I think sometimes our sexual freedom is a double edged sword because it doesn't always (often?) provide space for some of the other stuff of relationship.  I think many of us have learned how to efficiently compartmentalize (I know I have) to get our needs met.

I know (well, for me anyway), feelings of affection for someone and the want for more can make one feel upside down, which always seems a little S/m to me lol. Anyway, you seem to have retained your head without, despite how you feel. Also, I am sorry for the fear you are experiencing about being hurt. Damn, yeah, that's just honest.  To tell the truth, I don't know if there is any way to completely avoid that possibility. I think there's always a risk to put yourself out there, the risk being, the person may not respond in kind... or worse. My thinking is to tell him how you feel and what you are thinking.  It may feel drama queen lol, but feelings can be like that (i.e., "dramatic"), no? 

I recently had an experience where I was on vacation at a gay resort and a guy approached me. He wasn't anywhere close to my type physically, so visually hot didn't play into it.  I'm a slutty bottom who'll get fucked by anyone who wants to breed, so I invited him to my room. Well, this guy ended up pushing all my buttons and turning on all my switches, and I am not just talking sex by a far stretch.  I was shocked. He kept hinting at staying and I pushed back saying "this cannot be sustained." (I doubt he had much if any idea where I was coming from or what was going on in me). Basically, I was pushing back against myself, telling myself not to feel what I was feeling. He ended up staying, and my feelings just kinda exploded despite reasonable self lol. I did end up telling him, gingerly but honestly, how I was starting to feel (I really tempered it lol). No drama, but I at least had the satisfaction of being open and honest... which strikes me as very mature and adult. He was kind, but didn't return any of it, so I figured that was that. Yesterday he messaged me saying he was thinking of me. Go figure. Sex can be clean and wham bam, nothing wham bam about romantic feelings and want, but I wouldn't shut them down for the world

[drscorpio]

How about "That was really hot the other day. Are you up for a repeat?" The sex was good, and I want more is a pretty good reason to reach out to a trick. 

The way you approached him (I looked awful. No wonder you wanted me gone.) is totally the teenage drama queen approach. Just tell him what you want (to see/fuck/breed him again). It is WAY too soon to talk about feelings or anything, but you seem to have made a good sexual connection. After you fuck a second time, ask him if he would like to get a drink or coffee some time. If he is happy to fuck you but doesn't want to hang out, then at least you are on your way to a good fuck buddy. 

[NLbear]

Agree with drscorpio. I would also try and see if he's up for a repeat. If he declines then you know he's not interested at all and it was just a once-off. If he does then you know that at least he thinks you're sexually compatible. You could just become regular FBs or something more could develop. After just one fuck date you can't tell if that's going to happen. Maybe after a few times you could say something like "Hey, I'll be in town [date]. Not really have much time but could do cup of coffee. Interested?" If he declines it doesn't necessarily means he doesn't want to see you outside the bedroom though. He may not have time. But at least you made a point you're interested in seeing him outside the bedroom. If he declines having a fuck date after that you know he thinks you're getting too close for comfort. If not, then go ahead and fuck him again and who knows what comes out of it?

[topstud127]

Sometimes a strong physical and emotional connection happens, it'll forever be a highlight, but it's not meant to be repeated or go outside the bedroom. Sounds strange, but it does happen.

[barecubtop]

On 5/12/2017 at 3:48 PM, drscorpio said:

The way you approached him (I looked awful. No wonder you wanted me gone.) is totally the teenage drama queen approach.

Yeah, I know.  :-/

 

On 5/12/2017 at 1:58 PM, tallslenderguy said:

 I think there's always a risk to put yourself out there, the risk being, the person may not respond in kind... or worse.

Yep.  Adulting sucks.  LOL.

 

@drscorpio, @NLbear, @tallslenderguy, I appreciate your suggestions/comments.  I have texted with this guy since I posted and it seems as though we're both interested in another sexual encounter and possibly more.  We've left it so far at letting each other know when we are free next.  

[drscorpio]

15 minutes ago, barecubtop said:

I have texted with this guy since I posted and it seems as though we're both interested in another sexual encounter and possibly more.  We've left it so far at letting each other know when we are free next.  

Great news - good luck!

[Guest GoodExercise]

It is more than just a fuck when the boy tells you that he wants you to knock him up.  

[tallslenderguy]

2 hours ago, barecubtop said:

Yeah, I know.  :-/

 

Yep.  Adulting sucks.  LOL.

 

@drscorpio, @NLbear, @tallslenderguy, I appreciate your suggestions/comments.  I have texted with this guy since I posted and it seems as though we're both interested in another sexual encounter and possibly more.  We've left it so far at letting each other know when we are free next.  

Yeah dear barecubtop, 

But your willingness, courage and humility to open up, be vulnerable and discuss this is so very mature.  You're awesome man, way beyond teenaged drama queen.  Sure, you might experience some of that, but a person stuck in drama queen mode would not exhibit all the other mature and contemplative stuff you have.

I hope the connections between you end up reflecting mutual beauty. 

[RotzBBengel]

2 hours ago, barecubtop said:

I have texted with this guy since I posted and it seems as though we're both interested in another sexual encounter and possibly more.  We've left it so far at letting each other know when we are free next.  

 @barecubtop : So good to hear!  I've got a good feeling about this!

Just don't jump the gun - if he enjoys being with you as much as you do being with him, he'll put two and two together sooner or later. Just enjoy your time together and see what comes from it. But please give him the time to make this realization on his own - that way he won't feel rushed or pressured...

1 hour ago, GoodExercise said:

It is more than just a fuck when the boy tells you that he wants you to knock him up.  

@GoodExercise : As if you hadn't knocked him up anyway...  

                         First rule of good parenting: don't give the boy what he wants, give the boy what he needs...  (preferably hard and deep)