Ready to Throw in the Cum Towel

[Rawdawg13]

     Where was I the day that memo went out?  And how come nobody told me when I got back??  Using the internet as a hook up devise was supposed to make the act thereof a lot more easier.   But it does not.  It was supposed to

     Where was I the day that memo went out?  And how come nobody told me when I got back??  Using the internet as a hook up devise was supposed to make the act thereof a lot more easier.   But it does not.  It was supposed to make it more convenient.  But it does not.  Right now, at this very moment I"m supposed to have more dick coming (...insert that joke here..) my way than I can handle.  I should have a couple of dicks for every orifice, four dicks on deck, plus a line of dicks that trails out of my house and then down the block.  But I do not.   Instead, I have carpel tunnel syndrome,  a boner and not one goddamn STD!  So what gives??

     Given the fact that there are multiple sites dedicated to this very thing was enough to make me believe it was easier.  There are a multiple sites for a multitude of interests.  There are sites for bare backing, sites for polys, sites for long term monogamous (...said quickly under a cough "doesn't exist!!") relationship hook ups...hell there are even still sites dedicated to just hooking up with no flavor at all.  Yeah, I'm taking to you Adam4Adam.  But it seems that the more specialized you get, the harder it becomes, and that within itself is counterintuitive.  You would think that as you get closer and closer to those who share your interests, you eliminate those who aren't and that would be easier.  But it does not.  

     I remember a time when the only real guarantee of a possible hook up was on Friday and Saturday nights at this thing called a bar.  Thats a place where old people used to go drink.   At these given times it would be especially crowded and boys were cruisin' everywhere.  And unless, god forbid, there was a drag show ("..that bitch really thinks she looks like Madonna...") you were getting laid.  Plus it all happened in real time.   I thought with the internet it would be happy hour 24 hours a day.  But its not.  You literally have a hook up life line thrown out against the winds every hour of everyday.  I should have a dick an hour.  But I don't.  Don't even do the math adding a smartphone into the equation.....anytime, anywhere....they got an app for that.  Using GPS technology, we even know exactly where they are when its hook up time (...but his profile says he is a bottom who hates kittens, so its not gonna work... )    

     Why?  Is it because we're able to hide behind these screens and thusly become monsters.   We reduce ourselves to our own lowest common denominator....a screen name (nightdepositbox13) and a profile pic.  I've been lied to.  I've been ghosted, which is nothing at all like what Patrick Swayze did to Demi Moore...not even close.  I've been shamed.  I swear on the life of Bette Midler  this happened.  I had been playing e-mail tag with a boy for a few days and finally the stars aligned and we were able to make a date.  I did the three Ss (shit, shower, shave) and got dressed.  I texted him, per his request, that I was about to leave.  He replied suggesting we trade pics which was cool with me, I have no reason to worry.   I hate it when people act conceited, so let me say it like this...I'm not ugly, far from it...I know this and don't dwell on it and I'm grateful, so thank you universe.  Besides, I'm a gay man..I would know if I was ugly!  The millisecond I hit send he replied 'No offense but don't come, its not you, you're attractive, no chemistry" which obviously reads "Be offended and don't come, its you, you're ugly, no chemistry".   Which by the way, just in case he even comes remotely close to reading this let me say this "Just for the record...Honey, it was I who were swapping down, not you, it was I,  and just so you know, and just so your children know....that was the night the lights went out—",  ok never mind, you get it.  I know that I can not take something like that personally.  I don't know his life.  Maybe his boyfriend showed up unexpectedly and he just needed to shut me down.  Maybe the third in his polyamorous triad just tested positive....with pregnancy and he needed me to just go away.   Or maybe he just didn't like the way my face was shaped.

     But its not just him.  Its the way its all structured that does my head in.  Someone will be online not looking and not able to host, but the next time they will offline looking and able to host (?), or they've changed from a top to a bottom not looking to host a host thats looking to not look. Its to much!!  Then there is always the mother fucker who messages you, you message back, they message you, you message back, then they cease to exist in the known universe.   Thats always fun and cool.  I suppose the long list of shitty ways to treat other could go on and on…

     If I’m dissecting this frog correctly, I must dissect the whole frog….so maybe its me.   After all, I am the least common denominator in all this.  I’m the constant.  I’m the one and only person who is present during all transactions.  Is it the way I carry my "digital self" (thats not a sex toy, btw, but I wish that it were..)?  Am I offensive, am I to aloof, am I to eager?  I don't fucking know.  Maybe I just have shitty luck?  Maybe its just the way things are right now.  Maybe its about to change?  Maybe, maybe, maybe....I've had it up to here (points at sky) with the maybes.  I know one thing for certain.  If people would  be nice and genuine as they would be if other people were in the same room, I wouldn't be sitting here having to bitch about it...I'd be somewhere with a nice 10 inch dick up my ass and a smile on my face.  I also know people who hook up online all the time, so its not impossible.   I know its happening.

     My partner and I opened our 8 year relationship up five months ago.  We had talked about it since day one as we both don’t believe in monogamy and well…it was just time.   Unbeknownst to me, our relationship had already been opened,  but only on one end, on several occasions.  And while yes, I do wish I could have been included in the memo and been allowed the same liberties he had, I couldn’t hold it against him for something I understood.  I was not losing my best friend,  best lover,  and only but still the best fiancé I’ve ever had over this.  So I made the decision for us that this time we were opening it up.  It was a natural step designed to follow a natural progression while at the same time helping to keep us more honest and open.  And its been beautiful.  We’ve grown closer.  Our personal sex life has grown exponentially and we’ve shared a few hot times.  He has no problem hooking up at all.  At  our local cruise bar he will have caught three dicks by the time I’ve made three loops through the bar.  He is amazing.  And he scores online too, but even he admits that its not as easy as it should be.  (But he still scores!)

      So since our local bathhouse is now closed and hanging out in bars is not appealing at all, that leaves me right back where I started.  The fucking internet.  Not using it means removing even the chance of hooking up, and thats a sucky option.  If its truly the way I interact with  people then I need to figure out what it is.  I have an idea.  Lets say that no matter what I’m asked my answer will always be “Can I cum in your mouth?”.  You can’t mistake that for anything other than it is.  Even if I’m asked “Are you available tonight?”  I’ll reply “Can I come in your mouth?”.   “What do you get into?”, “Can I come in your mouth?”.   “Wanna have a threesome?”, “Can I come in your mouth“.  I think this might work.   Besides,  it makes about as much sense as anything else!

make it more convenient.  But it does not.  Right now, at this very moment I"m supposed to have more dick coming (...insert that joke here..) my way than I can handle.  I should have a couple of dicks for every orifice, four dicks on deck, plus a line of dicks that trails out of my house and then down the block.  But I do not.   Instead, I have carpel tunnel syndrome,  a boner and not one goddamn STD!  So what gives??

     Given the fact that there are multiple sites dedicated to this very thing was enough to make me believe it was easier.  There are a multiple sites for a multitude of interests.  There are sites for bare backing, sites for polys, sites for long term monogamous (...said quickly under a cough "doesn't exist!!") relationship hook ups...hell there are even still sites dedicated to just hooking up with no flavor at all.  Yeah, I'm taking to you Adam4Adam.  But it seems that the more specialized you get, the harder it becomes, and that within itself is counterintuitive.  You would think that as you get closer and closer to those who share your interests, you eliminate those who aren't and that would be easier.  But it does not.  

     I remember a time when the only real guarantee of a possible hook up was on Friday and Saturday nights at this thing called a bar.  Thats a place where old people used to go drink.   At these given times it would be especially crowded and boys were cruisin' everywhere.  And unless, god forbid, there was a drag show ("..that bitch really thinks she looks like Madonna...") you were getting laid.  Plus it all happened in real time.   I thought with the internet it would be happy hour 24 hours a day.  But its not.  You literally have a hook up life line thrown out against the winds every hour of everyday.  I should have a dick an hour.  But I don't.  Don't even do the math adding a smartphone into the equation.....anytime, anywhere....they got an app for that.  Using GPS technology, we even know exactly where they are when its hook up time (...but his profile says he is a bottom who hates kittens, so its not gonna work... )    

     Why?  Is it because we're able to hide behind these screens and thusly become monsters.   We reduce ourselves to our own lowest common denominator....a screen name (nightdepositbox13) and a profile pic.  I've been lied to.  I've been ghosted, which is nothing at all like what Patrick Swayze did to Demi Moore...not even close.  I've been shamed.  I swear on the life of Bette Midler  this happened.  I had been playing e-mail tag with a boy for a few days and finally the stars aligned and we were able to make a date.  I did the three Ss (shit, shower, shave) and got dressed.  I texted him, per his request, that I was about to leave.  He replied suggesting we trade pics which was cool with me, I have no reason to worry.   I hate it when people act conceited, so let me say it like this...I'm not ugly, far from it...I know this and don't dwell on it and I'm grateful, so thank you universe.  Besides, I'm a gay man..I would know if I was ugly!  The millisecond I hit send he replied 'No offense but don't come, its not you, you're attractive, no chemistry" which obviously reads "Be offended and don't come, its you, you're ugly, no chemistry".   Which by the way, just in case he even comes remotely close to reading this let me say this "Just for the record...Honey, it was I who were swapping down, not you, it was I,  and just so you know, and just so your children know....that was the night the lights went out—",  ok never mind, you get it.  I know that I can not take something like that personally.  I don't know his life.  Maybe his boyfriend showed up unexpectedly and he just needed to shut me down.  Maybe the third in his polyamorous triad just tested positive....with pregnancy and he needed me to just go away.   Or maybe he just didn't like the way my face was shaped.

     But its not just him.  Its the way its all structured that does my head in.  Someone will be online not looking and not able to host, but the next time they will offline looking and able to host (?), or they've changed from a top to a bottom not looking to host a host thats looking to not look. Its to much!!  Then there is always the mother fucker who messages you, you message back, they message you, you message back, then they cease to exist in the known universe.   Thats always fun and cool.  I suppose the long list of shitty ways to treat other could go on and on…

     If I’m dissecting this frog correctly, I must dissect the whole frog….so maybe its me.   After all, I am the least common denominator in all this.  I’m the constant.  I’m the one and only person who is present during all transactions.  Is it the way I carry my "digital self" (thats not a sex toy, btw, but I wish that it were..)?  Am I offensive, am I to aloof, am I to eager?  I don't fucking know.  Maybe I just have shitty luck?  Maybe its just the way things are right now.  Maybe its about to change?  Maybe, maybe, maybe....I've had it up to here (points at sky) with the maybes.  I know one thing for certain.  If people would  be nice and genuine as they would be if other people were in the same room, I wouldn't be sitting here having to bitch about it...I'd be somewhere with a nice 10 inch dick up my ass and a smile on my face.  I also know people who hook up online all the time, so its not impossible.   I know its happening.

     My partner and I opened our 8 year relationship up five months ago.  We had talked about it since day one as we both don’t believe in monogamy and well…it was just time.   Unbeknownst to me, our relationship had already been opened,  but only on one end, on several occasions.  And while yes, I do wish I could have been included in the memo and been allowed the same liberties he had, I couldn’t hold it against him for something I understood.  I was not losing my best friend,  best lover,  and only but still the best fiancé I’ve ever had over this.  So I made the decision for us that this time we were opening it up.  It was a natural step designed to follow a natural progression while at the same time helping to keep us more honest and open.  And its been beautiful.  We’ve grown closer.  Our personal sex life has grown exponentially and we’ve shared a few hot times.  He has no problem hooking up at all.  At  our local cruise bar he will have caught three dicks by the time I’ve made three loops through the bar.  He is amazing.  And he scores online too, but even he admits that its not as easy as it should be.  (But he still scores!)

      So since our local bathhouse is now closed and hanging out in bars is not appealing at all, that leaves me right back where I started.  The fucking internet.  Not using it means removing even the chance of hooking up, and thats a sucky option.  If its truly the way I interact with  people then I need to figure out what it is.  I have an idea.  Lets say that no matter what I’m asked my answer will always be “Can I cum in your mouth?”.  You can’t mistake that for anything other than it is.  Even if I’m asked “Are you available tonight?”  I’ll reply “Can I come in your mouth?”.   “What do you get into?”, “Can I come in your mouth?”.   “Wanna have a threesome?”, “Can I come in your mouth“.  I think this might work.   Besides,  it makes about as much sense as anything else!

Edited May 17, 2017 by kimhore

[bootmandc]

AMEN!  AMEN!  AMEN!  Say it again and preach it to the heavens.  Net killed the fun.  I could add more rants and raves, but your post lays it all out pretty well.  

[tallslenderguy]

"nightdepositbox13"  lmao

I think your hitting on a lot of the hazards of 'online meeting.'  There's not social accountability with online. If your at a bar, bathhouse, gay beach (any place in person), it's pretty much impossible ghost someone. Looks is not a factor because you wouldn't even start the chat if that part isn't right. There's just so much more you can pull when you have the super power of invisibility. 

Another thing that happens with online is multi tasking. I've had many occasions where you get several people voicing interest all at once... but there's no que like at the DMV, where would be fuckers can take a number and wait their turn.  Then there's the whole coordination thing of who wants firsts and who wants seconds.

Then there is the age thing. If I'm on a dating site, looking for any possibility of relationship, then I am honest about my age. If I'm on a strictly hook up site, I lie and state the age I can get away with (that's getting harder and harder lol). It is definitely easier for me to hook up in person, where my age isn't plastered next to my ass.   Most sites even offer friendly search applications where you can completely eliminate undesirable > 40 year olds.  You may be a total hottie, but a lot of guys will not look past the age number when online.

 

[einathens]

i know exactly what you're going through. it sucks to be a grown man in a world  taken over by children and their toys. I'm 51 and sane in a town where everyone else is 21 and psycho. 

hookup apps have made potential meetings easier. and that has spoiled a lot of guys. the anonymity has also made boorish behavior safer. the overabundance of options can bring out the worst. instead of being happy and proud that there are so many of us out there, it has given rise to the ability to immediately cross people off the list for any reason, or for none.

back in my day, all a gay man needed for success was big blue eyes, cocksucker cheekbones and a black turtleneck sweater. fortunately, I had all three. also I'm freakishly overendowed and had a traffic-stopping backside, but that's another story for another time.

you're in New Orleans. if it's anything like it was when I lived there, there's sleaze aplenty when you want it. also a vibrant adult gay culture, and plenty of ways for grown folk to meet.

my advice? put down the phone and venture outside. grab a po' at the Nellie Deli, sit in the park and enjoy the view. then maybe volunteer at a charity, join a book club, cruise the aisles at the hardware store, or do any of the things gay men used to do to meet other gay men back in the day before this accursed interweb ruined sex.

[Rawdawg13]

Grab a po at the Nellie Dellie!!  I know you are from here!  When did you live here.  The nelly deli survived "da stourm of '05".  You wouldn't believe what the bathhouse is now...fucking condos.  That just shut down about a year ago....thanks for the advice, all of yall!!  I just wanna be a slut, is that to much to ask??

[NLbear]

It's all true in kimhore's original topic. However, two years ago I moved from a big(ger) city to a small town (not by choice). There are no gay bars, cruising areas, saunas or gay organisations/clubs (like book clubs etc.) here. So if you're horny and want quick sex those are not an option. Online is the only possibility here. Unfortunately. But it works so far, with a lot of hits and misses though.

I do miss cruising in the park. Or going to a bar and cruise the crowd. Although now that I am older I'd probably wouldn't get as many connects there as in the past. But it would still be horny.

Oh well, this is how it is now. Better get used to it. Guys in bigger cities can probably still go the old fashioned way and cruise. For many in smaller towns or more remote areas that option has all but disappeared.

[Guest]

I love and hate the internet and phone app sites all at the same time.  Phone apps have lead to some very hot and sleazy quick last minute breeding sessions that wouldn't have happened without the technology, but also many hours of wasted time home alone on a gorgeous day with my cock in my hand searching and searching.  For me, it cums and goes in phases for sure.  And when you get in a funk from a protracted dry spell it seems hard to get out of it's so frustrating.  Up until a month ago I was in that phase, getting cancelled on by regulars and getting ghosted by new guys.  I don't have depression, but I honestly felt like I was feeling it from all the rejection.  I think on the hookuup sites, the grass is always greener with the next click and everyone is always looking for the perfect match.  The past month, I've definitely switched into a "wet" spell.  I odn't know what changed - spring fever maybe - no explanation.  But all of a sudden I'm fucking all I want again.  Saturday morning I woke up horny, hopped on bbrt, felt like I was wasting time talking to mostly party boys where nothing was gonna cum of it, then this muscle daddy bottom I've bred a few times showed up to me (originally met off grindr), and within an hour I was breeding him and swallowing his load.  Next day I was invited to a safe sex party.  I ended up breeding a latin kid in the sling there.  Last night I just got home from work.  It was 7:40 and this guy I've fucked a few times (met off manhunt several years ago) but only a few times text me and asked if I could fuck him this evening.  I popped a viagra and by 8:30 he was ass up on my bed.  Tonight I supposedly have two muscular visiting guys coming over - one off bbrt, one off grindr - I would never have the balls to go for these guys in person - I feel like they're "out of my league", but both seem very into it.  Both totally vers.  The way things were going a month ago I would have felt like it wouldn't end up happening, but the way the past few weeks have gone, I feel pretty confident we're all gonna end the night with empty nuts and full wet assloads.

You said yourself your partner hooks up frequently - I say keep on working it and try not to get too discouraged.  This is the way it happens now, and the wet spell could start today - the initial connection is most likely gonna start from a hookup site, but definitely keep those connections.  I often just hop on specifically looking for someone I've hooked up with before.  I know if they look like their pics, and I know they're legit and will show up.  I have some guys I just play with once a year, last year had a young guy I was playing with one on one and groups almost every week, but starting Jan 1st I can't get him back.  Very frustrating, but not being too pushy.  Have a feeling we'll reconnect in the future, but no idea what happened, or what's going on on his end.

I do miss the days of hooking up in bars or in the park though.  You could see right in front of you if they look good, and sexual chemistry is pretty obvious in person.  But overall I think I embrace the internet and apps.  I've had hotter, sleazier sex thanks to hookup sites for sure.  Guys are less inhibited to admit what they're into online than they would in a bar.  I've never had anyone tell me in a bar they are hoping to get 10 loads in the ass by the end of the night, but it happens online, and if I'm into them I'll help with their goal   If you're just 5 months of being "open", I say keep working it, and once you make a connection, keep them in the loop for repeats and hopefully meet their other fuckbuds if you're into 3ways or more.  Having said ALL that, you said you are good looking, and that's not the problem.  I am 52, and my body is in the best shape of my life right now.  I still get frustrated that I can't get exactly who I want when I log on.  I might be trying to get some muscleboy, and meanwhile my messages are blowing up with more average looking guys that would most likely be ready and waiting for me or throw me a good fuck when I need it.   I am just as guilty of looking where the grass is greener, and I think most of us do that.  Bottom line - that's the way it works now even if it's frustrating.  No need to throw in the towel - there is so much hot bareback sex going on now that there wasn't 10-15-20 years ago.  Keep hunting, and keep those legit connections you do make and text them when you're horny!!

[Guest GoodExercise]

Come to Chicago.  Steamworks and Mans Country beckon.

[Rawdawg13]

2 hours ago, GoodExercise said:

Come to Chicago.  Steamworks and Mans Country beckon.

I used to come to Chicago every five days with a 15 hr layover and a hotel room right off michigan.  It was awesome.  I was at Steamworks all the time.  I miss bathhouses....ours here in New Orleans (the most kinky, depraved cities in the world!) was turned into shitty condos...hell we had two for a while.  Someone could make a killing here opening a new one.  With the locals you have an already built in, bankable customer base, then with all the tourist...you'd have money coming out of your asshole (or into it depending on how you look at it).  I wish I had the capital...

[barecubtop]

4 hours ago, justsexnowatl said:

I love and hate the internet and phone app sites all at the same time.  Phone apps have lead to some very hot and sleazy quick last minute breeding sessions that wouldn't have happened without the technology, but also many hours of wasted time home alone on a gorgeous day with my cock in my hand searching and searching.  For me, it cums and goes in phases for sure.  And when you get in a funk from a protracted dry spell it seems hard to get out of it's so frustrating.  Up until a month ago I was in that phase, getting cancelled on by regulars and getting ghosted by new guys.  I don't have depression, but I honestly felt like I was feeling it from all the rejection.  I think on the hookuup sites, the grass is always greener with the next click and everyone is always looking for the perfect match. 

I think this perfectly sums up a lot of my feelings as well.  The love/hate relationship with the internet and apps, the occasional hot and sleazy hookups that keep me coming back for more, the hours wasted while browsing, the funks and frustration, the ghosting, and rejection. 

 

6 hours ago, NLbear said:

However, two years ago I moved from a big(ger) city to a small town (not by choice). There are no gay bars, cruising areas, saunas or gay organisations/clubs (like book clubs etc.) here. So if you're horny and want quick sex those are not an option. Online is the only possibility here. Unfortunately. But it works so far, with a lot of hits and misses though.

I am in a similar situation, moving from a bigger city to a smaller one an hour away for a graduate program.  You'd think being in a college town in the US would provide more opportunities and a variety of good sex, but it seems the younger guys (and I'm saying this as a 34-year old) are getting meaner and meaner in terms of their hiding behind the anonymity of the internet and being able to get away with saying whatever they want.  I sometimes wish I could track them down and just give them a good hard slap across the face with a, "did your parents/guardians teach you anything about manners?" or "karma is a bitch and she's gonna knock you on your ass later".  LOL  That being said, I've always been one to use the internet as I was never much into drinking or the bar scene, so I can't reminisce about the "old days" of bar or park cruising like some on here. 

Fortunately, I am only an hour away from that bigger city I used to live in, and I can get down there for some hookups and some bathhouse fun occasionally.  I'm also about a 2-hour drive or train ride from Chicago, which is always a nice fun escape (Steamworks...so much fun). 

So, yes, the internet can be frustrating at times, and great at times also.  As for the big city/small city thing...I think we'll run into the same thing everywhere we go.  The benefits of a bigger city, for those of us on a site like this, is that it will have bathhouses, sex clubs/groups, more special interest groups (piss play, leather, etc...) and perhaps more men that are actively looking for raw sex and are willing to state it on their profiles.  But the "always looking for the next best dick/ass" thing is universal, no matter what city size.  I've run into it here in the small city I'm living in now...the guys I fucked the first year I lived here don't even chat with me anymore, but they're on the sites/apps looking for guys "new to them". 

To the original poster, don't throw in the towel yet.  If the local scene isn't doing much for you, maybe try to plan to get out of town for a weekend and have some fun (if scheduling and finances allow).  Or mix up your profile pics to get people to look at it with new eyes.  Or try to form your own regular bb play party with guys that you have been with before. 

[einathens]

@kimhore: 

I was around in '96-7. lived in midcity down by Jesuit, across from mona's. worked in the quilt gallery across from tujague's.  left enough dna and braincells in the quarter, the porn theater on tulane and upstairs at phoenix to clone the village of the damned.  

it was a great time and place to be a total slut. and I did it without a cellphone.

[Guest Upstateguy518]

I feel the same for those "hook up" apps and yet the guys on it either want a relationship or never respond to messages. It's a joke. It should not be this complicated lol

[Rawdawg13]

9 hours ago, einathens said:

@kimhore: 

I was around in '96-7. lived in midcity down by Jesuit, across from mona's. worked in the quilt gallery across from tujague's.  left enough dna and braincells in the quarter, the porn theater on tulane and upstairs at phoenix to clone the village of the damned.  

it was a great time and place to be a total slut. and I did it without a cellphone.

OMG!  I just snorted water through my nose.  Thats fucking hilarious!!  lol  The fuckin Village of the mother fuckin damned!!  Yes indeed!  Thanks I needed that.  Hell, thanks to everyone.  Something about this fuckin website is very cathartic.  I guess actually its not the site, its yall.  Its us.  (Its not the computer, after all.)  Someone always seems to get it and it always makes me feel better.  OK....thats enough, I'm gonna shut-up before I make myself vomit!  Me no like sappy!  If we could get everyone on this website in the same room, well first of all god and Heaven help the poor person hosting that party, it would just be crazy awesome.  Maybe we could just move to our own island!  Hell in our current political climate...we might have too!!

[bootmandc]

On 5/18/2017 at 11:20 PM, kimhore said:

  If we could get everyone on this website in the same room, well first of all god and Heaven help the poor person hosting that party, it would just be crazy awesome.  Maybe we could just move to our own island!  Hell in our current political climate...we might have too!!

Sign me up for the party AND the island!  Agree, we may have too hide for cover before long.

[Guest]

On 5/18/2017 at 7:02 PM, Guest Upstateguy518 said:

I feel the same for those "hook up" apps and yet the guys on it either want a relationship or never respond to messages. It's a joke. It should not be this complicated lol

I just stick to the Bathouses, and now got into Nude beaches, and its true in my 50's, gets more challenging, to make good hook -ups online.  I don't feel I am going to quite the lifestyle abruptly, yet, sex with other men, will slowly decrease.