Tell Me Your Thoughts On Hookup Sites/Apps & Finding Sex

[Guest alwaysready]

one of my bbrt accounts was closed. no explanation. so I wrote and asked for one. seems fair to me

[PhoenixGeoff]

I don't do the hookup sites and apps much at all these days because of my frustration with them. 

1) There's the "Facebook FOMO" effect they encourage.  They put out this idea that all of this sex is happening out there except for you.  The reality is that no-one is probably hooking up online as much as you think they are.  But because you think it's happening, the whole thing seems to end up making you frustrated.  This site kinda does it too (everyone posts about their hot hookup, no-one posts about the other nights sitting at home watching TV).  In fact, I don't think there's a way of solving this problem except to shut down the sex sites and the internet altogether, which I've been doing more and more lately.

2) Hookup sites and apps, especially those geared towards barebacking, seem infested with drug use.  Which isn't a problem if that's your thing.  And maybe that's where the money is to be made, in which case, cater to the partiers like Nasty Kink Pigs does.  But that's a really annoying thing for people who don't do drugs, and that's a really dangerous thing for people like me, who have had drug problems that we're battling.  Plus, no judgment, but many people who party will lie about their drug use if it will get them laid.  So self reporting is not sufficient.  So I stay away.  I'm not sure how you fix that either.

3) People use hookup sites for more than hooking up.  Starting with fantasies and masturbation fodder.  Or they might be thinking about hooking up, but maybe just going to bed also sounds good.  In other words, how do you ensure that everyone online is actually ready and willing to have sex?  Again, BBRT and other sites try to do this by flagging a status, but, again, people are really crappy at self-reporting.

4) All of the sites have a habit of leaving people logged in for a long time after they're actually gone IRL.  The sites benefit by being able to inflate their "active" figures, and the users like it because, even if someone messaged them hours ago while they were gone, they still get that little dopamine hit of attention being paid.  But for messengers, it leads to questions of "Is this guy blowing me off?  Or is he just away?"  Plus, people online will just leave conversations abruptly in a way that would be completely rude in real life.  The conversation will be going great and you're getting ready to head out, then *poof* he vanishes.  What happened?  Who can say? 

5) Liars generally.  Not naming names, but I happen to know people who have not updated their pics on BBRT in over 15 years.  Or there's the cousin of liars:  marketing.  Morbidly obese men giving themselves "linebacker builds."  "Boys" who are old enough to be grandfathers.  Pictures taken through so much vaseline on the lens and artistic mood lighting and photoshopping that it's sometimes hard to tell if you're supposed to be fucking an actual human.  Not to mention guys who have be 35 for at least the last two decades.

How do you fix all this?  I've got no fucking clue.  For a while I thought some kind of review system might help, but the reality is that that would rapidly turn into a raging morass of bitchy queens all throwing shade like rampaging divas.  Although maybe a way of sending someone a private anonymous message might give someone the opportunity to give a gentle nudge to correct some shady behavior.

So my current solution is this:  I go out.  I meet people.  I go to sex parties (carefully selected, where I know that drugs aren't welcome...again, that's my weakness so no judgment if that's your thing).  I do things like game nights and having people over to dinner and hiking and so forth and that often turns into FWB.  Which is a lot healthier.

The internet promises us that you can do human relationships more efficiently, like ordering a book from Amazon.  Up 'til now, that has proven to be a lie, albeit a seductive one.  I doubt it'll ever be as good as the real thing, although, sadly, enough people may find it to be "good enough."  I've known people on FB (which I have also quit outright) who are like that.  But if you think you can get it right, then more power to you.

Good luck!

Edited November 21, 2017 by PhoenixGeoff

[PHXbottomguy]

well said PhoenixGeoff!  you call it like it is.

[FFun2BB]

On 07/09/2017 at 10:07 PM, concerned1 said:

I got fed up of Grindr and despised it so much, to the point that I ended up deleting it and not looking back. Hate that app so much. The overwhelming majority of guys on there are time wasters and pic collectors, however I have had a number of meets from Grindr which turned out to be really good fucks. But I'm glad to be rid of Grindr. 95% or more of the guys on there just like to see pics and not go beyond that. Shame.

The majority of the sex I have, is obtained in the bathhouses. Sometimes I like to use male escorts for their services (and the occasional female escort, too!). 

Also, once every now and then I will go cruising in public places, such as parks or woodland areas which are known for being gay cruising grounds (such as Hampstead Heath here in the UK, for example).

 

 

 

On 07/09/2017 at 10:17 PM, JakeTurner said:

Yeah, I wish there was more sex in public spaces here in NYC.

Not sure if it's just all the competition from the new PrEPsters for loads, or if it's me getting older (and tops want younger bottoms), but it seems I don't do as well on either hookup websites or apps as I once did (not that I ever did that much on apps). I'll send messages to guy who show as "online" and they don't read them for hours. Or I'll unlock for a bunch of guys and fewer of them get back to me. Maybe that's the sites exaggerating who's actually online, but the end result is not much dick. 

So yeah, I also just go straight to sex parties, bathhouses, etc. But that isn't an ideal solution much of the time. Wish there were reliable places near me where I could go out and get fucked 24/7. 

 

On 08/09/2017 at 2:12 AM, bbboffer said:

Grindr or Growlr. A4A  are a waste land all players no one serious  bbrt never had a hookup yet   only place is bar or bathhouse and of course craigslist is still hot for me  cause i can host and there are so many married cheating guys on there that are always horny for a cock or ass  and so fucking many go bare its unbelievable

these are simply three out of many opinions I share ... 

I find that the apps appear to be great and when staying in a hotel, everybody wants to see who is near by etc.. 

what these apps are missing - in my view - is the chance to get to know the other persons LIKES and WANTS ... 

how on earth does someone from one pic know IF the other person is into the same things... that is why I prefer to meet via websites like this one... where I can look at a proper profile, read about preferences etc... can chat properly with the other person!

what is wrong with most guys one meets on these apps:

- so many are fakes.. in a chat they WANT IT ALL but fail to deliver or run, when you meet up and want to give it to them ...

- many have lost the ability to ENJOY SEX... they are with you but already check their apps for the next date - seriously ?! 

- too many are after quantity rather than QUALITY

 

I love Saunas and real places, as you see what you get, can move on if one doesnt click but meeting ONLINE has the advantage to meet a "Lid to ones Pot" if one is more into specifics like raw cocks, fisting, piss, raunch etc.... 

 

so to answer the original question of  this chat-forum - what WE ALL WANT from a great app, would be an app, where people have a proper profile, can be rated as known or real, where one can put in more than simply age, hight, weight, and pic ... 

where one can show what one is really after ... 

 

 

 

[Guest nelly26]

On 11/21/2017 at 2:05 AM, PhoenixGeoff said:

I don't do the hookup sites and apps much at all these days because of my frustration with them. 

1) There's the "Facebook FOMO" effect they encourage.  They put out this idea that all of this sex is happening out there except for you.  The reality is that no-one is probably hooking up online as much as you think they are.  But because you think it's happening, the whole thing seems to end up making you frustrated.  This site kinda does it too (everyone posts about their hot hookup, no-one posts about the other nights sitting at home watching TV).  In fact, I don't think there's a way of solving this problem except to shut down the sex sites and the internet altogether, which I've been doing more and more lately.

2) Hookup sites and apps, especially those geared towards barebacking, seem infested with drug use.  Which isn't a problem if that's your thing.  And maybe that's where the money is to be made, in which case, cater to the partiers like Nasty Kink Pigs does.  But that's a really annoying thing for people who don't do drugs, and that's a really dangerous thing for people like me, who have had drug problems that we're battling.  Plus, no judgment, but many people who party will lie about their drug use if it will get them laid.  So self reporting is not sufficient.  So I stay away.  I'm not sure how you fix that either.

3) People use hookup sites for more than hooking up.  Starting with fantasies and masturbation fodder.  Or they might be thinking about hooking up, but maybe just going to bed also sounds good.  In other words, how do you ensure that everyone online is actually ready and willing to have sex?  Again, BBRT and other sites try to do this by flagging a status, but, again, people are really crappy at self-reporting.

4) All of the sites have a habit of leaving people logged in for a long time after they're actually gone IRL.  The sites benefit by being able to inflate their "active" figures, and the users like it because, even if someone messaged them hours ago while they were gone, they still get that little dopamine hit of attention being paid.  But for messengers, it leads to questions of "Is this guy blowing me off?  Or is he just away?"  Plus, people online will just leave conversations abruptly in a way that would be completely rude in real life.  The conversation will be going great and you're getting ready to head out, then *poof* he vanishes.  What happened?  Who can say? 

5) Liars generally.  Not naming names, but I happen to know people who have not updated their pics on BBRT in over 15 years.  Or there's the cousin of liars:  marketing.  Morbidly obese men giving themselves "linebacker builds."  "Boys" who are old enough to be grandfathers.  Pictures taken through so much vaseline on the lens and artistic mood lighting and photoshopping that it's sometimes hard to tell if you're supposed to be fucking an actual human.  Not to mention guys who have be 35 for at least the last two decades.

How do you fix all this?  I've got no fucking clue.  For a while I thought some kind of review system might help, but the reality is that that would rapidly turn into a raging morass of bitchy queens all throwing shade like rampaging divas.  Although maybe a way of sending someone a private anonymous message might give someone the opportunity to give a gentle nudge to correct some shady behavior.

So my current solution is this:  I go out.  I meet people.  I go to sex parties (carefully selected, where I know that drugs aren't welcome...again, that's my weakness so no judgment if that's your thing).  I do things like game nights and having people over to dinner and hiking and so forth and that often turns into FWB.  Which is a lot healthier.

The internet promises us that you can do human relationships more efficiently, like ordering a book from Amazon.  Up 'til now, that has proven to be a lie, albeit a seductive one.  I doubt it'll ever be as good as the real thing, although, sadly, enough people may find it to be "good enough."  I've known people on FB (which I have also quit outright) who are like that.  But if you think you can get it right, then more power to you.

Good luck!

This is probably one of the best posts on here. I hope more gay men read this. 

[cumbro]

I agree that apps are the least effective means of hooking up. BBRT is consistently good, since in my experience, only guys who want to hook are there. The quick connect ads work almost every time. 

I also used to enjoy the chat rooms on Gay.com, but I tend to regard verbal sparring as a form of cruising. 

Finally, saunas, sex clubs, and Cumunion events are what I enjoy most. You can do as much or as little as you like, all the senses are blazing, and they are all about real-time human interaction.

[ErosWired]

I used to have fair luck with Manhunt before I realized I wasn’t vanilla-flavored and Doms liked the taste of me. Then I had a little luck with Recon, but I live in the back of beyond and trying to find willing cock within a reasonable drive using an app entails a lot of uncertainty, and risk of wasted time and opportunity, for much too little return. If I want to be pretty sure of success, it’s the nearest bathhouse (3 hours away) or gay campground (2.5 hours away). If this site comes up with a system that guys in the wastelands like me can use to finally put our asses to regular use, you’ll be my hero.

[ErosWired]

This isn’t quite what the topic is asking for, but I think it points to the potential limitations inherent in any technological approach to something as biological as cruising for man-sex:

<Siri request>

”Hey Siri - Find me some cock.”

There’s no need for that.

Au contraire, Siri. I beg to differ. My need for cock is not only real, it’s making my anus twitch.

Technology: Fail.

</Siri request>

[Guest bbncguy]

I’ve had some luck on Grindr, squirt has been my primary source as I am not in a large metro area. Grindr has been a let down, except for two tops that I meet regularly. We do have two ABS in town, but I have two many relatives downtown to visit. CL is well below average here also. 

 

My frustration is the waste of time spent cruising on apps and then the no show or everything is good, the top is hosting and when you ask where are we meeting.....crickets!

 

I am trying to find a good source because we have a ton of pipeline workers in town, and I know there must be some rugged cocks that need serviced! 

Edited December 29, 2017 by bbncguy

[ErosWired]

16 minutes ago, bbncguy said:

I am trying to find a good source because we have a ton of pipeline workers in town, and I know there must be some rugged cocks that need serviced! 

That gives a whole new meaning to the term "laying pipe". 

[Guest bbncguy]

32 minutes ago, ErosWired said:

That gives a whole new meaning to the term "laying pipe". 

Yes it does!!!

[Guest Dickmagnet]

Just deleted my profile on planetromeo. In the 2 years i had that profile maybe i had like 5 dates from it - Can you imagine how sad & pathetic that is. Lots of flakes & guys with no imagination that seemed just very frustrated & closeted.

Just became a member of barebackrt. Will see how that is i sure hope it is better. It seems since i live in belgium there seems to be all lot of losers here that make fake dates. I hear it a lot that these guys make dates with no intention of showing up.

Why do guys do this ?

I thought to myself i can try a new site & if i realise it's the same story i can always delete my profile & just go back to meeting up with guys in cruising areas / sauna's etc again.

[Guest GoneFishing]

On 11/28/2017 at 2:27 PM, cumbro said:

I agree that apps are the least effective means of hooking up. BBRT is consistently good, since in my experience, only guys who want to hook are there. The quick connect ads work almost every time. 

I also used to enjoy the chat rooms on Gay.com, but I tend to regard verbal sparring as a form of cruising. 

Finally, saunas, sex clubs, and Cumunion events are what I enjoy most. You can do as much or as little as you like, all the senses are blazing, and they are all about real-time human interaction.

Agreed. Baths or cumunion cuts out the middleman. BBRT is good on school nights when I don’t want to be naughty at the clubs.  Depends on the City too. I never get laid on BBRT in my own town but when I’m on road it’s ☣️n. 

[Manlyfkneeds]

I wish they had baths around me. Even BBRT isnt that good up here

[BillyBareback]

I think it depends on where you're located. In big cities (Tampa, Houston, NYC, Denver are stops for me) BBRT works great for me. But in Indy, Squirt is best, and in Colorado Springs GRINDR and A4A are good. But bathhouses are great because there's no waiting to see if someone will show. I think that things got much easier when I started posting hardcore vids and pics. You can look at my profile pic and know I'm not kidding. I would love a site that screened flakes out for bareback and poz fetish. I think bbrt is too cumbersome going through all those search criteria when there are only 3 or 4 that matter. And it would be great if members could post videos. I would love a site that resembles Pornhub Community, and attracts a membership like this site and BBRT, with a simple hook up mechanism to screen for position, status and fiesta habits. I think that other than the vanilla site, there shouldn't be any way to check a box for safe sex. And the fetish site should limit search results for those seeking something to those who have what they seek.( Sorry for the wordiness. I'm trying to not get suspended again.)