The Gift Long Dreamed Of

[Toon]

early 1980's

Maybe I was in grade school or junior high when I first read about "The Gay Cancer" that was infecting gay men in New York and Boston. My first thought that is was caused by just thinking too much about sex with men, but that didn't seem likely. Maybe it was like being around kids with chicken pox...you'd get it by being too close to them. A few years later, I'd read enough to know it came from sex. It wasn't cancer -- it was a virus. That was a relief because I knew from way early on that I was gay. I figured it out after sneaking into my older sister's room and reading her "Seventeen" magazines. Every page absorbed me. "Is it Love Or Just a Crush?", "Best Places For a First Date" and "Does He Want You to Make the First Move?". I wanted to be a girl. I wanted a boy to love me. I also wanted to wear lip gloss. But there was no way I could tell anyone. Not now. Not ever. I didn't know the term "in the closet", but I sure as fuck lived in one. I could never even touch a handsome man. I'd lose a bunch of weight and get those bruise things on my face. The visible signs of the disease would show everyone what I was. 

1994

So obviously I'd had a celibate life all through my youth and college years. I'd learned to bury the girlishness deep down. I just studied and thought about the future. My future ended up with a pretty good job. I was hired to do research for a big company in a pretty large city. The details are mundane, but the job allowed me free access to the internet, no filters. It was a nice perk. It wasn't long before I decided to get a computer at home too. 

Other things had changed. Gays seemed to be everywhere and very visible. Marches, protests and parades...all in the name of equality. I was glad that others were "out" because I doubted I'd ever be able to be. There were also more treatments for AIDS, and there were also articles about possible vaccines. Well, good. Nothing was guaranteed or certain, and I was still afraid of sex and of just being gay. The great thing about computers is that you can access the whole world and nobody can see you. I started snooping around the web looking for pictures of naked men. So much content! I wore my dick out, masturbating to nude guys I'd never meet. I also checked out sites 'of gay interest'. It was on one of those places that I found a link to guys who had a boot fetish...interesting. Men would post pics with captions like 'my size 13 doc martens after I came on them'. Wow. 

It wasn't long before I got deeper into the fetish culture online. Man, people were into so much stuff I'd never even thought about. There was one link with a warning in red letters:

   Deathculture.net is distasteful, but it exists. It's like watching a car crash.Not endorsed by this site at all. Enter with caution!!

I was reminded of being a very young kid and seeing ads for scary movies where they warned that the film may cause you to die of fright. So of course I followed the link, and found it was a site about 'bug-chasing' and 'gift giving'....AIDS fetish. I couldn't imagine such a thing. Or could I? It was mostly just stories about guys into having unprotected sex. I read every single one. "This is twisted", I thought to myself as I jerked off endlessly. This fetish seeped into my brain and made a home there. This was more exciting than the boot thing. There were 11.000 members from all over the world and the site kept growing. There were photos of guys with plus signs tattooed on their stomachs, sickly guys with lesions and such. And then they started showing personal ads. After a few months, men were bolder and more x-rated with their posts.  It was on one of the personal ads that I met 'BBPozLarry'. He lived a hundred miles from me and was a 'top gifter'. I didn't contact him, just looked at the photo of his big boner and read his words over -- and over again.

   Poz stud will impregnate you. 100% guaranteed results. I have a huge viral load and very high sperm count. Can host or travel for willing neg bottoms

What would it hurt to just email him? No. I needed to figure out why I was so intrigued. Had I lost my mind? I needed to think. My college friend Darrel was coming to stay with me a couple of days because I'd arranged a job interview for him with my company. Darrel was a small, bookish guy who had a couple of classes with me over the years. He was scary smart and had a dark sense of humor. He's the one who introduced me to John Waters' movies. He'd recently gotten engaged to a girl who looked almost exactly like him. He arrived early on Saturday and it was so good to see him. 

"Hey Jonah! Thanks for letting me stay over." He dropped his duffel bag and surprised me with a hug. Weird. We'd never even high-fived before.

"Were my directions good?" 

"Of course. Show me around."

"Not much to show, pal. This is the living room/bedroom. The futon folds out. The kitchen and bathroom are off that way."

"Hmm. It looks like Pee-Wee's Playhouse in here. It needs a woman's touch." He was right of course. This was obviously not where an adult lived. All I had were electronics, big inflatable dinosaurs and various weird stuff. "No offense. Look -- I am wiped-out from the long trip. Do you mind if I take a quick nap on your couch/futon thing? For, like, an hour?"

"No, Go right ahead. I have some work to do on the computer. Need anything?"

"Nope. I just..I'm so sleepy." He took off his shoes and was asleep almost immediately. I got online and went through my email. Junk, junk, pics of my sister's ugly kid...and something from an address I didn't recognize. The subject was just "Hi!"

   How are you, dear? You might know me as BBPozLarry. You've checked out my profile almost forty times and thought I'd contact you since you have not ever left a comment or emailed me.     Are you scared, shy or confused? I can tell by the age you claim to be, that you're young and probably not experienced. Your stats are nice, but I need to see a face photo.

No way! I was just now trying to figure out my motives...and had no digital photos of myself. Darrel was snoring away as I sat in frozen panic. OK. Deep breath. I wasn't aware that people could even see how many times someone had looked at their profile. So much for being invisible on the computer.  I had to think now. The only pic of me (that I knew of) was my corporate pic on the company's website. Ir was taken on my first day when I was in a freakin' suit and tie. Could that work? My only option, I guess. I copied it and tried to edit with Windows. I cropped it so you could only see my face. I darkened it a little too so that it didn't look so industrial. Saved it and sent it in a reply to BBPozLarry:

   Hi. Thanks for the message. Here is my picture. Sorry for not contacting you sooner, but I'm new at everything.    Jonah

Done. Can't believe what I'd just done. Now I could take a breath and go back to life.  But no. He replied right away.

         Good Boy! Your quick reply tells me a lot! You are so cute, but look like a teenager. Are you busy now? If not, go to my profile and click on the     little blue word balloon. We can chat there. I'll be here for a little bit longer tonight. I have stuff to tell you.

OK. My guest had been asleep for an hour now, but I had to do this. I found his profile and started a chat with this stranger with active AIDS cum.

   Hi. Larry?  I had stopped breathing for several minutes.

   Wow. Are you always on the computer, Jonah?  Just saying that you are responsive...which is good. What's up?

   I'm here with a guest sleeping on my couch.

   Guest or a date? 

   No. He's a friend from school...very straight. I'm trying to help him land a job here in the city. 

   That's nice of you. You seem like a good guy. I'm not a good guy,

   'Good' is overrated. What is the stuff you needed to tell me??

   You really want my gift, right? Still chasing?

   Yeah.  I think I do.

   Think?? Well, think fast because the doctor wants me to start taking a new drug that might lower the amount of virus in my system. I wasn't going to take it, but I'm getting symptoms. It's     been a great ride. It's a fun bug to get and a really fun bug to give -- but the fun ends when you're sick every day. So if you still want me to fuck you, we'll need to do it in the next thirty days.   Take your time to make sure you still want this, but don't take too long. OK?

   OK. I will let you know soon. Can you send me another photo of you?

   I'll try. See you later?

   Yes. My guest is waking up. Gotta go.

Darrel looked a little confused as he sat up. "What time is it?"

"Almost five o'clock."

"Damn! You shouldn't have let me sleep so long. I'm starving! Is it too early to go eat?"

"Just a little, but we can go someplace. What are you in the mood for?"

"Just something simple. Burgers?"

"Perfect. There's a great bar and grill near work. I can show you the building and then have dinner." I really didn't want to drive just now because my mind was in a thousand places. But we went anyway and ate some great bar food. The place wasn't too crowded at this hour. I ordered a pitcher of beer. Darrel seemed shocked.

"I've never seen you drink, Jonah!"

"I normally don't, but I've got a lot on my mind."

"Like what?"

"Heavy stuff. Don't you ever wonder why you are the way you are? Why you do things, think things?"

"All the time, buddy. My future wife is an amateur therapist and always to know what's going on in my head."

"Okay. Did you ever wonder why certain things scare you?"

"Well I'm afraid of getting cancer...I saw my grandpa waste away from lung cancer when I was little."

"So let's say that you have that fear of cancer, and then one day you decide to start smoking and spending all day in the sun."

"As if was self-destructive?" We had emptied the pitcher and I ordered another.

"Yes! You think that's what it is?"

"I guess. Another way to look at it would be as if I was daring this thing that had worried me so many years to a challenge.. Taking control."   Wow. 

"That's it, Darrel! Well done!" 

"What? Why? What's in your head?" I needed to change the subject.

"Oh, nothing. What are you gonna wear for the interview on Monday?" 

"Well...I brought some choices. You said 'dressy casual'. You have an iron, right?"

"Yeah. I wore a suit at my interview and it looked odd because the managers were in jeans and t-shirts. One guy had on shorts and flip-flops."

We discussed other topics and laughed through old memories...and drank more. Darryl is shorter than me and weighs a good twenty pounds less. The alcohol was hitting him pretty hard. I suggested we leave and get some air. It was a nice October night and the breeze smelled like pure oxygen. It revived him, but he was still very buzzed. He stopped to puke once.

"Why aren't you drunk, Jonah?"

"I guess I'm full of adrenaline right now." He seemed okay with that answer, and we went back to my apartment. I saw my sleeping computer in the corner, and it almost seemed to vibrate with something otherworldly. It was drawing me to it like a magnet. 

"Can you unfold your futon thing soon? You don't have to put sheets on or anything...I need to crash."

"No. I'll make up the bed proper. Everything is washed and fresh. Need something? Aspirin? Or water?"

"I guess....hold on. I need the bathroom real quick."

I let him barf as I got everything ready. It was only 9:30, but the night had settled in. I lowered the lights and opened my computer screen. Ten new messages! Darrel wandered back into the room and got undressed without saying a word. He just went to sleep like I was hoping he would. I checked the email...junk, junk and then a long stream of messages from BBPoZLarry. 

1. Hi Kid! I'm still trying to get you a photo. I'll be on the site to chat if you're home.

2. (picture of him in swim trunks on a beach somewhere) He was a big guy, a little plain maybe. Some body hair and a hefty build.

3. (picture of his face) It seemed like a Christmas photo taken by a relative. He was older than I expected, but still nice-looking.

4. (picture of his thick, soft dick that I'd already seen in his profile)

5. (indistinct porn-looking pic that seemed to be two guys fucking)

6. "Sorry that I can't get you more. I'm not that far away *hint, hint*

7. I guess you're still out with your guest.

8. I want to jack off so bad, but I'm saving the load for you. Hurry and make up your mind!

So I did. I decided I wanted this to happen. It was the challenge I wanted. It couldn't happen now because I had company. I wanted him to fuck all my fears away right now, bui I'd wait and get no sleep for many nights, with a boner. I found his profile on the site and clicked the chat link so fast, I thought I'd broke my mouse.

  Larry? You still here? I just now got home.

  Hey! It's early for a Saturday night. Bad time or did you just want to rush home and talk to me? lol

  Not a bad time, really. I got him drunk and he's passed out now. I'm so glad to tell you that I want you to fuck me raw. I'm sure now.

  Yeah! I wanted to hear that. What made you decide?

  I want to conquer a fear I've had for so long...a fear of AIDS, sex and being gay.

  Good Boy! But there's a little more to it,  you see?

  I'm still trying to figure it out.

  Letting a poz guy fuck you is a high...it's the ultimate sex act for a submissive man (which I think you are). If you allow me to cum inside you, you will remember it forever.

  Makes sense. I want to do this.

  When? 

  Next weekend? Does that work for you? 

  Perfect. I'm as viral as hell right now. Want to meet me here or where you are?

  I'll come to you. Just send me directions and I'll be there at whatever time works best for you.

  Early! I won't be jacking off and will need relief as soon as possible. Come Friday night if you can.

  Will do! I can't wait!

  Cool. I'll call you with directions if you give me your number.   I did.

I spent Sunday showing Darrel around the city. On Monday morning, I took him to work with me. The interview process was a grueling  all-day event. You spent 45 minutes talking to eight different managers around the company. He was nervous, but I knew he'd do well. He was made for this place. 

Of course Darrel shined and got a job. He had sixty days to move and be ready to start. After he left, I just stayed home every  evening. Larry called almost every night and we talked about our lives and histories. His voice was deep and somewhat 'rural'. So much went unspoken, though. We were both planning on the meet-up, but not really discussing anything. He did demand I not cum until Friday night. Friday was approaching fast. For lack of anything else to time, I got a haircut and picked out some new clothes. What in the world do you wear to go get pozzed? I was so antsy. By Friday night, I doubt I'd slept more than an hour at a time. I needed to chill. So bad. 

That Friday after work, I was a frazzled mess...all nerve endings. I kept having to remind myself why I was doing this. Why it mattered. I told Larry that I'd leave no later than 8 PM. It was 6:10 and I just had to go now. A hundred miles goes by fast when you are thinking of so much. I should have paid attention to every detail of the trip. But I was already in his town...his biggish small town. I messed up the directions a little and circled around until I found his little street. And the address. It was a tidy little ranch house with a nice-sized front yard that been raked recently. It suddenly occurred to me that Larry might be as nervous as I was. But how? He had all the ace cards.  The sun was setting fast. What should I do? Wait? Honk? I was frozen.

I sat in my car and tried to breathe. I thought about how easily I could just go back home just as the porch light went on. Big ol' Larry walked out on the porch, wearing only a white bathrobe. He was taller and heavier than I had thought. The light caught his bright grin. 

"Jonah? Wow...you're early. That's a good sign! I just got out of the shower." I suddenly felt very shy.

"Yeah. I know. I didn't know how long the trip would take. If you need more time, I can stay in the car or drive around a little while."

"What? Does that make any sense?? Get in here now!" I remembered grabbing my keys but not locking the door. I suppose I had "no protection" on my mind just then. I prayed my legs would work...that I wouldn't screw this up. 

His front room was neat and 'mature' -- not like the goofball kid place I lived in. It smelled like candles in there. 

"Nice place, Larry."

"Thanks. Make yourself at home, Jonah. You look very nice tonight....I had a whole outfit ready too, but you got here so fast. Not complaining. Want some wine? I bought it special for us, for tonight."

"Sure."

"Great. Settle in on the couch and relax. Take your shoes off." He brought back two very full glasses of red wine which I never even tried before. It was a little sour, but smelled nice. 

"Thanks. I'm sorry again for getting here so early."

"No. Don't apologize again. I told you already that your eagerness is pleasing to me. I'm eager too! Don't be mad, but I have to ask this: You ARE over 18, eight?"

"Oh yeah. I turned 24 this past April."

"Excellent. Want to watch TV? I don't have cable, but I've got some movies on tape."

"Whatever you want." He pressed his remote and immediately some porn was on the screen. Gay porn. There were two guys sixty-nining  each other on a gym mat. 

"This is old. The newer ones have condoms in them, and I'm not down with that."

"Wow." It killed me that I didn't have more to say. Everything seemed to be in motion. Larry had opened his robe fully, and was stroking his large, pale boner. I had no idea it would look that big when erect. I could feel its heat, could almost hear his heart throb through the giant vein on top of the shaft.

"You can look at if you want." Oh I did. I almost said 'wow' again. Think.

"It's beautiful, Larry. All of you is."

"Thanks, man. Want to touch it?" My hand was already reaching before he asked. I cupped his egg-sized right ball, remembering what he'd said about building up a big load for me. "Want to kiss it? I bet you do." He was right. I bent down and brushed my lips across the head of his aching dick. He pushed me away. "No more until you get naked." Some guy in the movie was just saying 'fuck' over and over again. I took off everything as instructed. I felt stupid, but I wanted to suck on that huge cock. Maybe he'd shoot that saved cum in my mouth....

"You follow directions very well, Jonah. Kiss it just a little more, but I'm already about to shoot. A few more times in your mouth and then we're going to the bedroom." OK. I savored those last couple of kisses to that enormous head. He made me stop and pulled me off the couch. "Let's get you what you need, Kid." His bedroom was dark and I just followed as his big hand grabbed my wrist and flopped me on the soft bed. "I'm going to turn the hall light on so I can see your face when I change you forever."

"Yeah. Keep saying stuff like that...."

"I'm a talker during sex. Get ready. Try to relax. I've got some cream that will numb your ass a little."

"No. No drugs. I want to remember this...every sensation."

"Typical virgin. You have no idea what you're in for. OK, but I use this as lube...so you'll get some effect from it. Trust me -- you'll be thankful for it."

"Just keep talking...and I'll be fine." He pressed his massive body down on top of me, and put my ankles over his shoulders. I remembered his need and his virus. The tip of dick teased my ass hole. 

"I'm about to give you the best sex in your life....relax. I seldom start slow, but you're special. Here's just the head." I felt like a knife was slicing me open. Holy Hell! 

"No! Let's stop for now. Please!" 

"I'm going in until my balls touch your ass. Hold your breath. " He plunged in so fast that my breathing stopped. I yelled loudly. "The worst is over now. I've ripped you apart inside and my cum will directly into you bloody ass. Enjoy it as much as you can....try." I did. I'd gone to him willingly. The idea of him getting me pregnant was almost enough to help me fight this pain. His heavy balls slapped my bare butt...over and over. He held still for a second and grabbed my chin in his hand. "Yeah...you're loosening up for me, babe. You like it now?" My whole being was melting rapidly. "answer me!"

"I love it. Seed me. Give me AIDS!" He grabbed my face with more force and started pumping with more intensity. 

"Not giving you AIDS, baby. Just the starter kit. Look at me! Look into my eyes!" His gaze was so intense as he made one final push. It had happened. His built-up sperm load was now a part of me now.  Larry was breathing heavy and sweating. "We did it!!!"

"Thank you. What time is it?"

"Not even 10 yet. Why?" I needed time alone. I needed to be in my own bed and just not be here now.

"You are great, Larry. I enjoyed tonight, but I should go. I have so much to do tomorrow."

"That disappoints me, Jonah. I was hoping you'd stay the whole weekend. But okay. Let's go into the living room and you can put your clothes on. Can you walk?" I thought I probably could. The core of my being was shredded, but I'd survived. I felt weakened, and I knew there was blood and cum dripping down my legs. No problem...I'd just take a long, hot bath when I got home. Isn't it funny how a sex fantasy comes true and all you want is to be done with it? I'd call Larry tomorrow. I wanted to see him again.

"Give me a second. I think I bled on your sheets."

"I already knew that. Come out here...I need your help with something." Huh? I was no help to anyone right now. I walked into the front room and saw the naked big man standing over my discarded shoes and clothes. "I have a back spasm. Can you go to the kitchen and get me a glass of wine? That seems to help most times."

"Sorry. I'll get it." I went to the kitchen and filled a glass with wine. Then I heard a sound that sounded like a wet slap. I walked in to see Larry pissing all over my clothes. WHAT?? What the hell?!!!

"Oops. Your clothes are stinking and wet now. I'll try to laundry tomorrow. Guess you have to spend the night." His big limp dick let a few more drops fall as I stared in disbelief. I grinned at Larry and shrugged my shoulders.

We did so much that weekend...things I'd only heard of. I was completed by this man. The man who gifted me.

 

 

 

 

 

  

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[bjbottom]

Great story, I just love the rich background details in your stories!

[SimplyBred]

Lovely story... And what a way to spend the weekend! I would've probably shot my load coming back into the living room and seeing him piss on my clothes. Forced into staying longer and to take several more poz loads! :-) 

[chaser]

Wonderful the way all your work is, thank you.

[lynn1964]

Another amazing gift you have left for us to share. Your talent is so raw and pure! Like you being put into words. I know this is fiction but I have to say, your intro and so much of the beginning of your backstory (which I always, ALWAYS enjoy) holds true to countless numbers of gay men and probably gay women as well. Being afraid! It entails so much to each individual. Fear of something that is unknown. Fear for having a fear. And then there are the fears of want and desire, need. Primal need even. I consider my need to be a Poz Man as a primal need. Going way beyond a mere fetish. I think that is what Jonah ended up with. He was thinking he had a fetish, like his foot fetish. But what he truly had was a primal need! And how lucky to find the perfect man, the perfect gifter. Someone who not only realized his need to gift others but also realizing the need to receive that gift.

Beautiful hot, sensual story!!

[Knightfalconer]

I like the way that the author has paced the build up of this story, the eroticism never really stops. It just keeps on slowly building, line by line. 😈

I really enjoyed the well-thought-out conversation between the two main characters, (making it easy to put myself in the place of Jonah and imagine that Larry was messaging/talking/re-assuring/seducing/barebacking/pozzing me).😉

Bonus marks to Toon for the way the conversation is laid out:

• Dialogue is kept separate (not mixed in) with paragraphs describing what has/is/will take place/moving the story along;
• Putting emails/messages in italics, helps bring the characters' words/thoughts to life. (wish the author had italicised the later conversation too);
• A blank line between two pieces of dialogue, indicates that a different character is speaking. Helps avoid confusion as to 'who' is saying 'what'!

If any budding authors are unsure how to present 'dialogue', the method used in this story, is an excellent example to copy.✍️

Sadly, I've noticed that this author (Toon) hasn't logged in for over five years, so it's unlikely that there will be any more tales about this horny poz gifter.😢

[PozTalkAuthor]

Such a pity this author does no longer log in, because he has many points in common with me.

Then, I'd give him a big tight hug as he's managed to draw my old portrait, building Jonah's character: 

- the fear of AIDS and consequent fear of sex (and vice-versa;

- consider being gay as wrong/failure

- fear ends up in desire of HIV as it's a way to have our fate under control

- having sex at an adult age

- browsing chasing/gifting stories...

 

but in my case, in that period, I had no guts to take one step forward at least to confront!

And if it ever happened, I'd have been running away like a thief.

Nothing, I'm fast-rewinding my mind back to first 2000s 

[BootmanLA]

17 hours ago, Knightfalconer said:

I like the way that the author has paced the build up of this story, the eroticism never really stops. It just keeps on slowly building, line by line. 😈

I really enjoyed the well-thought-out conversation between the two main characters, (making it easy to put myself in the place of Jonah and imagine that Larry was messaging/talking/re-assuring/seducing/barebacking/pozzing me).😉

Bonus marks to Toon for the way the conversation is laid out:

• Dialogue is kept separate (not mixed in) with paragraphs describing what has/is/will take place/moving the story along;
• Putting emails/messages in italics, helps bring the characters' words/thoughts to life. (wish the author had italicised the later conversation too);
• A blank line between two pieces of dialogue, indicates that a different character is speaking. Helps avoid confusion as to 'who' is saying 'what'!

If any budding authors are unsure how to present 'dialogue', the method used in this story, is an excellent example to copy.✍️

Sadly, I've noticed that this author (Toon) hasn't logged in for over five years, so it's unlikely that there will be any more tales about this horny poz gifter.😢

I agree with almost all of this. My only (very mild) complaint is that if a writer has a bunch of lines of spoken dialog in a row (quotes from the characters, as opposed to exposition, describing what the characters are doing), then it helps to regularly attribute the quote to a particular character, by name. As in: "I really like the way you fuck," Peter said.

And try to avoid too many cases of "he said" when you haven't specified, in that paragraph, who's speaking. It doesn't have to be by name necessarily, as long as the context makes it clear. So "The cocky jock paused as he looked over my bookshelf. 'I didn't know you liked to read science fiction,' he said, as he pulled one book after another from the shelf." works even without repeating that "cocky jock" means "Brandon".

With fifteen or twenty lines of dialog in a row, it can get difficult to keep track of who's saying what.

And to this, I would add: Please, people, for the love of God learn to break things up into paragraphs. There's nothing that will make me hit "back" on a story faster than seeing forty lines of text with no breaks. Even more of a problem is not knowing how to actually make sentences, as opposed to a long string of words that just rolls along like a tumbleweed in the desert.

I can live with occasional typos, misspellings, and even grammatical goofs - none of us are perfect. But breaking things into discrete sentences and paragraphs makes your work readable. 

[Gregory]

I love the story ! It s so exciting !

[hrbigbelly]

The story was really good. All his story are.  I wish it was me at that age.